« Previous | Ain't too proud to blog | mail it | Next »
But you, you're not allowed
Most people probably missed this entry from May. I closed and removed the comments from it. I just wanted to move on and get past it.
The way I blogged forever changed from what went down during that time. Because the person mentioned was local, Todd and I both became very careful to not list movie theaters and restaurants we'd be visiting in advance -- unless we knew there would be a large crowd meeting us there. The individual would watch our blogs for locations we'd say we would be at and then show up there. They would post in their blog they were doing so as well. Talk about unnerving. We quickly put an end to it. Other than private events at blogger's homes and such, we usually try to blog about such meetings after the fact. I'm more careful than I've ever been before about who has our address and phone, and why. And I rarely open ICQ or AIM because of what occurred.
But twice now in the last two weeks -- two separate women -- totally unconnected and unaware of the other -- have written me to ask "was this the person because they're now after me". And in both instances, they were right on target. This person told them the same things to strike up the friendships, and did the same things that left them running scared.
It's beyond coincidence now. This person is purposely seeking out other female bloggers for purely inappropriate reasons. I'm stopping short of writing his name and URL here and cyberly castrating him. It's not time yet. But I do want to know if there are other women out there having the same problem. Please don't name names or give out their personal information unless it's via private e-mail -- but don't be afraid to speak up here and say "me too". It's time we all ganged up and the roach gets exterminated once and for all...
UPDATE: With this many women coming forward, someone finally had enough. Ok, now two someones have had enough. There's safety in numbers girls. If you need us, please speak up here or via e-mail.
Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...
We're now up to four women being hit by the same individual. This crap has gotta stop.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 07:53 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well after reading your story I took my home contact info off my online resume but it is weird that you are morning the loss of some privacy after the Boobiethon. I mean it is unfortunate that things like that attracts unwanted attention from a lunatic fringe.¤ ¤ credit: Jake | 12.06.02 at 07:54 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
If I were you I would look up his IP then contact his ISP and tell them that he is harassing you in a sexual manner and then contact his local police and have them pay him a visit to tell him to knock it off.¤ ¤ credit: Jake | 12.06.02 at 07:56 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jake, blaming women for other men acting inappropriately is exactly what's wrong with today's society. "She asked for it" don't fly around here!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 07:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Robyn, I do know the background of this and the person in question. I have warned people of this for a long time, in general and that individual and I stopped talking a long time ago after I found out a little bit about him. I also have found out more about him and I'm disgusted.
Let me know how I can help, I'm so ready for this. And I have a few friends that have been there and done that and are ready as well.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 07:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
He's no longer bothering me. He got the hint real darn quickly. It's the others I'm worried about...¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 07:58 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
What a dork.¤ ¤ credit: John | 12.06.02 at 08:02 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jake, there are a lot of good people on the web, who know that was in fun. It's not like we were tattooing our addresses on our bare breasts. There's a difference between being a total stalking freak and well, just being a normal person who's just looking at the goods. One who knows better.¤ ¤ credit: statia | 12.06.02 at 08:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
wait, it's not me, is it?¤ ¤ credit: mikey | 12.06.02 at 08:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well said Statia!¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 08:09 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Shhhhh...Mikey! That's our cover with Todd! ;-)¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 08:10 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jake, if Robyn and her actions torque you so much do us all a favor and piss off.¤ ¤ credit: Sekimori | 12.06.02 at 08:11 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
*LOL*¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 08:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Mikey, it's DEFINITELY you! heh
This guy seriously needs to be eradicated. He's a loser, preying on who he thinks is vulnerable. However, he was mistaken with me, I saw right through him. I talked him 3 more times to make sure it wasn't "just me"...well it wasn't just me..this guy turned..and he's a stalker..not to mention the loser is married. Supposedly a "very happy marriage"...i'd be more than happy to let people know who he is so they don't get caught in his little web of lies...¤ ¤ credit: Dania | 12.06.02 at 08:18 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
All I am saying is that you need to be very careful of the type of attention that you are trying to get when you put personal info on the net and draw attention to your self. In a perfect world you could post what ever you wanted and not worry about ever seeing negative effects of it but we do not like in such a world. I wasn't blaming you. It just probably didn't increase your anonymity¤ ¤ credit: Jake | 12.06.02 at 08:20 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Shup Jake, before you are hit over the head with the shovel you are using to dig that hole deeper.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 08:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I don't need parently lectures from you Jake on how I should behave to receive the type of attention I desire either. The need for those stopped with the 30th birthday.
Men read Playboy every day. Do they all think it's then appropriate to stalk the women who choose to pose there? Hell no. And we didn't provide full-nudity and our proceeds were going to CHARITY -- it wasn't a gratuitous get your jollies here folks kinda thing. I refuse to stop living my life the way I want to live it because someone else has a few screws loose. Then I really am their victim. Perhaps for our own safety we should all go back to the days of head-to-toe clothing and year-round thermal underwear?
There's nothing wrong with drawing attention to yourself. Men who choose to stalk you over said attention -- well the fact you would even try to 'splain that position further makes me lose even more respect for you. But look at the other women who are posting here saying "me too". Less than half of them were even a part of the Boobie-Thon. So what's your advice to them? And I might remind you that this happened to me in APRIL AND MAY, long-before such a fundraiser had even been developed.
