Ain't too proud to blog: RESET YOUR FREAKIN' SKIN ALREADY!

Personal blog entries now here. Blogger Boobie-Thon moved here.
Want a new view? You're not stuck with this design -- skin the site!

You can leave your hat on
Obviously the victims weren't looking at his, errrr, face. That has to be one of the freakiest mugshots I think I've ever seen.
posted at 11:22 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

I love the 80s
Something tells me that toy companies are starting to realize that Gen X'ers have children now... Go here and here for a longer walk down memory lane.
posted at 06:48 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

If that money doesn't show then you owe me owe me owe
Only from The Smoking Gun: "the Constitutionality of the word fuck".

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Mother mother fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck mother fuck. Noise noise noise...
posted at 10:27 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (16) shout it

Secret decoder ring
I just noticed that Michele was going through search engine hell because of talking about Kobe Bryant's rape victim yesterday. This method is not 100% fool-proof, but rather than type out full names in such instances, I use their HTML alphabet characters, and it seems to work fairly well for me. The name appears normally above in "print" on my site, but it's actually a set of numbers and symbols in my actual entry's HTML here. So when the content of my page is harvested, they won't see Kobe's name, but rather a set of encoded gobbelty-gook characters. It also helps spam-protect your e-mail address from spambots if you're currently listing your full address on your site. Just thought it might help so I'm passing it along...
posted at 07:57 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (13) shout it

That thong th-thong thong thong
So where has everyone else been all this time? Viva la Revolución!

UPDATE from Kitty: MSNBC is in on the action now, too!
posted at 06:46 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (15) shout it

Do we not set sail on the ship of fools?
I wake up this morning more than disgusted with our society. In fact, this story makes me physically ill. If you feel the need to comment on the issue, please do so at Michele's, who says it much better than I ever could...
posted at 08:17 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (0) shout it

Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain
My heart always stops when I read news like this about my hometown. Thankfully my mom just wrote to say my cousin and uncle who work there are doing fine...
posted at 03:01 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (3) shout it

I always feel like somebody's watchin' me
Floridians may or may not be aware of this state policy -- but rather than being able to "opt-in" to make your drivers license information public, in this state you have to "opt-out". Otherwise by default your information is automatically accessible when you obtain a Florida driver's license. If you haven't filled out the official "opt-out" application, individuals and companies can buy your home address and other identifying information. For more information on how to request your information be made private (we did this several months ago and it took a few weeks to process), visit the Driver Privacy Protection Act website.
posted at 06:04 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (9) shout it

I can take you through the center of the dark

[rocket baby]

The view of the NASA Opportunity Mars Rover on a Delta II rocket as seen from our street a few minutes ago. Just another benefit to living in Florida... Yeah, it's not professional quality. But whaddya gonna do? It's a free show.
posted at 11:29 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Three cheers for the red, white and blue
This photo's caption is seriously making me rethink my Bomb Pop obsession...
posted at 06:35 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (9) shout it

Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you
     "You’re going to be on the New York Times best-seller list, slugging it out against Hillary Clinton," [Diane] Sawyer commented, according to the Good Morning America official transcript.
     "I hope so," replied [Ann] Coulter.
     "Who is going to win?"
     "I think she has a three-to-one pound advantage over me," said Coulter, “but we’ll see."
     "Three to one pound?" asked the normally unflappable Sawyer. "Did you say what I think you said?"

As if I didn't think the woman is off her rocker as it is... It's one thing to make your career out of being a bitch in the political arena. It's quite another to stoop to that personal level on national TV. Apparently Coulter is going to appear on "The View" today. I normally don't watch that show, but the fireworks just might be worth it if Star Jones goes after her!
posted at 07:28 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (19) shout it

Blame Canada!
Many thanks to Nicole for the link to this news article at SFGate.com: "Stop The Gay Canadians! First icky legalized homosexual marriage, then the apocalypse. Conservative America trembles."

Moreover, they fear, Canada's decision means the God-given sanctity of tepid hetero missionary-position marriage is utterly doomed and our innocent children are sure to become fans of modern dance and maybe even old Barbra Streisand movies, and all of this will undoubtedly result in the introduction of a pair of wacky gay Canadian neighbors on "Everybody Loves Raymond." [link]

Read it. Just make sure you're strapped into your chair first. My arse still hurts.
posted at 01:41 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Rescue me - your love has given me hope

"We are not a group of stupid, naive women," she said. "We are bright, intellectual, professional women. I can't tell you how much he wooed us with his words. He made us feel like goddesses, fairy princesses, Cinderellas. We had all found our Superman, our knight in shining armor." [link]

Therein lies the problem, dearie. Not so much that you've accepted a proposal from a married man you've never met, sight-unseen, off the Internet who's also proposed to at least 50 other women. It's the fact you're a grown 'intellectual' still buying into the theory of fairy princesses, Cinderella stories, Clark Kent swooping down from the heavens to rescue you from your self-imposed tower and ride off with you like a white knight on a steed...

