You can leave your hat on
Obviously the victims weren't looking at his, errrr, face. That has to be one of the freakiest mugshots I think I've ever seen.
posted at 11:22 AM | link-

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Fock Me Amadeus
File this under, "Yep. That'll do it Pokes!" From FARK, dated 02/03:

[OSU] Student Government Association senators Derek Davies and Paul Goeringer...are co-authors of an SGA (Student Government Association) recommendation that proposes to change the name of Oklahoma State University to The Oklahoma State University...

...Davies, an agricultural economics junior, said, "Well, we were all sitting around trying to think of ways to make OSU more prestigious and help us compete nationally better. We then looked at the examples of Ohio State and Penn State with their names while we were at an agricultural conference and thought that we could do that at OSU in order to put us more in the national light." [link]

That's almost as brilliant as just renaming their stadium to Boone Pickens Stadium.

Of course, that would be even more amusing if OU hadn't renamed theirs "The Gaylord Family-Oklahoma Memorial Stadium". Rock the Fock!
posted at 04:12 AM | link-

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Here in my car I feel safest of all

Seen over at FARK -- we so need a package of these!
posted at 05:43 AM | link-

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You make me feel like dancing
Blender has named the 50 worst artists in music history. The only one that left me scratching my head and saying "huh?" was The Doors at #37. C'mon people. You gave up a spot on the list for Leo Sayer for that? Other than said-Doors CD -- here are the CDs I've purchased or owned by other bands on the list:

Tin Machine - Tin Machine - at #12 (Bowie in the $1.99 bin ain't all bad...ok, maybe this time it is)
Richard Marx - Richard Marx - at #30 (it was the best of times, it was the worst of times)
Live - Throwing Copper and Mental Jewelry - at #34 (it's a never-ending debate in this household, I can't help myself and Todd cringes every time)
Blind Melon - Soup - at #40 (Galaxie is one of my all-time favorite songs so deal with it)
The Spin Doctors - Pocket Full of Kryptonite - at #46 (you show me the early 90s college student without a copy, or a copy of a copy of this CD, or a roommate sans one of the above, and I'll call you a freakin' liar)
Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fear - at #49 (actually I didn't buy this one, it was a gift from someone that knew I liked "All I Want")

Leave your purchases in the comments if you'd like. It can be our own little support group of sorts... (Link courtesy of FARK.com.)
posted at 10:41 AM | link-

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Do not pass Go...
If FARK'ers made Monopoly cards...these submissions are priceless!

posted at 01:14 PM | link-

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The stars at night are big and bright
Amazing how a one-night bender during a supposed break-up could keep most of us fed and housed for months on end.

At least FARK is there to help us put it all in perspective!
posted at 09:46 AM | link-

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The Sooner Schooner

The Florida Gators shouldn't feel too bad -- it can happen to anyone. Take the University of Oklahoma for example... (Link courtesy of FARK.com.)
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'Cause that's my fun day
The perfect waste to your Sunday afternoon -- seen at FARK -- the The Online NES Emulator! Play up to 48 Nintendo games in your browser...

Football shall arrive soon. Hang in there. I'm here to help.
posted at 12:46 PM | link-

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If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy...
This has to be one of the most amusing things I've seen in a long, long time...the female dress code at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University. Keep clicking the "next slide" link at the top for examples with mannequins that demonstrate what is modest and immodest.

I lived at Oklahoma Baptist University for a summer session during high school, and we didn't have a dress code like that! Even my high school (without air conditioning, mind you) wouldn't allow us to wear shorts -- hey, it was the buckle of the Bible Belt in Oklahoma -- but we could wear capri pants and mini skirts. One of the main rules seems to be that dresses and skirts cover the knees. I would like to personally invite the Dean to come shopping with me as a 5'10" woman when shorter skirts are in fashion. What hits your knees, hits my thighs. Unless of course I buy a size 16 so it hangs on my lower hips instead of around my waistline...and we can't have ass-crack showing, now can we? That might lead others into temptation.