Why should you have to be anonymous, faceless, and I dare say breastless to be safe anyway?¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 08:29 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Geeze, Robyn, it happened to me in March. Almost. It happened to someone else in April too.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 08:33 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I really consider the source with Jake and his comments, Sara. He has already stated that he has a problem with the "national obsession" of breast cancer (and apparently the breasts that go along with said-obsession)... ;-)¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 08:39 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jake, I also wanted to add, I started talking to this asshole before I posted any part of my body anywhere. You can see when he first posted in my blog.
I can't say anything to you that Robyn hasn't...¤ ¤ credit: Dania | 12.06.02 at 08:41 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
It's obvious that you are implying that just because women, which at last count were slightly more than 50% of the human race, choose to celebrate themselves and their bodies, that it should be perfectly fine to treat them like lesser beings. Perhaps they are there for our amusement alone? Or better yet, maybe we should put them in burqas so their evil won't tempt us.
Once again, Jake, you come in and make a bunch of asinine, uneducated and unenlightened comments. Congrats to you, kid. I can see our educational system really did it's work with you.¤ ¤ credit: dick | 12.06.02 at 08:44 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
That reminds me of someone else who did the same thing to a friend of mine. He'd just show up from time to time at places where this guy said he'd be with a group of friends, and continues to hang out at the guy's forum online, although not a single person speaks to him. The problem is that the wannabe is really a creepy individual, with certain predilections that are disgusting, to say the least - not a dangerous person, since anyone could kick his ass quite easily, but more of a I-really-think-I'm-your-friend-so-let-me-invade-your-life-stalker type. The Cable Guy comes to mind, without the funniness. Unfortunately, I think our friend is too nice a guy to really say or overtly do anything, like telling the wanker to piss off.
BTW, reporting weirdo activity to various places can be quite...instructive to the individual in question.¤ ¤ credit: Annette | 12.06.02 at 08:48 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jesus Christ I am sorry to see that Cause and Effect 101 is such a hot button course.¤ ¤ credit: Jake | 12.06.02 at 08:55 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Cause: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got 'em.
Effect: Assholes drop by to give their opinions.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 09:02 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
So let me make sure I've got this "cause and effect" thing down straight according to your so-called logic... If you show your covered tits, you invite being stalked. But if you're stalked before you showed your breasts, that's perfectly ok because at one point or another you might show them one day? I think I'm crystal now.¤ ¤ credit: dick | 12.06.02 at 09:08 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Robyn - obviously, when the stars align and the time has come, the retaliation wave should be led by those female bloggers that this asswipe has stalked. I'm here to ask where do I sign up to join the male posse that follows that wave (if there's anything left to the idiot after you're done with him)? If he's as bad as what everyone is suggesting, removal from the face of the net (let alone the face of the earth) should be most satisfying!¤ ¤ credit: Michael | 12.06.02 at 09:11 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yeah, thanks for making the mud clearer, Dick. ;)
I swear...I never showed anything, even though he asked. AND he bothered me so much I finally had to get rid of all connections to him. Like a bad rash...took forever.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 09:11 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
i could post naked photos of myself online, it doesnt mean it's ok to stalk me.
Holy crap Robyn that’s some scary shit! You might want to seriously consider calling the authorities on this one, or better yet buy yourself a 9 in case you have to take the punk out. I make it a habit to never underestimate what someone will do! There are way too many freaks in the world.
[Mister Mittens – One pursued pussy]
I definitely didn't feel threatened by this guy. I just got the freakin' heebie jeebies from him. I felt knew waaaaaaay too much about me even before I started talking to him one-on-one. Then he started prying, prying where he shouldn't have. Asking for things he shouldn't have...freaking out when I said I had to log off IM, got so bad I just had to turn off my computer, and keep in mind I hadn't talked to this guy for any real length of time for him to act like that. As soon as I logged in, he im'd me, I couldn't get away from him. he's finally given up and gotten the hint. He's preying on someone else now...you can go to his site and see that...I know how he lured me and he just did it to someone else.¤ ¤ credit: Dania | 12.06.02 at 09:26 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Quinn - I think us guys should be the second wave - the girls need to get this guy WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. Let's back 'em up. Whaddya say?¤ ¤ credit: Michael | 12.06.02 at 09:29 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
This is exactly why I never use real names or give out any “traceable” information on my pathetic site. All you can get is my IP and a general location of where my server is hosted from – and I got that covered too. I learned from my mistakes, I don’t need a bunch of crazy chicks stalking me anymore.
Robyn - seriously be careful with this weirdo’s you never know what them might try!
