The pumpkin patch that's the least sincere
Last year, we went all out for the first Halloween in our new house -- decorations, tons of treats, a few tricks. We had so many kids coming by that by about 8 o'clock we were having this discussion, "Crap, we have like NO candy left! Do you think they'd notice if we threw a few Taco Bell fire sauce packets in their bag? Give me some of your pocket change. I'll tie up more in little baggies with ribbon. Oooh, here's some Arby's sauce! Maybe we could put Crisco in those little plastic cups with lids?" We turned off the porch lights and the living room lights, and they STILL knocked on the door. I think Todd actually handed out a couple of packs of Tic Tacs at that point.

This year, I just do not want to deal with it. I've been sick for almost two weeks, I have a ton of work to do, and quite frankly I'm being selfish. I don't want to share my Tootsie Roll Pop stash! So here I am sitting in the near-dark waiting for Todd to come home and take me out to eat, praying Claire doesn't burst through the blinds with all the little gobblins starting to venture around outside blowing my cover, and I'm refusing to open the front door. And I don't feel bad about it. We don't have kids, so it's not like I'll be getting any of the neighbor's candy back or anything. Nyah nyah.

Flaming bags of poo. It's a memory I'll always cherish.
posted at 05:48 PM | link-

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The trick is to keep breathing
Just in case you've somehow missed it in the past Graphics by Sara has an excellent tutorials section -- including a subsection devoted to Movable Type. They've got tutorials on setting MT up for the first time (standard installs and non-cgi bin installs), how to use comment notification, how to make your comments talk, and more. If you're just setting up a blog, or want to learn a few tricks along the way -- this site and Scripty Goddess are two must-visits!
posted at 04:39 AM | link-

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Kiss my grits

The MT 2.51 upgrade has been released -- you can see the changelog for more details. However, one of the best reasons to upgrade, IMHO, is that it finally includes templates that will pass the RSS Validator test. So upgrade, and test your RSS today!
posted at 02:36 AM | link-

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(A Small) Victory waits on your fingers!
I don't give out the "please go vote" call often, but the woman I aspire to be is in a head-to-head battle for the "most blood-hungry (war)blogger" -- poll in left sidebar. Choose A Small Victory. Do it for the children.
posted at 01:56 AM | link-

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They love you when you're on all the covers

Please click the following links responsibly: We were just watching Bill Mahr on Leno, and the guest on after him was Marilyn Manson. At the end they mentioned his girlfriend being on the cover of the current Playboy (Marilyn took the photos), and my jaw hit the floor when Jay held up the issue. How does a guy like that get a girl like this? And of course, being easily smitten by good corset photos, I went off in search of her website and found it here.

This should give geeks and freaks in high school a lot of hope...go crazy with the eyeliner, blood lipstick, white powder, freaky contacts and scream at the top of your lungs...and you, too, can date a Playmate!
posted at 12:54 AM | link-

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A decent respect to the Opinions of Mankind
If you've read my blog for long, you've probably noticed that I generally shy away from political discussion, save the occasional "I'm sick of my fellow citizens shooting up children and their protectors" handgun rants. I stick with the fluff. Which might seem quite odd if you know much about me. I graduated with a minor in Political Science, but that was actually my major (and intended degree) during my first three years at OU.

When I was being advised for my senior year graduation-check, for the first time the Poli Sci department handled my capstone planning instead of the Honors Program. That was also the first time an "oops" was discovered. I had attended Oklahoma Baptist University before entering OU, and came in with enough hours from that, CLEP and AP courses to be considered a sophomore. Well no one bothered to notice in all that time that even though I'd earned credit hours pre-1991, it was from a private institution. The graduation guidelines had changed in 1991, requiring everyone who entered OU during and after 1991 to take another year's worth of courses. So here I am two semesters away from what I thought was a sure graduation -- and I learned "not so fast". At the time my History credits (my then-minor) equaled my Poli Sci ones. And the History Dept. did accept private school credits for the pre-1991 students. I could change majors and still graduate on time. Or I could hang around yet another year taking freshman level courses to get my Poli Sci degree. Looking back, it was the stupidest decision I'd ever made. At the time you just want to get OUT. But when you're out, you realize those days are gone and you can't get them back. And I have a B.A. in History because of it.

