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The pumpkin patch that's the least sincere
Last year, we went all out for the first Halloween in our new house -- decorations, tons of treats, a few tricks. We had so many kids coming by that by about 8 o'clock we were having this discussion, "Crap, we have like NO candy left! Do you think they'd notice if we threw a few Taco Bell fire sauce packets in their bag? Give me some of your pocket change. I'll tie up more in little baggies with ribbon. Oooh, here's some Arby's sauce! Maybe we could put Crisco in those little plastic cups with lids?" We turned off the porch lights and the living room lights, and they STILL knocked on the door. I think Todd actually handed out a couple of packs of Tic Tacs at that point.

This year, I just do not want to deal with it. I've been sick for almost two weeks, I have a ton of work to do, and quite frankly I'm being selfish. I don't want to share my Tootsie Roll Pop stash! So here I am sitting in the near-dark waiting for Todd to come home and take me out to eat, praying Claire doesn't burst through the blinds with all the little gobblins starting to venture around outside blowing my cover, and I'm refusing to open the front door. And I don't feel bad about it. We don't have kids, so it's not like I'll be getting any of the neighbor's candy back or anything. Nyah nyah.

Flaming bags of poo. It's a memory I'll always cherish.
posted at 05:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

The trick is to keep breathing
Just in case you've somehow missed it in the past Graphics by Sara has an excellent tutorials section -- including a subsection devoted to Movable Type. They've got tutorials on setting MT up for the first time (standard installs and non-cgi bin installs), how to use comment notification, how to make your comments talk, and more. If you're just setting up a blog, or want to learn a few tricks along the way -- this site and Scripty Goddess are two must-visits!
posted at 04:39 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Kiss my grits
The MT 2.51 upgrade has been released -- you can see the changelog for more details. However, one of the best reasons to upgrade, IMHO, is that it finally includes templates that will pass the RSS Validator test. So upgrade, and test your RSS today!
posted at 02:36 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

(A Small) Victory waits on your fingers!
I don't give out the "please go vote" call often, but the woman I aspire to be is in a head-to-head battle for the "most blood-hungry (war)blogger" -- poll in left sidebar. Choose A Small Victory. Do it for the children.
posted at 01:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

They love you when you're on all the covers
Please click the following links responsibly: We were just watching Bill Mahr on Leno, and the guest on after him was Marilyn Manson. At the end they mentioned his girlfriend being on the cover of the current Playboy (Marilyn took the photos), and my jaw hit the floor when Jay held up the issue. How does a guy like that get a girl like this? And of course, being easily smitten by good corset photos, I went off in search of her website and found it here.

This should give geeks and freaks in high school a lot of hope...go crazy with the eyeliner, blood lipstick, white powder, freaky contacts and scream at the top of your lungs...and you, too, can date a Playmate!
posted at 12:54 AM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

A decent respect to the Opinions of Mankind
If you've read my blog for long, you've probably noticed that I generally shy away from political discussion, save the occasional "I'm sick of my fellow citizens shooting up children and their protectors" handgun rants. I stick with the fluff. Which might seem quite odd if you know much about me. I graduated with a minor in Political Science, but that was actually my major (and intended degree) during my first three years at OU.

When I was being advised for my senior year graduation-check, for the first time the Poli Sci department handled my capstone planning instead of the Honors Program. That was also the first time an "oops" was discovered. I had attended Oklahoma Baptist University before entering OU, and came in with enough hours from that, CLEP and AP courses to be considered a sophomore. Well no one bothered to notice in all that time that even though I'd earned credit hours pre-1991, it was from a private institution. The graduation guidelines had changed in 1991, requiring everyone who entered OU during and after 1991 to take another year's worth of courses. So here I am two semesters away from what I thought was a sure graduation -- and I learned "not so fast". At the time my History credits (my then-minor) equaled my Poli Sci ones. And the History Dept. did accept private school credits for the pre-1991 students. I could change majors and still graduate on time. Or I could hang around yet another year taking freshman level courses to get my Poli Sci degree. Looking back, it was the stupidest decision I'd ever made. At the time you just want to get OUT. But when you're out, you realize those days are gone and you can't get them back. And I have a B.A. in History because of it.

Perhaps that's part of why I'm generally anything but political here. I'm still very bitter that the path I had mapped out my whole life was snatched from me at the very last minute. I told every teacher and counselor I had from the seventh grade on (thanks to Linda Hockmeyer at Waller Junior High in Enid, OK) that I was going to major in Political Science. My young dreams, before health got in the way, included joining the Secret Service and eventually working for election campaigns and perhaps as a Congressional Aide. But suddenly here I was in the real world...with a History degree. And I had a job I loved totally unrelated to anything with my schooling (isn't that always the case), and my life-road forked.

Another reason could be the way -- and where -- I was raised. From the day I got old enough to talk, I knew anything and everything having to do with the President and Congress, and I only agreed with the majority in Congress. I grew up during the Reagan-Bush era in a very religious, very conservative family in the buckle of the Bible Belt. My views on a woman's right to choose weren't exactly appreciated. I think my mother is still horrified that she managed to raise not one -- but two -- liberals. My grandfather would not tolerate anything negative being said against President Reagan. So I didn't. I learned how to form, and carry, my views while sticking to them silently. I registered to vote the day I turned 18, and I registered voters during my first Presidential election with the OU Student Democrats and Students for Choice.

Rarely will you find a political discussion where you can change the other side's views simply by quoting facts and statistics. Because in the end, statistics are the pretty wrapping on a whole (sometimes ugly) package full of emotion and feeling. And you can't change another person's feelings. You just...can't. Only time, age and experience can do so.

Which brings me to the purpose of this entry. (Yes, there really is one.) I am extremely proud of my husband tonight. He went out on a limb tonight to speak his views, "popular" or not. We had one of those "so that is why I married you" discussions over dinner last night that has obviously cleared out a few cobwebs in both of our core belief-systems. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we have to, too. It doesn't make us un-American, although I'm sure there are several TV ads, country songs, and blog entries that would like to make you believe so. It makes us Americans. Because in this country we have the power to form our own opinion -- and then speak it.

And if you doubt that, I suggest you go back and read the history of how this nation was founded. By the way, that's the History major in me talking...
posted at 09:21 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it


Well look what showed up today after all -- Rivers Cuomo not included! Yippee! (This photo just submitted to Picture Yourself.)
posted at 03:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Debbie does...Broadway?
Here's another news story that somehow managed to slip by me last week... "Take a porn flick, remove the sex -- and let everyone sing and dance and keep their clothes on. What have you got? Debbie Does Dallas, a cheerful, nudity-free retooling of the '70s hard-core classic, in a downtown theater." It opened yesterday at off-Broadway's Jane Street Theater in New York -- and according to the ad, "If you're old enough to ride the Ferris wheel, you're old enough to see Debbie."

Remember that episode from Friends where Phoebe got possessed by the dead lady that wanted to see everything before she died, and finally did at Carol's wedding? Uhhhhh...yeah, I think that's me now.
posted at 10:59 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, goddamn you
All I'm sayin', and you can quote me on this, is that my new Weezer shirt had best not be on that truck or someone is gonna pay!
posted at 04:50 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Holding on, hold it high, show me everything

But I keep on a comin' here and standing in this state
And I'm never really sure if you'll take
What I'm saying the right way...

But I'm not appalled or afraid
Verbal pocket play is as discreet as I can muster up to be
Because the Cadillac that's sittin' in the back
It isn't me - oh no, no, no it isn't me
I'm more at home in my galaxie...

Can I do the things I wanna do
That I don't do because of you
And I'll take a left, then I'll second guess into a total mess...

I'm more at home in my galaxie

posted at 03:46 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

X marks the spot
While we were at the grocery store tonight, we ran across something that reminded us of Chris, so Todd snapped a picture for posterity.
posted at 12:30 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

I offer good nutrition in a simple way
Tonight was kinda like one of those Time Life commercials... While Statia was making homemade Italian herb bread, 1000 miles away Robyn was at Publix picking up the ingredients for 'Nana Nut Bread. It's baking right now and I'll share. Anyone hungry?
posted at 11:53 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Simply Delish!
Erika at Snazzykat has put together another amazing creation -- simply delish. She always has the most amazing designs I've ever seen, and now she's offering those skillz up to everyone else in the blog world.

So go check her out. And welcome to the dark side, Erika! First round's on me...
posted at 10:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

If I'm to be your camera, then who will be your face?
Spotted over at Christine's and Dawn's -- " - The Photoblog Resource". I've added Shutterblog. Go add your sites -- and vote -- too!
posted at 06:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Can't...breathe...laughing too hard...
This deserves more than just a mention in my comments:

"Oh my god, that bitch stole my HTML!" Thanks Sweetie!
posted at 04:24 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Fast, slow, fast fast slow
Reckless driving is a sin. Let that be a lesson to ya'!
posted at 05:49 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

A pre-dawn tree-hugging, hippie liberal rant
You can quote the Second Amendment to me all you want. I for one am. Sick. Of This. Shit. And I'm sick of the same old "guns don't kill people..." lines. It's to the point I'm almost grateful that I don't have a child, so I don't have to conduct a 3-hour interview with so-and-so's parents about their beliefs and responsibility concerning gun ownership and use before I allow my daughter / son to go across the street and play with Barbies / GI Joe. You cannot possibly give me ANY explanation that is good enough for a civilian to own a Bushmaster .223. You can try. But that doesn't mean I'll agree.

You don't need that much fire-power with cop-killing bullets to kill Bambi for dinner, or defend your family during a break-in.

When our forefathers founded this country, they were loading muskets. You had to sit there and really think what you were doing as you added and packed the gunpowder. Who could have ever dreamed we'd have the firepower available five minutes away at the Wal Mart on the corner like we do today? What is so wrong with tracing a gun to its owner anyway? We have to register our cars. We have to file to buy a house. We have to register to fucking fish in a lake, as well as register the boat to get us there. If you're planning on using it responsibly in the first place, why does anyone care that the weapon is being registered? Idiots with guns are killing people. Period. And I'm sick about worrying when lay-off cuts hit my husband's company, that one of the people let go is going to come back and shoot everyone there. Something has to be done, because I'm sorry folks -- the current system is not working. </off soapbox>
posted at 05:39 AM | link--it | mail it | (26) shout it

Do your boobs hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro?
WARNING: If you click the image link(s) while at work or in the presence of minors, you are an idiot. The image is X-rated. Open at your own risk. I've included a censored version, but there's only so much you can hide.

Christine and I have a fun little tradition. Every once in awhile we'll send each other the most amusing, outrageous porn spam we get. Well I got the ad below in the mail tonight. And I immediately thought of this blog entry.

(Open the can of porn spam here. Or open the censored version here.) "Are you tired of staring at the wife? Are her sagging boobs not doing it for you anymore?" Can't. Stop. Laughing.