[Mister Mittens – One untraceable pussy]
Right, Dania. I had to totally block him from my messengers and get rid of him from other places as well. Creeps usually take a hint after a while...but there are some that don't. Those are stalkers.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 09:38 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I'm am feeling so grateful our alarm buttons went off the night we met him (and his wife) -- and we'd only "known" them a few weeks at that point. I cut contact with him that instant because everyone there that evening got "the vibe", and I never looked back after posting that blog entry linked above (following his announcement they would be at the movie theater for the showing of Spiderman we had planned to be at). Thank God he never found out where we live. Our domains are all registered to an out-of-town P.O. Box and our phone is purposely unlisted.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 09:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Ok Robyn, I know it’s a little off subject but give me your picks for this Saturdays games:
Favorite – Line Underdog
[Mister Mittens – One BCS pussy]
You are totally lucky girl. Especially with him being in your town. Geeze. I cannot imagine the rage that must go through your body.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 09:50 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Hmmm...I'd take Navy just because they have better uniforms and I used to date a guy at the Academy. Is that too girlie of me? ;-)
But seriously, my picks are Miami, Washington State, Hawaii, Marshall, and Georgia. I think OU vs. CU is too close to call. I can't decide if we're going to bounce back and be pissed, or throw up our hands at the season that once again could've been, yet... And CU is definitely out for revenge after that pounding they took in Norman. They have a lot of good film from A&M and OSU to exploit our holes in the secondary.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 09:53 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well, I would hope you would take Navy...we always back them. ;)¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 09:55 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Been there, done that with the exact same person I know you're talking about, Robyn! Spooky and scary.¤ ¤ credit: sarah | 12.06.02 at 09:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Ok off subject again....noooooooo, not MIAMI!!!¤ ¤ credit: Dania | 12.06.02 at 09:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
OMG Sarah, not you too!!¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 09:58 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yea, but CU is not going to play their two running backs, Chris Brown or Bobby Purify – but they still got Calhoun and Brandon Drumm. I think OU by 14
I really wanted to see Iowa play Ohio state
Wow, look who’s playing in your back yard: http://www.sportingnews.com/cfootball/matchups/20030101/michigan-florida/ I wish I could go to the game, If I wasn’t going to be in Vegas then I would go.
[Mister Mittens – One jealous pussy]
Yeah, we want tix to that game SO bad! But we like owning our house... ;-) And I'm not cheering FOR Miami, Dania. I just think they have quite a bit of homefield advantage for this game. Seeing them lose would make me very, very happy though!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 10:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
sarah, I am so sorry -- I can't believe how many "me too's" we're getting now. So freakin' enraging!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 10:11 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yes, I totally agree. It should stop, don't you think, Robyn?? Let me know, girl, I'm so ready.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 10:13 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
What? I went to the Citrus bowl in Orlando (Michigan vs. Tennessee) game last year and it was only $65 a person, we got are ass’s handed to us that day
OMG, I gave out my location for new years day – crap I’ll have to beat them damn “stalking chicks” off with a stick again – LMAO!
[Mister Mittens – One hunted pussy
*wiping my hands clean*
There one more person came forward, thank you Sarah....he's now known muahahahahaha¤ ¤ credit: Dania | 12.06.02 at 10:20 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Sara -- Dania got fed up and did it for us. If you all want to find the virtual path to the fucker's door...be my guest... You might notice he's already moved on to his next young and impressionable victim. Shocking, I know.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 10:20 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Gah - I found him through his latest's site. He was just up in my neck of the woods! Too creepy.¤ ¤ credit: Bill | 12.06.02 at 10:23 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Go, Dania, woot! Thank you!¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 10:24 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Geez, I thought I was asking a lot to put your blog address on my list of blogs! I guess it takes all kinds. HEY! I used to be a high school teacher; I knew a kid like that! Maybe it's one of my former students??!
On a more serious note, I think Iowa would have beaten Ohio State this year (not many other years, though). What can I say, I only live about 40 miles from Iowa City. I GOTTA be a Hawkeye fan - it's like a law or something!¤ ¤ credit: Bill | 12.06.02 at 10:30 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
all i have to say is EGADS!!!! and thank you all for pointing this out. Dania, thanks for having the guts to print it out on your blog for those of us who are just so out of the loop. i have only been contacted once by email but now its going on block. Thanks everyone.¤ ¤ credit: kat | 12.06.02 at 10:32 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yup they beat the hell out us (Michigan) at home this year! I think they would kill Ohio State
[Mister Mittens - One blue pussy]¤ ¤ credit: Mister Mittens | 12.06.02 at 10:34 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I edit my post. I may think of more stuff in the morning. Glad you never fell prey, Kat. You are too special for trash like him.¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 12.06.02 at 10:39 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I'll tell you that I was one of the two gals that emailed Robyn recently.
A bit of a personal history lesson: I became so fed up with the behavior - the emails every time I posted, the chastising for not returning emails right away - the requests for more photos, etc. I felt stalked and felt unable to post my true thoughts on my own blog - thus, Hormonal Bitch was born - a place where I could go and post somewhat anonymously, though lots of folks know my "real" identity. (I really hadn't intended it to be a group blog at first!)
Anyhoo, I stuck it out for alot longer than most of these gals, though - mainly because I was friends with his wife. See, the friendship with the wife came first for me - and I felt horrible that a 3+ year friendship was unraveling. I was invited to their home for a birthday celebration, but just couldn't go, mainly because I really didn't feel safe going. I really did have some child care issues, but I didn't push to get them better resolved because I was afraid of being in there.