Perhaps that's part of why I'm generally anything but political here. I'm still very bitter that the path I had mapped out my whole life was snatched from me at the very last minute. I told every teacher and counselor I had from the seventh grade on (thanks to Linda Hockmeyer at Waller Junior High in Enid, OK) that I was going to major in Political Science. My young dreams, before health got in the way, included joining the Secret Service and eventually working for election campaigns and perhaps as a Congressional Aide. But suddenly here I was in the real world...with a History degree. And I had a job I loved totally unrelated to anything with my schooling (isn't that always the case), and my life-road forked.

Another reason could be the way -- and where -- I was raised. From the day I got old enough to talk, I knew anything and everything having to do with the President and Congress, and I only agreed with the majority in Congress. I grew up during the Reagan-Bush era in a very religious, very conservative family in the buckle of the Bible Belt. My views on a woman's right to choose weren't exactly appreciated. I think my mother is still horrified that she managed to raise not one -- but two -- liberals. My grandfather would not tolerate anything negative being said against President Reagan. So I didn't. I learned how to form, and carry, my views while sticking to them silently. I registered to vote the day I turned 18, and I registered voters during my first Presidential election with the OU Student Democrats and Students for Choice.

Rarely will you find a political discussion where you can change the other side's views simply by quoting facts and statistics. Because in the end, statistics are the pretty wrapping on a whole (sometimes ugly) package full of emotion and feeling. And you can't change another person's feelings. You just...can't. Only time, age and experience can do so.

Which brings me to the purpose of this entry. (Yes, there really is one.) I am extremely proud of my husband tonight. He went out on a limb tonight to speak his views, "popular" or not. We had one of those "so that is why I married you" discussions over dinner last night that has obviously cleared out a few cobwebs in both of our core belief-systems. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we have to, too. It doesn't make us un-American, although I'm sure there are several TV ads, country songs, and blog entries that would like to make you believe so. It makes us Americans. Because in this country we have the power to form our own opinion -- and then speak it.

And if you doubt that, I suggest you go back and read the history of how this nation was founded. By the way, that's the History major in me talking...
posted at 09:21 PM | link-

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Weez-a-rific!

Well look what showed up today after all -- Rivers Cuomo not included! Yippee! (This photo just submitted to Picture Yourself.)
posted at 03:39 PM | link-

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Debbie does...Broadway?
Here's another news story that somehow managed to slip by me last week... "Take a porn flick, remove the sex -- and let everyone sing and dance and keep their clothes on. What have you got? Debbie Does Dallas, a cheerful, nudity-free retooling of the '70s hard-core classic, in a downtown theater." It opened yesterday at off-Broadway's Jane Street Theater in New York -- and according to the ad, "If you're old enough to ride the Ferris wheel, you're old enough to see Debbie."

Remember that episode from Friends where Phoebe got possessed by the dead lady that wanted to see everything before she died, and finally did at Carol's wedding? Uhhhhh...yeah, I think that's me now.
posted at 10:59 AM | link-

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They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, goddamn you
All I'm sayin', and you can quote me on this, is that my new Weezer shirt had best not be on that truck or someone is gonna pay!
posted at 04:50 AM | link-

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Holding on, hold it high, show me everything

But I keep on a comin' here and standing in this state
And I'm never really sure if you'll take
What I'm saying the right way...

But I'm not appalled or afraid
Verbal pocket play is as discreet as I can muster up to be
Because the Cadillac that's sittin' in the back
It isn't me - oh no, no, no it isn't me
I'm more at home in my galaxie...

Can I do the things I wanna do
That I don't do because of you
And I'll take a left, then I'll second guess into a total mess...

I'm more at home in my galaxie
posted at 03:46 AM | link-

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X marks the spot
While we were at the grocery store tonight, we ran across something that reminded us of Chris, so Todd snapped a picture for posterity.
posted at 12:30 AM | link-

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I offer good nutrition in a simple way
Tonight was kinda like one of those Time Life commercials... While Statia was making homemade Italian herb bread, 1000 miles away Robyn was at Publix picking up the ingredients for 'Nana Nut Bread. It's baking right now and I'll share. Anyone hungry?
posted at 11:53 PM | link-

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Simply Delish!
Erika at Snazzykat has put together another amazing creation -- simply delish. She always has the most amazing designs I've ever seen, and now she's offering those skillz up to everyone else in the blog world.