P.S. Lock up the credit card, Christine!
posted at 01:44 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Faking fall

After a trip to Pier 1, Eastern Standard Time is just a wee bit easier to deal with. The only way we can recreate "autumn" here in the Sunshine State is by sense of smell. Tomorrow's forecast is 87° and muggy. Sigh. Now can keep that to yourselves, thank you very much. But I'd love to see the turning leaves and actually need a sweatshirt right about now.
posted at 11:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun
I hate it being dark before Todd even gets home. Bah. Humbug.
posted at 06:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Last call!
Submissions for the 2002 Dress Contest end at 11:59 p.m. EST this coming Thursday night (October 31st). If you've been putting off your entry 'til now, the procrastination deadline has arrived!

posted at 05:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

The Sooners Prayer
Our Bob in Norman hallowed be your name. Bud and Barry's kingdom come; your will will be done on the field as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily texas thumping and forgive us for the 90s, as we have also forgiven the NCAA. Lead us not out of the BCS but deliver us to Tempe. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are OU's now and forever. Amen.

I just wrote the above to Todd in an e-mail. Can you tell we're just a wee bit excited that ABC will be televising the OU/Colorado game and the OU/Texas A&M game nationally? We're finally coming out of the 90s no-coverage darkness and into the light!
posted at 04:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Go give lotsa mad-lovin' to Todd, because he just PASSED round-2 of his MCSE 2000 exams! (He's already an MCSE, but his company forced all of the systems engineers to upgrade whether they wanted to or not...) He had to study like mad this weekend since they gave him four days notice last week on the next test date. But that's twice they've crunch-timed him like this -- and twice he's passed. *sniff* He's my very special boy...
posted at 03:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

It's not unusual
I found this life-reality-check entry worth sharing over at The Couch this evening. And then I went and had one of those moments myself...from
Tom Jones' panty-tossing fans just aren’t what they used to be. Back when frenzied ladies reached up and impulsively yanked off their skivvies, "the whole thing was authentic" says Jones, but not so anymore. "Nowadays, they bring along a plastic bag with their underwear in it," Jones told the German magazine Bunte. "It has nothing to do with enthusiasm any more. I actually take it as an insult."
I mean, it only goes to reason that if his fan's couches are now covered in plastic zip-covers, their undies would be as well. But you've gotta feel for the guy. No, really... Maybe he should talk to Kylie Minogue. Apparently "her" knickers were framed and for sale.
posted at 03:35 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

You're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever
Yeah, yeah...I'm supposed to be working right now...but I'd rather take the "80s Purity Test" instead. Won't you please join me?
posted at 02:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

Don't call it a comeback
If you've read here long enough, you pretty much know that my hair color changes more often than most folks change their underwear. So after seeing Christine's purple hair and Susan's pink hair, I could no longer resist. I'm back to pink and blonde again, baby! (If you missed the first time around, those photos are here.) Guess who's back and you're gonna be in trouble...
posted at 09:38 PM | link--it | mail it | (28) shout it

My Johnson sucks and blows
For the love of all things pigskin, please give up the failed science experiment and friggin' PUT KING IN!
posted at 03:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Shaken, not stirred
InStyle has released their Bar Guide 2002. Although I couldn't afford to order a water at most of the establishments listed, they also included mixed drink recipes at the bottom of each page. The "cinq à sept" from Le Bar in Chicago sounds yummy and the "gummy baby" from Baby's in Vegas is just beautiful.

posted at 02:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Like a virgin
From "Star Firsts". I really can live a complete and full life without knowing the details of Dick Cavett's blossoming sex life though -- I didn't click that link.
posted at 03:00 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, and I decline...

I don't read Doonesbury, and somehow managed to miss this week's strips 'til now, but apparently the latest series was devoted to blogging (starting here). There's nothing earth-shattering or ground-breaking, but it's interesting to see just how far the phenomenon (do do do do do) has spread. Phenomenon (do do do do).
posted at 02:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Public Service Announcement

This special notice is for Chloe -- don't forget to set your clocks back overnight! What can I say? I'm here for you.
posted at 11:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

And this one band camp...
OU is enjoying a bye week this weekend, so we're stuck watching other games around the country. The remote has landed on the PSU/OSU game for the moment, so I thought it would be fun to play "pick the worst school band uniform". In today's head-to-head competition we're pitting the Ohio State University Marching Band against the University of Texas Longhorn Band. It's a tough call when you compare OSU's "I wanna be a Canadian, eh" berets and "Are you a pothead Fauker" arm patches -- to the cheap, burnt orange homemade Halloween costume-esque UT uniforms, complete with fringe and rick-rack. You make the call -- which is worse:

And yes, I do get reeeeeeally bored when I'm not feeling well.

UPDATE: After reading VASpider's comment, I thought I'd throw the PRIDE OF OKLAHOMA uniforms into the mix. Although they are in desperate need of a university logo overhaul, side-by-side with the 'whorns, I think we all know which band wins (OU vs. texas - bands, OU vs. texas - majors, OU vs. texas - twirlers). Boomer Sooner!
posted at 05:08 PM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

Without a trace of doubt in my mind
Holy cow! I'm just waking up for the second time today, and walked in to a 34-24 Florida State vs. Notre Dame score. Like the announcers, I, too, wondered if the Irish were for real this year. They were all defense, no offense at the beginning of the season -- and well, people rank (and worship) the team just because they are Notre Dame. But after destroying Air Force last week, and taking complete control of the fourth quarter against the 'Noles this week, they've finally proven it to me. Watching their season (and their coach) reminds me a lot of OU's 2000 National Championship run. How lucky were they that George O'Leary lied on his resume?

I'm still chuckling that Todd and I had to defend OU's ranking over FSU's earlier in the season though (pre-Miami game). I wouldn't want to be in garnet and gold right now. I was there in the 90s with my Sooners, and it hurts...a lot. Now I just have to cross my fingers we'll get frequent updates on the tx/ISU game this afternoon. I miss having guaranteed Big XII coverage.
posted at 03:17 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Shivery Yells
I get at least one search hit daily from folks looking for "SpongeBob SquarePants pumpkin carving patterns". Well as luck would have it, they made a SpongeBob jack-o-lantern on Call For Help this week. Here are two great sites for patterns -- The Pumpkin Wizard and I wonder if Todd will make me one of these?

For more Halloween-related sites, check out this entry from 10.07 -- and these Halloween carol sites.
posted at 07:13 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Big Mac, Fillet-o-Fish, Quarter Pounder, French fries...
Coming soon to a McDonald's near you -- McVenison burgers for everyone!
posted at 05:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

I'm pure as the driven New York City
Peat sent me a Pee-Mail today, and it was just disturbing enough that I couldn't resist making my own. I've always been jealous that girls don't have the ability to do that. Well, except for a freaky former roommate of mine, and we won't go into that here...
posted at 05:00 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Seems Wander-Lust has bit it for the time being. If you notice slow load-time on your -- or others' -- site(s), it looks like that's the culprit. I've taken the code out of my sidebar until they're back up.

UPDATE: As of 5:30ish, they seem to be back online again.
posted at 08:27 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Four days of the week she thinks I'm the enemy
I surf the useless news on Friday so you don't have to...

  1. It's not a tum-ah! Ewwww, eww, eww!
  2. Students to test ride condoms. <insert rimshot, and fill out application, here>
  3. Is this really necessary?
  4. Looks like soooomeone watched Porky's one too many times...
  5. We got rid of Britney for the time being. Why, oh why, can't we get rid of her, too?
Happy Friday, everyone! Don't forget to set your clocks back this Sunday morning...
posted at 07:57 AM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Private eyes - they're watching you
I was feelin' the love yesterday, and I didn't even know why. First I was tipped off that Chris gave me a l'il shout-out on the air Wednesday. (I wasn't able to watch the show live because Todd was home napping.) We just finished watching the episode on tape though. Cat did segment on blogging and Chris mentioned the little thing we have going with his red shirt. (As you can see, I missed it live the last time, too -- what's up with that?) Cat's expression below speaks for itself. She seemed just a wee bit frightened...

Then not even realizing I was sick yesterday, Mikey said he loves me, too. If all this -- plus the evil Oreo fudge brownie earthquake sundae my husband brought home tonight -- can't inspire a girl to feel better, well then I don't know what can!
posted at 01:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

I did NOT "shoplift the pootie"
Because it would probably take a raging case of malaria to keep me offline for long...I tweaked my individual entry / comments template to include highlight + auto-bold, underline, italicize, or hyperlink buttons (for Windows users). Knock yourselves out kids.
posted at 10:21 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Red hooded sweatshirt
Nothing like getting a little pick-me-up straight from the University of Oklahoma when you're sick -- this showed up today! Dip dip dip.

I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
shama lama ding dong

I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
shama lama ding dong

Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?

I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.

Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym. I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me. You were staring as if to say, "Adam, you suck at basketball, you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups on purpose. You let me win and that why...

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeaatshirt
dip dip dip
shama lama ding dong

I love you sweeeeaatshirt
red hooded sweeeeaatshirt
dip dip dip
shama lama ding dong

I love you sooooooooooo.
posted at 06:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

I'm hot blooded, check it and see - got a fever of a 103°

Thanks to everyone who's written to check up on me! I'm happy to report I'm a million times better today (I'm just getting up after sleeping about 15 hours!), than I was when I headed to bed. I've been fighting some kind of flu bug all week, but I also developed a UTI over the weekend. I started on anti-biotics for it on Sunday, but it was getting worse -- not better. By last night I was dying and said "funk dat". I'd started having really bad abdominal cramps that were knocking me to my knees, and it sounds like I was working on a borderline kidney infection as well.

So I got the super-duper fixer-upper drugs last night -- and a thousand hours in the waiting room aside, it was worth the trip. Thankfully Todd's classes broke after lunch today, and by 1:30 this afternoon he joined me in happy slumber.

I'm still far from being 100%, and it sounds like Guavaween isn't going to be happening for me this weekend. But at least I can move now. I think that's a good thing... And just for Tracy, I included a photo of my fashion accessories. Since they're red and green, I'm ready for the holidays!
posted at 06:23 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Better living through chemistry
We're just now getting in after 2 a.m. from a fun-filled night in the ER. We'd been there since 8 p.m. Wednesday night. About the only good thing I can say from the experience is that when we finally got in the private rooms, they had TVs in them. Well that, and I got better drugs. Todd is going to be so dead during his classes/tests tomorrow. I think I've said "I'm sorry" about a million times tonight. He bought me a chocolate malt on our way home though. I feel loved! Now...I sleep. Go have some punch while I'm gone, mmmk?
posted at 02:13 AM | link--it | mail it | (22) shout it

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it's sort of a family crisis. Bye!

"Things go wrong — which is awfully annoying of them — and then comes the really difficult thing: explaining what happened. What do you do when the old excuses (my dog ate it, it's in the mail, mistakes were made) have been used once too often? Why, you come to Metaverse for one of 3.6 million different convincing, ready-made excuses!"
posted at 04:18 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

There once was a man from Nantucket...
Again, blame it on the hour -- and the Darvocet.