I'm a fairly open person. I'm opinionated and never shyed away much for talking about the things going on in my life. However, since this happenend, I, like Robyn, have changed how I blog. I haven't posted any new photos of myself in ages, though I used to have a regularly updated Cam Page. I used to enjoy posting flirty pictures and joking with my male visitors. Sadly, that's not a thing I'm comfortable doing any longer either.
So, in a re-cap, since this has been so very long:
*I delayed in moving to a software tool that had comments because I was uncomfortable with what he might post.
to all the female bloggers out there. you have my greastest respect. i hope this person reads all of these comments and gets a grip on reality. i myself have 2 daughters and to think that there are (i know this) these type of men out there really scares me. its as if you cant say anything without it being taken the wrong way. to me that is truly sad. like i said, greatest respect.¤ ¤ credit: Alteredboy | 12.06.02 at 10:49 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Thank you and you are so right, Altered! Which is why I teach my girls not to go on the internet without asking our permission and they don't have computers in their rooms, just for this very reason!
Here are my accounts from his blog. (Please note I've edited out his links and put screen captures here instead. You can hand-type the URLs in the screen captures into your browser if you want to go directly to his site.):
1. An instance where he blogged they had went to the place they knew we were going to be when my best friend Kathy was in town this spring (page 1, page 2). We had known him less than 3 weeks total, and at Todd and Kathy's request (with not much convincing let me tell you), I politely feigned ill so we could end our first meeting and avoid another one. They went to the mall we were going to be at (after reading it in my blog, since edited to past tense so they wouldn't know where else we'd be that weekend), at the restaurant they thought we were going to eat at, hoping to bump into us. Then they e-mailed us to tell us they had done so. BIG warning flag there.
2. This was our first minor warning flag (page 1, page 2). Please note where it says, "Then I jumped in. Robyn left to get Todd..." There's a reason for that. And all three of us (Todd, Kathy, myself) found the tone of the whole entry very inappropriate for a first, brief meeting when we read it together -- and were quite shocked to learn there would be "a next time".
3. He seems shocked he hasn't heard from us. That is because by this point we had purposely cut off all contact. When three people independently get the "this is not safe/sane" vibe, it's time to trust your instincts. Note I actually commented on this one (but none of the others). Still trying to be publicly polite, but give the gradual blow-off...
"I think the thing that makes me the most grumpy is not being able to make friends very well. My entire life, I have never had many friends. I still don't. I am very loyal, caring and giving. I would do anything for my friends but rarely, if ever, do I find that in return. I come across too strong sometimes and that pushes people away. I sometimes feel so alone, but fortunately there are a few that understand, it's only because I care so much about them and they chose to love me despite my flaws. For them I am eternally greatful."
There's a lot more to it than that, obviously -- but those are the parts that are up for the public to see on his site you can make your own calls and judgements from there.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.06.02 at 11:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Gods that is just really scary stuff Robyn. at a loss for words, there's a mix of keep safe and where so these freaks come from, trying to get out the same time. Keep safe Robyn, call the authorities or report him. We are here if you need us. *hugs*¤ ¤ credit: munin | 12.06.02 at 11:42 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
you know, this kind of thing is why i was hesitant to start blogging. i try not to even mention what school i go to, knowing full well how easy it would be to find my info. it's a shame - the internet is such a magnificent invention, and a few people have to go and ruin it for everyone.¤ ¤ credit: theresa | 12.07.02 at 12:11 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well the wifey, who big shocker here is in total denial (it ain't just a river in Egypt), has finally replied in her own blog. Like a bunch of strangers that didn't have anything better to do all of a sudden ganged up to destroy her husband just because they were bored or something . I was just e-mailed this link:
(link since removed -- please search trackback pings if you wish to find her address)
Here is the part that takes a swipe at us personally:
"No, he's not perfect. Yes, he's perfect for me. He's honest. He tells me the truth. He always tells the truth. And if you say you want to go with us to see Spider-Man opening night, we take you at your word. And if you ditch us, we don't go crying about it after the fact; we think 'good riddance' because obviously you have some sort of emotional problem that we don't need to deal with. And if you provide a community for us to blog in, we assume we have some measure of privacy. And if you violate that, we go elsewhere because the US government doesn't monitor the postal system that closely, even though it could and with much more legal standing."
So first we're sitting here wondering, "Did that bitch just threaten us via the U.S. Postal system?" Because that's, oh, only like a federal offense...
And second, I obviously have some sort of emotional problem. Our friends from high school and college still fly down to see us. We have good friends here in town (both with and without children). By your recollection, you've lived here what -- 9 years now -- and still haven't made friends locally. Gee, I wonder why, if their first experiences with you are anything like ours... Not to mention the fact we have bloggers who have stayed in our home more than once now. I'm sure our emotional problems kept them away for five days this Thanksgiving weekend...
Honey, you ain't seen "emotional problem" until you try to publicly threaten and fuck with me. Then I become your very worst nightmare. I suggest you tuck tail and go and roll those DnD dice -- because I haven't even taken the gloves off yet -- and you'll have much better odds in your little fantasy game world. Keep yourself -- and your freak of a husband -- away from us. Blogs. Phone. Movie Theaters. Malls. Mail. Period. In case it wasn't clear up 'til now, we did then -- and still do -- want NOTHING to do with you.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 12:26 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
It's worse than denial.