So go check her out. And welcome to the dark side, Erika! First round's on me...

posted at 10:37 PM | link-

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If I'm to be your camera, then who will be your face?
Spotted over at Christine's and Dawn's -- "Photoblogs.org - The Photoblog Resource". I've added Shutterblog. Go add your sites -- and vote -- too!
posted at 06:01 PM | link-

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Can't...breathe...laughing too hard...
This deserves more than just a mention in my comments:

"Oh my god, that bitch stole my HTML!" Thanks Sweetie!
posted at 04:24 PM | link-

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Fast, slow, fast fast slow
Reckless driving is a sin. Let that be a lesson to ya'!
posted at 05:49 AM | link-

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A pre-dawn tree-hugging, hippie liberal rant
You can quote the Second Amendment to me all you want. I for one am. Sick. Of This. Shit. And I'm sick of the same old "guns don't kill people..." lines. It's to the point I'm almost grateful that I don't have a child, so I don't have to conduct a 3-hour interview with so-and-so's parents about their beliefs and responsibility concerning gun ownership and use before I allow my daughter / son to go across the street and play with Barbies / GI Joe. You cannot possibly give me ANY explanation that is good enough for a civilian to own a Bushmaster .223. You can try. But that doesn't mean I'll agree.

You don't need that much fire-power with cop-killing bullets to kill Bambi for dinner, or defend your family during a break-in.

When our forefathers founded this country, they were loading muskets. You had to sit there and really think what you were doing as you added and packed the gunpowder. Who could have ever dreamed we'd have the firepower available five minutes away at the Wal Mart on the corner like we do today? What is so wrong with tracing a gun to its owner anyway? We have to register our cars. We have to file to buy a house. We have to register to fucking fish in a lake, as well as register the boat to get us there. If you're planning on using it responsibly in the first place, why does anyone care that the weapon is being registered? Idiots with guns are killing people. Period. And I'm sick about worrying when lay-off cuts hit my husband's company, that one of the people let go is going to come back and shoot everyone there. Something has to be done, because I'm sorry folks -- the current system is not working. </off soapbox>
posted at 05:39 AM | link-

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Do your boobs hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro?
WARNING: If you click the image link(s) while at work or in the presence of minors, you are an idiot. The image is X-rated. Open at your own risk. I've included a censored version, but there's only so much you can hide.

Christine and I have a fun little tradition. Every once in awhile we'll send each other the most amusing, outrageous porn spam we get. Well I got the ad below in the mail tonight. And I immediately thought of this blog entry.

(Open the can of porn spam here. Or open the censored version here.) "Are you tired of staring at the wife? Are her sagging boobs not doing it for you anymore?" Can't. Stop. Laughing.

P.S. Lock up the credit card, Christine!
posted at 01:44 AM | link-

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Faking fall

After a trip to Pier 1, Eastern Standard Time is just a wee bit easier to deal with. The only way we can recreate "autumn" here in the Sunshine State is by sense of smell. Tomorrow's forecast is 87° and muggy. Sigh. Now winter...you can keep that to yourselves, thank you very much. But I'd love to see the turning leaves and actually need a sweatshirt right about now.
posted at 11:25 PM | link-

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Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun
I hate it being dark before Todd even gets home. Bah. Humbug.
posted at 06:25 PM | link-

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Last call!
Submissions for the 2002 Dress Contest end at 11:59 p.m. EST this coming Thursday night (October 31st). If you've been putting off your entry 'til now, the procrastination deadline has arrived!

posted at 05:16 PM | link-

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The Sooners Prayer
Our Bob in Norman hallowed be your name. Bud and Barry's kingdom come; your will will be done on the field as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily texas thumping and forgive us for the 90s, as we have also forgiven the NCAA. Lead us not out of the BCS but deliver us to Tempe. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are OU's now and forever. Amen.

