Personal blog entries now here. Blogger Boobie-Thon moved here.
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A sphincter says what?
Quote just overheard from the husband to the dog: "Oh no! You just got smacked around by the penis glove!"

Some just don't want to know...
posted at 04:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

If we met tomorrow for the very first time

It's getting so lonely inside this bed
Don't know if I should lick my wounds
Or say woe is me instead

And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone

But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some

They say that girl ya know she act too tough tough tough
Well it's 'til I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough rough rough
Well it's 'til I turn off the light, turn off the light

And I say follow me follow me follow me down down down down
'Til you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems

I looked above the other day
'Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change

I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low
If it's harvest go slow
And if it's full, then go

But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some

I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve

I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find

It's all in me, can't you see
I can see, why can't you see it's all in me.....

I guess there's a lot of talk going on out there about so-called A-Lists and inner-circles in the blog world. Reading things like that always makes me sad. Even more so when I see my name in the mix. I'm not naive. I've seen my site stats. But you know what? I still see myself as the same person / blogger as I was the day I started with 10 readers. If I ever feel any differently, that's the day I turn in my mouse and keyboard and walk off stage with my lovely parting gifts and year's supply of Turtle Wax.

I think Melly addressed this topic best back in November. She said, and I quote: "It is not necessary to consider yourself a blog deity. If you quit, in time, people will forget. It's just the way it goes."

And that's true. To quote Dr. Evil: "If anything should happen to you I don't know what I would do. I'd probably move on and get another [blog] replica but there would be a ten minute period where I would just be inconsolable." If any single blogger out there -- myself included -- up and quit tomorrow, sure there would be the obligatory "please don't go" comments and well-wishes. But the whole world would keep on turning. People would still have things to say. And they'd still have stuff to read. Blogging continually evolves. The way it's written. The way it's read. No one has a corner on the market.

If anyone out there truly thinks that I take myself -- or my blog -- seriously, you really don't know me very well. Stop and think a second about my life. I get fully dressed at most twice a week -- that includes doing my hair and makeup. I can't drive a car. I don't have a real income. I don't have "power lunches". I pop open a box of Lunchables and drop the cracker bits down the front of my shirt as I munch away. If that ain't a big ol' put yourself right in your place slap o' reality, I don't know what is. I started out with 10 readers a day just like everyone else. Maybe I got more exposure -- not because I'm "good" or even "deserve" it -- but because in the beginning I had more time to read and get to know other bloggers than someone who was juggling a career, kids, and a husband. I've got one of the three. Granted, my free time has been severely lacking lately (which sadly includes e-mail and being in touch with people as often as I'd like) -- but it was certainly there in abundance when I started out.

I think one of the saddest things I've ever had to digest when it comes to blogging is people being afraid to comment. Unless you go anonymous and/or come here with the sole-purpose of trashing my friends, my Sooners, and sometimes Y (my Bucs) -- I want to hear what you have to say. I don't purposely have a lynch mob ready to rip you apart with a wave of my hand (unless you steal my work). And I had to give up holding virginal sacrifices by blogging decree in early 2002, so you're safe there as well. Hell, someone I consider to be one of my closest blogging friends wouldn't even read me in the beginning because he thought I was in too many Blogrolls. But he did visit, we did get to know each other, and somehow someway we're going to figure out how to meet in person dammit.

If there's an A-List, I never received my formal invite in the mail. I didn't get the t-shirt. Hell, I didn't even get a complimentary 6-month subscription to Yahoo! magazine. And I certainly don't want people to feel like they can't read me or approach me because they happened to glance at my Nedstats tracker this week. I'll confess I've had a bit of an attitude lately. I took it from all sides for weeks on end, and I have just enough of a cat in me to make my back arch, my claws extend and my hair stand up on end. If you got in the crosshairs, I do apologize. But admit it. Isn't that why you love me and tease me that I'm a Princess™?    Just because I disagree with someone -- privately or publicly -- doesn't mean that I don't love or adore them. Hell, it makes me respect them more. Nothing garners more admiration from me than a strong will and the courage and self-respect to tackle the things placed in front of you. If we were all alike, what a truly boring world this would be. Just imagine the same 50,000 monkey clones at 50,000 typewriters. That can -- and would -- be wrong.
posted at 03:52 AM | link--it | mail it | (45) shout it

Should auld acquaintance blah blah blah
Check out the "key and stupid web moments of 2002" (page 1, page 2) courtesy of FARK.
posted at 12:43 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

If this Jetta's a rockin', don't bother kn-kn-knockin'!
Double-post! From my guest-blogging duties over at Blog Anon ... the "best & worst make-out cars" for steaming up windshields.
posted at 05:41 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Slim pickin's
Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

  1. I guess I could understand if she was PMSing, but day-um.
  2. Don't worry. You might still be able to play a dwarf in LoTR 3.
  3. What is it with men and photos like this anyway?
  4. This FARK Photoshop contest is for Ashley.
  5. The strangest things lost at Disney World and Universal -- glass eyes, limbs and dentures -- oh my. I want in on those yard sales though!
And now, your moment of zen...
posted at 04:12 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Here we are now - entertain us
Now here's a little story I've got to tell
About three bad brothers you know so well
It started way back in history
With Adrock, M.C.A., and me - Mike D.

Had a little horsey named Paul Revere
Just me and my horsey and a quart of beer
Riding across the land - kicking up sand
Sheriff's posse on my tail cause I'm in demand

One lonely Beastie I be
All by myself without nobody
The sun is beating down on my baseball hat
The air is gettin' hot - the beer is getting flat
Lookin' for a girl - I ran into a guy
His name is M.C.A., I said, 'Howdy' - he said, 'Hi'

He told a little story that sounded well rehearsed
Four days on the run and that he's dying of thirst
The brew was in my hand and he was on my tip
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry
He asked me for a sip

He said, 'Can I get some?'
I said, 'You can't get none!'
Had a chance to run
He pulled out his shotgun
He was quick on the draw - I thought I'd be dead
He put the gun to my head and this is what he said

'Now my name is M.C.A. - I've got a license to kill
I think you know what time it is - it's time to get ill
Now what do we have here - an outlaw and his beer
I run this land, you understand - I make myself clear?'

We stepped into the wind - he had a gun, I had a grin
You think this story's over but it's ready to begin

'Now I got the gun - you got the brew
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you away or you can ride with me...'

I said, I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border
The sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter
I did it like this - I did it like that
I did it with a whiffleball bat


I'm on the run - the cop's got my gun
And right about now - it's time to have some fun

The King Adrock, that is my name
And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne

We rode for six hours then we hit the spot
The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot
This dude was staring like he knows who we are
We took the empty spot next to him at the bar

M.C.A. said, 'Yo, you know this kid?'
I said, 'I didn't' but I know he did
The kid said, 'Get ready cause this ain't funny
My name's Mike D. and I'm about to get money.'

Pulled out the jammy - aimed it at the sky
He yelled, 'Stick 'em up!' - and let two fly
Hands went up and people hit the floor
He wasted two kids that ran for the door

'I'm Mike D. and I get respect
Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect.'

M.C.A. was with it and he's my ace
So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face
The piano player's out - the music stopped
His boy had beef - and he got dropped
Mike D. grabbed the money
M.C.A. snatched the gold
I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold
posted at 05:05 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Not. Bye, bye, bye (week).
"And TB will lose in the chilly lands of Chicago land."

"I think TB needs to be more concerned wih figuring out a way to win in cold temps then about Parcells."

15-0 score. 12-4 record. Now would you like to try again with your real name and ID? I'm sure I'll be taking my fair share of smack when/if we play the Eagles at home...
posted at 11:27 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Karma, she's a real bitch, ain't she?
Remember this? Well now we are seriously laughing our asses off.

Bucs say talks with Parcells amount to tampering
The Buccaneers have notified Bill Parcells' agent Jimmy Sexton that talks with the Cowboys are in violation of NFL's tampering rules, claiming Parcells signed a four-year contract with Tampa Bay last year before deciding not to take the job...

...The Bucs contend teams must first seek permission from them to talk with Parcells and would be entitled to compensation if Parcells agrees to coach elsewhere next season.
Read the full article over at and snicker along with us...
posted at 04:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

I want my...MTV2
Not that I can remember the last time they actually played videos...but...

"You thought you were sick of J. Lo now? MTV has released plans to tighten its already limited video playlist and concentrate on 10 videos that will receive substantial airplay -- 30-plus spins per week. The initiative, which is being referred to as “The Big Ten,” was the brainchild of MTV/MTV2 Executive VP of Music and Talent Programming Tom Calderone, and saw videos from Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z, Eminem, Jennifer Lopez and Snoop Dogg receiving between 48 and 52 spins during its first week in effect. While one might think that expanding playlists would be the logical step to increase total music sales, Calderone apparently has different ideas: “We are serious about selling music and breaking bands,” he tells HITS magazine. “The more impressions, the more penetration, the better the sales.” Fortunately, there are no plans at this time to apply this policy to MTV2."
Lovely. Timberlake killed the video star. (Story from and
posted at 03:17 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Apron strings
Since it was brought up in my comments, I thought maybe this should be addressed on the main page instead... Adoption for us isn't as easy as just saying we want to / we're going to do it. In fact, adoption will most likely be in our plans one day. But. And here's the big but. (And not the one on my backside.) I am disabled. Public adoption is pretty much ruled out for us. Which completely invalidates your theory. There is no way I could pass the screening process, even though we are perfectly capable of raising a child together. (Key word: together) We've been told we have little to no chance of adopting a child through state-funded means. And even if we don't just apply and get a baby. You wait. And wait. And wait some more. Just like we've been doing since we originally started trying to have a baby in 1998, and then I learned I couldn't have one in the spring of 2000.

Which leads us to private adoption. Yep, we've done our research here, too. We've been told to have a minimum of $10,000 on hand for this. Shaw...right. We're lucky to have $1000 in savings in a given year. We live on one income. Although if we had a child tomorrow we'd be perfectly capable of raising it on what we make now -- starting out with -$10,000 from day one would cripple us in any given scenario.

Then there's private foreign adoption. We watch this very closely each time we learn of someone pursuing it. In the examples of family friends that have done so, we've been told to have a minimum of $20K on hand -- and up to $50K saved depending on the country. Besides the legal expenses involved, some countries have a knack for upping the ante at the very end -- and if you can't pay, you can't play. Since I don't have a rich aunt Edna somewhere waiting in the wings to buy us a child, again, we wait.

Adoption is tailored to a two-income family -- or at least a one-income famlily with two healthy individuals. We are neither. I'm not exactly sure where you're getting the figure that it's cheaper than having a kid in the hospital, but that's certainly not our case. We have excellent insurance and each prenatal visit's co-pay would be $10 each. The actual birth and hospitalization would cost us a maxium of $150. Versus a $10K pricetag...well, no... I've had several thousands of dollars worth of surgeries, drugs, and treatments to date -- and we've been out no more than several hundred in co-pays. Of course, our arms are still empty. But no matter what path God ultimately leads us down, it will never be as easy as just wishing it done. Ever. We have finally accepted that.

And even though I was open to the idea of adoption from day one, Todd was not. That's a very big, and private, decision in a marriage. You just can't go along telling someone they "should do it". We reached the decision together after travelling a path together that was filled with an enormous amount of pain, physically and emotionally. I cannot fault my husband for wanting his own flesh and blood. That's a part of human nature. And he certainly can't fault me for exhausting every bit of modern technology possible when trying to give that to him. But again, these are very private decisions we have to reach together for private reasons -- emotionally and financially.

If anyone out there has $10K lying around, well then I'd love to consider starting my family tomorrow. Otherwise, I just have to continue to believe there are reasons God has said "not right now", and that someday I will understand them.
posted at 02:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (21) shout it

I gotta go Saturday night, Saturday night
This was the first evening of the whole Christmas break that we've both felt decent at the same time, so we went to the International Plaza briefly tonight to check out the sales...which were severely lacking. This year Body Shop only had $1 off their Christmas line products, three days after Christmas. What the hell is up with that? This time last year everything was 75% off. No wonder it's the worst retail take in 30 years. Even with a bit of Christmas cash from Santa, about the only place we scored, and bothered spending our money, was at Crane's. (I'm a not-so-secret stationery addict.)

I did get a chuckle at the woman ahead of me in line at the Clinique counter though. She would be me...if I could have children. She had two little white-blonde angels that both reminded me of my own head of hair when I was little. One was just barely walking and the other couldn't have been more than three. They were already getting tutored in cosmetics by mom. Then as she walked off with them, dad, and her purchases in tow she squealed, "Look girls! Shoooooooooes. We must respect the shoes." Todd and I shared an all-knowing smile. And then as we exited the store, we saw the girls were getting their next life-lesson at the Origins shop. Yeah, times like that really remind me how much it sucks that I can't complete the purchase, but still have to pay the monthly bill...