Ask any FBI profiler, people who prey on other people are always good listeners. It's one of their tools to gain the trust of their victims, information about them, and that's just what he does.
The problem with her *barf* Sweet, is that he has no clue how to take responsibility for his own actions. Everyone else is at fault. Which is of course, what allows her to live in denial.¤ ¤ credit: she | 12.07.02 at 12:56 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Oh my lordy. This guy needs to get a life offline and the female half needs to realise that she's fucking with the wrong person. That little comment sounded like a thinly veiled threat, albiet probably an empty one.
I also felt the need to go anonymous several months ago via blogging and it was a good decision. My closest friends and reads know who I am, but the general public just see me as the boobie chick, and that's all they need to know. My name and my address don't matter, nor does my face. It's the content and the banter and the friendships made.
I thank my lucky stars that I'm too far away to be victim #482.
Lastly, Jake (and everyone for that matter), no-one has the right to stalk or attack a woman regardless of what she does. I could be drunk and half naked and on the dancefloor in a nightclub and flashing my boobs at you and teasing you, but it doesn't give you the right to stalk or follow me or attack me. EVER.¤ ¤ credit: Jessica Parker | 12.07.02 at 01:21 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Hey there, chica... I remember when all of this was happening in May, and I should have given you this information earlier, but I guess I blindly figured it was a one time deal. Apparently not.
I did my Bachelor's thesis on stalking, and I'm considering it as a dissertation topic, so I have literally reams of information on the subject.
Most importantly: as of 1999 your state had NO laws on cyberstalking, but that was to change soon from what I can remember. If you guys are serious about this, you need to check into the current changes in the law and see who can help you in your area. I definitely realize that this is not a matter to take lightly, and I want you ladies to get the help you need.
Secondly: the main researcher in the field is J. Reid Meloy. His books and articles are well-thought out and easy to read, so check them out if you get the chance.
Lastly: I'm sorry that you guys are going through this. And if there is anything I can do to help out, don't hesitate to let me know. For now, I'm going to e-mail you a link with an Adobe formatted article on cyberstalking of women.
*hugs* to all of you.¤ ¤ credit: Susan | 12.07.02 at 04:43 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Big hugs from me for all the women who have endured this mess. My heart goes out to you. This happened to me before, two years ago. I had a personal cam site, with my own domain, blog, etc. And I had someone eventually show up at my job, call my house, confront me in the grocery store parking lot. I have erased myself from the net I think, all except one little livejournal page, no longer using my real name. It's the young ones I worry about. I feel like they don't know how to cut off the contact as easily.
Just noticed THIS article this morning too...¤ ¤ credit: queen | 12.07.02 at 08:10 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
It's kind of odd to read the wife's commentary on the whole thing. Personally, I would think it incredibly bizarre if my mate started trying to constantly ingratiate themselves with anyone - especially if those anyones were primarily of one sex - online, and then made it a point to drag themselves out to wherever people said they were going to be in the hopes of seeing them out and about. It's creepy to think you are someone's friend without the other person indicating a deeper relationship than just acquaintances (or, friendly, if you will) and speaks of a certain desperation of character that is decidedly unattractive.¤ ¤ credit: Annette | 12.07.02 at 08:39 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
It's a little scary to see that Erika is on his blogroll... and he is part of Happy Munkee I hope she has read this... I am sure she will¤ ¤ credit: Another Deb | 12.07.02 at 11:12 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Ewww... needy people like that creep me out -- they're like the kid in school who always stood too close to you to talk. They may not intentionally do anything wrong, but they never seem to develop an idea of boundaries. I'll bet he honestly doesn't believe that what he is doing is at all improper, and he has found a perfect mate in his wife to support his delusions.¤ ¤ credit: Andrea Harris | 12.07.02 at 11:36 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Why is there always some asshole guy who pulls this shite?
Uhm, Quinn... women do it too. I have a psycho lunatic SWF on my ass right now, that I thank God we're miles away, or else I'd be shot somewhere.
As it is... I blog anonymously to keep certain government bureaucrats off my ass and out of my business, so I can just vent.¤ ¤ credit: -e- | 12.07.02 at 11:56 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
ok now i'm really concerned. you know we're having an open blogger west side party in san fran. should we be concerned? i mean from the way everyone is talking, it's party till you drop and drop anywhere you want--meaning anyone's room. (which i'm not happy about).
please let me know more details on who to watch out for so i can inform chey and hoopty to screen people.¤ ¤ credit: dasheekeejones | 12.07.02 at 12:01 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Every once in a while I wonder if I'm overprotective in monitoring my kids' web surfing overmuch. I tell my daughter over-and-over about this kind of stuff, but I'm always worried that it hasn't sunk in (I think it has, but I'm paranoid about it). I think I'll have her read this little episode just to reinforce it!¤ ¤ credit: Solonor | 12.07.02 at 01:20 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
is it wrong that I don't feel right taking sides? How are you supposed to help it if your friends hurt other people? I feel for all of you...But I think that, as hard as it is...I'm gonna go on staying stuck in the middle...