Real, true love isn't like that. You have to work at it. It's not always perfect, with the sheets covered in rose petals. Champagne doesn't freely flow from all water faucets. You have to be able to walk through hell and back, hand in hand. God, I see the woman that raised me in the words above. I'm so lucky it never sunk in...
posted at 01:26 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (15) shout it

Give 'til it hurts
Since the theme of this week seems to be "begging for dollars", here's a Wired News article on cyber-panhandlers, and the virtual well running dry. Looks like Karyn and the boob girl will be some of the last to profit...
posted at 04:42 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (7) shout it

High crimes and misdemeanors
If one asks in the mainstream media, more are sure to follow... I'll take Altoid blowjobs and the definition of "is", thankyouverymuch.
posted at 10:54 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (10) shout it

America's Most Wanted
I was asked to pass this along, and I'm more than happy to do so. Especially given that one of his victims was from the Tampa Bay area... Please be on the lookout.
posted at 07:10 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (2) shout it

The safety dance
I am so sick of this shit.

Current breaking news headline on CNN: "Senior U.S. officials say intelligence 'chatter' suggests terrorists may be planning a major attack inside the United States. Details to come."

To be followed by "go on about your daily lives as usual", I'm sure. How many times has this been breaking news since 9-11? That does it. I'm sending Tom Ridge a copy of this, COD.

Now I'm sure it will happen again one day. And one day in the not so distant future. But until you've got more than "chatter" to scare us all back into submission, keep it to yourselves!
posted at 01:25 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (19) shout it

Twist and shout
Yesterday it was near my family. Friday night it was near Todd's family. I'm starting to like the fact you have 2-3 days to get the hell outta Dodge during hurricane season.
posted at 02:20 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (10) shout it

I have a feeling we're not in ~~Kansas~~ Oklahoma anymore
This year has quite simply sucked ass. I just recently found out immediate family members were ok after the tornadic activity in Oklahoma today. They were right in the direct path at home and work. Relatives were almost 2 hours late picking up my grandmother from the airport tonight and couldn't be reached by phone or cell phone -- leaving us and my aunt in Delaware on standby waiting for more word. A second cousin's carport was hit and is gone, but finally we've been told that everyone has been located and is fine -- and that seems to be the worst of the damage in our families. I seriously can't take much more stress like this... I think kick-boxing lessons are in order.
posted at 11:12 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

And that's the way it was...
We need another full moon. Strange news is severely lacking lately!

First it was rumors of "Casablanca". Now after fulfilling Ben's fantasy with a Flashdance video, J-Lo is in talks to remake "Flashdance". Is nothing sacred with her?
And they called it puppy love...
Carson Daly drops $1K on lap dances during Derby weekend. For a grand, the bitch had better clean my house and wash the car, too!
FARK headline: "Mike Price lost his job at Alabama after having sex* with what appears to be Dee Snider." (see photo)
The Prostitution Film Festival -- with such classics as "vulva massage education". Ohhhhhhh...Delores!

And now...your moment of zen...

*Please note: It appears Price did not actually have sex with that stripper, although it's reported two others joined Price overnight in his hotel room. He did spend several hundred dollars while in Destiny's company, however.
posted at 01:57 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (15) shout it

There's no place like home
This is one of the few vacations I've ever been on where a major national -- or global -- catastrophe didn't occur while I was gone. That is, unless you consider this -- or the fact the President's daughter may soon be gracing the pages of Hustler magazine. So much for that whole "bringing morality and decency back to the White House" campaign, huh? Oh well, college kids will be kids... Whaddya gonna do? I guess she could always go on the down-low and train to be a Southwest pilot 'til this all blows over.

The Day I Get Home

When this young man comes rolling home
The lamp posts move and in the road
I sing and dance in falling rain
It's good to be back home again

The roads of air that map the globe
Take me away to places new
I'm lucky I can get around
I'm taking off and touching down

When I get home it’s much the same
The tax returns return again
The news is on it isn't good
I see the trees but not the wood

The road stretches out as far as I can see
And I eat the lines ahead of me
It's experience
As the days unfold
But there's nothing quite like
The day I get home

When this young man comes rolling home
The cheese on toast is in the grill
Memories are filed away
I come and go, it's fun that way

The roads of air that map the globe
Go East and West and North and South
I like to look and see the sights
I stay up late and hit the heights

When I return things haven't changed
Neither have I, I like to think
The world's an oyster on a plate
I get around and get up late

The road stretches out as far as I can see
And I eat the lines ahead of me
It's experience
As the days unfold
But there's nothing quite like
The day I get home.....