We stopped for BBQ and at Barnes & Noble on the way home, and I picked up the new second edition of this book. (Amazon only lists the first edition at their site.) I'll give a review after I've actually had a chance to read it -- which won't be this weekend -- but the f/stop, shutter speed, ISO, light meter and white balance sections looked very helpful. I'm a complete novice when it comes to that stuff -- and so far I've yet to find the perfect newbie tutorial. Hopefully this will come close.

Now it's back to work for me. Yeah, we're two wild 'n' crazy guys...
posted at 11:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

For all you Eagles fans talking smack after MNF


Yeah, we watched. And we liked it. We liked it ah-loht.
posted at 04:41 PM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

But I look at your pants and I...need a kiss
Ahhhhhh...the joys of being a natural blonde and guest blogging. I opened up a new blog comment e-mail and started reading without glancing at the subject first:

"I'm a little out of sequence here, but you once mentioned the thought of either finding someone for a threesome or using a prostitute. Have you though about going with your boyfriend to a strip-club? My husband and I like to go sometimes. We both get an eyefull of lovely ladies. I get a few lap-dances and feel soft boobies and girl breath on my skin. Then we go home and put on porn and fuck til dawn."
For a split-second there I was like, "Uhhhhhhhh.....oh yeah."
posted at 04:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Takin' what they're givin' 'cuz I'm workin' for a livin'
I finally got my portfolio page cleaned up and updated tonight (with many more to be added as sites wrap in the next week or two). It's nothing fancy, but the purpose is served. Now hire me. Just give me two weeks to breathe first, ok?
posted at 05:31 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

And just when I thought it would be a boring nite
Sometimes stupid people just aren't even worth the keystrokes...
posted at 03:36 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Red-tag sale
Here are two designs a client hated, so they're up for grabs. I removed their personal pics and put in complimenting photos of Shirley and Marilyn instead. If anyone wants them, they're yours for the taking. Feel free to keep, or swap out, the images there now. The horizonatal, empty box is where the site name and logo would have been -- and the site links would have went with each corresponding color/coded box. If anyone needs the .psd files, I have those as well. (dark colors) (pastels)

I really liked these and hated to see them go to waste. If anyone wants to use them, please drop me a line when you're done so I can see how they turned out!
posted at 01:00 AM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

Here comes the bride
Another new advertiser over at WM! -- "Getting married? Looking for a great way to tell everyone, and an innovative way to keep family and friends updated on your upcoming wedding? Get a Personalized Wedding Website!"
posted at 12:03 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

This space for rent
It's really hard to find amusing headlines during the holidays, but I did my best...

  1. Please for the love of all that is holy, someone please tell me she's not cloning herself. I think this group watched "Superman 2" just a few times too many!
  2. You knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Companies are drawing up policies about what you can talk about in your blog. Dick surrenders.
  3. Yeah that was an "accident". Mmmm...hmmm... Sure.
  4. Do you have to buy the Cheesy Bread to get to heaven, because I really prefer the Cinna Stix.
  5. "...No arrest was made because there's nothing illegal about tackling a deer." Ok, I need a moment for that one.
And for those of you with too much time on your hands -- Toilegami (origami using toilet paper). Only from
posted at 11:18 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

The stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine
Don't you love it how if you're sick, they get sick right along with you for comfort?
posted at 05:21 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

I like Chinese
Leave it to China -- a zoo where you can walk like the animals, talk like like the animals? I don't expect Disney's Animal Kingdom to follow suit any time soon.
posted at 02:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

And that's the way it was
Last year I ripped off Mena's idea for a yearly "top 10 - best of". But last year I had 745 entries to choose from. This year, I had 1855. So the "top 10" is actually being bumped up to a "top 25" for 2002 instead. One to grow fourteen...

25. Getting to see Weezer in concert. Because it wouldn't really be my blog if I didn't plug Rivers Cuomo, now would it?

24. Becoming the #1 Robyn in Google. I finally dethroned Robyn Hitchcock, a musician I love. And there was much rejoicing.

23. I rarely discuss politics here. This time, I did.

22. I caused way too many people to quote this episode that week.

21. Hard to believe the Olympics were less than a year ago, huh?

20. Accepting the inevitable -- I can't be a mother. Not right now anyway.

19. A quick breakdown of the differences between The Queen™ and The Princess™.

18. The man I love turned 30 this year.

17. Yes, I love Grease 2 -- and I'm not ashamed to admit it! So there.

16. The Crimson Pride. What "Sooner Magic" means to me.

15. I's had all's I can stands, and I's can't stands no more.

14. And you just thought I was strange before now...a list of my food neuroses.

13. When people I love are under attack, I go out on the attack.

12. A recent entry about the so-called glamorous life of a disabled person.

11. They're not fat. They're festively plump.

10. Cat got your tongue? Don't be shy! Speak up and say "hi"...

 9. Watch out! Hell yeaaaaaaahhhh.

 8. Dear daddy, I write you in spite of years of silence.

 7. Feed my wife, please!

 6. The annual texass bitchslap. Why? Because we're better than you.

 5. I'm not handicapped. I'm handi-capable!

 4. And we laughed at the world... They can have their diamonds -- and we'll have our pearls. I kissed a girl.

 3. Sometimes blogging really is the best form of therapy available.

 2. My first blogiversary -- blogaritas for everyone!

 And my number one blog entry for 2002*...

 1. A little story about what makes my life worth living.

* Write-in votes are accepted. Thanks for another great year everyone! -Robyn
posted at 12:31 AM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

And after the spankings...

Even if she is a crummy Eagles fan, god bless 'er -- we still think she's about the best thing since sliced bread! Happy birthday, Erica Lynn! (You're not old, by the way. Believe me, I can show you old...) Have a wonderful day!
posted at 12:28 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

We must...we must...we must increase our...
Todd took a new rack shot of me wearing his Christmas present!

    Ha ha! Made you look!

posted at 08:40 PM | link--it | mail it | (21) shout it

Crimson and cream roses
Heads-up to the Sooner crowd out there. The Sooner football team should be appearing briefly on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno this evening.
posted at 07:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

She's the baby - gotta love her
We had fun playing with "our child" this afternoon. I get Todd a new rubber ducky every year for Christmas now, and this year I got him a vibrating one. Heh. But as it turns out, the present wasn't for him. It was for Claire. She is obsessed with the little squeaker. Make sure to right-click, save, and open in QuickTime if Windows Media Player is your default - WMP doesn't like the files:

And just because it's so fun to mess with her -- we brought out Tigger, too! (Again right-click to save and open in QuickTime if you're using Windows Media Player with your browser):

Parents of the year, we're not. But we do know how to have fun!
posted at 05:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

If you're sitting around bored out of your skull, flip over to Tech TV. Chris is smack-dab in the middle of an 18-hour Call-For-Help-a-Thon that's running 'til 4 a.m. EST tonight (1 a.m. Pacific). They even have a live, streaming audiocast. So far we've caught one "Oh shit!" blooper by a guest and lots of random silliness. Hey, it beats "I Dream of Jeanie" reruns...
posted at 05:05 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Fear of commitment?
While working on another project last night, I realized just how many hair styles and colors I've had in the last year. Even for me, it seems like a lot. Keep in mind, these photos are only from 2002. Issues, anyone? Always keep 'em guessin'...
posted at 03:20 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

I do believe this means war

It's a good thing I wasn't wearing any makeup today, because I just got pelted in the face with a big ol' snowball! How did that happen when I live in Florida, you might ask? Watch your backs, because you could be next! I'll get you my pretties.
posted at 02:30 AM | link--it | mail it | (34) shout it

Too much of a good thing is wonderful
"Women with 'pasts' interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself."
- Mae West

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! As much as I hate to say goodbye to Santa Mikey, he's back at the north pole resting up for next year. So enter...Mae West! Thus far I've only noticed the skin acting funky in Netscape 4.7, so if you're on that browser still, well you pretty much deserve what you get. If anyone else has any issues with it please let me know (as it's now also the default skin, replacing Gwen). And 800x600 users will need to choose this slightly scaled down version to prevent scroll. As always, if you don't like the view head on over to the skins page and reset it.
posted at 02:09 AM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

Greatest day of all the year!

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the love and happiness
That's snowing down
All around

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the winter friendliness
That's snowing down
All around the world...

It's nearer
Children's eyes shine clearer now
As they decorate the trees
All across the seven seas

It's nearer
Yule log fires burn clearer now
In the winter's frosty air
Sing with us and we can share our...

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the love and happiness
That's snowing down
All around

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the winter friendliness
That's snowing down
All around the world...

It's dawning
Santa's reindeer yawning now
All their festive work is done
Filling houses up with fun

It's dawning
Here is Christmas morning now
Greatest day of all the year
Listen out and you will hear our...

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the love and happiness
That's snowing down
All around

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the winter friendliness
That's snowing down
All around the world...

It's such a shame it's only one day every year
Three hundred and sixty-four days
Full of doubts and fear

You've been saving your love up
Let it out
'Cause Christmas is here!

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the love and happiness
That's snowing down
All around

Thanks for Christmas
Thank you for the winter friendliness
That's snowing down
All around the world...

Credit: -XTC (Right-click the image, or this link, to save...)
posted at 02:00 AM | link--it | mail it | (16) shout it

Happy holidaze from our home to yours!

And more new photos can be found in our 2002 Holiday Gallery -- and also at "Through the Years" (a collection of holiday photos from 1995-present).
posted at 11:12 PM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

The reason for my Christmas season

The sleigh was was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
But Santa still knelt by the side of His bed.

"Dear Father," he prayed, "Be with me tonight.
There's much work to do and my schedule is tight.
My sack will hold toys to grant all kids' wishes.
The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.
I can do all these things, Lord, only through You.
I just need your blessing, then it's easy to do."

"I do this only to honor the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.
So to all of my friends, lest Your glory I rob,
Please, Lord, remind them who gave me this job."

We're off for our annual Christmas Eve date night. Merry Christmas everyone!
posted at 06:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight!

posted at 05:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Where in the world is...Kris Kringle?
Don't can keep track of where Santa Claus is in the world tonight by visiting the NORAD Tracks Santa 2002 site!
posted at 04:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

My Christmas gift to you
I just got comment boxes look/work like they should in Mozilla now! It's a Christmas miracle!

Now go read "The Real Story of Santa and Those Reindeer". You'll go down in his-to-ry.
posted at 03:27 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Only from the mind of Solonor

The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my mouse;
I sat at my keyboard in the rare quiet air,
The first chance I'd gotten to sit in my chair.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Zip Zaps danced in their heads;
Mamma, exhausted, was off to her nap,
So I settled down for one more blog rap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a noise,
I sprang from the desk, knocking over my toys.
I ran to the window; I ran like a fop,
Waiting to see if I should call up a cop.

Something tripped the floodlight outside in the yard,
To see some intruder, it wouldn't be hard;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a minvan, with bloggers, and two kegs of beer!

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it just must be Dick.
More rapid than Sooners these bloggers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Statia! now, Kim! now, Scott and Jason!
On, SpaceBran! on Michele! on, Stacy and Gretchen!
To the party on the porch! See the writing on the wall!
This night is not about Peace at all!"

As drunken hoards that before the wild turkey fly,
When they trip on a sprinkler, look up at the sky,
So out to the back yard the bloggers they flew,
With the sack full of goodies, and Billegible too!

And then, like a nightmare, I heard on the roof
Three kat's--her, her, her--had climbed up for a goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Hoopty came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of skateboards he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just dealing some crack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, His nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
This dude, he was wasted; He'd been hitting the snow;

He came into my dump; he invited himself,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had mucho to dread;

But he wasn't alone, as he invade my home;
He brought friends inside with him
From that damned LockerGnome.
Cheyenne, she was there, with a laugh and a smooch;
But not Chris Pirillo (he was walking his pooch).

They spoke not a word, but went straight to the TV,
And turned on the PlayStation, in spite of my plea.
They played all my games for hours and hours;
Even Lisa joined in (after watching Two Towers).

There was Becky and Kamel and, yes, three Christines;
A bastard who's evil and a bug from RHZine.
I even saw a doctor and some guy they call wKen.
They're running for President; They're so gonna win!

Annessa, Andrea and Dragonleg, too;
Ruthie, Annette, Brian and Mark Lane--all made it a zoo.
Dave ate some nachos; PromoGuy sat in a chair;
Tim, Mordant, Yvonne and Theresa, they were so there.