From (in response to "Is finger length an indication of penis length?")... Just be careful clicking the "read more" link at work, ok? You've been warned.

My dick is so big... need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.
...I'm not supposed to operate it after taking NyQuil.
...scientists think it may have killed the dinosaurs. started its own record label.’s registered by the Dep’t of Interior as a "Geological Feature used Primarily for Recreation".
...46 Haitians floated to Florida on it.
...I won the Olympic pole-vault gold medal in Atlanta with it. sperm have to take the subway.
...Oprah choked on it. has several moons in orbit around it. flies non-stop to London.
...girls need an oxygen mask when they blow me.
...I can fuck a Russian on Mir while still on the ground.
...Spielberg is filming "Jurassic My Dick".
...the doctor used a backhoe to give me a vasectomy. was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
...David Copperfield made it disappear. seats a family of six.
...there's a show on Fox, "When My Dick Attacks". can drive from Alaska to Siberia on it.
...Exxon rents it for offshore drilling.
...when I piss, flood warnings are issued.
...they are resculpting the Washington Monument in its honor. popped out of my girls mouth while I did her doggie style. has an entourage. fought Godzilla.
...The Stones open for it. obscures satellite photos. won’t share top billing.
...when I get hard on the beach it violates Cuba’s air space.
...that George Lucas can’t afford to CGI it in Episode Two. was in a GoodYear commercial. rides shotgun.
...the head has a blinking red light on top.
...the head needs to decompress after a swim.
...Cunard wants to buy it.
...that the last chick I screwed said "My God, it’s full of stars!"
...that the US Dept of Justice tried to break it up into smaller dicks.
...the tip dials 10-10-321 when it calls my balls. molested Michael Jackson.
...Suzanne Somers wants me to endorse her ‘Dickmaster’.
...Melville’s original title was "Moby My Dick". won’t host Saturday Night Live, even though it was on the cast for 6 years.
...primitive cultures worship it as a deity. has its own climate.
...a Starbucks opened in my scrotum. has stadium seating.
...they found George Mallory’s frozen corpse on it, with two dead Sherpas.
...that when I beat off, the friction causes global warming. has a side job snaking out drains.
...A book was written: 20,000 leagues under my Dick.
...I'm going to throw it across the Hudson River and start charging a toll to cross it.
...The State of Florida is envious of it's length.
...It took up two pages in the latest Rand McNally Atlas. has it's own zip code. just announced it's candidacy for President.
...I was arrested for stealing a Sequoia.
...NASA modeled the Saturn V after it. did stunt work in the movie 'Anaconda'. took a team of lumberjacks to circumcise me.
...if I put a hat on it I can drive in the HOV lane. Home Owner's Association's won't let me get a hard-on. takes the Army Corps Of Engineers to clean up after I jack off.
...I can fuck a barrel of milk and make enough butter for the state of Wisconsin.
...I have to rack mount it when I get in my truck.
...I've been capitalizing the word "Dick" in all these dumb-ass juvenile jokes even though it's grammatically incorrect. has its own Congressman. changed its name to "The organ formerly known as My Dick".
...I can fuck the hole in the ozone.
...that when I tap it after I piss, it registers 9.6 on the Richter scale.
...they wiped out the amazon rain forest to provide enough rubber for just one of my Trojans.
...the shaft and each ball are their own independent sovereign states. It takes a trade agreement for me to come.
...NORAD goes to DEFCON 4 when I get morning wood. carries a dozen Polaris missles.
...I corn hole the Lincoln Tunnel. seats six comfortably.
...Pink Floyd is touring it.
...Sammy Sosa wants to bat with it. tans itself on Pad 39A.
...people is Roswell NM are still talking about my drive through town. has a permanent dark side.
...they race my sperms in Mexico. does "stupid My Dick tricks" on the Letterman show. has it's own currency.
...that the only man-made structure that can be seen from space is my erection. bends light. joined NATO. has a snow cap. bought Microsoft.
...once I ejaculated and buried Pompeii. smegma is recognized as an official ecological disaster.
...I can splooge satellites into orbit.
...the natives on Skull Island sacrifice virgins to it.
posted at 04:44 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

In the eye of the beholder
Apparently Ashcroft isn't the only one in history to have a problem with the naked form. Restoration works in a Roman church have revealed two bare-breasted beauties designed by Gian Lorenzo Bernini for the Baroque church of Sant'Isidoro that were hidden behind bronze "corsets" for more than 100 years. The surprise was that the original marble hadn't been damaged in any way. (Read more at and Yahoo News.)
posted at 04:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Bustin' makes me feel good
Here's a timely font link -- Fontenstein Halloween Fonts. They have dingbats, too!
posted at 03:01 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Never wanted to write no pop songs
So I'm over at Solonor's Ink Well, and I noticed I was linked as a "popblog" (the distinction is credited to Flablog). And I guess the title fits. But now I'm just left to wonder if your stomach will explode if you mix me, the poprock of the blog world, with Coca Cola...
posted at 10:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

This house does it with <style>
The sensation seems to be spreading... I'm sure there's a balm out there for it somewhere.
posted at 09:42 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

How do you get from here to there, what do you do?
I got that new referral log installed, and I'm happy to report it was easy as pie -- even for a natural blonde. It's over in my sidebar now under "baby I'm a star", second grouping. If you wanna quick peek, you can also do so here.
posted at 07:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Movin' right along
I just realized a minor milestone was reached early Monday morning. Christine posted the 10,000th comment in 2002 here:
"We felt the same way about that movie! I truly wanted to like it, it looked so cute in the trailers. In the end I just had to admit that it sucked."
I guess I should have balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling now. Blogaritas anyone?
posted at 06:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

One bad apple
Isn't it just great to know that soon we'll be advertised to on our produce as well... (Link from The Sun Online.)
posted at 04:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

New toy alert!
This is one of those that I can't wait to find the time to try out! It's a new spin on a referral log -- only this one allows you to see where they landed, where they came from, who they are, and what time they got there. To see it in action, go here and here.
posted at 09:03 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

A day late
Whoa. I'd somehow missed the fact that Mena has redesigned her blog. It looks great, but it shocked the bejeezus out of me! (Tipped off by "What Do I Know".)
posted at 08:55 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

I shall call it "mini me"
Is it just me, or is this a wee bit odd? This company has an exact replica miniature wedding gown department. They make exact miniature replicas of your wedding gown that stand about 18 to 20 inches tall.

"Our exact replica miniature wedding gowns are the perfect gift for a bride from her mother or mother-in-law," says Mara Urshel, President of Kleinfeld. "In years to come, a bride can always remember how beautiful she felt and looked on her wedding day by admiring her Kleinfeld miniature dress on open display in her home." Ummm, ok.
posted at 08:28 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Hunka hunka burnin' love
Am I getting old and out of touch? Because looking over the first couple of pages of the new E! Rank list ("The 25 Sexiest Men in Entertainment for 2002") left me going "huh?" for four out of eight. That's not to say that 3/4 of the remaining picks and corresponding photos didn't leave me going "huh?" as well. I'm just quite shocked at all of the names I didn't know this time!
posted at 02:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Tat for tit
It's about time we get some equal treatment in the ad world. From "Supermodels Are Lonelier Than You Think": the new YSL ad that features a reclining full-frontal nude male model (bolded link so NOT work friendly). Unfortunately US magazines will carry a slightly more tame version showing the model from the waist up.
posted at 11:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Stupid is as stupid does
Things just seem that much funnier when hopped up on Darvocet...

  1. Mom gives kid dad's gun to bribe him into eating his soup, and he accidentally shoots her in stomach
  2. Estranged husband thinks if he stages a robbery where he and his wife are bound together with telephone cords and duct tape, she'll realize she needs his protection and stay with him
  3. Jesus told him to close his porn shop, so he did and burned all his inventory
  4. Love, marriage, and monster trucks -- it's a local story -- oh joy (which just fits with our stupidest state ranking)
  5. J-Lo needs a professional nipple-tweaker for video shoot emergencies -- update your resumés
And here...have a taco on me while you find a little evil... OU sits atop the BCS rankings! (Most links from
posted at 10:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Pay it forward
Hey guess what? You can get 10% purchases at Gap stores between now and 10/25. Just go print out the coupon here and voila!
posted at 03:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Let's go to the movies! Let's go see the stars!
Here's a cool link from my mom -- check out the greatest films during the year you were born. For 1972 they list Deliverance (squeal!), Cabaret, and The Godfather just to name a few.
posted at 03:04 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

My love she throws me like a rubber ball
Todd just found this off the main page of, and I loved the title -- "Don't make OU angry". It looks like the Sooners will sit atop the BCS rankings when they're released for the first time tomorrow.

We just finished watching Game 2 of the World Series since there wasn't an NFL game on tonight. I have to say the noise from the rally sticks was quite annoying. It could be just because I'm oozing pain from every pore, but I felt like I was trapped under a tin roof during a hail storm. That said, I have no allegiances to either team really. Baseball as a sport has been dead to me for quite a long time. I guess by default we've picked the red and white team with the monkey though. Orange. Sucks.

But orange doesn't suck quite as much as this movie did. We ordered it from Netflix, and it was so bad. So very, very bad. I wanted to like it. Really I did. It just wasn't funny. Or cute. Or amusing. And for crimeny's sake, please put it in Cameron Diaz's next contract that isn't allowed to dance in the film.
posted at 12:06 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Hold on to yourself...for this is gonna hurt like hell...
Have you ever noticed that when you're sick, they act just as sad and pathetic as you look (photo 1, photo 2)? I'm not sure whether my new b'ankie is for me...or for Claire...
posted at 08:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Did anyone get the number...
...of the Mack truck that leveled my ass? I woke up feeling awful yesterday, but forced myself to go to the OU watch party. It was (supposed to be) a huge game, and I was too superstitious to stay home. From the second we walked in, people asked if I was dying. Guess I looked the part. And by the second half, I could barely move -- but didn't care looking at the score.

Did you happen to catch the results of yesterday's game? OU destroyed Heisman hopeful Seneca Wallace and the Cyclones. The only real shot ISU had a touchdown came on an OU fumble during a return (the game was a monsoon at times), and Iowa State recovered at the 1-yard line. On FOUR tries, they got knocked backwards instead of forwards. And the Sooners never looked back. From ESPN: "Wallace nearly threw more interceptions (3) than completions (4 of 22), as Iowa State cobbled together just 60 total yards of offense on 45 plays, the fourth worst total in school history."

OU is ranked first in several of the computer polls now, and second in the AP and Coaches Polls. The BCS rankings will be released for the first time tomorrow.