Lyrics credit: Squeeze
posted at 10:46 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (22) shout it

I'll shoot your eye out, kid
Oh how I wanna bean this muthafucka in the head with a baseball now myself! I'm thinkin' this pitch to the noggin, minus the hard-hat. Who's in?
posted at 03:37 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

23 positions in a one-night stand
Is it really worth wasting your time to launch an all-out boycott of FOX and all of the merchants that sponsor "Mr. Personality"? I realize Monica Lewinsky will probably go down (ok, bad choice of words there) as one of the most controversial women of the late 20th century. But it wasn't like she wanted her Oval Office, errrr, meetings made public initially. And god forbid we all be held accountable for the questionable blowjobs* we gave in our early 20s. I'd dare say 3/4 of the women in this country would be boycotted if that were the case.

Yeah, she's milked (oops, bad choice of words there as well) that 15 minutes of fame for all it's worth since her little blue dress got Tripped up. Like that's considered shocking in this day and age. And since when is it anything new in this country to parade around women embroiled in sexual controversy for the almighty dollar? No Excuses jeans campaigns, anyone? I just wish people would devote all of that time and energy to real causes that will change the planet. Not yesterday's news... UPDATE: *See clarification for Dave here.
posted at 12:40 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

Tuesday, shoot me in the head - I'm takin' it back
Haven't done a "news not fit to print" wrap-up in awhile...so here goes:

Looking at his academic photo, this guy just screams "child molester". I mean, c'mon.
Gwen Stefani is going solo and wants to take up acting. Apparently she missed last year's Swept Away and Crossroads. (Thankfully, so did I.)
Do they make a Hallmark for "Gee, I'm sorry I shot the groom on your wedding day"?
SARS in a can -- now there's a concept that works! Soon with the slogan, "The refreshing drink that will take your breath away..."
Best. Homemade Porno. Ever. (PG-rated, from Sensible Erection.)

And now...your moment of zen...
posted at 04:00 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (16) shout it

April 19th
I can't believe it's been eight years. I also can't believe it took me 'til 6:30 p.m. to remember today was the anniversary. Promoguy has a lovely set of images from the Memorial. Go see them if you haven't already.
posted at 06:16 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (10) shout it

May justice be swift and severe
Sometimes I really hate it when I'm right...
posted at 10:46 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Bum looker
On this note ladies, I think I'm ready to head to bed and grab onto one of those myself... Night all! Catch ya' on the flip-side, cheeky monkies.
posted at 03:48 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

Y'know I feel glad when you're glad
This is your feel-good story of the day.

And this is your moment of zen.

Any questions?
posted at 02:27 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (3) shout it

Valley girl

(Reuters) - Human sperm become excited when exposed to the scent of lily of the valley, doubling their speed and homing in on the aroma, a German scientist said on Wednesday.

"This is the first time sperm has been shown to respond to smell," Hatt, who said the findings came after three years of study, told Reuters. "The application of the substances in a salve to the vaginal area could raise the chance of conceiving."

(Read more of this article at Yahoo! News.)
posted at 04:46 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (10) shout it

Lies, lies, lies, yeah - they won't forget you!

In the April 5 issue of TV Guide, [Peter] Arnett said he felt he had found redemption reporting on the current war.

"I was furious with (CNN founder) Ted Turner and (then-CNN chairman) Tom Johnson when they threw me to the wolves after I made them billions risking my life to cover the first Gulf War," Arnett told TV Guide.

"Now (Turner and Johnson) are gone, the Iraqis have thrown the CNN crew out of Baghdad, and I'm still here," he said. "Any satisfaction in that? Ha, ha, ha, ha." (Read full articles at FOXNews.com and National Geographic.)

Famous last words for $200, Alex. Don't let the scud hit you on the way out...
posted at 04:23 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

"He thought he knew better"
From the FARK forums -- they always know just how to cut right to the chase:

"...'hungry troops' says it all....if the bush presidency were a dukes of hazzard episode, this would be the point where uncle jesse says, 'well, bush and his pals have got themselves in quite a pickle now'." [link]

For more background on this FARK comment, please read this Washington Post article.
posted at 03:26 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

Call me - call me for some overtime
For the first time ever, it looks like cell phone numbers are going to be available via 411 Directory Assistance. Soon you may be forced to pay extra for an unlisted cell phone number. Why don't I believe them when they say "the centralized database of wireless numbers would be off limits to telemarketers"? To me the beauty of having a cell phone is that, for the most part, only the people you want to have the number get it. Those days are about to be history. (Read more at CNN.com.)
posted at 05:22 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (4) shout it