I just wrote the above to Todd in an e-mail. Can you tell we're just a wee bit excited that ABC will be televising the OU/Colorado game and the OU/Texas A&M game nationally? We're finally coming out of the 90s no-coverage darkness and into the light!
posted at 04:22 PM | link-

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Wahoo!
Go give lotsa mad-lovin' to Todd, because he just PASSED round-2 of his MCSE 2000 exams! (He's already an MCSE, but his company forced all of the systems engineers to upgrade whether they wanted to or not...) He had to study like mad this weekend since they gave him four days notice last week on the next test date. But that's twice they've crunch-timed him like this -- and twice he's passed. *sniff* He's my very special boy...
posted at 03:50 PM | link-

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It's not unusual
I found this life-reality-check entry worth sharing over at The Couch this evening. And then I went and had one of those moments myself...from MSNBC.com:

Tom Jones' panty-tossing fans just aren’t what they used to be. Back when frenzied ladies reached up and impulsively yanked off their skivvies, "the whole thing was authentic" says Jones, but not so anymore. "Nowadays, they bring along a plastic bag with their underwear in it," Jones told the German magazine Bunte. "It has nothing to do with enthusiasm any more. I actually take it as an insult."

I mean, it only goes to reason that if his fan's couches are now covered in plastic zip-covers, their undies would be as well. But you've gotta feel for the guy. No, really... Maybe he should talk to Kylie Minogue. Apparently "her" knickers were framed and for sale.
posted at 03:35 AM | link-

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You're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever
Yeah, yeah...I'm supposed to be working right now...but I'd rather take the "80s Purity Test" instead. Won't you please join me?
posted at 02:56 AM | link-

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Don't call it a comeback
If you've read here long enough, you pretty much know that my hair color changes more often than most folks change their underwear. So after seeing Christine's purple hair and Susan's pink hair, I could no longer resist. I'm back to pink and blonde again, baby! (If you missed the first time around, those photos are here.) Guess who's back and you're gonna be in trouble...
posted at 09:38 PM | link-

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My Johnson sucks and blows
For the love of all things pigskin, please give up the failed science experiment and friggin' PUT KING IN!
posted at 03:45 PM | link-

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Shaken, not stirred
InStyle has released their Bar Guide 2002. Although I couldn't afford to order a water at most of the establishments listed, they also included mixed drink recipes at the bottom of each page. The "cinq à sept" from Le Bar in Chicago sounds yummy and the "gummy baby" from Baby's in Vegas is just beautiful.

posted at 02:55 PM | link-

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Like a virgin
From FARK.com: "Star Firsts". I really can live a complete and full life without knowing the details of Dick Cavett's blossoming sex life though -- I didn't click that link.
posted at 03:00 AM | link-

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Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, and I decline...

I don't read Doonesbury, and somehow managed to miss this week's strips 'til now, but apparently the latest series was devoted to blogging (starting here). There's nothing earth-shattering or ground-breaking, but it's interesting to see just how far the phenomenon (do do do do do) has spread. Phenomenon (do do do do).
posted at 02:20 AM | link-

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Public Service Announcement

This special notice is for Chloe -- don't forget to set your clocks back overnight! What can I say? I'm here for you.
posted at 11:28 PM | link-

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And this one time...at band camp...
OU is enjoying a bye week this weekend, so we're stuck watching other games around the country. The remote has landed on the PSU/OSU game for the moment, so I thought it would be fun to play "pick the worst school band uniform". In today's head-to-head competition we're pitting the Ohio State University Marching Band against the University of Texas Longhorn Band. It's a tough call when you compare OSU's "I wanna be a Canadian, eh" berets and "Are you a pothead Fauker" arm patches -- to the cheap, burnt orange homemade Halloween costume-esque UT uniforms, complete with fringe and rick-rack. You make the call -- which is worse:

And yes, I do get reeeeeeally bored when I'm not feeling well.