Up next is the Bucs vs. Eagles on FOX. There is no love lost between the teams, and the Eagles have had our number in years past. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to the couch and die while wrapped up in these.
posted at 04:14 PM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

Behold the power of Krispy Kreme
Ever since I saw these over at Snap! the other day, I've had a one-track stomach. Now the wait is no more -- they are mine. All mine. Bwah ha ha ha! And those two at the top left? Punkin' spice, baby! Mmmmm... I. Need a moment.
posted at 12:39 AM | link--it | mail it | (21) shout it

A little story
Ten years ago tomorrow, this boy met this girl at a party while going to this school . They were each wearing a J. Crew flannel shirt , and admired the other's. They dated , then broke up a few weeks later, but the girl told the boy that he would still marry her one day.

They stayed friends while at school , but after the girl graduated she moved off to Philadelphia to conquer the world . She also conquered the boy's heart by leaving, because he flew up to propose weeks later, seven years ago tomorrow.

And if the boy and girl hadn't been impatient, tomorrow would have also been their wedding day . But they ran off to get married instead, and lived happily ever after .

The end.

posted at 05:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (37) shout it

I want money - that's what I want

Thanks to Solonor for reminding me of this great quote:

"I'm a big fan of money. I like it. I use it. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in." - Robbie Hart
posted at 03:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Just got paid, Friday hoppin, feelin right...
Radio, video
Boogie with a suitcase
You're livin' in a disco
Forget about the rat race
Let's do the milkshake
Sellin' like a hotcake
Try some buy some fee-fi-fo-fum

Talk about, pop musik
Talk about, pop musik

Shoobie doobie do wop
I wanna dedicate this
Pop pop shoo wop
Everybody made it
Shoobie doobie do wop
Infiltrate it
Pop pop shoo wop
Activate it

New York, London, Paris, Munich
Everybody talk about pop musik

Talk about, pop musik
Talk about, pop musik
Pop pop pop pop musik

Singing in the subway
Shuffle with a shoe shine
Fix me a molotov
I'm on the headline

Wanna be a gun slinger
Don't be a rock singer
Eenie meenie mynie moe
Tell me where you wanna go

Talk about, pop musik
Talk about, pop musik

Shoobie doobie do wop
Lyin' in the tree
Pop pop shoo wop
Eenee meenie
Shoobie doobie do wop

Pop pop shoo wop
You know what I mean

Hit it...

Now you know what to say...

Talk about, pop musik
Pop pop pop pop musik

All around the world
Wherever you are
Dance in the street
Anything you like
Do it in your car
In the middle of the night

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Dance in the supermart
Dig it in the fastlane
Listen to the countdown
They're playin' our song again

I can't get jumping jack
I wanna hold - get back
Moonlight muzak
Knick knack patty whack

Talk about, pop musik
Talk about, pop musik

Shoobie doobie do wop
It's all around you
Pop pop shoo wop
Gonna suround you
Shoobie doobie do wop
It's all around
Pop pop shoo wop

Hit it...

New York, London, Paris, Munich
Everybody talk about pop musik

Talk about, pop musik
Talk about, pop musik
Pop pop pop pop musik
Now... listen...
Talk about,
Pop pop pop pop musik...
posted at 03:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Nothing is wasted - only reproduced
You know you're good when you get a parody spin-off! The site "pick up your own damn socks!" is now being called out by "Buy Your Own Damn Tampons". And although neither one of us are an official part of either one of them, Todd was more than happy to contribute a photo.
posted at 01:53 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Falling in love
Ok, remember this? Well check out this. Damn, she's good! I knew I tipped her off for a reason...
posted at 11:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Once more with feeling
Small addition made to my comment / individual archives templates thanks to the Scripty Goddesses. In addition to the pop-up with the URLs that have pinged me, now you can also view the sites I've pinged for each entry as well. For example, here are the URLs I've pinged for this entry. For more information on how to add this to your own MT templates, check out Kristine's great tutorial.
posted at 09:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Make it stop...please make it stop...
You know, I'm really going to be happy when the two-parter of "Will & Grace" concludes tonight. Not for the happy, sappy "very special Blossom" feel-good ending -- but because they will finally STOP playing that slow-mo-faux-troubled-expression annoying as hell background music commercial. "Could you cry a little?" Yes, I can. I will cry a lot if I have to see that commercial ONE MORE TIME. Which leads me to...aren't "sitcoms" supposed to be situation COMEDIES? There's no crying in baseball! </end rant>
posted at 08:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

The leaves are falling back east
I was just cleaning out my picture stash and ran across two really good images if anyone wants to create a fall-like celebrity skin out of them (image 1, image 2).

And while we're looking at really pretty fall pictures, check out this Halloween wedding in Philadelphia!
posted at 05:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?

posted at 03:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (19) shout it

You and I must make a pact
Have a couple hundred bucks to waste? If so, then you can be the proud owner of Mariah Carey's "hardly eaten" sammich. Radio station Q100 in Atlanta is hosting the auction on eBay:

"Mariah Carey was an in-studio guest at Q100 Radio in Atlanta, Georgia on Monday, October 14, 2002. While there, she asked for a turkey sandwich to nibble on during her interview. One of the station employees ran to a nearby deli, and returned with the sandwich pictured below. Mariah hardly touched this. The turkey, pickle, potato salad and garnish are untouched. The bread on one half of the sandwich has been picked at by Ms. Carey, leaving a hole approximately 3/4" in diameter.

The winning bidder will receive the sandwich, salad, pickle, and garnish in a handy Styrofoam deli box. In addition, the winning bidder will also receive a plastic knife used by one of Ms. Carey's handlers to lift the bread, allowing an inspection of the luncheon meat inside. PLEASE NOTE: This sandwich WAS NOT refrigerated for 24 hours after Ms. Carey left the studio, and should not be considered safe to eat. This sandwich is a collectors item, for the true music or Mariah memorabilia collector.

So there you go.
posted at 05:39 AM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

Mr. telephone man, there's something wrong with my line
Spied over at Hoopty's..."How to have fun with telemarketers". I am so printing and laminating this baby!
posted at 03:07 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Maybe baby, I'll have you - maybe baby, you'll be true
Somewhat emotional, "female" conversation ahead. Click at your own risk. You have been warned.

You know those cartoons where the character has a mini "angel" version of them and a mini "devil" version of them sitting up on their shoulders holding a conversation? Well that was me this week. Only mine were named "Hope" and "Reality". Hope keeps me human. Reality makes me feel human.

Well anyway, this week I was over a week late. I haven't been over a day late in a really long time since we officially stopped trying. I also had that "I'm about to hurl feeling" all weekend/week long -- and did toss my cookies on more than one occasion. And the thing that triggered it most of all? Chicken. Now in my mind I know that it would take several medical and spiritual miracles happening at the same place and time to even give me a small prayer of that occurring. Todd can have children. I can't. Over three years worth of trying, tests and surgeries have let me know just exactly where I stand without a doubt.

But as a woman, you get the play the doubt game. I would give anything to go back to the pre-trying me and just play that game one more time without knowing what happens after the dice are rolled. That gut-crunching, "Oh my god...could I be..." feeling that you fear if it should happen at a certain point in your life, everything would freeze-frame and you'd lose the ability to even breathe. I would welcome that feeling with open arms today. Because it's hard for me to even remember a time when I thought having a child the 'normal' way was even possible....much less might be a reality.

Which brings me to, late tonight. My least favorite aunt showed up with extra baggage. I think she intends to stay around for awhile this time. It seems she's also taken up kickboxing while away on that week's vacation. And I feel so stupid for even letting my mind go there. I mean, I won't even throw money away on the tests anymore. If I could have that ten-bucks-a-pop back that we spent once upon a time, we'd probably be in Jamaica right now. But that still doesn't stop me from pausing and asking the mental "Magic 8 Ball" from time to time. And once again, as always, signs point to no. I'll get over it. It's a good excuse to down a banana split.
posted at 02:23 AM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

It's not easy bein' green
I didn't have time to do anything fancy this week, so the design will look somewhat familiar -- but I couldn't leave Stacy with a plain-jane template for long. So stop by Stacy's Froggy Blog and give her a nice Oklahoma hello!
posted at 09:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Burnt offerings
Now we all have a place to hang out together on Sundays...

I assume 3 a.m. services via IM will be the norm? Sweet! It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ping. Pass the collection plates...
posted at 09:31 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

She's so lucky - she's a star
We ordered Chinese take-out tonight and this was my fortune. I'm still trying to decide if the message was a compliment, or a slam. Opinions please.
posted at 07:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (19) shout it

Let's get loud

It's time to start the party planning people! Who's in? All the details are up over at Stacy's. Be there or be !
posted at 03:57 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

There are worse things I could do
No, no, no! We do not need a new Grease sequel with Travolta and Newton-John. Grease 2 was enough. Has "The Parent Trap II" taught us nothing? You cannot go back again. For the love of all that is holy, leave Danny Zuko and Sandy Olsen in the past where they belong. Travolta has not aged well. The sight of him back in leather pants will most certainly cause years of therapy. I'm sorry Olivia -- but there just is no such thing as 'the right script' for this one! (Read the full scoop on
posted at 04:57 AM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it

It breaks my heart to see you hanging from your shelf
For all the =w=eezer fans out there, here's a great site I stumbled across tonight -- Weezer 101. "It’s like that class syllabus that you’re supposed to but never ever read."

Only 42 days left in my quest for a little one on one with Rivers Cuomo. Things aren't looking so good. But I'm gonna keep fishin' nonetheless.
posted at 01:52 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

I swear I won't tease you - won't tell you no lies
The Georgia Supreme Court is currently hearing a challenge to the state's fornication law, which prohibits sexual intercourse outside of wedlock. A conviction is a misdemeanor offense and can bring up to a year in prison and a $1,000 fine.

At least Georgia's laws aren't as strange as some of those in the rest of the country. In Ventura County, California, there is a law against cats and dogs having sex without a permit. In Ames, Iowa, your husband isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms. A Tremonton, Utah, law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment. And in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, there is a law against having sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.

For more wacky sex laws visit Romance 101, Strange U.S. Sex Laws, and Sexlaws. (News link from
posted at 12:16 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Can I have this dance for the rest of my life?
To continue with today's 'wedding' theme...the new October "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" featured event is now online!
posted at 10:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
I'm having waaaaay too much fun thinking about licking these.
posted at 05:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

Like the weather

The color of the sky
as far as I can see is coal grey.
Lift my head from the pillow
and then fall again.
I get a shiver in my bones
just thinking about the weather.
A quiver in my lips as if I might cry.

And by the force of will my lungs are filled and so I breathe.
Lately it seems this big bed is where I never leave.
I get a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.
A quiver in my lips as if I might cry.

"What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?"

I hear the sound of a noon bell chime. Well I'm far behind.
Here you put in 'bout half a day while here I lie
with a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.
A quiver in my lip as if I may cry.

"What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?"

Do I need someone here to scold me
or do I need someone who'll grab and pull me out of
four poster dull torpor pulling downward.