Then the party was over; the booze was all drunk.
They packed up the Princess; put her back in her trunk.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,

Credit: -Solonor
posted at 03:12 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

I have a gun. It's loaded. Shut up.
One of my favorite (Christmas) movies of all time is on WTBS right now -- "The Ref". It has one of the best movie lines ever:

"You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it."

Not that it would be based on personal experience in this household or anything...but I seriously damn near spewed Coke out my nose the first time I heard Kevin Spacey utter it years ago!
posted at 03:37 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Although it's been said many times, many ways...

posted at 12:11 AM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

Putting the X back in Xmas
This entry reminded me...from (and the history major in me):

Claim: 'Xmas' is a modern, disrespectful abbreviation of the word 'Christmas.'

Status: False.

Origins: The abbreviation of 'Xmas' for 'Christmas' is neither modern nor disrespectful. The notion that it is a new and vulgar representation of the word 'Christmas' seems to stem from the erroneous belief that the letter 'X' is used to stand for the word 'Christ' because of its resemblance to a cross, or that the abbreviation was deliberately concocted "to take the 'Christ' out of Christmas." Actually, this usage is nearly as old as Christianity itself, and its origins lie in the fact that the first letter in the Greek word for 'Christ' is 'chi,' and the Greek letter 'chi' is represented by a symbol similar to the letter 'X' in the modern Roman alphabet. Hence 'Xmas' is indeed perfectly legitimate abbreviation for the word 'Christmas' (just as 'Xian' is also sometimes used as an abbreviation of the word 'Christian').

None of this means that Christians (and others) aren't justified in feeling slighted when people write 'Xmas' rather than 'Christmas,' but the point is that the abbreviation was not created specifically for the purpose of demeaning Christ, Christians, Christianity, or Christmas -- it's a very old artifact of a very different language. (Read more at
posted at 11:23 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

'Scuse me
But where are the Bucs tonight? Just because you win the division doesn't mean you piss away homefield advantage for the playoffs, guys!
posted at 09:24 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

And a a tree...

"It's a beautiful day in the neigborhood
A beautiful day for a neighbor
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

Mr. Robinson: Hello, boys and girls! You know, Christmas is a special time in Mr. Robinson's neighborhood. It's a time for giving, and look what Mr. Landlord gave me - it's an eviction notice. Well, that's why Mr. Robinson has to wear this Santa Claus suit to sneak in and out of his building. But it just isn't a disguise, boys and girls. Because, when I add this little pail here, and when I have this little bell, it becomes a small business. Yes, Christmas is a season for giving, and for taking! And with this little operation, I figure I'll be taking on about $300-400 a day! Oh, why oh why, must Christmas come but once a year?

You know, another reason why Mr. Robinson likes Christmas so much, boys and girls, is because I have so much in common with Santa Claus. We both like to sneak into your house late at night. Only Mr. Santa Claus likes to leave things. Mr. Robinson prefers to take a few things every now and then. Let's see what I have for Christmas today...

Oh, look. A little doll baby! Isn't it so cute, boys and girls? It's not worth a lot right now, but, through the miracles of modern science...Cabbage Patch doll! Now they're worth a lot of cabbage! I could sell these to little stupid kids for about $50 each! $50 each! Can you believe that! That's why I love Christmas!

And that's today's word, boys and girls...Christ-mas. You know any other words that start with "X", boys and girls? How about... [ flips card over to show word "X-CON" ] ...Ex-con?

Who could that be, boys and girls?

Voice At Door: "Robinson! Are you the guy that sold my kid a head of lettuce with a dress on it?!"

Mr. Robinson: And that reminds me of yet another word, boys and girls, that begins with "X" ... "Ex-scape"! Well, I'll see you later. And remember:

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll visit you tomorrow when you're sound asleep..."

Goodbye, boys and girls! (Click here for another SNL Christmas classic.)
posted at 07:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Not necessarily the news
Once again surfing the useless news so you won't have to...

  1. Elephants give good...errrr, head? They also really like the firehose.
  2. I'm ready to go in, Coach. Just give me a chance. I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological. Got to stay in a positive frame of mind. Memorize the play book. Study the films.
  3. And I thought I was embarrassed when my dad showed up at my parent-teacher conference in his fishing flip-flops and bellbottoms.
  4. This one has Statia written all over it...
  5. Is it wrong that I snickered at "gay TV channel slashes staff"?

posted at 03:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Does she come complete?
I've had my eye on these all season long, and even though we're po' as dirt right now, when I saw they were half-off, that (and a small gift certificate balance) was all it took. Whoo!
posted at 02:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Gnomey goodness
In case you missed it, I made the 12.19 Lockergnome Windows Daily for my LaunchCast station. And a GnomeTome I wrote earlier in the year about destination weddings has been edited and is up on the GnomeTomes site. If that one's not up your alley, the new Photoshop one by Norm Stevens will be! Next paycheck, that baby's mine...
posted at 01:54 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Now taking orders...

posted at 11:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

If all else fails...
Heads up if you're attempting to make the holiday roll recipe! Here's the story of my first holiday roll disaster.

Every year since then, I've bought the mini packets of Fleischmann's Active Dry Yeast (¼ oz., 7g size) to replace the Red Star Yeast that comes with the Pillsbury Hot Roll Dough Mix. Two of the ¼ oz. (½ oz. total) Fleischmann's packages equal the one Red Star package that comes with the Dough Mix.

Well last night, we forgot to buy extra yeast so I hoped that one year was a fluke and used the Red Star again. The holiday roll rose slightly last night, but nowhere near what it should have been. It was pretty much a total loss. So we bought more Fleischmann's and I'm making it again tonight. This time = perfection. So spare yourselves the time-wasted, cost lost, and cursing -- and buy different yeast than what comes in the box. You'll thank me later!
posted at 09:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

When "thank you" doesn't seem to be enough
Just seen on an NFL commercial -- Operation Uplink -- "a unique program of the Veterans of Foreign Wars and its Ladies Auxiliary...keeps military personnel and hospitalized veterans in touch with their families and loved ones by providing them with free phone cards..." Click here to make a donation, or here to request a calling card for hospitalized veterans or active duty military personnel deployed away from home.
posted at 03:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

The Sugar is starting to taste bitter
The late 80s OU teams took it up the ass from the NCAA and the sports writing community for "lack of institutional control" (that ultimately drove Switzer out and the dark era of the 90s in). Please, please, please tell me after all that's starting to surface, "Free Shoes University" is about to finally meet their due as well. So much has been overlooked during the years they were NCAA and media darlings. But now, it just keeps on happenin'. What kind of idiot starting defensive tackle gets caught in an apparent shoplifting incident a week before his team (already in waist-deep over gambling investigations, and missing their starting QB due to his stupidity) plays in the Sugar Bowl? Yeah, the BCS chose wisely on that one this year. Enjoy it FSU. You probably won't have a bowl like this again for years to come...
posted at 03:15 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Where my bitches at?
One of these goes in the oven in about 45 minutes. Who wants dessert?
posted at 11:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
We snuck off to the new Sonic down in Largo today for lunch, and Santa came to our house early... Someone ('fess up!) Statia sent us a Swiss Colony Beef Log! Susan and Jason sent monkeys and a year's subscription to Allure! Tam surprised me a copy of UHF on DVD (thank you so much!), and Lisa sent a big box stuffed with smell goods, a cool lip gloss, and Philosophy's Cookbook in homemade pies (coconut cream, lemon meringue, key lime, and blueberry - wow!). So a huge thanks to everyone. This year, even naughty girls scored, too!

Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get along...

posted at 07:34 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

...and you can be my Cowgirl
Last night I was fuh-fuh-fuh-freezin' (not foolin') and put on a sweatshirt before we went to bed. The first one I grabbed was my old Dallas Cowboys NFL Pro sweatshirt -- the one I bought right after Dallas won the Super Bowl (with Switzer as head coach) in '96. As I slipped it over my head, I sighed heavily, groaning something about Jerry ruining my team and wishing him several industrial-sized "accidents" in his near-future. For those of you unaware, I was raised to be just as rabid a Cowboy fan as a Sooner fan my entire life -- even having a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader uniform by the age of two. I cut all ties and loyalties they day Jerry fired Barry.

Well apparently Jerry Jones has met with Bill Parcells to discuss a possible future with the Cowboys organization! What is the one headstrong, destructive force that could make the Jones Regime implode on itself? Why, that would be the lying, cheating, backstabbing Bill Parcells. Oh happy day! Those two deserve each other.
posted at 03:18 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

I like it ah-loht
So we got really excited when we saw the preview for this movie tonight. Then... ...naturally I hopped on IMDB to look up the info for it. Please note the lack of original cast members in the prequel. Bleh.
posted at 03:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

One bling-bling to rule them all
We had a fabulous time out in Ybor tonight with Stacy and Dan -- first the Two Towers, then burgers and chili fries, followed by hot cocoa from Starbucks and the near-freezing Florida temps. Seriously, it can warm up again any day now. Here are a few pics -- have a great weekend everyone!

posted at 02:42 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Brother can you spare a grand?
Well folks, if you've ever doubted the differences in a largely liberal/moderate audience vs. a largely conservative one -- Andrew Sullivan held a tip jar fundraiser this month -- and in one week his drive raised $79,020. (3,339 individuals made donations, making it an average of $23.67 per donation.) By contrast -- our drive, which was ultimately for charity, raised a mere $1610.00 in 10 days. Hell who wants to take the high road and do the right thing with all that cold, hard cash when you can pull in more than both of our annual incomes combined in the span of a week? Oh yeah, that would be me. Damn morals -- always having to give something back (beyond just hot air) if I take it. Although I wouldn't really mind having an intern-boy around here every day. I'll have to ponder this s'more... (Link via Michele. If you've got to donate to something, for the love of all that's holy buy Michele some tequila - or webgrrlie a new alternator -- you know, something useful.)
posted at 04:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

Doesn't mattah if you're black or white
Keeping with the theme of "toy day"... All this time I thought Michael Jackson was trying to become a combo of Diana Ross and LaToya. But as it turns out, he may just be trying to look like a Ken Doll. Uncanny, isn't it? (Photo from Keeping Ken.)
posted at 03:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

God money - don't want everything he wants it all

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever young

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We'll let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?

Forever young...

posted at 02:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

You risk the game by taking dares with "yes"
And speaking of favorite childhood toys, would it really be so hard for kids to use their imagination - and a few cotton balls up the dress - like we did back in the day? Do we really need pregnant Barbie dolls (featuring a magnetic lift-off belly with baby inside) on the shelves? Keep your eyes peeled next holiday season for Proctology Ken! (Link from FARK.)
posted at 04:58 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

The famous Mr. Potato Head
I got a belated birthday gift from my aunt last night -- and it was so cool, Todd started digging in and playing with it before I could even get all of the pieces out of shrink-wrap (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3). Can you believe children used to actually put the parts on real potatoes? Of course, all of our modern technology can't bring the plastic pipe back... Stupid PC'ers. Belated thanks also go out to Scott -- who sent me Real Genius on DVD. It's the birthday that keeps on giving!
posted at 03:40 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

And let me play among the stars
I'm still very much learning the ropes with my new camera and tonight Chris gave me a few pointers (thanks!) for shooting Christmas lights in the dark. So on my way back up the sidewalk, I stopped to snap this pink flower. Remember, this was in the dark -- moonlight and flash only! Have I mentioned lately that I'm in love?

posted at 01:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

God bless us, everyone

Just a heads-up...if you missed "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie" when it originally aired Thanksgiving weekend, or just want to see it's going to repeat on the Hallmark Channel tomorrow night, twice on Saturday, and twice on Christmas Eve.

Check here for the full schedule!
posted at 11:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Medieval times
Better late than never...the December "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" wedding feature is up!
posted at 09:26 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Am I the only fuckin' one who's normal anymore?
Note to Mariah: If you have to go on Larry King to proclaim "I am not wacko," well there's a pretty good chance that you are -- in fact -- a wacko.