Whoo boy! I'm all for dressing professional and not Aguilera. Especially at a religious institution. But c'mon... (Link courtesy of FARK.com.)
posted at 01:57 PM | link-

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Once bitten, twice shy
I just found this link on FARK, and I don't know which cracked me up more -- the story itself -- or the cartoon that went along with it.

And because I haven't done this in awhile...now...your moment of zen.
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No more tears
Why, oh why, don't more movie theaters offer this option to help keep the 10 p.m. showings kidlet-free?
posted at 03:34 PM | link-

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It's ticking away with my sanity
Just in case you think I have too much free time on my hands, check out this guy..."Dorky eBay Auctions".
posted at 03:00 PM | link-

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But I want is to be left alone in my average home
Greeeeaaat. There's a discussion going on over at FARK about Ad-Aware (which I happen to use and love). It appears spyware manufacturers are bringing suit against Ad-Aware for false advertising because Ad-Aware removes their spyware product. Oh the humanity.
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Kill. Your. Television.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word "life", it means forever and that's a mighty long time. But I'm here to tell you, there's something else. The after-world. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun -- day or night.

An amusing summary of last night's American Idol.
Just think how many Atari systems could have been sold if they paired with Playboy. Or if that's not your style, try Playmate strip-poker and strip-tac-toe. (games obviously not work-safe)
So many jokes...so little time...
"The villains in the [Matrix Reloaded] flick are a pair of white-skinned, white-haired, red-eyed twins, and groups representing albinos say the movie unfairly stereotypes pigment-challenged individuals. 'They’re not albinos,' a Warner Bros. rep snapped. They’re dead...'"
Finally a Survivor All-Star Series -- just in time for none of us to care.
Trista and Ryan say screw "honest and sacred" when a four-part ABC special on their wedding is involved. But at least we no longer have to ask, "What about Bob?"

And now...your moment of zen... In this life, you're on your own!
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Saturday...in the park...
Thanks to FARK, cruel.com, and Sensible Erection for the following minutes of my life I'll never, ever get back...

We killed kittens tonight. Wanna join us?
"One of the villagers who took part in the looting said he tasted the [radioactive] yellow powder in the drums because it looked pretty."
Am not! Am not! Am not!
I'm afraid. I am very afraid. (link not work safe)
Oh God, it looks like Daniel. (from tpirsite.com)

And now...your moment of zen... Oh wait, that's your moment of hell. My bad. Have a happy weekend everyone!
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If you think it's cheap or a bit risqué...
I really should have been born 100 years ago (link not work-safe)... But it leaves me wondering if these women's children were embarrassed and ashamed at what they were seeing, if they ever found the photos? Personally, I find them all amazingly beautiful.
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And that's the way it was...
We need another full moon. Strange news is severely lacking lately!

First it was rumors of "Casablanca". Now after fulfilling Ben's fantasy with a Flashdance video, J-Lo is in talks to remake "Flashdance". Is nothing sacred with her?
And they called it puppy love...
Carson Daly drops $1K on lap dances during Derby weekend. For a grand, the bitch had better clean my house and wash the car, too!
FARK headline: "Mike Price lost his job at Alabama after having sex* with what appears to be Dee Snider." (see photo)
The Prostitution Film Festival -- with such classics as "vulva massage education". Ohhhhhhh...Delores!

And now...your moment of zen...

*Please note: It appears Price did not actually have sex with that stripper, although it's reported two others joined Price overnight in his hotel room. He did spend several hundred dollars while in Destiny's company, however.
posted at 01:57 PM | link-

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Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
I think about the only person on the planet right now more stupid than Mike Price trashing a $10-million dollar deal at one of the best college football schools in the country thanks to this stripper named "Destiny" (ironic, no?) -- is Catherine Zeta-Jones for smoking while pregnant (and getting busted on camera for it). I guess the bitch was ready and deserving as well... Money may buy you happiness, but it obviously doesn't buy you a clue. If Zeta had kept her trap shut instead of filing yet another tabloid-lawsuit, most of us would have never known.
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I'll shoot your eye out, kid
Oh how I wanna bean this muthafucka in the head with a baseball now myself! I'm thinkin' this pitch to the noggin, minus the hard-hat. Who's in?
posted at 03:37 PM | link-