For it is such a long time since my better days.
I say my prayers nightly this will pass away.

The color of the sky is grey as I can see through the blinds.
Lift my head from the pillow and then I fall again.
I get a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.
A quiver in my head as if I may cry.

"What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?"
A cold and rainy day. I shiver, quiver, and try to wake...
posted at 03:57 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight

We're halfway through the submission process for the 2002 annual Dress Contest. So if you've been procrastinating, the time to stop doing so is now! There's a new easy-as-pie submission form where you can submit multiple photos of your wedding dress right off your harddrive along with your essays (full rules located here). We've also got image editing volunteers if you need help with your entry.

I hope to see your dresses entered soon! If you know of someone that is recently married, please bug them to enter for me, ok? And if you'd like to really help me out by mentioning the contest (and linking to it) on your own site, there are several images to choose from here.

Thanks! --Robyn
posted at 03:24 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Ask and ye shall receive
Kristine asked if I knew of a wedding planner for people getting married rather quickly, rather than the standard 18 months most online checklists assume the bride and groom will have to plan their big day. I found a great one at -- the "Six Weeks Wedding Checklist". So just in case you (or someone you know) might need it, too -- well there ya' go!
posted at 03:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Dude, you're fired
So I noticed a new Dell commercial earlier this evening without that annoying "Dude, you're getting a Dell" kid. Only they still used the slogan. I wondered aloud if he'd been canned. Then Dick discovered the news. First him. Hopefully next, the company. And soon my life will be complete!
posted at 11:57 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

I just say...
They just had a fluff-piece about the 49ers during MNF's halftime. One of the players had a camera and snuck in the bathroom, hopped up on a toilet, and filmed another player using the john. Said "number two" player was also on a cell phone. So I asked Todd, "Wonder if he'll get phone calls later tonight asking were you talking to me when you were taking a dump?" Todd laughed, but then said, "I've done it." Things you don't want to know about your husband for $200, Alex. I have never had a conversation be so important that I couldn't wait to call until after I did my business -- or at least make up some sort of excuse to call them right back. So this poll is anonymous. Fess up. Do you talk on the phone when your drawers (or panties) are around your ankles?

And if you answer "yep", please don't call me during it. No. Seriously.
posted at 10:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Warts and all
For some reason, today seems to be "gross news day". You know how you can use duct tape to fix just about anything? Well it can also get rid of warts apparently.

But to add a seasonal spin to the topic, here are duct tape ideas for your Halloween costumes. Or how about for your wedding attire instead? I have to admit though, I was just crazy enough way back when to have considered some of these for my prom!
posted at 09:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Doctor, doctor gimme the news
We just got back from one of my 'routine' doctor's appointments with my internist. It was time to get Rx's renewed and get the results of labwork done in August. I was doing mental cartwheels by the time we got to the exam room -- I've lost 15 lbs. since my last visit (and 22 lbs. since the visit before that)!

The nurse wrote my weight down 10 lbs. higher than it was today, too. I noticed it and corrected her -- and she said, "No, that's right." So I had her walk back to the scale. NEVER question a woman over 10 lbs. Especially when it means she's only lost 5 vs. 15 of them. She smiled when she noticed her goof, and my chart was immediately corrected. Heh. We don't have a scale, and I refuse to buy one -- so this is the first time I've had official confirmation, other than my clothes just fitting loose.

My choleseterol was 221 when normal for my age is 200. Nothing really major there. And my 'good' choleseterol was 38 when normal for my age is 40. So not too bad...or bad enough to watch yet... (I can't believe I'm getting old enough they have to pay attention to this stuff.) Other than that, I'm doing well as far as the rest of the labwork goes and I won't have to go back again until late January!

Of course, all the good news comes on a day when I feel less than...but I'll gladly take this wiped feelin' after a big OU win any day. Todd and Robbie have said they are both hurting, and they're perfectly healthy. So that's that!
posted at 05:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Sooner Magic
Ahhhhh......nothing like kicking off the start to a brand new week with this! Now the celebrations must come to an end unfortunately. We've got #9 Iowa State (at home) this weekend. Eeeep!
posted at 12:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

That is what 'to the pain' means
(Warning: Do not click these links if you are eating.) Can someone please tell me how on god's green earth this helps celebrate vegetarianism? Now with this photo I can see why there'd be cause for celebration. Da' Bulls win. But with this one, not so much. Owie. And just in case you're not squirming enough already...
posted at 03:34 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

A shout out to my homies
Here are a few blog reading recommendations to start the week off on a good note:

  1. -- "original poetry, inspirational articles, satires, writings, poems, forums" (and an all-around beautiful design)
  2. dramabug dot net -- love that sassy logo image!
  3. Up Yours - And More Helpful Tips -- sometimes it takes more than a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down, in a most delightful way
  4. strange currency -- another fab design with great content
  5. 8Bit Joystick -- excellent group blog with a Thursday meme
Need more to get through the work day? The lists begin here... And be sure to keep your eye on this brand new Oklahoma blogger!
posted at 01:53 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

East coast vs. west coast
Well it seems the west coast bloggers had themselves a big blowout over the weekend. And now, Hoopty has called the Florida bloggers out over at Gretchen's. And I quote:

"California bloggers can throw the way crazier party than those Florida bloggers. The preceding was indeed a challenge."

Perhaps he has forgotten the blogger bash to end all blogger bashes. Not only did we provide a live netcam feed -- we also ended up with full frontal (male and female) ON CAMERA. Don't believe me? Just ask the people who set up and monitored the live chatroom full of people watching the cam. Or everyone out there who took screen captures cementing the fact Todd will never be able to run for public office, ever.

So far the best piece of...errrr...evidence I've seen offered out of that camp is this photo. Whereas we had these and these and these and these and these. Their drinking photos from this weekend are closely rivaled by our July event -- and I didn't see a single one of them doing anything like this or this or this.

Me thinks that crowd certainly has to be hungover to even think of making such a claim. What do you think though?

Do you feel like their party was "way crazier" than ours have been?

Just remember, what you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
posted at 11:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (24) shout it

At the late night, double feature, picture show
One of our favorite games to play is "spot the movie oopsies". I've blogged about it in the past, but MSNBC reminded me once again about For example, here's a list of mistakes from "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me".

And also from MSNBC, it appears that Courteney Cox Arquette has reverted to using her maiden name. Hmmmmm...
posted at 05:33 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

The day after the night before
We got to bed so late last night. We just couldn't quit reading stories about the game and looking at photos. Considering I barely slept on Friday night, and woke up before the alarm even went off so we could watch GameDay, I am just wiped now. I didn't even catch kickoff in the Bucs game today (which we currently lead 10-0). I realize they're paying tribute to their roots and all, but could Cleveland have uglier uniforms? Shit brown AND orange. What a lovely combo... Reminds me of a late 70s kitchen gone bad.

I was too hyped up to really discuss my feelings surrounding the game last night, but a post on finally made the emotion pour out. So if you'll please indulge me this one last entry about the OU/tx series.

As expected, a lot of the 'whorn fans are in denial today -- it ain't just a river in Egypt. On one of their message boards it reads:

"We are a much better football team than OU. We have the best set of wide receivers in the nation...If Chris just throws it away from the defensive back, it was a sure 6, instead we have to listen to the announcers on how great of a play the defensive back made...So many 3 and outs in the second half killed us. They got the lucky bounce at the goal line and we were done. I really wish Chris would have taken this team on his shoulders and drove them down the field, so once and for all he could have proved his greatness to his naysayers...We win next week, and I think we still win the Big XII South, and still have a chance to play for an National Championship. OU is not that great of a team and they will lose before it is all over. Hopefully twice."

Well I've got news for you texass. We beat you 63-14 in 2000 with a bunch of scrappers left over from the John Blake era. That was "a fluke". Couldn't happen again. Then we beat you 14-3 in 2001. The wind was tricky. You ran out of time. It was another fluke. So yesterday, on a day when our QB played like shit, threw four picks (when he hadn't thrown a single one all season long), and by his own admission "our team won in spite of my performance" -- did your pretty boy QB suck it up and play his best game on the day that was heralded as his chance to finally prove himself in just about every print and television media outlet in the nation? No. He also threw three picks and not a single touchdown. Not a single touchdown against top 10 teams in his entire career I might add -- but also threw for something like thirteen picks total in those same games. If your players are always so much better, then why is it that our players always seem to beat you these days?

There will never be a fucking year when you give OU credit. Ever. It's never about why we won, but instead why you lost. You want to live in your own little dream world that you are sooooo much better than we are by clinging to stats from the early 1900s. Well you know what? You go right ahead and live in glorious black and white. I'll take our seven national championships to your two (both of which were earned before I was even born). I'll take the colorful images of Bob Stoops holding up the Sears trophy in Miami in 2000, and the feeling of walking on air as we exited the Orange Bowl. And I'll take the image of the fake Roy Williams crying on the sidelines after the Big XII Championship last year when we literally handed you a ticket to Pasadena as an early Christmas gift, and you couldn't even unwrap it. No team is EVER "that good" to you. Did you ever stop to think that once, just maybe, YOU are the ones that suck? Because if you'll drain that piss and vinegar out of your eardrums you might just hear the sound of the rest of the country laughing at you.

You know what? OU just might lose this season. There are a couple of games already where I had just about given up on getting the "W". And we've got Iowa State in six more days. But at least our coach has the CLASS to admit, "We were outplayed and I was outcoached," after our losses. This year yours blames the wind (once again) in the third quarter, and receivers running the wrong routes. Well you know what? Our players were in that VERY SAME wind in the fourth quarter when we scored the majority of our points. Our QB's performance left little to be desired, and we had several dropped balls in the first half. But...oh yeah...we don't have to make excuses. We...won. Enjoy your back-to-back recruiting national championships. And that series record. I'll take my dominance in the here and now, thankyouverymuch.

The above entry was written by a girl -- who seems to have more fire in her belly than the entire 'whorn O-line and coaching staff combined.
posted at 03:09 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

364 more days of bragging rights

I'd like to take a second to point out that OU has not lost to the 'whorns since the '90s. Bob Stoops truly has Mack's number, and three years of play against the big boys and Chrissy Simms still hasn't got his pubes.'s great to be a Sooner!

I promise, the OU/tx discussion is just about over. But here are a couple of pics from tonight's watch party before I sign off. Enjoy!

posted at 03:07 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Open wound, insert salt
I do one of these a year...and I don't remember one ever being so sweet. I give to you the "Mack Brown Excuse-o-Meter"!
posted at 11:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Six and oh, oh, oh - you know what I'm talkin' 'bout

posted at 09:15 PM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

The definition of life

NOUN: Sooner. The Oklahoma Territory opened with the Land Run of 1889. Settlers from across the country, seeking free land, made their way to the Plains to stake their claim to a new life. One of the few rules to claiming a parcel of land was that all participants were to start at the same time, on the boom of a cannon. All settlers who started then were labeled as Boomers and those who went too soon were called Sooners.
posted at 10:47 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Boomer Sooner - go OU!