And in other somewhat related news... I've added the link to my LaunchCast station in the sidebar so you can get there when you want. Thanks to everyone who's tuned in thus far. You've helped add over 1,000 ratings in the last couple of days -- the station's already climbed into the "fanatic" category!
posted at 07:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums

    The Top 15 Signs Santa is Sick of Christmas

  1. Now relies on a quick Google image search to see if you've been naughty.
  2. Good, bad or on the fence -- *everyone* gets an AOL CD in their stocking this year.
  3. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Yadda, yadda, yadda...."
  4. Sticker on sleigh: "How's my flying? Call 1-800-EAT-SUGARPLUMS"
  5. Former "Naughty/Nice" databases merged into a single "Whatever" database.
  6. Turns Ms. Claus out to work the corner next to the Salvation Army bell ringers.
  7. At midnight on Christmas Eve, gift certificates to will magically appear in the e-mail in-boxes of good girls and boys.
  8. New policy this year: Only strippers allowed on his lap.
  9. Hey, kid -- them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal!
  10. On his personal Christmas list: A George Foreman Grill and "The Ultimate Reindeer Cookbook".
  11. He's assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the odd ones this year and the even ones next year.
  12. You don't remember a reindeer named "Beyotch".
  13. Joins the Nation of Islam and changes name to "Claus Shabazz".
  14. Under the tree you find a half-eaten cookie and a glass full of urine.

    and the Number 1 Sign Santa is Sick of Christmas...

  15. This year's #1 stocking stuffers: Elf heads and Rudolph jerky.
List and image credit: and Spindy's Comics
posted at 04:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

<insert audible groans here>
This is now officially in the running for worst. pun. ever.

White House's "Barney-cam" is a holiday Web hit, drawing 24 million online tourists the first day of its dog's-eye view of the White House Christmas decorations.....

....."Barney is what you might call a 'publicity hound,"' spokesman Ari Fleischer deadpanned. "But he was unable to watch his own video because he hit the 'paws' button.
So now the President has also turned the poor pooch into a cam slut? The shame...
posted at 03:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Find your inner bride
Wholly Matrimony! has pretty much been a one-woman labor of love since 1998, and up until the last few months all of the monthly winners and such always got updated in a timely manner. But suddenly I look at the calendar and it's December 19th. I was s'posed to have a new wedding feature up on the 15th. Oops. And there never was a December "Dress of the Month" this year. Double-oops. I have been swamped with other things and just don't have the time to give the site my all any longer. I don't want to see it die though. So that's where you come in...

I know I'm not the only one that enjoys weddings and dress photos -- and reading and writing about them. I've decided to take applications for contributors. This could include wading through applications you feel would qualify for the montly winner categories -- and then updating the website accordingly. You'll need a (slightly more than) basic knowledge of Photoshop (and a copy of it) and FTP access. I can guide you through the rest. And this can be also include freelance article work, if you just want to add wedding articles into a premade template and put them on the site. If anyone out there is interested, please drop me a line. Include your name, URL, and any relevant information you feel I should know when making my decision(s).

It usually takes about 3-4 hours to update the "Dress of the Month" (on the first of every month), and about 4-5 hours to update the "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" (on the 15th of every month). Anything you would choose to add to the site from there would be your call as far as time-spent goes. You can continue to use the templates I already have for graphics and site design, or you can let the creative juices flow and change things around a bit (with prior approval, of course). It's time for new blood! The pay sucks (as in this is truly freelance) but my thanks are-a-plenty. If you have any additional questions, please e-mail me! And thank you! -Robyn
posted at 01:15 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Pass the eggnog, and spike it please!
GeekGrrl just tipped me off that several of us (Kymberlie, Shelli, Michele, Kim, Scott, Miz Jenna, Dick, etc.) were linked at's "Weblog Central" today!

I had seriously given up on ever seeing my name there -- but the one day I say "#$%! it" and let all my dirty laundry air out -- well that's the day I see my blog up in lights.

Speaking of philanthropy, Robyn, who created quite a sensation with her breast cancer fundraising (and if you click on any of those links you’re grounded!) is in a Christmas mood and has managed a Christmas themed post almost every day for the last couple weeks.
So welcome to the Dysfunctional Holidaze, everyone. Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
posted at 11:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

To be, or not to be
I just took myself out back and gave myself a couple of good, swift kicks in the pants. I stopped for a minute to think about the afternoon I had, and why I didn't write about it. A couple of my friends know. My husband knows. I've been hurt, angry and upset. I've sat here either with tears streaming down my face or venom spewing out of my vocal chords. But rather than write about it -- in my journal -- I stayed silent. "Why?", you might ask. Or, "What's the big deal?" Well you see sometimes my mom reads here. Not always. And usually only entries that I forward to her. But there are days she -- and her coworkers -- are still here. So as much as I'd like to claim that I don't really censor myself within my four cyber-walls, that just isn't the case anymore.

If this was a "paper journal" I would have been spilling my guts out today. But it's not. Things I feel -- and say -- don't just hurt me. Now they have the potential to hurt those I love if I decide to talk about them. And since I absolutely, positively suck at keeping paper journals on a regular basis -- what's a girl to do?

Since my husband has first-hand knowledge of what has me so upset, I asked Todd if I should blog about it this afternoon. He answered, "Only if it doesn't stop with your last e-mail..." I'm not angry at what Todd said. I'm not angry with his advice. But I am ticked off (at myself) that it's at the point where I have to ask my husband what I should -- or shouldn't -- write about here. In MY journal. Does that even make sense?

So in case you make it this far (and mom, if you're here, this is your cue to hit the back button) here's what has me so upset...

My mom doesn't do well with Christmas. Whether she sees it this way or not, since the day I was old enough to realize it -- the woman becomes the world's biggest ball of stress on the planet from late November thru early January. You tiptoe quietly. You avoid. You roll your eyes. You pray you're not on the receiving end today. If of age, you hit the bar or bring a flask depending on location. It's something my sister and I have just quietly -- and sometimes not so quietly -- adjusted to our whole lives. I can't even say what brings it on exactly. It's just always been that way.

It was beginning to look like we were going to avoid "the change" this year. I caught myself actually getting homesick, and starting to regret the lack of bank account balance that would take us home. (We haven't spent a Christmas in Oklahoma since 1999. In fact, our last time back was my grandfather's funeral in early November of 2000.) But today I decided that since Thanksgiving was late this year, an internal clock must have been thrown off or something.

Today I got. The e-mail.

<brief history update> My mom is married to a man I've met three times at the most. They've been married, I think, three or four years now. He's my mom's fourth husband. It's her second husband since Todd and I were engaged. I would guesstimate that I've spent less than 20 hours total around him. I barely know him. </brief history update>

Well my mom got her Christmas present yesterday. Inside the shipping box was a (wrapped) gift to her and two cards to both of them. My mom wrote to make sure the gift wasn't just to her. She said her husband is very "tender-hearted", never wants to leave anyone out, and his feelings would be very hurt if the gift wasn't to the two of them. would I feel if they did the same to Todd...

For starters, Todd has been around since 1992. She's known him since he was 20. She spent more time with Todd during the few weeks we dated in college than I've spent with her current husband. She was at our wedding. (I did not attend her last two. She ran off to Vegas for one, and we couldn't afford to fly out for the second on such short notice.) She stayed with Todd for several weeks when I first got sick and was in the hospital -- and for another week when I had surgery in 2000. They've spent a great deal of time together. They know each other very well.

For all intents and purposes, her current husband is a stranger to me. I never had much of a dad (be it blood-related or step) around in my life growing up. I don't want one now. He doesn't have a good relationship with his kids so my mom is always asking me and my sister to give him Father's Day and birthday greetings (and I assume gifts) in their place to "make it up to him". I don't want to be the one to "make it up to him". I don't want to have a personal relationship with him. He loves her. She loves him. They're happy together. That makes me happy. But that's where it ends for me.

I'm very guarded when it comes to allowing new men in my life. You have a dad walk out on you at two and a grandfather -- who was your father -- die on you at three, and that tends to happen. Especially when your mom is on her fourth marriage before you turn 30. That's not a slam against her, so please don't take it that way. There were very real reasons for the divorces that happened and they should not reflect on her character. But it makes you guarded, nonetheless.

My sister is somewhat close to this husband. But she lived with them for several weeks. She's been in the same metro area for almost a year now. She sees them at least 2-3 times a month. However, my sister very much understands my reasons for the distance I choose to place between us. That's because the second time I ever met the man, my sister was in the hospital in intensive care on heart monitors and a ventillator after a suicide attempt. Rather than sleep on the floor at my mom's empty house with them (they had just sold it following their wedding), I chose to stay in a hotel room -- with my own bed -- with my grandparents. My mom's husband, who I'd spent less than two hours total up 'til this point, went off on me in full view and earshot of the entire restaurant for picking my grandmother over my mother during such a difficult time. I ran out of the room crying and stood in an alcove during a sleet storm to call Todd on a pay phone, while my grandmother and grandfather proceeded to rip him a new one for doing that to me when I'd barely stepped off the plane. However wrong I might be, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him for that. Or if I even want to get to know him for that. At the time, we didn't even know if my sister would have limited brain damage yet...and here was this stranger trying to play dad and give me a lecture. That didn't fly.

Fast-forward to the gift I bought my mother this year... It was very personal in nature, related to an inside-joke and bond we've shared since I was a little girl. It's something I've had my eye on for months now for her. I didn't want to put his name on it. It was to my mom. And we're not exactly wealthy -- we had a limited budget for close friends and immediate family members, and we stuck to it this year. I think the fact I even made a card out to a relative stranger (pun somewhat intended) should speak volumes to the fact I at least tried. But once wasn't good enough.

It never is at Christmas.

So now that I've poured our family's skeletons all over my blog...maybe I should have. Maybe I shouldn't. But I'm human. I have human problems (especially when it comes to family). And this is my journal to deal with my thoughts and emotions -- which I now intend to reclaim. So you may not agree with my opinion or how I handled the situation -- but I hope you will agree or at least respect that it is fully within my right to put my life events in my own journal. Which leads me to...

Does your family read your blog?

If you answered yes above, do you regret they have the address?

Do I regret that I've chosen to be "me" here rather than an anonymous character? No -- I do not. Well, at least not yet.
posted at 08:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (35) shout it

...and the last shall be first
Well we just thought Paul's new wife was turning him into an ass with his kids. Now his ego has spread into Beatles history as well. Paul is rewriting the credits on several Beatles songs from "Lennon-McCartney" (as it's stood for years) to "Paul McCartney and John Lennon". I'm more proud than ever to be a Lennon fan when the pair are side-by-side on a shelf. Now if I could just do something about my husband's sick Wings fettish...
posted at 07:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Let me show you the world in my eyes
Just an update to this post: If you want to listen to my LaunchCast station along with me, here's the address!
posted at 03:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

It's Christmas and we're all in misery
And you thought your Christmas gifts were bad -- another FARK Photoshop contest "Worst. Christmas. Gift. Ever." Top four entries receive free digital cameras!
posted at 02:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Hey, Mr. DJ - put a record on
I hesitate to recommend this, because,'s a Yahoo! product. But I grew bored of my Winamp playlist tonight and tried several Winamp streaming alternative stations which I found all sucked serious ass. So being skeptical, I went over to LaunchCast (now owned by the evil Y!). And as much as I'd like to slam it, they haven't ruined it yet. This thing rocks!

You can set up your own station based on your tastes -- mixing and matching alternative, rap, etc. They give you several choices in each category for you to check your favorite artists from the list. You can even request specific artists. Then when you get your "station" set up (took me less than five minutes but you'll have to have a Yahoo! acct.), you can rate each song that comes on. This supposedly willl help determine what they serve you in the future. The commercials have been almost non-existant, and so far in the last hour I've only received three duds. Much better odds than local radio! And you're not stuck with a crappy song either. You can just rate it low and hit the fast-forward button. After a couple of seconds of buffering you get something new. There's also a recently played list if you want more info on a song.

So there you have it. I'm sure this wonderful tool will be completely destroyed in a manner of weeks seeing its current ownership -- but I plan to use and abuse it 'til then. Least I can do since they're probably tracking my music tastes in some super-secret database. They even have a Christmas music station!