UPDATE: After reading VASpider's comment, I thought I'd throw the PRIDE OF OKLAHOMA uniforms into the mix. Although they are in desperate need of a university logo overhaul, side-by-side with the 'whorns, I think we all know which band wins (OU vs. texas - bands, OU vs. texas - majors, OU vs. texas - twirlers). Boomer Sooner!
posted at 05:08 PM | link-

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Without a trace of doubt in my mind
Holy cow! I'm just waking up for the second time today, and walked in to a 34-24 Florida State vs. Notre Dame score. Like the announcers, I, too, wondered if the Irish were for real this year. They were all defense, no offense at the beginning of the season -- and well, people rank (and worship) the team just because they are Notre Dame. But after destroying Air Force last week, and taking complete control of the fourth quarter against the 'Noles this week, they've finally proven it to me. Watching their season (and their coach) reminds me a lot of OU's 2000 National Championship run. How lucky were they that George O'Leary lied on his resume?

I'm still chuckling that Todd and I had to defend OU's ranking over FSU's earlier in the season though (pre-Miami game). I wouldn't want to be in garnet and gold right now. I was there in the 90s with my Sooners, and it hurts...a lot. Now I just have to cross my fingers we'll get frequent updates on the tx/ISU game this afternoon. I miss having guaranteed Big XII coverage.
posted at 03:17 PM | link-

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Shivery Yells
I get at least one search hit daily from folks looking for "SpongeBob SquarePants pumpkin carving patterns". Well as luck would have it, they made a SpongeBob jack-o-lantern on Call For Help this week. Here are two great sites for patterns -- The Pumpkin Wizard and Jack-O-Lantern.com. I wonder if Todd will make me one of these?

For more Halloween-related sites, check out this entry from 10.07 -- and these Halloween carol sites.
posted at 07:13 AM | link-

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Big Mac, Fillet-o-Fish, Quarter Pounder, French fries...
Coming soon to a McDonald's near you -- McVenison burgers for everyone!
posted at 05:50 PM | link-

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I'm pure as the driven snow.....in New York City
Peat sent me a Pee-Mail today, and it was just disturbing enough that I couldn't resist making my own. I've always been jealous that girls don't have the ability to do that. Well, except for a freaky former roommate of mine, and we won't go into that here...
posted at 05:00 PM | link-

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FYI
Seems Wander-Lust has bit it for the time being. If you notice slow load-time on your -- or others' -- site(s), it looks like that's the culprit. I've taken the code out of my sidebar until they're back up.

UPDATE: As of 5:30ish, they seem to be back online again.
posted at 08:27 AM | link-

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Four days of the week she thinks I'm the enemy
I surf the useless news on Friday so you don't have to...

It's not a tum-ah! Ewwww, eww, eww!
Students to test ride condoms. <insert rimshot, and fill out application, here>
Is this really necessary?
Looks like soooomeone watched Porky's one too many times...
We got rid of Britney for the time being. Why, oh why, can't we get rid of her, too?

Happy Friday, everyone! Don't forget to set your clocks back this Sunday morning...
posted at 07:57 AM | link-

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Private eyes - they're watching you
I was feelin' the love yesterday, and I didn't even know why. First I was tipped off that Chris gave me a l'il shout-out on the air Wednesday. (I wasn't able to watch the show live because Todd was home napping.) We just finished watching the episode on tape though. Cat did segment on blogging and Chris mentioned the little thing we have going with his red shirt. (As you can see, I missed it live the last time, too -- what's up with that?) Cat's expression below speaks for itself. She seemed just a wee bit frightened...

Then not even realizing I was sick yesterday, Mikey said he loves me, too. If all this -- plus the evil Oreo fudge brownie earthquake sundae my husband brought home tonight -- can't inspire a girl to feel better, well then I don't know what can!
posted at 01:18 AM | link-

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I did NOT "shoplift the pootie"
Because it would probably take a raging case of malaria to keep me offline for long...I tweaked my individual entry / comments template to include highlight + auto-bold, underline, italicize, or hyperlink buttons (for Windows users). Knock yourselves out kids.
posted at 10:21 PM | link-

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Red hooded sweatshirt
Nothing like getting a little pick-me-up straight from the University of Oklahoma when you're sick -- this showed up today! Dip dip dip.

I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeaaatshirt.

I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeaatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeaatshirt.

Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?

I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.

Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym. I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me. You were staring as if to say, "Adam, you suck at basketball, you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups on purpose. You let me win and that why...

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeaatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeaatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeaatshirt.

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeaatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeaatshirt.

I love you sooooooooooo.
posted at 06:55 PM | link-

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I'm hot blooded, check it and see - got a fever of a 103°

Thanks to everyone who's written to check up on me! I'm happy to report I'm a million times better today (I'm just getting up after sleeping about 15 hours!), than I was when I headed to bed. I've been fighting some kind of flu bug all week, but I also developed a UTI over the weekend. I started on anti-biotics for it on Sunday, but it was getting worse -- not better. By last night I was dying and said "funk dat". I'd started having really bad abdominal cramps that were knocking me to my knees, and it sounds like I was working on a borderline kidney infection as well.

So I got the super-duper fixer-upper drugs last night -- and a thousand hours in the waiting room aside, it was worth the trip. Thankfully Todd's classes broke after lunch today, and by 1:30 this afternoon he joined me in happy slumber.

I'm still far from being 100%, and it sounds like Guavaween isn't going to be happening for me this weekend. But at least I can move now. I think that's a good thing... And just for Tracy, I included a photo of my fashion accessories. Since they're red and green, I'm ready for the holidays!
posted at 06:23 PM | link-

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Better living through chemistry
We're just now getting in after 2 a.m. from a fun-filled night in the ER. We'd been there since 8 p.m. Wednesday night. About the only good thing I can say from the experience is that when we finally got in the private rooms, they had TVs in them. Well that, and I got better drugs. Todd is going to be so dead during his classes/tests tomorrow. I think I've said "I'm sorry" about a million times tonight. He bought me a chocolate malt on our way home though. I feel loved! Now...I sleep. Go have some punch while I'm gone, mmmk?
posted at 02:13 AM | link-

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Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it's sort of a family crisis. Bye!

"Things go wrong — which is awfully annoying of them — and then comes the really difficult thing: explaining what happened. What do you do when the old excuses (my dog ate it, it's in the mail, mistakes were made) have been used once too often? Why, you come to Metaverse for one of 3.6 million different convincing, ready-made excuses!"
posted at 04:18 PM | link-

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There once was a man from Nantucket...
Again, blame it on the hour -- and the Darvocet.

From FARK.com (in response to "Is finger length an indication of penis length?")... Just be careful clicking the "read more" link at work, ok? You've been warned.