[Todd and Robyn have a special message for the whorns]

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray tomorrow the longhorns will weep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord will still beat the hell outta texas.

posted at 12:32 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Sweet mother of chili and cheese

We're heading out of town this evening for an Oklahoma-style meal. Ya'll behave! And have a great weekend... BOOOOOOOOOOMER!
posted at 05:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

It has to be Friday
October 11, 2002 -- Police in Morrisville, Pa. have seen a lot of weird things on the job, but nothing prepared them for the guy who limped into the station house - with a nail and a firecracker in his penis. The unidentified man from nearby Trenton, N.J., told the stunned cops he had inserted the objects himself, but refused to say why. He asked them to take him to the hospital. The bizarre incident quickly sparked ribald humor among officers.

"He probably wanted to go off with a bang," one quipped.


And remember "The Fightin' Whites"? Well now they have their own beer -- Fighting White Wheat Beer! (Links thanks to
posted at 03:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Just e-mailed to Todd
posted at 03:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Shook me all night long
Here's another brilliant invention -- Caffeine Lipstick from Hard Candy. "Addicted to your daily coffee fix? With Caffeine Lipstick you get creamy, moisturizing color with a boost of caffeine every time you lick your lips. It even smells like your morning wake-up. So you can have beautiful lips and a caffeine buzz, without adding the sugar and cream."

And even better, this site has a coupon code for free shipping on $25 orders with Sephora. I just used it with an eGift and it works!

Get a side of soap to go, and you don't need no stinkin' sleep...
posted at 03:27 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

What a long, strange trip it's been
This week has just been, well, odd. On Sunday night I was near-completion on a big project and was rarin' to go. Todd loved it, and he honestly doesn't say that often since most of the sites I design are for "conservative" blogs these days. But on Monday when I sent along a first-draft, half of the team loved it -- and the other half, well their comments would have made me cry on a PMS-day. Thankfully it came in at just the right time, and I pretty much laughed it off. But then after seeing someone so unhappy with a part of my "soul", well my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I couldn't get excited about finishing that particular design and every time I'd open Photoshop I'd just sit there giving it a blank stare, with my mind anywhere but.

I think part of it is Red River Rivalitis. OU doesn't really enforce an attendance policy this week. No one's mind is on anything but the game. Todd's feeling it, too, and I've seen it mentioned several times on message boards now. It's kind of like waiting for Santa to come -- only this time he drives a schooner. I don't think any OU fan will sleep well Friday night.

I've went back to the drawing board on the above-mentioned site's design. I'm doing my best to start over and make sure everyone is happy -- I just feel too dead thinking about the old one. I need fresh blood to paint with. And an OU win. That wouldn't hurt either, Santa baby... A happy Robyn is a productive Robyn.
posted at 02:14 AM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

And this concludes our broadcast

Well ladies and gents, "hell week" is coming to a close. All the jokes and taunts in fun are being put away 'til next year. I want to wish JE and the rest of the 'whorn crowd out there a good game. It's going to be a dogfight, and nothing is going to be handed to either team. Unless you've attended either school, it's impossible to understand the scope and magnitude of this rivalry and how it just gets in your blood. There's a reason ESPN Classic says, "For the last 72 [now 73] years, the OU-texas game in Dallas has been part Mardi Gras and part Super Bowl.....With apologies to Army-Navy, Alabama-Auburn, Ohio State-Michigan, Florida-Georgia, Florida State-Miami, USC-UCLA and USC-Notre Dame, the season's most compelling game and the game's greatest rivalry, still belongs to Dallas."

I want to wish everyone who's making the pilgrimage to the Cotton Bowl a safe trip to and from, be it from Norman or Austin. I'm praying the players from both sides will leave the field without serious injury. And I hope that for just one more year, we can beat the helloutta texas. If so, I'm buying the first round of shots. And if not, we'll I'm still buyin' them. After all, that's what the Red River Rivalry is all about. Boomer Sooner!
posted at 12:08 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

'Cause I'm the wanderer - yeah, the wanderer
Kristine has a great tip up if you haven't discovered it already... It's possible to ping Wander-Lust now if you're running the new MT 2.5. For more information, and a great mini-tutorial, check out her site!
posted at 07:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

You can't see the forest for the trees
Dawn inspired me to grab my camera and head outside again today. I have ten new photos up at Shutterblog.

And somewhat related, this showed up a day early. Wahoo!
posted at 07:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Merchandise - we got'cher merchandise!
For everyone that keeps hitting my blog looking for "beat texas" baseball caps, hats and visors -- check eBay. You can get great ones like these over there. I don't have anything myself. Sorry.
posted at 04:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Let's get it on...
I've had this "I'm gonna hurl" feeling since Saturday night. As much as it sucks, that's a good thing. I have a very good track record when going into big games with that feeling beforehand. To date, this is the longest it's ever lasted. *knock on wood*

My husband has his pregame superstitions and rituals, too. For a man that didn't even watch football when we got married, he's turned into -- I dare say -- a bigger fan of the game than I am. He has his Steve Owens action figure with matching mini-Heisman trophy. They never leave the top right corner of the TV, other than for Todd to rub them for good luck. The OU flag goes up the instant we wake up on game day and not a second later. Claire has an OU collar that gives her "super powers" on gameday. Todd even stole the napkin (shhh! don't tell!) from Selmon's last Saturday that he had a death grip on and beat the table with every time OU made a big play. It's going back with him for the texass game.

The rest of my gameday superstitions are a little more tame. I have a pair of OU athletic shorts that I have to put on before the TV is turned on to ESPN's College GameDay. I always have to sleep in an OU t-shirt the night before a game. I have a certain pair of crimson and cream underwear (bra and panties) that I've worn for every gameday since the beginning of the 2000 season. Their track record is 29-2 to date. I also have a "lucky toenail polish" -- Ribbon Red by Chanel, and OU sneakers.

So what are your gameday rituals and superstitions? I know we're not alone!

And here are a few more notes and jokes from "hate week 2002"...

Q: Why does Chris Simms eat soup off a plate?
A: Because he chokes in a bowl.

"There was a time when we never got Oklahoma on TV on the East Coast," said former Sooners great Joe Washington, now a financial advisor in Lutherville, Md. "Now I can plop down anywhere and watch them. And I'll be there Saturday, in front of the TV in headgear, shoulder pads and silver shoes."

Brown, in his 19th season as a head coach, has never led a team to a conference title much less a national one. He didn't do it at Appalachian State or Tulane or North Carolina, and he hasn't done it yet at Texas....Doing so has been almost as elusive to Brown as pinning down exactly what makes a game big. He even spoke with Florida State coach Bobby Bowden about it once. "He said the only big ones are the ones you lose," Brown said. "So when I go back and see we beat Colorado at home last year and it wasn't a big one, but then we lose to them in the (Big 12) championship and it was, I get confused."

Ya' don't say, Mack?
posted at 12:38 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

C'mon baby make it hurt so good
Tell me this doesn't read like a bad Harlequin Romance Novel... "Lying on a sterile, padded table, Traci held her legs above her head while Olga spread warm wax across her skin with a large popsicle stick-like applicator." But it's not.

It's an article touting the benefits of a Brazilian wax. Now I'm no stranger to pain and having my down-low bared to the world. During two years of infertility tests and surgeries I've just about been through it all. So go ahead and call me a wuss if you want, but no one, and I do mean no one is "going down there to do that". That's not to say I don't have good grooming habits. Maybe it was because I was raised Southern Baptist. I don't know... But I do agree 100% with the person in the article that said, "I’m not comfortable having a stranger’s face in my crotch for non-medical reasons."

Read all this and more at "Defluffing the muff: the low down on the trend down below" (from

P.S. "Pube dyeing parties"?!? Seriously? Oh thank god the majority of my friends were male in school.
posted at 03:23 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

It's minty fresh
Don't know how I've managed to miss this one 'til now: "Blogmints displays the highest commented post for each weblog appearing in the last hour on It does this by crawling the blogs looking for common comment URLs or comment indicating tokens."
posted at 02:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Because it's not Friday yet, and because I can...

posted at 02:42 AM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

I can't drive...55
Sometimes technology amazes me. Sometimes it scares me. This, quite frankly...scares me.

"France is preparing to test satellite technology that will automatically slow speeding cars by overriding driver control. Drivers breaking the speed limit will find the accelerator pedal becomes inoperable because the fuel injection will be regulated by an on-board computer, which itself will be connected to a global positioning system. The drivers will either see a warning message flash, or discover the automatic cut-off has taken hold, slowing them down to the legal velocity." (See full article at ABC News Online.)
posted at 01:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it

Hooray for Peter Pumpkinhead
Dawn always manages to take absolutely perfect photos. At times I don't feel like I even deserve to hold a camera after looking through her recent image collections. Like these two. Who isn't ready to dive into fall after viewing them? Unfortunately with our temps still in the 90s, fall-scented candles and blaring the AC will have to do for now.
posted at 10:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I rarely take online tests, but when I found the "Which Disney Princess are you?" quiz at Kristine's, I couldn't resist. I'm always accused of being Cinderella -- and lookee there. I really am!

I am Cinderella!

posted at 08:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

Hello dad...I'm in jail!
Just remember when those minor wedding disasters creep up, your groom could always be pepper-sprayed and tossed in jail on your wedding night, following a wild melee at your wedding reception. I wonder if the flowers went with prison orange?
posted at 08:31 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Mama
Normally I try to have only one football related post per weekday, but this is too freaking hysterical to keep to myself.


I'm a quarterback, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I play all day.

He's a quarterback, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he plays all day.

I take the snap. I take three steps.
I like to throw the ball.
But bein’ under center
Is my favorite part of all.

He takes the snap. He takes three steps.
He likes to throw the ball.
But bein’ under center,
Is his favorite part of all.

He's a quarterback, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he plays all day.

I take the snap. I take three steps.
I like to catch a glance.
Of my Burly linemen
In their tight white pants.

He takes the snap. He takes three steps.
He likes to catch a glance.
Of his Burly linemen
In our tight white pants?!

He's a quarterback, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he plays all day.

I take the snap. I wear no jock,
It makes me feel so free.
I like to be commando,
When the other team sacks me.

He takes the snap. He wears no jock,
He likes to feel so free?!


What's this? Wants to be sacked?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Oh well.

He's a quarterback, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he plays all day.

He's a quarterback, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he plays all day.