Tick tock tick tock

I mentioned this over at Solonor's yesterday, and it still applies. Right now I have that uneasy / queasy feeling you get after waking up from a bad dream. You know the one. You wake up thinking you've forgotten to attend a class all semester long, and suddenly it's the day of the final and you're late for it -- and of course, haven't studied a single chapter of the book. Once you check yourself and realize that you are, in fact, 30 years old and haven't even been enrolled in a college course since 1995 -- you still can't shake that "did I turn off the oven, forget my keys, leave the iron on" feeling all day. The pit of my stomach is kicking my ass right now. Sometimes it's really hard to ask God to bless America after the way we act.

Wishing strength, safety, courage and peace for all of those who defend us and their families... Thank you for doing so. Hurry home!

UPDATE: I've now been critcized publicly for stating, "Sometimes it's really hard to ask God to bless America after the way we act."

"...I just don't understand people, and as of now I've officially given up on trying." [link]

You can find my direct reply in the comments of the link above. But please raise your hand and tell me if you believe that we, as a nation, have always acted in a global manner that we can be proud of. Ultimately we are governed by human beings. And human beings have faults and make mistakes. I would be forced to surrender my degree in History if I tried to claim all of our actions in the name of the United States of America over the years are beyond reproach.

You know how your mom would say, "I love you. But I don't really like you right now..." Well that's how I feel. And because I'm an American citizen, I have every right to feel that way. It doesn't make me less patriotic. It doesn't mean I love my country any less than you do. It does mean that the Constitution gives me the right to question my leaders and their actions.

Don't try to understand people. Try to understand democratic life in a Republic instead.
posted at 09:18 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (26) shout it

Will Photoshop for food

Create your own clip-art protest sign here...
posted at 02:28 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Roman holiday
Here's an interesting follow-up to this entry on director Roman Polanski... It turns out that the release of the Grand Jury documents wasn't a "Hollywood Oscar-smear campaign" at all. The reason the testimony was unsealed (which in turn made the documents available to The Smoking Gun) stems from actions by Polanski himself.

Late last year, the director filed a libel action in England against Vanity Fair. In the process of defending the magazine, Vanity Fair’s lawyers filed a motion to have the long-sealed grand jury testimony of Polanski’s victim unsealed. They were successful, which meant that those frisky folks at The Smoking Gun could get their hands on the testimony.

“When we heard all this stuff about us being part of a smear campaign, we thought, ‘That’s just insane,’ ” The Smoking Gun’s Bill Bastone told The Scoop. “People want to believe that there’s this overarching conspiracy and there are these munchkins at Miramax leaking this stuff to us. We wish! We wish we were in that sort of a loop. It was just us doing what we do. . . . The irony of all ironies is that if Roman Polanski had not filed the action, those papers would not have got out in the first place.”

At the time of his suit, it was reported that Polanski sued Vanity Fair because he feared that the magazine’s article might damage his reputation come Oscar time. (Read more at MSNBC.com.)

Uhhhhhh...oops there Roman. Mission accomplished. By you!
posted at 01:23 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (0) shout it

Salted or unsalted?

U.S. citizens have turned on French fries and toast to vent their frustration at France's anti-war stance on Iraq. Now the French have joined in the food war -- with pretzels. A French Web site is urging people to send pretzels to U.S. President, who fainted and fell off a sofa in January 2002 after gagging on the salty snack.

"We think that to oppose war is not to be against the American people, but simply against the politics of the Bush administration." (Read more at the official site and CNN.com.)
posted at 11:14 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (4) shout it

As the French say, that certain "I don't know what"
Good on them -- New Orleans refuses to remove "French" from the French Quarter! (CNN.com article includes a photo from my favorite Vieux Carre pit stop, The Napoleon House.) Don't get me wrong. I like making fun of the French just as much as the next red-white-and-blue blooded American, because quite frankly they most-often deserve it... But I think it's utter nonsense to go around slapping the word "Freedom" over every instance of the word "French" in this country. If you've just gotta change the name, at least be bold about it. "I'll have some American Fuckin'-A-Man Fries and a large Coke to go, please!"
posted at 03:33 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

I've said it once before but it bears repeating
Ok, is someone trying to play the WWI card and kickstart somethin' here? (Brief history lesson for those goin' "huh?") Bad Serbians! Bad, bad!
posted at 01:58 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Add a dash of cheating spouse, plus a tiny splash of online access, to a large glass full of whine and stir. Mixture may be bitter.
posted at 09:02 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (11) shout it

Gooooooooooooooooooal!