In the last 60 minutes I've already had some of the following on my playlist (and not just their "popular" tunes either): Weezer, Depeche Mode, Alanis, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, The Offspring, LL Cool J, Dr. Dre, Green Day, The Cure, The Ramones, and REM

UPDATE: Check out my station and listen along here!
posted at 03:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

You're as cold as ice
You know one of the best things about being married? When you're frickin' freezing and your hands are like popsicles, you have a nice warm chest to grab onto and warm 'em up when you head to bed. I can't seem to figure out why he doesn't really think of it as the same benefit I do though...
posted at 01:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Better than all the rest?
E!'s Rank is back with the "Top 25 Entertainers of 2002". And the number one entertainer is... ...Jennifer Aniston. I'm sorry, but I'm missing something here. She starred in a flop at the box office. She put a basketball under her dress for the previous season of Friends. She did win an Emmy -- and oh yeah, and she's married to Brad Pitt. My bad. So deserving.
posted at 12:40 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Let's talk about balls
How on earth does a BCS-Bowl-bound university allow their only (real) remaining QB to sleep through a final exam in Religion and become ineligible to play? How does an NFL coach go 15-31 and still have a shot at keeping his job with "America's team"? And in other news...OU gets Coach Price twice in two years. He's leaving Washington State (who we play in the Rose Bowl) for Bama (who we play in Tuscaloosa next year). And the Bucs get the Steelers on Monday Night. It just. Got. Interesting.
posted at 10:40 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it


Dear Mr. President,
We can love our pets, we just can't  LOVE our pets.
Dr. Abby Barnes

UPDATE: Found another photo -- at least we know he likes to cuddle afterwards!
posted at 06:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Todd stopped by the new Sonic on Ulmerton in Largo/Pinellas to bring dinner home tonight. There's a 20-minute wait for orders...and the line to pull in goes out into the street...but everything is HALF-OFF this Tuesday evening. Whoo! Just thought ya'll might like to know in case you haven't made dinner plans yet.
posted at 06:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

The price is wrong, Bob!
Ok, since today is all about the fun and games -- here are a few trivia cards if you want to take a guess at 'em. You can choose from the X-rated pile (all X-rated questions now answered) or the tastes great, less filling pile. Make your guesses in the comments. I'll confirm any right answers given, and will post all the answers later tonight! Who wants to win the pie?

UPDATE: A green check by a question means it has already been answered correctly in the comments.

UPDATE #2: All questions on the X-rated cards have been answered. Answers are posted in the comments!

UPDATE #3: All questions on the Trivial Pursuit cards have been answered. Answers are posted in the comments!
posted at 04:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (35) shout it

Shall we play a game?
It's Tuesday, which means we're all bored out of our how about playing a little game. I'm going to give you a word. First person to comment leaves the first person, place, or thing that pops into their head when they read that word. Next person after that does the same with the last word left above their own. And so on... We'll see just warped our minds are at the end of the day as the list continues to grow. So here's the first word, in honor of my husband:


What's the first word that pops into your mind thinking of the word monkey? (You can also post small images with your word for illustration. Just please keep it semi-clean.) Only one person replies to the word monkey though. After that, keep moving on to the most recent word you see entered in the comments! Have fun... (And extra-credit given to first-time commentors!)
posted at 05:06 AM | link--it | mail it | (205) shout it

Deliver the letter, the sooner the better
Just a quick note that I am horribly behind on e-mail. As in my inbox scrolls so far south these days I need to be in Brazil to read my new mail. So if I owe you one...or you think I'm being rude and just not replying...I do apologize! If anyone wants to come and be my secretary for a week, the pay sucks -- but I can pay you in holiday cookies and Weezer CDs.
posted at 04:24 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Just say no!
I'll take "Eighty-two people who desperately need real lives for $200, Alex". These people must be stopped! (Yet another reason to join the webring folks! Link found via FARK and Daily Bull.)
posted at 11:27 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

Blonde Ambition
Yahoo News Headline: "Blondes Now Exude Power as Well as Sex Appeal" You're damn right! Sisters are doin' it for themselves.
posted at 10:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Oh I wish I was a little bar o' soap
Just in case you've ever doubted that we're a sick and twisted bunch, yes, we even monitor our guest's dirty soap habits... (Version 1, Version 2, Version 3)

posted at 08:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

I'm too much
I've had these songs going through my head all weekend. Your turn! Right-click the image (or this link) to save. Sorry about the record "pops" -- I didn't convert the originals to MP3 format.

[Click to view the Snow Miser lyrics]
[Click to view the Heat Miser lyrics]
posted at 06:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

"He sees you when you're sleeping" scares me
There's a new blog out there -- Ho Ho Holy Shit -- "featuring a pissed off Santa, a bitchy Mrs. Claus and Dingle, the union rep elf"!
posted at 03:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

We'll never feel bad anymore
All night working on a design leaves me pretty tapped for actual content...but I can offer you this moment of zen to start the final-full work week before the holidays. Have a good'un!
posted at 04:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Out jumps good old Santa Claus
"Screw the presents -- you want me to sit on that freak's lap and hold his candy cane?"

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution explores Santa Phobia in children -- with extra photos. (Link from

Shelli needs to submit her kids' pic there, too!
posted at 11:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Have you ever noticed that when magazines give you alternate-gift suggestions for high-ticket merchandise purchased by the stars it's never quite the same -- and more often than not, completely off the mark. For example:


Now you tell me how the second pair of dress sandals is even remotely close in look/style to the first pair purchased by Mariah Carey... Let's see. Both have high-heels. Ok, that's one. Both have t-straps (sort of). That's two. First pair is dainty, festive, and covered in crystals. Butterfly adornments maybe not quite your style, but definitely would work for formal occasions. Second pair has three ankle straps, three toe straps, and "beaded detailing" that looks more like dominatrix gone horribly wrong. And oh yeah, one is silver and one is black. Yep, the resemblance is striking! Next example:


Christina Applegate purchased the (red) watch by Michele priced at $995.00. It has 80 hand-set white diamonds totaling more than half a carat, a squared-oval case, and red lizard strap. US Magazine suggests the white alternative. The face is covered with crystals instead of diamonds. I'll give them that. But the (non-lizard skin) strap is white, the face-shape is thin and pointed, and the numbers are more scripty than the blocky-funky art deco numerals on the red number. How can they even compare the two? I think the comparison pretty much stops with, "Well they're both watches..."

I really wish some of these magazines would let me do the comparison shopping for a change. Of course, I would expect to keep the test-items!
posted at 08:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (23) shout it

Fire the cannons!

Well it wasn't a pretty game to watch, but today Tampa Bay squeezed past Detroit to clinch a playoff berth.

"Tampa Bay will head to the postseason for the fifth time in the last six years, and the team remains in first place in the NFC South and tied for the best record in the entire league. The Bucs tied a team record for wins in a regular season and at 11-3 are tied with Philadelphia, also a winner on Sunday. "

Now my only fear? The Philly...postseason...again.
posted at 06:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Without love, it ain't much
I've noticed a few jabs taken here at there in my comments recently regarding my health and the fact I receive disability. Just to help burst the illusion-bubble, I'm not sitting here getting rich off the government for nothing folks. In fact, I earn a whopping $4860/year (yes, that's per year) -- 80% of which ($3888) is considered taxable income. So not only did I pay taxes from the age of 15-24 to earn what I do, I also pay taxes on what I bring in now. Of course that's in addition to my husband also paying taxes on his income. He pays more in taxes to FICA on his income each year than I earn in SSDI benefits. So if you think we're spending "your" hard-earned tax money -- just remember that he pays in more than I take out, and we're taxed on what I do get.

I'm not telling you any of this because it's really any of your business. Only my husband, my doctor, my attorney, and the Social Security office have that right to know. But perhaps it will make just one of you think before you speak in the future -- be it to me, or someone else out there.

Does anyone really believe the life of a disabled person is glamorous? Well then you try leaving a career of $30K/year or more, and figure out how to make ends meet on less than 1/6th of that. You know how soaps and Oprah get old after you've been home sick for a few days? Try it after a few years.

The photos you see of me are the ones I let you see. Don't ever think otherwise. I'm not always well-dressed with my hair and make-up done. My copyright tagline isn't a complete joke. In fact, I'm lucky if I have the strength to do my hair and make-up once a week. My mom is still yelling for a Christmas photograph of the two of us. I'm just not able to take one right now. During long-weekenders (like my birthday or Todd's birthday), I rest up beforehand and do absolutely nothing for at least a full week afterwards. Sometimes that even includes showering. I don't have the energy to remain upright that long. If I can't manage a bath, I get a washcloth-bath instead. And I don't mean that sexually...because that's the absolute last thing I have the strength for during times like that. But just because I'm sick, does that mean I'm not allowed the right to have fun and enjoy others' company when I'm able? Especially on our birthdays...

Since everyone left on the December 3rd, I've left the house exactly three times. And one of those times I was in my PJs, since we didn't exit the car for two of those trips. I do well to cook two meals per week. Todd takes care of the majority of the housekeeping because it's worth it to him to have my company when he pitches in, rather than have me in bed for two days because the kitchen got cleaned. The one thing I can still do on a regular basis is type and spend time on my PC and laptops. So that's what you "see". Of course, you don't see the heating pads and Thermacare wraps it takes to keep me here either. Or the Darvocet as an absolute last resort...

I don't blog about the times I puke for days on end. Or the rough patches that Immodium AD wouldn't have a prayer of covering up. You don't hear about the Lyme-related rashes. Or the near-fainting spells. Or the headaches and the muscle/joint pain. Sure those are constantly there -- it just doesn't make for good blogging. I've said it before and I'll say it again... When most people ask "how are you doing?", they want to hear "fine fine just fine" in return. Unless it's a big event like an emergency room trip -- there's really no point in giving same song, different verse each day. It's a part of life I've learned to deal with and make the best of it. That doesn't mean it's not happening. It just means if I'm feeling so bad that I won't even discuss it with my husband, I certainly don't want to talk about it with you.

On top of it all, I have terrible insomnia. It may seem like a luxury to some that I can stay up 'til five a.m. and sleep 'til one p.m. But it's not much of a luxury the times you require so much medication to get you there that it doesn't wear off once you're awake. Or the times you still have to sleep in 2-3 hour shifts for days anyway. Then the first few hours of your day are spent in an absolute fog...

Imagine the worst flu you've ever had. The fevers. The aches and pains. The lethargy. Now imagine that never, ever going away. I've been there since 1996 -- and that's considered a "good" day for me. I've learned how to cope and function while living like that because I have no other choice. The "bad" days are when I get strep, or the actual flu, or bladder/kidney infections on top of it all. Because when I catch one thing (and I have very little immunity to fight things off), I catch everything for weeks afterwards like a domino effect. I can't even get vaccinated because it will actually give me the illness it's trying to prevent. I'm also allergic to most new medications that I try. I just have to roll the dice and hope for the best. Sometimes the side-effects just drag me down. Sometimes they result in a week-plus hospital stay, as was the case just a few weeks after we got married.

I also haven't been able to drive more than a handful of (less-than-10-block) trips since 1996 -- and Todd was with me for each of these. Now stop a second and think about that. In 1996, "Jerry Maguire", "Twister", the original "Scream", "The English Patient", "Fargo", "Independence Day" and "The Cable Guy" were released. The Spice Girls were just starting to hit it big. Princess Diana was still alive. That was the last time I was behind the wheel by myself. I quit driving because one day I was coming home, and as I pulled in the driveway I couldn't remember which pedal was the gas and which was the brake -- so I hit both at the same time and prayed. We lived in a neighborhood with several small children, and all I could think of was, "What if that had been a child, and not my house, in front of me?" I also was getting lost during mini-trips in a town I'd lived in over four years. That was it. A lot of times you'll hear me joke about being blonde. It's just easier that way. But the real reason is because most days I battle what the CFS and Lyme communities call "brain fog". It's just a lot more humorous to blame it on hair color instead. I don't have the mental clarity it takes to be behind the wheel and I know this. I rarely talk on the telephone for the very same reason.

I'm fortunate enough to have had a very easy spring and summer this year. Rather than getting out once a month, for a long-stretch I was able to get out once a weekend. I just never mentioned that I was only getting out on weekends during that time. The photos you saw? That was it. The rest of the time in between was spent on the couch or in bed. Some bloggers choose to tell you how they're feeling each day. That's their choice. Mine is to just keep it myself. Maybe part of other's perceptions is my own fault because of that. If you're not our friend in real life, you don't always know about the events we really wanted to attend but had to cancel on. It's defeating to admit it to myself -- much less everyone around me.

I'm not telling you any of this because I want your sympathy or pity -- and especially your medical advice. Quite the contrary. I'm telling you this in hopes you'll stop and think for a second. When you peek in on my life, you are seeing the picture I choose to paint. Not a still-photograph. But sometime I invite you to come spend a week with me and look in my eyes on day five if you have any doubt. I've been told if you do, you never have to question just what I can -- and can't -- do ever again.