So even if the Sooners somehow can't rack up another a "W" on Saturday, I'll always have the laughter and the tears of this song... Beautiful.
posted at 05:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

It's only FARKing Wednesday
All the news that's unfit to print...most thanks to

  1. Something about SpongeBob SquarePants whispers 'gay' to many men.
  2. You can't be named God in Florida. You can be named "I am who I am", however.
  3. I swear my husband had nothing to do with this. I know nothing.
  4. There aren't enough earplugs. 937 yodellers set a new world record for "largest simultaneous yodel" by holding their melody for a full minute.
  5. Yet another reason to eat meat -- Tammy Faye Bakker Messner becomes a new PETA cover girl.
And last but not least, if I have to look at this -- so do you!
posted at 04:11 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Live on University!
People not used to life that is football in the Big XII can't possibly understand why other teams hate the longhorns so. "Hate week" may seem silly to you. The fact I will most likely vomit if the Sooners walk out of the Cotton Bowl with a loss may seem pathetic and sad. It may be hard to understand why a team that literally lives and dies to beat texas -- and only texas -- has such passion about a team that gives it, but can't take it. An opponent that can only reply after a loss with, "Well our real rival is A&M anyway," but will pelt you with full beer cans saying things that make ME blush if they beat you. Fortunately I don't have to describe the hatred this year that's welled up inside of the Sooner nation. A columnist from Austin did it for me in a two-part series following Oklahoma's Cotton Bowl victory last year. (Part 1, Part 2, found at OU Insider)

So if you want to see why our feathers are ruffled that once again Vegas gave texas the spread by 3, or that Corso will put on a Bevo hat Saturday morning, or that just about every sports announcer around is hanging their hat on the 'whorns and saying "hook 'em" this week -- well the following is why. Nevermind that Simms is 0-4 against top 10 teams. That he hasn't thrown a single touchdown against a top 10 opponent in his career, unless you count the touchdowns he's thrown to the other team. (And over 10 other picks as well.) Screw it, by god. The 'whorns are always unstoppable. And the Sooners don't deserve to take the field with them. We should roll over and accept defeat gracefully. Until we win. Again.
Not once, in a most telling observation, not in any column, on any talk show, in any letter to the editor ... not anywhere was there a positive comment about the team that beat Texas, the defending National Champions, the team they call the Oklahoma Sooners. No admiration about the creative defensive effort it took to shut down an explosive Texas offense. Just talk about how bad Texas was. No kudos to Bob Stoops, just curses for the idiots who call themselves Texas coaches. No accolades to a gutsy performance for OU's White, only venom and vitriol for Simms ...

... In an acorn, this arrogance, this "Nobody can beat Texas. Texas only plays bad," is why UT is disliked nationally and why Texas is, indeed, the team everybody wants to beat. Not, please be clear, because Texas is that good, but because of the obnoxious (and wildly unjustified) hubris of Longhorn Fan. Sullen and finger-pointing in defeat, never giving credit to the opposition. Pompous, smug, often violent in victory. Not a flattering combination ...

... Since 1970 (as Richard Nixon was starting his second year as president), Nebraska has won five National Championships. Alabama, Oklahoma, and Miami have four apiece. USC and Notre Dame have three. Penn State and Florida State have two. Since the all-white team of '70 -- that's 31 years! -- Texas has won none. This great tradition of Texas football is nonexistent ...

... The media does its part each year to make certain the university is hyped nationally ... generally beyond reality. Longhorn Fan, fed this pabulum year-in-year-out, believes it's the school's (and his own) birthright to be in the Top 10, though its last Top 10 finish was in long-ago 1984. Efficient, unending hype from within Texas is quite effective nationally. Since Royal's last season, UT has been a preseason Top 10 pick nine times, a Top 25, 17. Yet in that time they've only delivered three Top 10 finishes and 11 Top 25 finishes. This, keep in mind, playing almost entirely in the toothless SWC, where eight wins were on the board before September 1 ...

... Longhorn Fan doesn't think anybody, anywhere else in America plays football. Not in Florida. Not in California. Oklahoma, with its four titles -- come on, man, you gotta be kidding me. Oklahoma!? Longhorn Fan believes, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that football is only played here. Ergo, when Texas gets beat, it's not because the other team's better. It's because UT's game plan was bad.

And from "Comparing OU and UT": Perhaps there is some insight in the school colors of the two universities. OU's colors are crimson and cream, and UT's color is burnt orange. Crimson and cream are the colors of blood and guts, of bone and marrow -- they represent commitment and a depth of conviction. This is in keeping with the attitudes expressed by OU's head coach Bob Stoops: no nonsense, no excuses, win by better preparation and more heart. Burnt orange is the color of the setting sun as seen through a thick haze -- they represent a time when the once bright sun has subsided over the horizon, a time when even the sun is reduced to modest heat and brightness. This is in keeping with the squandered talent and the attitudes expressed by UT's head coach Mack Brown: UT doesn't really lose games, they just "run out of time" like the last few minutes of daylight at sunset.
So there you have it. Better than my own anger and hatred would have let me type it... We may lose on Saturday, but in my heart I will always know we are the better team. Tradition -- real tradition -- speaks volumes.

Hype always has it's cover blown in the end.

Boomer Sooner!
posted at 02:23 AM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

Now with scrubbing bubbles!
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm getting old. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home tonight so we could go buy a new dishwasher. We could've taken a long-overdue vacation with the money we'd saved (since we already have two unused plane tickets). But we didn't. We were responsible and saved for a GE Triton. And I'm happy. That just seems so "wrong" coming from me.

That was the last of the major appliances (other than the hot water heater) left from the original owners. Everything else we've replaced since moving in last summer. The (8-year old) dishwasher that came with the house was so gross. We had to completely wash the dishes by hand before putting them inside. And then at least 1/3 of them would still have film and ick on them when they were done so we'd have to wash them by hand all over again. And it started breaking our drinking glasses recently as well. We basically used the thing for the heat-dry-sanitize alone -- it seemed like "what's the point?" No more though. This baby gets delivered Friday!
posted at 10:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Avoid the rush - hate texas now
Ok, this one (the spin-off of a FARK classic) darn near caused a spew -- you have been warned! BOOOOOOOMER...
posted at 06:07 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

Happy birthday to Movable Type!
Movable Type turns one year old today -- and along with it, a brand spankin' new edition 2.5. New toy alert!
posted at 04:55 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Cops come and try to snatch my crops
A new comment has been posted on your blog:

IP Address:
Email Address:

im the police this is only a warning you freaky women where contacting the police now

I should point out the entry linked was posted on 5/15, and they're just now getting around to commenting on it today. I'm scared. No really, I am. *snicker*
posted at 02:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

So not work safe...
All the money these ladies make, and no one ever taught them to use body glue or double-sided tape. Sheesh. ("Celebrity Oops!" link from, where else,
posted at 04:55 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

And baby, talk dirty to me
"When aging rockstars go sad"...on today's FARK... Apparently when Poison drummer Rikki Rockett gets bored on tour, he paints the toilet lids in his hotel room. He has a gallery of his creations up at his "official website". From
Why does he do it? Rockett writes on his Web site, "I like hotels." He considers the art to be his contribution to society. He chooses toilet seats because they're "cheap, shaped very well and we all can relate to them."
Well ok then... Can you imagine the poor maid's heart attack?
posted at 04:05 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

For discriminating tastes
One of my recent projects just went live -- and they made the Daypop Top 40 in the process. Go say "hi" to John and Jessie over at Discriminations!

Sekimori Design. Proudly rescuing Blogger users since 2001.
posted at 02:23 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Here's a recycled entry from last fall that will come in handy once again... The [new October 2001] InStyle Magazine has a cool "tools for ghouls" section. Some of the spooky, scary, downright creepy links the article included are:

1)  Printable pumpkin carving patterns
2)  Artificial pumpkins you can carve or have custom-carved
3)  Professional and kid-safe make-up, prosthetics, and hair dyes
4)  Haunted attraction database by state
5)  Party planning - yucky recipes, spooky games, and ghost stories
6)  Links sites offering decorating, entertaining, and shopping tips
7)  Over 6000 vintage costumes & clothing patterns from 1940s-80s
8)  Candy store with nostalgic classics and gourmet items
9)  More than 50,000 hair-to-go-styles
10) Costumes, props, and accessories
posted at 11:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Hate week -- it's not just for breakfast anymore

You might be a longhorn if......
  1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
  5. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
  6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."
  8. You think Dom Pérignon is a Mafia leader.
  9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
  10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
  11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
  12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
  14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
  15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
  17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
  18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
  19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
  20. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Kevin also has a really good Big XII weekend wrap-up on his site.
posted at 08:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Quick. Grab the tequila. It's time for the "Bush drinking game"!
posted at 08:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

Here's a quarter - call someone who cares
This is pretty neat. Alabama has unveiled their new state quarter, and it will be the first U.S. coin in circulation to include Braille. The design features an image of Alabama native Helen Keller. It's still not as cool as Louisiana's quarter though. (Link from Yahoo! News.)
posted at 05:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it

Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
Someone left a comment in the old "break-up songs" entry today that I have to agree with. And I also think I might need therapy for it. Have you heard Puddle of Mudd's song "She (Fucking) Hates Me"? We did for the first time this weekend on the local station that claims to be the 'new rock alternative'. When it first came on Friday night, we had the volume down low and it was the tail-end of the song. I turned to Todd and asked, "Is that the new Nirvana song that Courtney was being a bitch about releasing?" We just didn't hear enough to tell. But after the movie was over on the drive home, it came on again, so we blared it. Through the entire song we kept saying, "Is it?" And, "Nah...couldn't be." Then, "Well maybe..." So I got home and looked it up -- and it's Puddle of Mudd. Puddle of (Fucking) Mudd. I was stunned.

So then, I had to admit the worst thing possible thing to my snotty music self -- I actually <gasp> liked a Puddle of Mudd song. We spent a few moments consoling each other. Convinced ourselves that we were just so desperate for "good" music again that we were willing to grasp at straws and pretend anyone was Nirvana just to cope with what's on the radio these days. But did that stop me from hopping on Limewire and downloading the song? Hell no. We're gonna have a problem here...
posted at 03:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

A moment of silence
This is me...weeping openly... Twenty tons of stolen chocolate found, and destroyed, for being 18 months past its expiration date. I think we should all eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups today in its honor. I think it would have wanted it that way. And in other news -- porn star awarded half a mil for being "rear-ended".
posted at 02:09 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

I scream, you scream, we all more time...
So you may have noticed that little countdown at the top of my page. Nineteen days left. Who's in? Mikey?
posted at 01:37 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it

If your mascot's sedated and you know it clap your hands
Vegas now has the 'whorns by 3. Now all we need is for him to put on a Bevo hat during GameDay and we're golden!
posted at 08:04 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it

Getting Sappy - the deep dish
Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! I may feel like absolute hell today, but both my teams won this it's all good...