I'm a nice person, i swear...¤ ¤ credit: Jennifer | 12.07.02 at 01:37 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Jennifer, I don't expect anyone should have to choose "sides" that's not personally and directly involved. You have to go through it yourself before you can grasp the scope and magnitude, and because I caught on so quickly -- I'm one of the lucky ones with very little to cope with.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 02:05 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well the wife's account just got even more interesting today...apparently Tracy has mailed her back (and for the record, no, Tracy was not asked to send any of her correspondences - she made her own choices to do so and I learned of them ON the wife's blog):
(link since removed -- please search trackback pings if you wish to find her address)
It might be time to step back and see that the notes and the photos -- myself included -- the women thought were sent in friendship and good fun originally (in my own case I sent him the wallpaper-sized shot of my blogblogbaby lipstick pose, and for the record, that wasn't sent to just him) -- suddenly seemed as if they were being used for something, dare I say sick and perverse, instead... Well then it became "wrong" and not "fun" or "silly" any longer. Why is he the only person I've sent that image to that I now have a problem with him having it? The. Only. One.
My husband has had Gretchen Pirillo's Lockergnome bumper sticker pose as his background in the past. I didn't think a thing of it. But then again, Gretchen Pirillo is still talking to us months after the fact...
If more than one person (again see the use of them and not they) suddenly ignored you and claimed you are stalking them -- why are THEY all out to get YOU and not the other way around? One person. Perhaps. But eight or more, completely UNRELATED, individuals (and those are just the ones who have happened to find each other 'til now be it through this post or separate suspicions) who had no contact before stumbling across each other's blogs? Well it might be time to investigate what your version of friendship entails -- especially since you claim, "My husband has never done anything to anyone he has never done in front of me."
If he's completely harmeless. If he's truly got good intentions. If nothing inappropriate has ever occurred on his part. Then sit back and ask yourself, "Why does this keep happening?"
¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 02:37 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
The wife clearly is choosing to ignore one glaring fact. That this has happened not once, not twice, but at least five times. Does she not see a pattern here? Does she believe her poor Sweet is a victim of overzealous girls? That relationship is doomed to come to an ugly end.
You've all done a good thing in making this public. A 14 yr old cannot be held responsible for being taken in by a sweet talking grown man. Let this be a warning not only to all the females out there, but to parents - monitor your children.
This is why our main computer is in the kitchen. So I can see everything my kids are doing. Overprotective? No, just realistic about what goes on in this world today.¤ ¤ credit: michele | 12.07.02 at 03:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
A 14 yr old cannot be held responsible....
But I'll spare the "fatherly sermon" about teenage kids with webcams later.
Buttafuoco's, anyone?¤ ¤ credit: -e- | 12.07.02 at 03:42 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Upon re-reading my entry, I should clarify that it's the contacting a 14 year old child is what disturbs me. Not Michele's quote.¤ ¤ credit: -e- | 12.07.02 at 03:45 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Admit it. You know I disturb you.¤ ¤ credit: michele | 12.07.02 at 03:46 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Heck yeah! And I hope to be thoroughly disturbed in Orlando next spring...I'm counting on it... ;-)¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 03:53 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Please note: I was just passed along the following information...
If the person in question has sent you any harrassing or threatening e-mails via his personalized domain name email address - and those emails are forwarded to to the following person - she can then suspend his website because of breaking the terms of service. So, please now forward any questionable emails that came from that account to Patti (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Thanks!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 05:10 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Hi everyone!¤ ¤ credit: Mollie | 12.07.02 at 06:24 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Our only computer that is connected to the net is in what used to be our dining room. My kids have blogs, they email friends - but I control their email account passwords, monitor their surfing and their blogs.
One day, they may get a computer in their room for school work, but I'll be damned if it's connected to the net.¤ ¤ credit: me | 12.07.02 at 06:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Admit it. You know I disturb you.
Gah, sorry Robyn, I'm new the entire trackback thing and I pinged a few times and I thought it would be replaced, but it showed up a few times.¤ ¤ credit: Jason | 12.07.02 at 08:09 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Don't worry Jason -- I got'cher back!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 08:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Thanks for the heads-up Jason -- I appreciate it!¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.07.02 at 11:32 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Here's another account that needs to be read.
And A N A R C H T I C A also has several links as the shockwaves continue to spread...¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.08.02 at 02:36 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
And yet another account that needs to be read. From someone who recently had him as a guest in her home and considered him a friend.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.08.02 at 03:13 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
I just found this thread and am curious about it all. I checked out the links and it's good that some of you named and shamed this guy. But (if I've understood correctly), who on earth would put personal contact details on ther sites, along with party invites to real-time events???
Woooaaah. This is a lot of information to process, especially with all the links and different journal entries to sort through.
It sounds as though this guy, and his wife have more than a few sexual perversions, but there are online groups where they can practice such behavior and they should not push it apon those who are uncomfortable with it.
The insinuations of future 'sexual" contact between you and your friends, Robin, was going too far for sure.