I don't have it bad, and I won't claim that I do. My illness isn't terminal, and many others face much worse from day-to-day. I have a happy marriage, and I'd much rather be where I am with him -- than feeling well every day without him. I count my blessings often. In the future, perhaps you should stop to count yours, too -- rather than pointing your fingers elsewhere. I'll gladly trade you incomes otherwise!
posted at 05:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (47) shout it

Saturday TV fun house
I don't always agree with his politics (and especially his party), but how cool would it be for me to be able to say "the Senate majority leader used to make me Nestlé Strawberry Quik when I watched cartoons on Saturday mornings"?
posted at 03:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Just like grandma used to make
This has been slow-cooking all afternoon (and was just added to The Red Kitchen)-- anyone want to come over for dinner? Homemade chocolate chip cookies are for dessert!
posted at 03:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

May I have your attention please?
Just a quick note of importance: I am not a part of Blogomania. Sending me customer support requests will unfortunately get you nowhere. You need to contact Christine directly -- as that's all I can tell you to do when you write. I have only done freelance design work for her in the past. I do not handle customer support and contact. Normally I wouldn't put such a notice up here, but I have received so many similar requests in the past few weeks that I need to make it known publicly. If you need help with Blogomania related matters, please visit the helpdesk and the forums directly. Thank you! - Robyn
posted at 02:46 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Thumpety thump-thump, thumpety thump-thump
All I need to know about life I learned from a snowman:

  • It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
  • Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
  • Wearing white is always appropriate.
  • The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.
  • We're all made up of mostly water.
  • Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
  • Don't get too much sun.
  • It's not embarrassing when you look down and can't see your feet.
  • It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
  • You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

posted at 02:14 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

O tidings of comfort and joy

posted at 12:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Incest is best?
Todd's watching "Armageddon" right now, and the scene with Liv Tyler and Baldie was just on. I never noticed before that "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" was playing in the background. How creepy is that? Making out -- real or imaginary -- to your dad's music is just plain wrong.
posted at 09:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

Hurry Christmas - hurry fast!
I finally got all of the Christmas decoration photos I've taken recently together at one place. Still learning what the G3 can do obviously (as some of the low-light photos are a tad bit grainy or blurry) -- but I think this is pretty amazing considering I was on the ground, the lights were on the roof, and you can see the filaments!
posted at 07:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Candy canes and silver lanes aglow

If you've been meaning to do a holiday redesign for your blog and just haven't got around to it yet, here are 4 images from my stash that might help kick-start ya'! Feel free to swipe/use...
posted at 04:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Since 1892
This one goes out to displaced Oklahomans everywhere. It just wouldn't be Christmas without it!

From last year: You may be going "huh?" if you didn't grow up in Oklahoma, but to anyone that's ever lived there, the song is a holiday-staple that you know all the words go ahead and sing along with us now...

Jewelry is the gift to give, 'cuz it's the gift that'll live and live; so give the gift you know can't fail from B.C. Clark's anniversary sale. Most sales are after Christmas, but Clark's is just before. Most everything is marked way down; savings you can't's oldest jeweler, since 1892. So gift the gift you know can't fail from B.C. Clark's anniversary sale!
God bless us, everyone. Now it's Christmas, and I miss home.
posted at 03:49 AM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

Oh fortune - how you mock me
So we discovered today that one of these is five days away from opening -- less than 10 minutes away from where Todd works (and less than 15 minutes away from our old apartment down in St. Pete). Keep in mind that since we've moved to our home in the 'burbs, Todd has an hour-commute each way. It's close to him -- but not to me.

He's been informed it would be wiser to come home with lipstick on his collar than chili. That there is grounds for a quickie-divorce!
posted at 05:59 PM | link--it | mail it | (26) shout it

G'day and welcome to day 12
Pixel Sphinx presents..."The 12 Days of Blogging"! Bust open the marshmallows. It's time for a campfire sing-a-long!
posted at 04:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

I always feel like somebody's watching me
I have arrived! I now officially have my very own anti-button. Just in time for the's "I Wanna Be Stalked By Robyn"! I'm available for Christmas and New Years parties, birthday parties, wedding receptions, and bar and bat mitzvahs. So book now -- book early! I'll be more than happy to show up with bells on and read all of your deleted blog entries and comments back to you and your guests. Just watch the hillarity ensue. And if you act now, we'll even throw in a little Dick free of charge!

The New York Times raves: "I loved it. It was better than Cats. I plan to see it again and again."

I've got a stalker. He's got a stalker. She's got a stalker. We've all got stalkers. Wouldn't you like to have a stalker, too?
posted at 04:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (25) shout it

I ate a sammich today
I'm happy to announce that is now an official member of NO WHEATON. Ain't too proud to blog...proudly losing to Wil Wheaton in the Bloggies since 2002.
posted at 03:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

If my husband made greeting cards...

posted at 04:25 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
After this, it's time to link to a new blogger donation drive with meaning! ThymeWise is running an "Operation Santa Claus" project. They are sponsoring five letters sent to Santa and adopting a 1st grade class this year. So far they've raised almost $350. Let's see if we can't raise that up a bit, shall we? I would donate right this second but PayPal is down for maintenance. But don't forget to come back to this tomorrow and give a little if you can -- or a lot of of support and linkage if you can't. The deadline is Saturday, 8pm EST. Every bit counts!
posted at 03:24 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Seen so much I'm goin blind and I'm brain-dead virtually
Severe designer's block. Who wants to be my muse? Now taking applications... Uniform optional.
posted at 02:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

East coast? West coast? It don't mattah...
Another fine link from Kathy (who should be blogging, ahem)... You've probably heard the sound file, but now it's animated -- "Ghetto Airlines". Three guesses who I thought of first?
posted at 01:23 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

I try to keep her on a short leash
Random facts about me: Most people who know me in real life (offline) tend to describe me as one of the nicest individuals they've ever met. Which is all well and good. But thankfully most people never see my mean, vindictive streak that runs about as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon. If you cross me. If you attempt to publicly humilate me. And especially if you call me a whore. Well the fire and brimstone that rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah is gonna seem like a cakewalk at the county fair. I will have you saying my name bitch for each and every single day of the rest of your pathetic little life. And if you even think you're getting a link out of all of this to your "good cop" site (everyone's already seen the "bad cop" one), well then you're sadly mistaken. Even if you try and call me out by linking to mine. You crossed the wrong blonde. Just so we're crystal on that...

I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch
Oh, the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
'Cause I'm better than you
It's the way that I move
The things that I do

I entertain by picking brains
Sell my soul
By dropping names
I don't like those!
My God, what's that!
Oh, it's full of nasty habits
When the bitch gets back.

Happy holidays! I know I'm enjoying mine now...
The Princess of the Blogiverse
posted at 06:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (30) shout it

Grown-up Christmas List
This post reminded me of one of my favorite Christmas songs:

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my still my heart can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas List...

-Amy Grant

posted at 05:54 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

How much for just one rib?
My hubby just passed this link along...the Boobie-Thon just wasn't good enough to make it on CNN's new "Cyberbegging" article. If only we'd thought to ask y'all to help us save our manicures, too! Perhaps then? A lot of you complained they were always in the way as it was...
posted at 03:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (22) shout it

There's a time and a place for that - and it's called college
This has been a problem since long before we were both in school, and I'm sad to say that we both fell victim to the trap back then. The average credit card balance for a college undergrad is now $3,066 according to CNN. At George Mason University, 77.4% of students have credit cards, 73.4% have maxed them out, and 66% have used one card to pay off another. Another study found that "21% of students who applied for a credit-based loan from Nellie Mae in the summer and fall of 2001 had credit card balances ranging between $3,000 and $7,000".

Do I blame the credit card companies? Heck yeah. But I also blame the skyrocketing cost of tuition and housing. Credit cards, in a sense, are an extention of your student loans. Sure needless purchases are made with them. But sometimes given the choice of ramen, or a burger, you want to take the burger. It's just figuring out how to pay for it 3 years later that gets to be the real problem.
posted at 03:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

I really do believe in you
So it looks like a vicar in merry ol' England is in deep reindeer caca with a lot of parents. He joked in a carol service sermon that "Santa and his reindeer would burn up doing 3,000 times the speed of sound as they delivered gifts to 91.8 million homes". He also pointed out that it was "logically impossible for one man and his sleigh to deliver 378 million presents in just 31 hours". Parents, of course, are outraged because they were not given the option of calmly explaining it to their children in their own way with their own timing.

I believed in Santa 'til a fairly late age. I was in the third grade, and always the arguer (shocking, I know, considering this was also the grade I busted open a classmates nose) -- I got into it with a couple of girls regarding his existance. I remember firmly placing my hands on my hips and stating, "Well Gary England (Oklahoma shout-out) tracks his sleigh with his radar on the news and if Santa didn't exist he couldn't do that!" At this point, my teacher Mrs. Botkin came up behind us all to see what was going on. And then, the words that crushed my soul -- FROM MY TEACHER -- "I can't believe you still think Santa is real at your age." I went home that afternoon livid at my mother.

I told my mom what my teacher had said and confronted her with it. And being just a little too smart for my own good, I also blurted out, "Well I bet the Easter bunny and tooth fairy aren't real either, are they?" At this point, I marched my stubborn self down the hall and slammed the door -- vowing to never lie to my own children about this man called Santa. (Obviously, if given the chance, now I would love to have a little one to place upon his knee.) My mom went to talk to my teacher about it the next day, but by then the damage was done -- and a little bit of Christmas died that day. I can't believe a vicar would dash an entire congregation full of innocent hopes and dreams like that though. What was he thinking?

So how old were you when you quit believing in Santa? Got a story behind the reasons why? And if you still believe in him -- what's the one thing on your list that you're hoping he'll bring you this year -- something no one else could possibly know about but Kris Kringle himself?
posted at 04:51 AM | link--it | mail it | (32) shout it

Who are you? Who who who who?
Just spotted over at FARK..."Who the Hell Are You?" Ever had someone jump in a photograph and you didn't know what in the hell they were doing there later? Go see if you can spot your friends in any of the photos here and publicly humiliate them, well, some more.
posted at 02:00 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight...
Me (under my breath): I'm sick of cards, and presents, and wrapping, and thank you notes, and envelopes, and tape, and boxes, and mailing labels, and package stuffing, and...
Him (all cheery): Just do what I do and go to bed.
Me (not so cheery): Fuuuuuuuuuuck you.

Ok, so the Cleavers we ain't... But I don't think men realize just how lucky they are when they have a wife to do it all for them. The shopping. The wrapping. The packing. The Christmas cards. And when they don't have a wife, no one thinks a thing of 'em slacking because they're men. I want the last three days of my life back. I need a vacation. Bah humbug to all. And to all a good night.
posted at 11:19 PM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

You mean you forgot cranberries too?
I just finished wrapping all of the presents we'll be shipping from home this year (everything else was bought online) -- so here are a couple of presents from me to you:

[Click to view the song lyrics]
Right-click the image (or this link) to save...

[Click to view the song lyrics]
Right-click the image (or this link) to save...

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Couldn't miss this one this year...
posted at 07:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Only a memory
I gave Todd a gift in 1995, right after we got engaged, that we still exchange to this day. It's something you can all make by hand, it's inexpensive, and it will become one of your favorite parts of the holiday season. You don't have to be a newlywed to enjoy it -- but here's my Newlywed Gift Exchange (page 1, page 2).
posted at 05:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

I just want to be her ornament
I have a new wallpaper selection down in the sidebar. It's of my favorite Christmas ornament -- "The Divine Miss Piggy". That was the first thing hung on our Christmas tree every year when I was growing up, and my mom passed it down to me when I moved out on my own. I've also included another version of it, and two other Lady and Tramp Christmas ornament selections just for Claire, below! Click for the pop-up (1024x768), right-click, and save...

Miss Piggy Wallpaper - choice 2 Lady and the Tramp Wallpaper - choice 1 Lady and the Tramp Wallpaper - choice 2

posted at 04:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

The best things in life are free
Another good online coupon directory that I just discovered for your last-minute shopping -- I have one more purchase to make and then I'm DONE this year. Whoo!

I think this is a really cool last-minute idea in the $15-and-under category (and you get a set of eight). If you use code "HW2C2" by midnight tonight (December 11th) shipping will be free!

UPDATE: Christine brought Sudsalicious back to life. Check it out!
posted at 02:22 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Disco...disco duck
This comment reminded me of one of the first .wav joke files I ever heard on the 'net. It had to have been from 1996 or early 1997. I thought it was so freakin' funny at the time, that I almost needed one of these t-shirts. So for your listening case you haven't heard it before...enjoy!
posted at 01:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Our house, in the middle of our street
Thanks to Mikey for the heads-up -- our blogger Sims house is together and kickin'. Surprise, surprise, I was the first one to blog. And of course, I ended up in the hot tub. Follow the action here -- we're in Hot Tubs O Fun!
posted at 08:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

How lovely are your branches

Just submitted to the new Tree Blog -- our 2002 Christmas tree.
posted at 06:05 PM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

Now that is customer service!
Reason #4,372 why I've watched too much "Beavis and Butthead": I had to struggle to keep a straight face when the nice FedEx guy (at least in his late 50s) handed me his clipboard, pen, and instructed, "Here. Right under the Johnson."
posted at 03:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

O Christmas tree - blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Coming soon...the (Christmas) tree blog! Submit photos of your Christmas tree to Jen here.