Unfortunately this wasn't all good. Hated the crust (it reminded me of Bisquick). Hated the chunky marinara topping. This household is split 50/50. He devoured the pizza. I snuck off w/ the cheesesticks.
posted at 04:37 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it

Sanitized for your protection
Another great link from the Scripty Goddesses -- the "MT Sanitize Plug-In". The plug-in lets you list the acceptable HTML that you want to allow in your Movable Type comments, and then it filters out the rest. Or for a similar alternative, try the "MTCleanHTMLPlugin".
posted at 01:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

I've been working on the railroad
It's a good thing I have chronic low blood pressure, or I think I'd end up with an aneurysm watching the Sooners play this season. Granted we gave up a few stupid penalties and the defense gave up mind-boggling big-yardage plays to a helluva freshman QB -- but the refs didn't help tonight either. There were several offsides penalties not called on Missouri, and a final-moments bad call on a Tigers fumble that could have resulted in a game-breaker. Mizzou fumbled, then recovered, in the red zone. The replay clearly showed that the fumble occurred one and a half yards shy of the first down marker -- but the officials gave the Tigers the first down spot anyway. Thankfully the OU defense held for the next four plays, and Mizzou turned it over on downs so we could take the knee and get the hell out of Dodge with a 31-24 final score.

However, all that said, I have to give the "balls of steel" award to Stoops and crew for trying -- and getting -- a touchdown on a field goal fake when the Sooners were down by one midway through the fourth quarter. And then immediately after going for -- and also getting -- the two-point conversion to put us up by seven. I felt like Hollywood to Maverick. ("Gutsiest move I ever saw, man.")

And now the week I simultaneously live for and dread -- a.k.a. hate week -- begins. The week before OU/tx. Records and ranking mean nothing. They're all out the window. It's only for the blood and the Red River bragging rights. Nevermind that we've had a few lackluster wins under our belt this season. Nevermind that texass almost lost to OS-Who at home today, save a botched two-point conversion. Now it's personal, and these teams and their fans have no love lost. You won't see me talking a lot of trash this week. You won't see me making predictions. Don't even try. You will be wasting your time. It has to be decided on the field. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go hurl now...


posted at 12:03 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

Orange you glad you went to OU?
You may have heard this joke before...

Q: Why do texas longhorns wear orange?
A: So they can go to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on the highway the rest of the week.

Well this just goes to show you, nothing good can come by wearing orange.
posted at 03:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

I miss Ole 'Bamy once again
First things first since inquiring minds wanna know...we both loved the movie. I don't want to give away any of the plot, but Reese is cute as a button (as always). And the actor that played her husband, Josh Lucas, had that whole Matthew McConaughey cute blue-eyed Suthun' boy thing from "A Time To Kill" goin' on. Even down to the character name Jake. Mmmm, mmmm, good. Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. It's good to see Patrick Dempsey working more again, too. He's definitely aging well... It was a great "he's my lobster" date movie! And it makes me want to move back to Alabama again.

We had a certificate for a free blooming onion, so we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. We haven't eaten there since back when we were engaged, but now I see what all the fuss is about. Check out our receipt. Didn't even need to ask for those in code... We're a dangerous combo. We truly can make a bad joke out of any situation, huh?
posted at 02:03 AM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it

Will you go out with me? A. Yes - B. No - C. Maybe
Todd is treating me to dinner and a movie later this evening, before I completely lose it sitting in front of this monitor and become yet another sad statistic. Ya'll behave yourselves tonight!
posted at 06:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it

Everybody was kung fu fightin'
Damn Mikey's black soul. I'm supposed to be working and he sends me this. Now I can't stop... Aaack!
posted at 03:25 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
I had an e-mail tonight with this quote: "...I think it is because of all the soft core pornography of Gwen Stephani that you have on your site. It tends to attract people. I mean you have your logo right above Gwen Stephani's crotch. Now that is product placement..." So since it's Friday, here's a Gwen pic I haven't used yet. Enjoy!

Oh ... I've had it up to here!
Oh ... am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl in the world
That's all that you'll let me be!

Oh, I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worrysome
Oh, I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to is making me numb

Oh, I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
Oh, I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh ... I've had it up to!
Oh ... I've had it up to!
Oh ... I've had it up to ... here!

posted at 01:46 AM | link--it | mail it | (15) shout it

And that's the way it was...
I haven't done a meme in awhile, so I thought I'd tackle Jake's 3XThursday over at

  1. What do you think is the greatest problem in the news that you have been worrying about? Going to war with Iraq, the US economy moving further down the toilet drain, or cheating in American Idol? Or perhaps something else? Basically just the feeling that 9-11 was only a start. We're all back to life as usual. Our guards are back down. Terror alerts are a joke. One of these days, they won't be... I just can't shake that feeling.
  2. Do you think the news media is biased and unfair on their reporting? If so who do you think is biased and to what extent on the spectrum? Of course they're biased. They have paid sponsors. But FOX News is one of the best examples of slanted journalism.
  3. If you could swap an entertainer with a political figure who would you swap? The political figure would have to do the job of the entertainer and vice-versa. I would say put Martin Sheen in the Oval Office, but with W. at the helm of the "West Wing" it would be cancelled in two episodes tops. I just couldn't do that to the show.
Bonus: What is the number one old school futuristic prediction that were made in the past that you are still waiting for? Robot Servants? Atomic powered flying cars? Java Applets replacing Windows? It's not a prediction but it should be...the football season that would never, ever end... One I'm glad that hasn't come to pass yet is video phones. People always seem to have the knack of calling just when I get out of the shower.
posted at 10:53 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Get in the Zone...
A quick plug for the fine folks at Hosting Matters who make many of our blogging lives much easier to live each day. They've just added a new service called "Bloggerzone" which features two hosting plans specifically geared towards bloggers. If you're sick of your current host, especially if you're still stuck on a free one, check it out. They get my "two snaps in a circle" seal of approval!
posted at 09:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

How cool is this?!
Kristine has spent the last couple of days helping me out with "The Dress Contest" (similar to what she's already done over at "Picture Yourself" for Christine). I am simply blown away! For the first year ever, now contestants can submit their photos and essays directly off their harddrives together at the same time -- and the combined entries go into a private, passworded Movable Type-powered blog so I can edit them for the competition! I just can't say thank you enough, Kristine (and E). The results are amazing.
posted at 07:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Do you have that in sackcloth?
Hey -- you can OWN a Bible Belt while living in the Bible Belt. It's a genuine leather belt with a Bible-shaped buckle, complete with the slogan: "Shout Hallelujah and hold your pants up at the very same time!" To polish off the ensemble, how about a pair of "Holy Socks"?

And last but not least, move over Diabolical Curse Generator. Now you can do it the Old Testament way with the "Biblical Curse Generator" -- pre-loaded with blistering put-downs as delivered by Elijah, Jeremiah and other monumentally angry saints!

Find all of this and more at Ship of Fools and (Fashion link courtesy of
posted at 01:42 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

War. What is it good for? Absolutely nuthin'. Say it again.
I'm all for the right to have a voice and peacefully, or perhaps even angrily, protest. But shouldn't you, well, kinda try dressing a little more appropriately (and perhaps shave your pits and the landing strip below the navel) before heading on over to Capitol Hill? And for godsakes, if you're gonna write all over yourself like that, do it well!
posted at 01:15 AM | link--it | mail it | (28) shout it

Let's get this party started
Yeahhhhh... Got my first submission to the annual Dress Contest today! We're officially underway. Don't forget to spread the word. I've even added a couple of new linking graphics in case you wanna swipe one for your own site.
posted at 05:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it

I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
Sometimes memes start in the unlikeliest of places. I've flipped off Microsoft. I've flipped off W hookin' it. And now Pixel Sphinx has added her 2¢ into the mix. So c'mon. All the cool kids are doing it. You know you wanna...and you know you'll feel all warm 'n' fuzzy inside afterwards. The only question is "who/what gets YOUR middle finger in its extended position" today?

UPDATE: Don't just post 'who'. We need pics for this meme guys!
posted at 03:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (23) shout it

'Cause I love your smile
*raises hand, with a very puzzled expression, to ask the fine folks at Forsyth Institute a question*'s all well and good that you're growing teeth now. Wonderful. Really and truly. With my bad set of choppers I'll probably need them one day. But, uhhhh, could you not pick a better place to do this little experiment then, oh say, inside of RAT INTESTINES? I'll buy Super Poli-Grip, thankyouverymuch!
posted at 04:41 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
The new 2002 Neiman Marcus Catalog is out. For only $7500 you can have your own personal action figures. Or how about a ten-portrait set by Andy Warhol for only $3 mil? Too boring you say? Well then, for $160 grand you can take yourself (and five of your closest companions) to Scotland for a Johnnie Walker Blue Label Discovery -- airfare not included.

I want a yacht...and really, that's not...a lot. Been an angel all year. Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight. (Read more at Yahoo News.)
posted at 04:31 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

He wants to hurt me
Ok, after seeing the last post's title, Todd started singing. He won't stop. When you read below, you have to promise to do it in Bret Michaels' voice -- and feel my pain.

We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did the words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game
of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here somehow
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess


Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways
But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess


That there folks...wisdom for the ages. Thank goodness it wasn't one of Mikey's faves!
posted at 11:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it

A rose is a rose
Here's a quick pop-quiz for the girlies out there... Silk flowers or real?

My mom wrote today about the arrangement we sent my Gma for her birthday, and she said it was so pretty, she had talked my Gma into recreating it with silk flowers once they die. I dunno -- both my mom and Gma had silk arrangements all over the house when I was growing up, but I never did really like them. Even if you pay fifteen bucks a stem for the 'good stuff', when you get right up to 'em, 99% of silk flowers just look like silk flowers to me. It just seems wrong if you need to dust your greenery. (No offense meant if you prefer them. Heck, everyone in my family but me seems to...) I worked with roses, as mentioned here, once upon a time. There's just something about touching and smelling the real thing. It's more special to have them around when you don't see them every day, IMHO.

Of course that said, we have a fake tree on the porch that came with the house -- and it drops more leaves than the real ones. So everything is subjective...
posted at 11:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (11) shout it

Isn't she lovely?
The new (wedding) "Dress of the Month" is up, and it can be described in one word -- flawless! She looked just like a princess...
posted at 09:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it

Well I've said once before but it bears repeating now
In case you've missed it in the past, Stacy has put up her list of the "Ten Things I Hate About Tom Cruise" over at Blogcritics, and it's a must-read. It's also the reason I first fell in love with her...
posted at 04:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it

It's Dress Contest time, baby!
I can finally let ya'll in on the little secret...

The FIFTH ANNUAL 2002 Dress Contest launches today! And I'm letting the cat out of the bag here a full 12 hours before it will get the nod on WM! See how much I care?

I'd like to take a quick moment to thank a few people... First Christine for the hosting this year, and Kristine for all of her help with the site management. And of course all of the judges that volunteered to help me out! Can't forget them...

What are you waiting for? Go check out the site! Tell all of your friends. Nag every single one of your recently-married gal-pals non-stop until they submit their dress photos. Blog it. Link it. Put it in skywriting. Because the more people that know -- the more dresses you have to choose from. For the first time ever, the public gets an "at large" vote in this year's contest! Let the games begin.....
posted at 05:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it