Yahoo News! always has the best headlines...
posted at 01:54 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (3) shout it

Instant news -- just add water
Why does it feel like Thursday already, but it's only Tuesday?

Well I just done seen 'bout everything -- phone sex operator given workman's comp (in Florida, no less) for chronic workplace-masturbation carpal tunnel syndrome
Fred Durst was right -- Webster's surrenders
I don't see this wedding being featured over at WM! anytime soon
I've done a lot "for charity" myself -- but what was she thinkin'?!
Todd and I weren't listed here -- but that's ok, because we were here

And now...your moment of zen...
posted at 01:11 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

Not necessarily the news

Ok. I give. Floridians now have to accept their offbeat reputation because of asstards like this. And this. And this. We have our own FARK tag. It's just not worth fighting it anymore... Oh yeah. And I'm really an Oklahoman. Seriously.
And the before is better than the after exactly how?
"Dude, Where's My Oxygen?" Yipes!
Carmen Electra was dismissed from jury duty because the other jurors wouldn't stop asking her to make phone calls to their husbands and boyfriends. Nice.
[Nelson voice] Ha ha! [/Nelson voice]

And now...your moment of zen...
posted at 06:29 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

Unqualified applicants need not apply
So I see someone at CNN watched Seinfeld...

posted at 11:12 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (9) shout it

The best part of waking up...
Looks like more than just the coffee at Starbucks is going to be keeping eyes open soon... Too bad they aren't putting the call out for Starbucks addicts as well!
posted at 05:16 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (4) shout it

Ice, ice (oh) baby!

Note to self... Rethink taking figure skating lessons.

And now -- your moment of zen!
posted at 01:40 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

Beep-beep uh uh beep-beep
I've blogged about the "Bad Girl's Guides" in the past (I adore them). Now the author Cameron Tuttle is featured in a new CNN article.
posted at 08:43 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (1) shout it

867-5309
Well you knew it was coming...but damn! They've now invented software to circumvent the Telezapper and Privacy Caller ID (which we currently have). It "also includes a feature that lets salesmen transmit any phone number or text message to residents' caller ID displays". At one point I was getting over 10 telemarketing calls a day, and the "do not call lists" I asked to be put on were worthless requests. And people wonder why I never answer my phone anymore...
posted at 06:32 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (20) shout it

I'm...sailing...away
Ross passed along the following link from Yahoo! News about songs that are stuck in your head. "New research shows that people most frequently plagued by this phenomenon are those with slightly neurotic tendencies, and people who enjoy and listen to music often." Since the article also mentions the Chili's baby back ribs jingle, I guess you can draw your own conclusions there...
posted at 02:22 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (15) shout it

And since we've no place to go...

When my family whines again that we should just leave sunny Florida and move back home, I'm pointing them right back towards the above photo and news story. Ponca City is the town I grew up in and graduated high school from. Snow like that CRIPPLES small Oklahoma towns. They aren't going anywhere for awhile. "The cold front that spilled across the state Sunday pushed wind chills well below zero and set a record low maximum Monday for Oklahoma City. Tulsa’s [snowfall] total so far has exceeded Chicago’s snowfall this year by more than 3 inches. Clouds, very cold temperatures and a chance for more snow are forecast across Oklahoma the next several days." There's no place like home...in the fall!
posted at 01:36 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

Blame won't change the end result
If anyone thought I was actually making fun of the Rhode Island club victims and families yesterday, please read this blog entry. I can assure you, I was not. The only thing I can even equal it with in scope and gravity within my own community in my mind is the Oklahoma City bombing. I'm so very sorry, Crystal.
posted at 02:03 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

Once bitten, twice shy
Has there been any good news this month? Seriously?

Suddenly I'm very glad my clubbing days are pretty much over... First the, stampede Monday night in Chicago that killed 21. Then Thursday night, a fire (at least 10-20 dead, over 110 injured as of 4:30 a.m. EST) at a club in Rhode Island. I guess it's probably the wrong time to ponder the fact that 80s hair band Great White actually had 300 paying fans in 2003, huh?

Footnote: According to CNN, the worst nightclub fire in U.S. history occurred November 28, 1942. November 28, 1972, is my birthday. Eeep.
posted at 04:29 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (37) shout it

Listening to the teacher rap just ain't my bag
"So...I still pass the class...right? Jihads don't effect your grade on the final do they?"
posted at 02:33 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (9) shout it

What do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?
So cheetahs can't quit rubbing on logs (heh, I said "rubbing on logs") at the Bronx Zoo that have been sprayed with Calvin Klein's Obsession for Men. I so know that feeling. I think I'd end up humping furniture that had been sprayed with Obsession for Men, if left alone for too long. (Did I just admit that outloud?) Obsession for Women and Poison drive Todd wild. Are there any scents that make you lose control?
posted at 06:25 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (27) shout it

I fought the law and the law won
Whew -- glad my student loans have been paid off. Off to nag my husband about his... Kidding! But U.S. Marshals? Yipes!
posted at 03:11 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

Well I think that's a given...