My advice is to seek professional help in dealing with the whole thing, and to keep people from emailing and harassing either he or Susan. That can do nothing more than serve as evidence for them to use against you if the authorities get involved.
One little side comment: I hope the "DnD dice" thing wasn't directed towards all roleplayers. :O Me and my friends (offline ones) play once a week and we don't harrass anyone doing it.¤ ¤ credit: step | 12.08.02 at 09:21 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
In case you need the archives for professionals to look at you can see archives of his page using the following engine:
It lists archives up to May 2001 for his site.¤ ¤ credit: step | 12.08.02 at 09:47 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Wow. Sorry to see this happening to such a great group of people. Sounds like what happened to me when I first got on the internet (back in 1995). I was a young teenager with no worries about the internet. It was considered a "safe" place. But then I started getting the friendship of a 35 year old man. Seemed innocent enough to start with, but he turned it into a proposal for marriage in just a matter of weeks! Said he was in love and all that wonderful stuff. It was unwanted affection too soon, to be certain. :( I was a minor at the time, but it scarred me forever. Thank goodness for my mother! I talked with her and we put a stop to it, but I'll never be as free. I don't use a childhood nickname anymore and I definitely don't give enough information to be located in the real world.
Be careful out there and watch your children like hawks. They might not like it, but some day, they'll thank you for it. I know that I thank mine...¤ ¤ credit: dalani | 12.08.02 at 10:27 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Wow. As a safety measure (I have hostees who are in the 15+ age range, plus he just sounds creepy) I banned his sorry ass. I wonder if I should remove it, considering he closed his site (temporarily? Permanently?).¤ ¤ credit: Marie | 12.08.02 at 12:09 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Pretty damn freaky. I thought something was a little odd about this person when I'd read about their flying just to visit another blogger all the way in Canada a few weeks ago.¤ ¤ credit: Susan | 12.08.02 at 12:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
My head's swimming with all this, I'll post something prophetic later.¤ ¤ credit: sian | 12.08.02 at 04:18 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I don't even know what to say about this. I'm VERY open in my blog, talking about my personal life (very personal) and my kids. I live in Tx, not in Tampa (thank god) and I guess I just figured that no one would bother messing with a blog... though now that thought embarasses me. All 3 of my kids have computers in their room, but the one in our room is the only one connected to the internet and they have extremely limited access. We're quite stingy with it, and my kids are 15, 13 and 9, my son being the oldest. I'm not violent, but I'd KILL someone if they.... it's just fucked up.
As far as Jake's comments; I don't think he meant them to sound as dumb as they did, but it certainly came out that way. I don't care if two people are in the MIDDLE of sex, if one of them says NO... then it's NO. That's it. Male or female, it doesn't matter.
Yes, there are some sick PEOPLE out there, and it's not limited to men. We'd all be foolish to assume this. I'm wondering if anyone in the blogging community has thought of running some type of site/program (I don't know shit about computers) wherein bloggers can log complaints about this type of thing and other bloggers can check it out. I suppose that will open it up a bit for the sick people to use it as a place to cause problems for other people, but some of these stalkers are KILLING people, so if it saved just one person, wouldn't it be worth it? I don't know. Maybe the people who have dealt with this would have a more logical approach or answers, but it just seems that with all this technology there should be something that can be done.
I'm sorry for what you've all dealt with, and if there's anything that would help... let me know.¤ ¤ credit: Kristi | 12.08.02 at 06:14 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Personally, his blog reads to me as some one who is obsessed with women (any women) and just won't take hints: no matter if they are nailed to his forehead...
All in all, he's scary! But just remember, that no all men are like this creep (some of us have been on the receiving end of similar women as well).¤ ¤ credit: Richy C. | 12.08.02 at 06:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
I didn't really have anything else to add, since some things are patently obvious. I just wanted this to be the 100th comment. :)¤ ¤ credit: Annette | 12.08.02 at 10:00 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
As far as I know, Ms. Powers is fully aware of his 'special friends' email relationships and I have a feeling knows everything that goes on. WTF?
I'm so creeped out right about now. :(¤ ¤ credit: liz | 12.09.02 at 12:02 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
I know you've probably done this already, but it'd be good to archive his archive just in case. I went through this, but didn't think to document things as they were happening (it was through AIM, mostly - in the days of no weblogs). Documentation is essential, if this were to escalate further. How friggin' scary. I thought I was the only one this crap happens to. Be safe. Be very safe.¤ ¤ credit: Jenna | 12.09.02 at 12:11 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Well, it seems he put his front page back up. Oh, and uh, he's "sorry". Not for anything specific, as he writes "remember it takes two". As to be expected, it's everyone's fault but his.
In other words, he's "sorry he's caught".¤ ¤ credit: -e- | 12.09.02 at 04:59 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Ah, damn. I thought he'd left permanently. In that case, his ass remains banned from my site. I'm not taking any chances.¤ ¤ credit: Marie | 12.09.02 at 10:50 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yikes, this is all quite unsettling. I'm pretty open about myself online, and it's probably too late to change that. I've explicitly stated where my mall job is located, though fortunately I'm never alone there and could have witnesses should anyone try anything.
