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Posted: 10.23.2002
There once was a man from Nantucket...
Again, blame it on the hour -- and the Darvocet.

From FARK.com (in response to "Is finger length an indication of penis length?")... Just be careful clicking the "read more" link at work, ok? You've been warned.

My dick is so big...
...you need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.
...I'm not supposed to operate it after taking NyQuil.
...scientists think it may have killed the dinosaurs.
...it started its own record label.
...itís registered by the Depít of Interior as a "Geological Feature used Primarily for Recreation".
...46 Haitians floated to Florida on it.
...I won the Olympic pole-vault gold medal in Atlanta with it.
...my sperm have to take the subway.
...Oprah choked on it.
...it has several moons in orbit around it.
...it flies non-stop to London.
...girls need an oxygen mask when they blow me.
...I can fuck a Russian on Mir while still on the ground.
...Spielberg is filming "Jurassic My Dick".
...the doctor used a backhoe to give me a vasectomy.
...it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
...David Copperfield made it disappear.
...it seats a family of six.
...there's a show on Fox, "When My Dick Attacks".
...you can drive from Alaska to Siberia on it.
...Exxon rents it for offshore drilling.
...when I piss, flood warnings are issued.
...they are resculpting the Washington Monument in its honor.
...it popped out of my girls mouth while I did her doggie style.
...it has an entourage.
...it fought Godzilla.
...The Stones open for it.
...it obscures satellite photos.
...it wonít share top billing.
...when I get hard on the beach it violates Cubaís air space.
...that George Lucas canít afford to CGI it in Episode Two.
...it was in a GoodYear commercial.
...it rides shotgun.
...the head has a blinking red light on top.
...the head needs to decompress after a swim.
...Cunard wants to buy it.
...that the last chick I screwed said "My God, itís full of stars!"
...that the US Dept of Justice tried to break it up into smaller dicks.
...the tip dials 10-10-321 when it calls my balls.
...it molested Michael Jackson.
...Suzanne Somers wants me to endorse her ĎDickmasterí.
...Melvilleís original title was "Moby My Dick".
...it wonít host Saturday Night Live, even though it was on the cast for 6 years.
...primitive cultures worship it as a deity.
...it has its own climate.
...a Starbucks opened in my scrotum.
...it has stadium seating.
...they found George Malloryís frozen corpse on it, with two dead Sherpas.
...that when I beat off, the friction causes global warming.
...it has a side job snaking out drains.
...A book was written: 20,000 leagues under my Dick.
...I'm going to throw it across the Hudson River and start charging a toll to cross it.
...The State of Florida is envious of it's length.
...It took up two pages in the latest Rand McNally Atlas.
...it has it's own zip code.
...it just announced it's candidacy for President.
...I was arrested for stealing a Sequoia.
...NASA modeled the Saturn V after it.
...it did stunt work in the movie 'Anaconda'.
...it took a team of lumberjacks to circumcise me.
...if I put a hat on it I can drive in the HOV lane.
...my Home Owner's Association's won't let me get a hard-on.
...it takes the Army Corps Of Engineers to clean up after I jack off.
...I can fuck a barrel of milk and make enough butter for the state of Wisconsin.
...I have to rack mount it when I get in my truck.
...I've been capitalizing the word "Dick" in all these dumb-ass juvenile jokes even though it's grammatically incorrect.
...it has its own Congressman.
...it changed its name to "The organ formerly known as My Dick".
...I can fuck the hole in the ozone.
...that when I tap it after I piss, it registers 9.6 on the Richter scale.
...they wiped out the amazon rain forest to provide enough rubber for just one of my Trojans.
...the shaft and each ball are their own independent sovereign states. It takes a trade agreement for me to come.
...NORAD goes to DEFCON 4 when I get morning wood.
...it carries a dozen Polaris missles.
...I corn hole the Lincoln Tunnel.
...it seats six comfortably.
...Pink Floyd is touring it.
...Sammy Sosa wants to bat with it.
...it tans itself on Pad 39A.
...people is Roswell NM are still talking about my drive through town.
...it has a permanent dark side.
...they race my sperms in Mexico.
...it does "stupid My Dick tricks" on the Letterman show.
...it has it's own currency.
...that the only man-made structure that can be seen from space is my erection.
...it bends light.
...it joined NATO.
...it has a snow cap.
...it bought Microsoft.
...once I ejaculated and buried Pompeii.
...my smegma is recognized as an official ecological disaster.
...I can splooge satellites into orbit.
...the natives on Skull Island sacrifice virgins to it.

Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...

yeah.... i concur... hahaha..

¤ ¤ credit: nathan | 10.23.02 at 10:28 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

that was HYSTERICAL!!!

¤ ¤ credit: erika | 10.23.02 at 10:40 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

men and their active imaginations. don't they wish!

¤ ¤ credit: meegan | 10.23.02 at 10:52 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

OMG i almost spit my drink out. too funny!

¤ ¤ credit: jenny-poo | 10.23.02 at 11:30 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Can I have some of your darvocet?? Too many mean, stupid people around today. And snow & ice here. The combination makes for a very cranky Tracy.

¤ ¤ credit: Tracy | 10.23.02 at 12:56 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

OR...in liu of sharing controlled substances ...posting pics of hot men would work just as well...

¤ ¤ credit: Tracy | 10.23.02 at 02:42 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

And people ask me why I hate the Midwest (Nebraska) itís like 27 degrees and fucking snowing. Someone, anyone please kidnap me and bring me to a warmer state!

[Mister Mittens Ė One cold pussy]

¤ ¤ credit: Mister Mittens | 10.23.02 at 06:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

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Hey pretty, don't you wanna take a ride with me through my world?

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