Yet another great headline courtesy of Yahoo! News. Shave and a haircut, two bits...
posted at 04:44 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (21) shout it

Amazing.
Best. Car Dealer. Ever. I love it when humanity works the right way. Now I just hope karma kicks in...
posted at 01:56 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (7) shout it

You can go with this - or you can go with that
Ok, boys and girls -- it's time to play "which is the most frightening" (courtesy of Yahoo! photos, click each image below for a larger version if you just can't make up your mind):

[Chuckles the Clown is missing his makeup]

posted at 03:51 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (26) shout it

I get knocked down, but I get up again

I love it when headline writers' senses of humor are as warped as mine is.
posted at 04:48 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (3) shout it

Final thoughts on Columbia
Chris has a beautiful tribute for the STS-107 crew up at his site. weezer.com has a nice mission tribute as well.

Some people may see the rest of us as "in a tizzy" over this. But I like to think the fact I can hurt, feel, empathize and sympathize in this situation makes me human. And also American*. (* please note: no foreigners were intentionally harmed in the making of this entry)

I have a close friend who's husband didn't make it home until several hours after he was supposed to be home this past week. The fear, and tears, in her voice as she couldn't reach him by cell phone are etched in our brains. If Todd is even 30 minutes late, my stomach is tied up in knots until he walks through the door. That momentary fear we all face now and again is a daily fear for the families of these astronauts and pilots. In the event of danger, the heavens and skies are much less forgiving than our local roads and Interstates -- no matter what the side-by-side accident rate comparison numbers may be. If you've ever feared for a loved one's return, just take a second to imagine what it would be like to be sitting in a public grandstand with all eyes -- and cameras -- on you, expecting a triumphant reunion. And just off to the side, a larger than life countdown clock ticking down every one-hundredth of a second until their arrival. And then that moment coming...and going...still ticking off every second they will never be home again.

Rather than make a large tribute to every astronaut on the mission, which has been done so eloquently elsewhere (better than I ever could), I'm going to take a second to honor Commander William C. McCool. He wasn't just a national hero. He was a husband. A dad. And a huge Weezer fan, just like me. He even took the Blue Album up with him on this mission. But for 11 years in age difference, I could have known him. I dated a Naval Academy graduate and pilot. I also dated another Naval pilot for two years during and briefly post-college. That was not the path I was to take in life. But putting myself, even for just a split-second, in the roles of the wives left waiting in the stands yesterday really made me stop and think about the directions our lives take. And because I can put a face, personality and "might have been" to this name -- well, tizzy it is.

I've been a fan of the Shuttle program since the very first launch. I would mail away for the mission packets and astronaut photos as a child. I tried in vain to watch Eileen Collins launch in Columbia and become the first female Shuttle commander in space. I wrote for VIP passes two years ahead of the launch hoping to watch that historic event in person. Unfortunately we were there for both scrub attempts (this one scrubbed just 6.5 seconds before liftoff), and my health took a nosedive before we could watch it launch in person the third, and final attempt. We did see Columbia on the launchpad twice for both scrub attempts, however. I had to settle for watching it go up from our apartment complex's parking lot. But we did get to use our second set of VIP passes for the launch of STS-92 on 10.11.2000, which also happened to be the 100th shuttle mission. It's one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. You may not realize that we can see the launches and landings from over here on the Gulf coast in Tampa Bay, but we can. However, NOTHING compares to being at the Cape just a mile away from the launch pad. It's something everyone should experience at least once in their lives.

And for the sake of the seventeen astronauts we've now lost in the line of duty, I hope for their sakes the program will come back stronger and better than ever before! I believe they all would want it that way.
posted at 02:11 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (16) shout it

Silence.
And prayers. And now that it's apparent all are lost, tears...

(The reason I followed this particular mission even more closely than usual.)