My dick is so big...
...you need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.
...I'm not supposed to operate it after taking NyQuil.
...scientists think it may have killed the dinosaurs.
...it started its own record label.
...it’s registered by the Dep’t of Interior as a "Geological Feature used Primarily for Recreation".
...46 Haitians floated to Florida on it.
...I won the Olympic pole-vault gold medal in Atlanta with it.
...my sperm have to take the subway.
...Oprah choked on it.
...it has several moons in orbit around it.
...it flies non-stop to London.
...girls need an oxygen mask when they blow me.
...I can fuck a Russian on Mir while still on the ground.
...Spielberg is filming "Jurassic My Dick".
...the doctor used a backhoe to give me a vasectomy.
...it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
...David Copperfield made it disappear.
...it seats a family of six.
...there's a show on Fox, "When My Dick Attacks".
...you can drive from Alaska to Siberia on it.
...Exxon rents it for offshore drilling.
...when I piss, flood warnings are issued.
...they are resculpting the Washington Monument in its honor.
...it popped out of my girls mouth while I did her doggie style.
...it has an entourage.
...it fought Godzilla.
...The Stones open for it.
...it obscures satellite photos.
...it won’t share top billing.
...when I get hard on the beach it violates Cuba’s air space.
...that George Lucas can’t afford to CGI it in Episode Two.
...it was in a GoodYear commercial.
...it rides shotgun.
...the head has a blinking red light on top.
...the head needs to decompress after a swim.
...Cunard wants to buy it.
...that the last chick I screwed said "My God, it’s full of stars!"
...that the US Dept of Justice tried to break it up into smaller dicks.
...the tip dials 10-10-321 when it calls my balls.
...it molested Michael Jackson.
...Suzanne Somers wants me to endorse her ‘Dickmaster’.
...Melville’s original title was "Moby My Dick".
...it won’t host Saturday Night Live, even though it was on the cast for 6 years.
...primitive cultures worship it as a deity.
...it has its own climate.
...a Starbucks opened in my scrotum.
...it has stadium seating.
...they found George Mallory’s frozen corpse on it, with two dead Sherpas.
...that when I beat off, the friction causes global warming.
...it has a side job snaking out drains.
...A book was written: 20,000 leagues under my Dick.
...I'm going to throw it across the Hudson River and start charging a toll to cross it.
...The State of Florida is envious of it's length.
...It took up two pages in the latest Rand McNally Atlas.
...it has it's own zip code.
...it just announced it's candidacy for President.
...I was arrested for stealing a Sequoia.
...NASA modeled the Saturn V after it.
...it did stunt work in the movie 'Anaconda'.
...it took a team of lumberjacks to circumcise me.
...if I put a hat on it I can drive in the HOV lane.
...my Home Owner's Association's won't let me get a hard-on.
...it takes the Army Corps Of Engineers to clean up after I jack off.
...I can fuck a barrel of milk and make enough butter for the state of Wisconsin.
...I have to rack mount it when I get in my truck.
...I've been capitalizing the word "Dick" in all these dumb-ass juvenile jokes even though it's grammatically incorrect.
...it has its own Congressman.
...it changed its name to "The organ formerly known as My Dick".
...I can fuck the hole in the ozone.
...that when I tap it after I piss, it registers 9.6 on the Richter scale.
...they wiped out the amazon rain forest to provide enough rubber for just one of my Trojans.
...the shaft and each ball are their own independent sovereign states. It takes a trade agreement for me to come.
...NORAD goes to DEFCON 4 when I get morning wood.
...it carries a dozen Polaris missles.
...I corn hole the Lincoln Tunnel.
...it seats six comfortably.
...Pink Floyd is touring it.
...Sammy Sosa wants to bat with it.
...it tans itself on Pad 39A.
...people is Roswell NM are still talking about my drive through town.
...it has a permanent dark side.
...they race my sperms in Mexico.
...it does "stupid My Dick tricks" on the Letterman show.
...it has it's own currency.
...that the only man-made structure that can be seen from space is my erection.
...it bends light.
...it joined NATO.
...it has a snow cap.
...it bought Microsoft.
...once I ejaculated and buried Pompeii.
...my smegma is recognized as an official ecological disaster.
...I can splooge satellites into orbit.
...the natives on Skull Island sacrifice virgins to it.
posted at 04:44 AM | link-

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In the eye of the beholder
Apparently Ashcroft isn't the only one in history to have a problem with the naked form. Restoration works in a Roman church have revealed two bare-breasted beauties designed by Gian Lorenzo Bernini for the Baroque church of Sant'Isidoro that were hidden behind bronze "corsets" for more than 100 years. The surprise was that the original marble hadn't been damaged in any way. (Read more at MSNBC.com and Yahoo News.)
posted at 04:19 AM | link-

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Bustin' makes me feel good
Here's a timely font link -- Fontenstein Halloween Fonts. They have dingbats, too!
posted at 03:01 AM | link-

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Never wanted to write no pop songs
So I'm over at Solonor's Ink Well, and I noticed I was linked as a "popblog" (the distinction is credited to Flablog). And I guess the title fits. But now I'm just left to wonder if your stomach will explode if you mix me, the poprock of the blog world, with Coca Cola...
posted at 10:52 PM | link-

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This house does it with <style>
The sensation seems to be spreading... I'm sure there's a balm out there for it somewhere.
posted at 09:42 PM | link-

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How do you get from here to there, what do you do?
I got that new referral log installed, and I'm happy to report it was easy as pie -- even for a natural blonde. It's over in my sidebar now under "baby I'm a star", second grouping. If you wanna quick peek, you can also do so here.
posted at 07:55 PM | link-

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Movin' right along
I just realized a minor milestone was reached early Monday morning. Christine posted the 10,000th comment in 2002 here:

"We felt the same way about that movie! I truly wanted to like it, it looked so cute in the trailers. In the end I just had to admit that it sucked."