UPDATE: The Tree Blog is live. I'll be adding our photo soon!
posted at 02:14 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Follow the yellow brick road big, fat blue line
Everyone knows that I make fun of Texas all the time, but I'm not above poking a little fun at my homestate every now and again either. This whole ordeal is going on just a few blocks away from Todd's brother's house. One slight problem though. Todd is colorblind to certain blues and greens. I guess it's a good thing we live in Tampa Bay now or he wouldn't know where to eat and shop! Oh least we're not from Arkansas...
posted at 04:54 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

You treat me like I'm a princess

UPDATE: Dania made a .wav file to go with the original entry as well.
posted at 02:41 AM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

Can't fight what I see
Note to self: No matter what your brain tries to tell you each and every time you type it, browser is not spelled browswer.
posted at 12:41 AM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

It's better than bad - it's good!
Michele sent me the Sea Monkey Space Shuttle for my birthday, and those little suckers are getting huge! I suspect we'll have our own little Mayan village constructed very soon, with Todd's help of course. If you'd like to watch them swimming around tonight (because really, do you have anything better to do on a Monday night) -- may I please turn your attention towards the new Sea Monkey Cam! It's your new moment of zen.
posted at 08:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

War of the Roses

With all the hubub of the weekend, I never even got the chance to congratulate my Sooners for being invited to the Grandaddy of 'em All! That's right. The University of Oklahoma is Rose Bowl bound -- they'll be in Pasadena!

With 35 previous bowl games, Oklahoma ranks among the nation's elite football programs. But don't try selling the current Sooners on the fact that post-season play is in anyway old hat.

In fact, with a first-ever ticket to the Rose Bowl now officially stamped, OU administrators, coaches and players are downright giddy.

"This is an extraordinary and very rare opportunity for the University of Oklahoma," said athletics director Joe Castiglione. "Other than in last year's national championship scenario, this is the first time since 1941 that a team from a conference other than the Big Ten or Pacific Ten has been invited to play in the Rose Bowl. We are extremely honored to be in this position.
(Read more...)
I can't believe the regular college football season is already at an end though. I'm seriously about to haul out the black and go into mourning. It just never lasts long enough. And I'm sorry folks (not that there's anything wrong with that) but golf and NASCAR just do NOT cut it. Sigh. Boomer Sooner!
posted at 06:54 PM | link--it | mail it | (16) shout it

Lefties do it right?
While holding a pencil this afternoon...for some reason I was magically taken back to the days of Big Chief Tablets, jumbo pencils, and fresh pencil-sharpener smell... (I was very saddened when looking for an image to learn that they quit making Big Chief Tablets in 2001, by the way.)

But while on my graphics hunt, I came across several sites for left-handed students that sold "left-handed pencils". Now my mom is a south-paw. She had several left-handed special tools like scissors, kitchen gadgets, etc. I even learned how to iron and twirl a baton left-handed (and still do so to this day), even though I'm right-handed. But pencils? They're...just a glorified stick... Does it really make a difference, because that's a new one for me!

Just out of curiousity, are you a lefty?

posted at 04:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

The sunshine state?

posted at 03:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

Only fifteen shopping days left...

A few fun places online if you're looking for silly-gaggish type Christmas presents:

  1. Fridge Fun / Sonoma Bath Company -- Perhaps the Ultra Slut body detergent would work well for me right now? Maybe even the Pimp Daddy version for Todd? Or anyone up for a fun game of Bathtub Voodoo? They also have tons of cool magnets.

  2. -- very similar to the site above. Great bath product lines and fridge magnets.

  3. The Unemployed Philosophers Guild -- One of these days I'm going to find the right person for the Freudian slippers! Not to mention, where else can you get Darwin, Dali and Socrates beanies?

And of course, you can't forget the old non-silly standbys -- Uncommon Goods and Red Envelope (free shipping thru 12/11 with code HW2C2).

Happy shopping! And if you've got your favorites off the unbeaten path, please leave them in the comments...

posted at 02:46 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Makes no difference who you are
"I Wish, You Wish" is finally online and active! It's a place where bloggers can link their wishlist (Amazon, ThinkGeek,, etc.) along with their blog URL and birthday. Then they're all listed together and centrally located -- so when January rolls around you can pull up January's list, for example, and know what birthdays you've got coming up for that month and what the individual wants/needs. It's a great project created by Shelli, with the help of Kymberlie. Stop by and add your wishlist today!
posted at 01:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Smile, and the world smiles with you

The one thing that truly made me smile today -- and it was free!
posted at 11:26 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

The color purple
Well we're back from a fun afternoon at the snooty mall with Dan and Stacy (her hair looks fabulous, btw). After a yummy meal, we all spent way too much money and walked so much that I don't know if I'll be able to leave the couch for days now. But it was so worth it!

I had to remove all links to the Carmen-licker just now though. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. It's just not right. You might consider doing the same on your own sites -- unless of course you prefer reading the English Language for Dummies.

I noticed on her counter (and then also saw it mentioned on Mikey's site) that literally 1/4 of the total hits she's ever received have been from all of our sites today. Yes, that's right -- 25% of the traffic she's ever had occurred just today. Mr. Warhol rolled over, called me up, and her 15 minutes are so over. If you absolutely have to find out what all of the fuss is about, scroll down to the entries below this. You'll find a link to a pop-up screen capture. You can hand-type her URL in from there. So everyone wave bye-bye to the sad little accused-pedophile-defending soul now... *plonk*

And Mr. Mittens, I still think you're an ass. But I can't help myself. I'm secretly starting to develop a (strictly platonic) crush on you. You're like Jeremy Dexter in the third grade. Sure I broke his nose with a mean right hook for looking up my skirt on the playground. But he still asked me to go with him to a school dance years later. However -- this information cannot leave this room, ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
posted at 09:05 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

So, yo, so, yo, ho...
And in other you might imagine I am way behind on my e-mail today. Please be patient. But I need a break from this chair (I haven't even been able to leave the house since Monday), and we're taking a long one with Dan and Stacy in Tampa this afternoon. So now I have to get my arse in the shower. Everyone have a great one, and watch the Bucs for me!

UPDATE: I refuse to link to the site and give the girl traffic any longer. So if you're late to the party and really have to figure out just how to get to her site and what's been said, launch this image and hand-type in the URL in your browser. Thanks! -Robyn

Heh. Looks like the lions have feasted for our minion day. Just keep this in mind people. We're getting sexual condemnation from a woman who puts a photo of Carmen Electra at the top of her page with the slogan "a little lick does the trick". Carmen Electra is about as pure as the driven New York City. But I'm sure she meant just lick the lollipop (and cigar) riiiight?

What's the matter with your life?
Why you gotta mess with mine?
Don't keep sweatin' what I do
'Cuz I'm gonna be just fine

Check it out...

If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight
It's none of your business
And she wanna be a freak
And sell it on the weekend
It's none of your business
Now you shouldn't even get into
Who I'm givin' skins to
It's none of your business
So don't try to change my mind
I'll tell you one more time
It's none of your business

Now who do you think you are
Puttin' your cheap two cents in?
Don't you got nothin' to do
Than worry 'bout my friends?

Check it...

I can't do nothin', girl
without somebody buggin'
I used to think that it was me
But now I see it wasn't
They told me to change
They called me names
And so I popped one

Opinion's are like assholes and everybody's got one

I never put my nose where I'm not supposed to
Believe me, if he's something that I want
I'm steppin' closer
I'm not one for playing high-pole
Like the house of ditty 90210 type of ho

I treat a man like he treats me
The difference between a hooker
And a ho ain't nothin' but a fee
So hold your tongue tightly
Wish you could be like me
You're poppin' all that mess
Only to stress and to spite me

Now you can get with that
Or you can get with this
But I don't give a shit
'Cuz really it's none of your business

How many rules am I to break
Before you understand
That your double-standards
Don't mean shit to me?

I know exactly what you say
When I turn and walk away
But that's ok cuz I don't let it get it to me
Now every move I make somebody's clockin'
Don't ask me nothin'
Will you just leave me alone.........

posted at 12:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (19) shout it

Hot tub! Gonna get ya hot-a!
UPDATE: I refuse to link to the site and give the girl traffic any longer. So if you're late to the party and really have to figure out just how to get to her site and what's been said, launch this image and hand-type in the URL in your browser. Thanks! -Robyn

By request here are a couple of new buttons:

Feel free to swipe the appropriate one for your own sites and link it here. If we're gonna be called it, we might as well flaunt it. That's my motto.... Rub a dub with me!
posted at 03:52 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

I like my women on the trashy side
UPDATE: I refuse to link to the site and give the girl traffic any longer. So if you're late to the party and really have to figure out just how to get to her site and what's been said, launch this image and hand-type in the URL in your browser. Thanks! -Robyn

I just bought this. And this is why. Who says I don't have a helluva sense of humor?

Gonna use my arms
Gonna use my legs
Gonna use my style
Gonna use my sidestep
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination

'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I’m special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me.....

posted at 12:54 AM | link--it | mail it | (22) shout it

Just magic marker, Xerox, you!
Am I the only one out there paranoid to lick the Christmas card envelopes after that Seinfeld episode where the cheap glue on the wedding invites kills Susan?
posted at 09:05 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

This is (not) why we watch
Ok, so he can trash all of my little idiosyncrasies in his blog all the now I can pass along one of his... If he even thinks he's going to say, "It's a beaut Clark!" after every good play OU makes tonight, wet willies are the least of his worry.
posted at 08:54 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

I'm too sexy for my cat
You know it's cold outside when the cats stay under the blankets in Florida!
posted at 06:20 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Jane...his wife...
Whoo hoo! I'm moving in with Mikey. Notify the proper authorities.
posted at 04:04 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

How to tell I'm finally 30
The first thought that crossed my mind when sitting down to do online shopping was, "I...need a drink." So now thanks to Mike's (refreshingly) Hard Lemonade, I can now enjoy my holiday shopping experience.
posted at 02:32 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

But you, you're not allowed
Most people probably missed this entry from May. I closed and removed the comments from it. I just wanted to move on and get past it.

The way I blogged forever changed from what went down during that time. Because the person mentioned was local, Todd and I both became very careful to not list movie theaters and restaurants we'd be visiting in advance -- unless we knew there would be a large crowd meeting us there. The individual would watch our blogs for locations we'd say we would be at and then show up there. They would post in their blog they were doing so as well. Talk about unnerving. We quickly put an end to it. Other than private events at blogger's homes and such, we usually try to blog about such meetings after the fact. I'm more careful than I've ever been before about who has our address and phone, and why. And I rarely open ICQ or AIM because of what occurred.

But twice now in the last two weeks -- two separate women -- totally unconnected and unaware of the other -- have written me to ask "was this the person because they're now after me". And in both instances, they were right on target. This person told them the same things to strike up the friendships, and did the same things that left them running scared.

It's beyond coincidence now. This person is purposely seeking out other female bloggers for purely inappropriate reasons. I'm stopping short of writing his name and URL here and cyberly castrating him. It's not time yet. But I do want to know if there are other women out there having the same problem. Please don't name names or give out their personal information unless it's via private e-mail -- but don't be afraid to speak up here and say "me too". It's time we all ganged up and the roach gets exterminated once and for all...

UPDATE: With this many women coming forward, someone finally had enough. Ok, now two someones have had enough. There's safety in numbers girls. If you need us, please speak up here or via e-mail.
posted at 07:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (117) shout it

We've been good, but we can't last...
More prezzies have graced my doorway! Stacy sent the Magic 8 Ball game and Nicole sent the mostest awesome handmade journal. Thank yooooooou!

If you're going to be holiday shopping online this weekend like me, you might be interested to know that this address will give you free shipping on orders of $25 or more (rather than the $49 advertised on their website).

Since 'tis the season for wishlists, Shelli and Kymberlie are putting together a new project. Stay tuned for great things ahead!

My sidebar has my current holiday wallpaper -- feel free to swipe a copy.

And I can feel sorry for all you northerners with your snow and ice, no problem. But when we're also getting a windchill here in Florida, it's a big problem. It already feels like 44° with a wind out of the north, and it's still early evening. I've had quite e-nough, thankyouverymuch! This sucks, and my back is killing me. Hooray for Darvocet!