UPDATE: Out of respect to the astronauts and families, my blog will be silent the remainder of the weekend. If you're looking for frequent news updates and possible scientific explanations, please visit samizdata.net.
posted at 11:04 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (41) shout it

Up, up in the atmosphere
Here's one that's shocked us... If you've seen my photos from Monday night, you might remember this blurry image of the Tampa SWAT team repelling from a police helicopter into Raymond James stadium. Now the FAA is investigating it as an "unsafe operation". The helicopter pilot for the local NBC affiliate went on record earlier this evening saying he thought the stunt was dangerous and uncalled for (I guess that's why the crowd went wild), and media outlets are now being asked to turn over their footage of the event to federal investigators. Ironic that one of the biggest controversies over our city's Super Bowl celebrations is being blamed on the police, and not on local residents!
posted at 11:22 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

Dancin' in the streets
It's amazing how different towns handle sporting milestones. I guess everyone expects the Oakland fans to riot -- win or lose. By contrast, other than a trash can fire and auto-pedestrian accident last weekend, for the most part things were very tame here in Tampa Bay when we clinched the NFC title. Even at a last-minute gathering of 25,000+ fans. The "riot police" at that event consisted of four men on horseback. From all local media accounts, Tampa Bay was very orderly in their celebrations tonight as well. Dale Mabry was bumper-to-bumper and Ybor was packed, but arrests were at a minimum. When OU won their national title in 2000-01, you didn't see our fans burning cars in the streets of Norman either.

I guess I've really never understood that mindset. I've never been a fan of a team where rioting was considered the "norm" (even if done by a fringe-group and looked down upon by other fans), or even something that was expected and to be braced for. Thank goodness. Your team loses? Well life goes on, and there's always next season. And if it wins -- well let's just say we all tossed back more than a few tonight in this town. But the real celebration will be done in the right way, at the right place, tomorrow night. CONGRATS BUCS!

UPDATE: Well here you go -- this is how we celebrate in Tampa. TBO.com mentions this:

"Meanwhile, in Ybor City revelers began pouring into the popular nightclub district.....At least one woman was arrested for baring her breasts, but most were described as happy fans."

And somewhat related, Tampa Bay Online also has a Super Bowl Weblog.
posted at 02:50 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (20) shout it

Maaaaatlock!

You've often heard my husband complaining about sharing the road with a species of bluehaired snowbirds here in Florida, and the havoc it wreaks on his daily commute. Well now it seems we are redesigning our roadways to accomodate ~~senile~~ senior citizen drivers. Riddle me this... If teens have to test before being granted a license, why aren't older drivers tested in order to keep theirs? My family had to stage an intervention to get my Grandfather to quit driving after he darn-near killed a car-full of us in Tulsa by coming to a complete stop on a freeway. You'd think in the name of public safety, including their own, older citizens would want to ensure the roadways are as safe as possible for everyone on them. Not. It seems nothing shall come between a 5'2" 80+ year-old woman, the five phonebooks it takes for her to see over the steering wheel, and the God-given right to drive her shiny American Cadillac death machine. I feel so blessed to live in a state full of them, too.
posted at 05:35 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (17) shout it

The Super Bowl shuffle
I guess I could actually discuss important news events like other bloggers, but I don't have time. And it's too depressing anyway... So more weird -- and useless -- headlines it is!

Old Faithful is quite regular, thankyouverymuch.
Drudge finds out what it's like to be on the other end of the monitor.
I've seen some really bad WTC plans in the last few months, but I think this one takes the cake. There's a reason it was previously scrapped. Hello, Jetsons!
Something tells me this kid is so grounded!
Are you pumped? I said, ARE YOU PUMPED? A little Bucs history -- and why we're so freakin' happy just to be here now, regardless of the outcome Sunday.

And now...your moment of zen. Happy (almost) weekend, everyone!
posted at 05:25 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Oh the weather outside is frightful

You Notherners have laughed at Floridians for being cold for two weeks now, but when they're extending freeze warnings in the Florida Keys, can we all finally admit we've got a problem here? I haven't seen lawns this dead since an Oklahoma winter.
posted at 03:01 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it

Fumbling towards ecstacy
So that's why you Harry Potter fans are so devoted...they're drugging you into submission!
posted at 04:40 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

Oh, Bill.............
[The Kelly Bundy Bounce]

And in other news...the JFK tapes were released today. You do the math.
posted at 04:50 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (5) shout it

Nothing fit to print
This is the best I could do. So sue me, but FARK is dead at the moment and my eyes hurt.

Looks like I'll be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, along with straight hair and no make-up, next fashion season...
Please tell me I'm not the only one with a bullshit meter at red alert right now!
Remember when you just stopped, dropped and rolled? You have to give the snowman an identity these days -- sheesh! "How many engineers does it take to build a snowman?"
Oh heavens above, let it be true.
Get injected with deadly botulism or risk stinkin' pits...let's see...I'll take the stinky pits and a case of Secret, please. Sidenote: How bored and/or desperate do you have to be to volunteer for a study rating pit odor on shirts?
The Bucs don't need to fear the Raiders. Oh no. They need to fear the killer trees!