I guess I should have balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling now. Blogaritas anyone?
posted at 06:02 PM | link-

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One bad apple
Isn't it just great to know that soon we'll be advertised to on our produce as well... (Link from The Sun Online.)
posted at 04:43 PM | link-

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New toy alert!
This is one of those that I can't wait to find the time to try out! It's a new spin on a referral log -- only this one allows you to see where they landed, where they came from, who they are, and what time they got there. To see it in action, go here and here.
posted at 09:03 AM | link-

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A day late
Whoa. I'd somehow missed the fact that Mena has redesigned her blog. It looks great, but it shocked the bejeezus out of me! (Tipped off by "What Do I Know".)
posted at 08:55 AM | link-

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I shall call it "mini me"
Is it just me, or is this a wee bit odd? This company has an exact replica miniature wedding gown department. They make exact miniature replicas of your wedding gown that stand about 18 to 20 inches tall.

"Our exact replica miniature wedding gowns are the perfect gift for a bride from her mother or mother-in-law," says Mara Urshel, President of Kleinfeld. "In years to come, a bride can always remember how beautiful she felt and looked on her wedding day by admiring her Kleinfeld miniature dress on open display in her home." Ummm, ok.
posted at 08:28 AM | link-

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Hunka hunka burnin' love
Am I getting old and out of touch? Because looking over the first couple of pages of the new E! Rank list ("The 25 Sexiest Men in Entertainment for 2002") left me going "huh?" for four out of eight. That's not to say that 3/4 of the remaining picks and corresponding photos didn't leave me going "huh?" as well. I'm just quite shocked at all of the names I didn't know this time!
posted at 02:10 AM | link-

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Tat for tit
It's about time we get some equal treatment in the ad world. From "Supermodels Are Lonelier Than You Think": the new YSL ad that features a reclining full-frontal nude male model (bolded link so NOT work friendly). Unfortunately US magazines will carry a slightly more tame version showing the model from the waist up.
posted at 11:49 PM | link-

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Stupid is as stupid does
Things just seem that much funnier when hopped up on Darvocet...

Mom gives kid dad's gun to bribe him into eating his soup, and he accidentally shoots her in stomach
Estranged husband thinks if he stages a robbery where he and his wife are bound together with telephone cords and duct tape, she'll realize she needs his protection and stay with him
Jesus told him to close his porn shop, so he did and burned all his inventory
Love, marriage, and monster trucks -- it's a local story -- oh joy (which just fits with our stupidest state ranking)
J-Lo needs a professional nipple-tweaker for video shoot emergencies -- update your resumés

And here...have a taco on me while you find a little evil... OU sits atop the BCS rankings! (Most links from FARK.com.)
posted at 10:28 PM | link-

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Pay it forward
Hey guess what? You can get 10% purchases at Gap stores between now and 10/25. Just go print out the coupon here and voila!
posted at 03:43 PM | link-

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Let's go to the movies! Let's go see the stars!
Here's a cool link from my mom -- check out the greatest films during the year you were born. For 1972 they list Deliverance (squeal!), Cabaret, and The Godfather just to name a few.
posted at 03:04 PM | link-

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My love she throws me like a rubber ball
Todd just found this off the main page of CNNSI.com, and I loved the title -- "Don't make OU angry". It looks like the Sooners will sit atop the BCS rankings when they're released for the first time tomorrow.

We just finished watching Game 2 of the World Series since there wasn't an NFL game on tonight. I have to say the noise from the rally sticks was quite annoying. It could be just because I'm oozing pain from every pore, but I felt like I was trapped under a tin roof during a hail storm. That said, I have no allegiances to either team really. Baseball as a sport has been dead to me for quite a long time. I guess by default we've picked the red and white team with the monkey though. Orange. Sucks.

But orange doesn't suck quite as much as this movie did. We ordered it from Netflix, and it was so bad. So very, very bad. I wanted to like it. Really I did. It just wasn't funny. Or cute. Or amusing. And for crimeny's sake, please put it in Cameron Diaz's next contract that isn't allowed to dance in the film.
posted at 12:06 AM | link-

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