Hope everyone has a marvelous weekend...please pass the b'ankie and hot cocoa...
posted at 06:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

She works hard for the money
A few sites I've done that are finally going (or have recently gone) live -- so expect bumps!

  1. RightSolve (finally the parent design of the spin-off site I designed in the past for Wendell -- I did his three blog skins, and Shelli's, too)
  2. You say it best when you say nothing at all (another fine Sekimori Design just launched)
  3. Blissful Knowledge (looks a lot like a few of my past Sekimori designs, but the client always gets exactly what they ask for and that's what counts)
  4. Notes from the Velvet Crypt (this design is so "not me" -- but I did it exactly to specs and by the owner's request to mimic the look of this site)
  5. The Agonist (he should be sainted for his patience with me on this one!)
Stay tuned for more to come... It doesn't look like there will be anything resembling a holiday lull around here this year!
posted at 04:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

I like football and porno and books about war
An e-mail with Stacy just reminded me of this song, so now everyone can play along...

[Click to view the song lyrics]

Right-click the image (or this link) to save... A-S-S-H-O-L-E. Everybody!
posted at 03:27 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Insane in the membrane
Netflix really needs to add a drag-and-drop feature to their rental queues, so you don't have to update the order of each and every movie in there by hand if you add something brand new to your queue, say, in the top five. It's SUCH a pain renumbering everything! (Or they could at least give you the option to insert the title in a specific slot and have everything auto-adjust below it.) Bah. Humbug. Of course, I guess since that's my largest complaint with the service, I should pro'lly just shut the hell up...
posted at 03:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

How much is that Robyn in the window?
Somehow I missed the whole "" thing the first time it went around the blogisphere. But last night I plonked my information in and learned I'm worth exactly $2,200,298.00! (Average value for a female is $1,650,701.00.) So just remember, I may talk softly -- but I married a big Dick.
posted at 03:27 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Do me a favor
WM! has a new advertiser -- If you subscribe to their wedding newsletter you'll get a free E-book with wedding favor ideas and wedding links. For more details, please visit their site.
posted at 02:55 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Let's get physical
Oh you mean you really do have to exercise and eat a healthy diet? You can't down two teaspoons of Body Solutions, go to bed, and watch the pounds melt away? I'm shocked. No. Really...

Americans are so freakin' gullible when it comes to weight loss schemes. Myself included. The other day Yvonne and I compared our past stupid exercize equipment purchases. Mine was the body exer-slide just before our wedding, where you put on the little booties and slide back and forth on a mat, almost like ice skating. Yeah, that lasted about two afternoons. It was much easier to just walk. At least in the new "thug workout video", they're keepin' it real.

So what's the most ridiculous weight loss method or equipment you've ever tried / purchased?
posted at 01:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

You and me baby ain't nuthin' but mammals
Y'know, I'm an animal lover. We donate to more than one animal cause every year. But when is PETA going to get a grip and get over themselves? They've had how many years now to change the world? And all it seems they ever succeed in doing is making people laugh at them. Now they're after Ben Affleck, according to

"We love Ben Affleck," says a PETA insider. "Here is a man who once stopped to help an animal that was hit by a car and paid the vet’s bill. His brother, Casey, is a vegan. But then he hooks up with this diva who wears mink eyelashes! Next thing you know, we’re hearing that he’s buying fur coats! We’re praying that we haven’t lost one to the dark side."
Now far be it from me to defend baldie and J-Ho. But c'mon. Get over yourselves PETA. Mink eyelashes are like so '87 anyway.

MSNBC also provides the (somewhat related) quote of the day -- credit Richard Gere, regarding rumors about his sexual orientation: "I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and somebody said I was a snake, I’d think, 'no, actually I’m a giraffe'."

Richard is the snake to my mongoose. Or the mongoose to my snake. Either way its bad. I don't know animals...
posted at 01:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Christmas came early this year
If you're using the Gwen default skin, you might have noticed things have changed a bit. Mikey helped me make things a little festive around here for the next few weeks. There's an alternate version with a naughty Mrs. Claus if that sort of thing is more your bag, baby. For some reason, these designs don't like Netscape 4.7, so you're just going to have to deal. It's Christmas. I'm-a do things my way.

Don't panic if you're attached to Gwen though. That design -- and several others -- are still located on the skins page! Just go here to pick a new one and / or reset your old one. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...
posted at 09:03 PM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

Don't put me off, 'cause I'm on fire

Oh, do you wanna see me down on my knees
Or bending over backwards now, would you be pleased
Unlike the others, I'd do anything
I'm not the same, I have no shame
I'm on fire.....

You're always closing your door
Well that only makes me want you more
And day and night I cry for your love
But you're still not convinced that that is enough

To justify my wanting you
Now tell me what you want me to do
I'm not blind and I know
That you want to want me but you can't let go
Come on, let go, oh.....

posted at 04:31 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

A wave of mutilation
Here's a link from Kathy (who really needs to get her own blog, ahem) -- The Top 100 Albums of the 1980s. Oh yeah, this should keep me busy on Limewire for hours...
posted at 03:00 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Have you tasted the Schwetty balls?

Stuck on just what to buy your loved ones this holiday season? How about their very own copy of "Cooking With Porn Stars: For The Holidays"! You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder just what's really inside the eggnog. And apparently they bake "special Christmas beer cookies". It don't get much better than that!
posted at 02:46 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Leapin' lizards!
Jason was kind enough to install Gallery for me this weekend and I finally got a chance to play around with it. We went to the post office this evening (I got the tape, - thanks so much jewdez!) and when we came back home we found this little guy hanging out in my Christmas wreath on the front do'. So of course, I grabbed my G3...
posted at 12:40 AM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Let's get ready to ruuuuuumble...
It just goes to show you, literally anyone can get an AOL account these days... Anyone wanna try saying that to my face? Go ahead. I double-dog dare you.

[Offer valid in 49 states. Sooooorrrry Tennessee. Please note that is not responsible for any injuries, mental or physical, that might result. Personal liability insurance is required during PMS week. See store display for more details.]
posted at 10:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Just spotted over at "My So-Called Life":

I pledge allegiance to the fl... er... bandana,
of the Eastern States of America,
and to the partying for which it stands,
many blogs, under MT,
Indivisible, with lunacy and madness for all.

posted at 03:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Behold the power of cheese!
We all noticed over the weekend that ATPTB is now the #1 (non-sponsored) link in Google for "wet t-shirt contest". Should we be proud or scared? Maybe a little of both...
posted at 03:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad
A little birdie told me about a new site collecting submissions for a book called "for this i am grateful":

We all have many things to be grateful for in our lives. But in the day-to-day rush to cross yet one more item off our "to do list," it's easy to lose sight of these small blessings.

[for this i am grateful] is a celebration of these simple joys in our lives, and in our world—bringing together our personal reflections to the question: "What are you grateful for?"

[for this i am grateful] will be published in fall 2003 and will be available at bookstores nationally.
If you are interested in participating, the submission form is here.
posted at 03:47 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

I'll help apply the vapo-rub!

posted at 03:27 AM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

I fucking hate eggnog, seriously
This one is a long-distance dedication going out to Statia:

[Click to view the song lyrics]

Right-click the image (or this link) to save...and enjoy! And for more great Christmas tune ideas, here's a list of 'em that I posted last year. Feel free to add more ideas in the comments here!
posted at 11:34 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

You're dirty, sweet and you're my girl
After Todd's birthday party, we were called out by the left-coasters who seem to all think they can party better out there beyond the continental divide. About all they could offer up at the time were photos from impromptu gatherings. But now they've decided to pull out all the stops and throw a monstah-bash on January 4th. They're even trying to glean our guestlists to help get their freak on.

But while we're coasting nicely on our chopper after getting kicked out of the happiest place on earth (party 1, party 2, party 3, party 4, party 5), they're still putting the training wheels on their ride. So grab one of the buttons below and pledge your allegiance. Word.

Just link back to this address, and after you flip the calendar to January 5, 2003 -- let us know who takes it. Who reigns supreme. Get it on. Bang a gong. The Blogger Battle is ON!
posted at 09:57 PM | link--it | mail it | (70) shout it

The real enchilada
Last night our mommarrrrrrrrosa cooked an amazing dinner -- and we're both drooling uncontrollably as we wait on the leftovers to heat up! If Yvonne ever offers to cook for you, do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Get your arse to the sto' and let that woman do her thang!

In fact, it was SO freakin' good that Selina hopped on her suitcase last night and let it be known mommarosa wasn't going anywhere if she could help it! *sniff* I miss everyone.
posted at 08:14 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

I'm just a bill, yeah I'm only a bill
Note to bill paper invoice manufacturers: Please do not put the perforated-tear edges for the payment coupon less than .5 cm away from the tri-fold in the bill itself, making it completely impossible to tear the damn thing off at the right place properly. If you do, I wish you a lifetime of tongue-paper-cuts as you lick your own envelopes closed.
posted at 04:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Tickle my funny bone
I'm heading to bed... When I wake up the house will be empty (have a safe flight home, Yvonne!), and I know I'll need a laugh. So please post jokes here for when I'm online again. Thanks!

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and I'll give ya' something to cry about you little bastard!" -- Jeff Goldblum
posted at 04:04 AM | link--it | mail it | (21) shout it

Just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea

"Are Weezer Fans Different From Normal People?" You're damn right =w=e are! Fill out the 2-page survey (linked at the band's official site to prove it.
posted at 03:43 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

I did not put the grrrr in swinger, baby
And just for the record to address all the rumors I've heard floatin' around out there, we don't swing...
posted at 11:33 PM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

Only the lonely can play
Jason's hit the highway. Statia's left on a jet plane. And Yvonne flies off at dawn tomorrow. I'm already lonely. This house is just going to be impossibly quiet tomorrow when Todd is at work and everyone's gone. Everyone joked that we'd be so glad to get rid of them and have the place all to ourselves tomorrow, but that's just not true. It was like one big happy family around here the past few days.

Yvonne sings in the shower. She's singing in the kitchen right now while she makes us enchiladas cha cha cha for dinner. She has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard and just makes our "home" seem even more of one. Statia flooded our toilet and puked on our couch and it didn't even phase us. She could announce she was moving in tomorrow and we'd take her shopping to decorate her room (and buy more cleaner for the steam vac of course). Heh. She's like a sister to me. And Jason. Hell it was like having our own personal tech support two feet away. He also makes a bitchin' cabana boy. That boy's got a dark side, and that's a very good thing.

We don't have children. Can't we just adopt bloggers instead? Is that so wrong? Have jokes ready to keep me entertained tomorrow -- I have a feeling I'm going to be in one helluva funk.

Ooooh! Statia just called and Todd's on the phone with her right now. She's in North Carolina with an hour delay. That poor girl has the worst luck with airline travel. She was taking bets before she left Tampa that there would be something ahead. Bad US Airways. Bad, bad! Hope you get there safely -- and soon -- girl!
posted at 09:35 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

You might be a winner...
Until now, I had never put in a request for anything with wKen's "Let Me Buy You Something" monthly contest (even though I think it's one of the coolest concepts out there). I just never felt like there was anything I "needed" that was worth taking it away from someone else who possibly did. But for November, I submitted my first (and only) request. If I won, I wanted $50 donated to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Statia's name -- basically as my gift to her for all of the flak she took over this. And guess what? We won! So many thanks to wKen! That now makes it $1301.00 donated to breast cancer research since we kicked off the campaign on November 5th.
posted at 03:56 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Closing ceremonies

Unfortunately our weekend o' fun and debauchery is about to come to a close. Jason leaves in the morning and Statia flies out early tomorrow evening. Yvonne follows suit early Tuesday morning. *pout* But tonight we braved the bitter cold (30s? in Florida?) and went to Ybor for dinner at The Dish -- a Mongolian grill. When we were walking out, we ended up face-to-face with comedian George Wallace who was exiting the Tampa Improv. He was kind enough to take a few seconds to mack out and pose with the girls. Right place at the right time, baby! Always take your camera with...
posted at 01:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

'Nuther round o' thanks!
Things have been so crazy the last few days (I still have 113 unreplied e-mails in my inbox) that I haven't had a chance to properly thank everyone who bought/sent birthday gifts. Many apologies! So a big group hug goes out to Statia, Yvonne, Heather, Anthony (website coming this week designed by yours truly!), Tracy, Meryl, and Christi for the Sephora gift certificate! This has truly been the best birthday EVER!
posted at 03:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

The day after the night before

I can't believe they drank the whole thing...

posted at 02:54 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

It's always fun with J.E.L-L.O.

Jell-O. Proud sponsor of Saturday night's festivities. Click for pics...
posted at 05:04 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it