And now...your moment of zen...
posted at 03:47 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (12) shout it

It just. Got. Interesting.
There may soon be a legal precedent for suing website trolls. I know a few lawyers who owe me favors. This might be fun to watch go down... Anyone want in on some class-action, errr, action? (Link courtesy of FARK.com, Slashdot, and Cleveland.com.)
posted at 01:10 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (7) shout it

Underwear.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this...

Don't "misunderestimate" Dubya. Those verbal Bushisms are beginning to "resignate" with the American people. Maybe they'll even "embetter" the English language.

They may have started out as verbal slip-ups but several of President George W. Bush's mangled phrases found their way on Tuesday to a list of the top words of 2002.

"There are already 11,000 instances of 'misunderestimate' on the Web. The more people use words, whether jocularly or seriously, the more likely they are to enter the language and last for generations," said Paul J.J. Payack, chairman of yourDictionary.com...

Read the full article at CNN.com. Fart. And in case you've missed it in the past, check out the "Complete Bushisms". Sadly, it's updated frequently (because it has to be). Strategery.
posted at 06:07 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (13) shout it

Bring out yer dead!
*raises hand* Why did they even let Texas Tech have vials of the bubonic and pneumonic plague virus? Everyone knows even their mascot committed suicide for being in Lubbock.
posted at 03:33 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (10) shout it

My 'I don't have to run day'
These should help kill the dead-air moments during halftime...

Oh yeah. The world needed "R. Kelly, the children's book".
Madonna says that Manolo Blahniks are better than sex. Can I pleasae borrow Guy Ritchie for awhile then? Purely for research purposes, of course.
And in other kiddie-porn news... "I swear I only went there for the articles." UPDATE: Looks like he's been arrested. Oops.
"But it goes to show why this kid has failed the driver's test four times..." I'm thinkin' so. Ewwww!
Of course she just had to be from Oklahoma... Spew warnings on the sound files!

And to all of the Bucs' critics out there, I echo this heartfelt "Plpppppppp!" (Some links courtesy FARK.com.)
posted at 02:40 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

I believe I can touch the...sky?
Oh yeah. Looks like it's going to be another one of those days. (Actual link via Yahoo News.)
posted at 02:59 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (2) shout it

'Cause I'm back, I'm on the rag and ovulating
Just in case ~~voting~~ nominating in the Bloggies hasn't been enough fun -- now you can check the winners of the most and least annoying individuals of 2002 at AmIAnnoying.com. Interesting that Nostradamus is in the top 10... (Read full article at CNN.com.)

UPDATE: Yep, I realize this is just the nomination round...
posted at 01:46 AM | link-

-it | mail it | (4) shout it

This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby
You know it's a slow news day when MSNBC is left to talk about penis enlargers on their main page. (Full article here. With such sage advice as, "So if you have 2 inches, you have enough to do the job." Are they still telling men that same line of crap to make themselves feel better? *ducks* Of course, the article was written by a man... Heh.)

One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers... One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers... One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby," by Austin Powers.

So let's take a quick poll... Is it the motion?

Or is it the size of the ocean? (Or alternatively "size of the boat" just for Jay.)

posted at 06:14 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (15) shout it

This is the best I could find...deal with it
Wanted: more stupid people. The fringe-news is getting boring these days.

If their money smelled like marijuana, then they weren't so good at money laundering after all, now were they?
J-Lo needed the assistance of eleven songwriters to pen "“Yo, yo. It take hard work to cash checks. So don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got the assets." And all those who believe she's "doing everything to prevent the media hype" surrounding her engagement [to Ben Affleck] raise your hands and form a line to the right...
Big-busted women take cover! The boob-onic plague is on the loose.
No, I didn't post this to FARK -- but I could have. Neener neener.
Last, and certainly least...mugshots of the not-so rich and famous. Poor Bambi.

And now...your moment of zen.
posted at 05:41 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (6) shout it

I don't wanna work
The new "100 best places to work" list is out. Sekimori isn't anywhere on there. Hmmmph! Well, maybe instead of a "place", they consider it a "state of mind" instead?
posted at 02:14 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (7) shout it

I'm a man - I'm a goddess
"Sunny weather, being with family and losing weight were more of an influence on women's happiness — while romance, sex, hobbies and victories by their favorite sports teams were more important to men." (credit: "The Formula for Happiness?" at Yahoo News!)

That does it. It's official. I'm really a guy. *glances down* Well, maybe not...but it appears I think and react like one!
posted at 06:32 PM | link-

-it | mail it | (8) shout it