Incidentally, let's make sure to avoid (so far we seem to have) providing any clickable links from here to his or his wife's site. I'm sure they check referrer logs just like the rest of us.¤ ¤ credit: Meredith | 12.09.02 at 10:57 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Yeah, I'm so glad he left that apology up on his site. I feel so much better now, everything is right in the world again. Not. A token apology doesn't count when within the "apology" the jerk actually blames his victims once again.
And of course, he swears it was all consensual. Last I heard someone who is 14 years old is still a minor. So even if she said ok, it wasn't consensual at all. And he bloody well knew it. Ass.¤ ¤ credit: sarah | 12.09.02 at 11:18 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Oh my. What craziness. I've been really blessed to never run in to him (I made sure of that after what you went through last spring) and I've never had any other stalker types come after me. I must magically scare them off somehow. I remember the night that you said that you & Kathy chatted with him all night and that you guys were going to meet up ... I had an "off" vibe about it then, and then you told me about your own vibe in person...
ALWAYS TRUST THE VIBE.
*sigh* You've been through a lot this weekend - glad you brought this to everyone's attention though. That is a good thing.¤ ¤ credit: Christine | 12.09.02 at 11:53 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
i've been online since before the web, back in those musty days of lynx. i started on MUDs, and back then - if you were female - you learned to keep it to yourself until you knew who was who because if you didn't, it could get ugly. luckily i happened on a young guy, about my age, who clued me into what it was all about - and how to protect myself. in retrospect, he had illicit intentions, but we're still friends, so i obviously forgave him that. *wry grin*
i'm very open in my blog and LJ, and i still MUD (i even roleplay and LARP so, like step, i kinda thought that remark being used as a deragatory was unnecessarily damning all the rest of us) but i'm very low traffic. i don't put stuff out there for anyone but my friends. i suppose i strive to stay boring. ;) when i get IMs and i don't know the person, i tell them i only speak to people i know and then ignore them.
where i'm coming from, a marriage where the spouses aren't sexually exclusive is the perogative of the people involved. having said that, OTHER people have the right to choose *not* to be involved. that this man can not take "no" for an answer is icky.
that he involved a 14 year old is sick. i can easily tell after a few conversations the general age range a person on a MUD falls into; i treat them accordingly. i find it hard to believe the person who tells me "i didn't know."
but this sick bastard KNEW?
please do all us non-stalking, roleplaying, perverts a favor, and keep us seperate from the *actual* stalkers and pedophiles?
robyn, kudos to you for breaking this story. after reading all the accounts, i felt compelled to chime in on my site: http://archives.annatopia.com/00000335.html
i felt the whole situation really raised some important issues that anyone with a net connection should be aware of.
i hope you all are safe. and i hope you are more careful about the kind of information you put out on the net.
take care!¤ ¤ credit: anna | 12.09.02 at 05:01 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
man, i thought i could resist, but i had to post about this too.¤ ¤ credit: chris | 12.09.02 at 06:42 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
This kind of stuff does originate from women as well as men. In my personal, case, what resonates is the "I can't understand why I can't make friends" part, about how much he does for and offers everyone and how little they all appreciate them. That sounds an awful lot like someone I came across in my life. Scary world out there. Glad you all are brave enough to name names in this instance.¤ ¤ credit: | 12.09.02 at 06:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
Has someone (anyone) filed a complaint about this guy with the police? Forgive me for not having kept up with the general geography of where this clown has been, but if he was requesting or participating in improper contact with a minor and that minor was in another state or country, then I believe it might be prudent to contact authories at that level as well. The police can then use that information to help build a case if this individual continues his activities. Statistically, he will continue and this can be instrumental in helping stop him.¤ ¤ credit: Damelon Kimbrough | 12.10.02 at 12:12 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
I do know that reports have been filed. I can't comment on where they were filed and by who however to protect their identities, and any investigations that might occur. I was blind-copied on some of the communication. I also refuse to name names in order to protect myself from any type of slander/libel case.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.10.02 at 12:19 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Kick his ass, Robyn. :D¤ ¤ credit: Marie | 12.10.02 at 12:48 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Oh yeah, I understand completely. I have since noticed a comment about this topic elsewhere mentioning potential legal involvement. I just wanted to say it as I hadn't noticed anyone else having done so. The authorities are not always the most pleasant or expedient fashion to deal with problems, but are still usually somewhat better than doing nothing. I hope this turns out to be an instance where the wheels turn smoothly and (relatively) swiftly.¤ ¤ credit: Damelon Kimbrough | 12.10.02 at 12:50 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
That's just sick!! Nothing more I can say that hasn't already been well said so far. Glad to know who it is...even more glad I live a ways away from florida...I hate creepy guys. YUCK!¤ ¤ credit: Stacy | 12.10.02 at 11:11 AM | link--this ¤ ¤
Stacy -- not completely safe. The 14-year old he was in pursuit of lives in Edmond, Oklahoma.¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 12.10.02 at 04:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤
URLs that have pinged me for this entry:
All old ping links have been removed from this blog. Die spammers, die!
Hey pretty, don't you wanna take a ride with me through my world?
Psssssst...pass it on!