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Goodbye, Norma Jean
FARK linked a lovely, rare Marilyn Monroe / Norma Jean bathing suit and nude gallery today. The photos are all large in size and great quality -- very nice!
posted at 04:26 PM | link-

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Tuesday, shoot me in the head - I'm takin' it back
Haven't done a "news not fit to print" wrap-up in awhile...so here goes:

Looking at his academic photo, this guy just screams "child molester". I mean, c'mon.
Gwen Stefani is going solo and wants to take up acting. Apparently she missed last year's Swept Away and Crossroads. (Thankfully, so did I.)
Do they make a Hallmark for "Gee, I'm sorry I shot the groom on your wedding day"?
SARS in a can -- now there's a concept that works! Soon with the slogan, "The refreshing drink that will take your breath away..."
Best. Homemade Porno. Ever. (PG-rated, from Sensible Erection.)

And now...your moment of zen...
posted at 04:00 PM | link-

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Wood good

Chey missed her calling at the Lumber Yard a year too late, or three months too early, it seems... "At the nudie bar!" (Full article at Yahoo! News. Link swiped from FARK headlines.)
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It's not the size of your blog...
Well it looks like the Blogger Boobie-Thon is finally getting a run for its money. Now we have "the penis blog project". (WARNING: Link so not very work safe!)

But don't expect to see my Dick over there any time soon. No. Seriously...
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Putting the 'ass' in classy
Ok, that's it. It's time to give up waiting on Matty to take care of business once and for all. We all need to get together and do the right thing now. Apparently Ben Affleck is so smitten with J-Lo that he's dropped $105,000 on a toilet seat cover for her encrusted with rubies, sapphires, pearls and a diamond. He told a friend, "Jennifer is my princess and she deserves only the best -- even when it comes to toilets." Well guess what, Baldie? Her shit still stinks just like everyone else's. Even more so than most, I would imagine.
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I'm givin' him somethin' he can feel
Todd and I both worked at JC Penney during college. We had about the most liberal return policy on the planet. I was amazed at some of the things that were accepted. Normally I could handle a return on my own. But a few caused me to page a supervisor...

Like the time a woman brought in a pair of Rocky Mountain jeans she'd worn to the rodeo and then decided that she didn't like the fit. She wanted to exchange for another pair. Oh excuse me, did I say "to" the rodeo? She was actually in the rodeo. The jeans had dirt stains (at least I hope it was dirt) all over them. Return accepted. New pair placed in bag for free. Hey, it saves on laundry expenses I guess... Another time a woman brought in a pair of Levi's. She was unhappy with the way they'd held up after washings. Repeated washings. They had a hole in the knee. They had frayed hemlines. They'd probably been covering her fat ass for at least 10 years based on the style and color. But because Levi flat-out gave JC Penney a certain dollar amount on any return, the woman walked out with a brand new pair at 20% off.

I could go on and on... But never in all my days at JC Penney do I remember company policy deeming this acceptable. My how things have changed in today's economy!
posted at 01:48 PM | link-

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"He thought he knew better"
From the FARK forums -- they always know just how to cut right to the chase:

"...'hungry troops' says it all....if the bush presidency were a dukes of hazzard episode, this would be the point where uncle jesse says, 'well, bush and his pals have got themselves in quite a pickle now'." [link]

For more background on this FARK comment, please read this Washington Post article.
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My new-style American girlfriend
File this under "no freakin' way" -- looks like there might be a sequel to "Sixteen Candles" titled "Thirty-Two Candles".

Molly Ringwald moves back to her hometown, and starts pining away for her boyfriend Jake, who she apparently followed to college. It didn't work out...and she subsequently lost touch with him.

Anthony Michael Hall, the triumphant hero rolls in, now a multi-millionaire vis-a-vis inventing some goddamn fancy-dancy search engine and...apparently hilarity ensues?

I have no idea about Long Duck Dong's possible involvement. (Read more at "Ain't It Cool News".)

Ok...let's lighten the atmosphere around here... Post your favorite quote!
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And now for something completely different...
FARK is having another Photoshop contest -- your favorite collegiate mascot -- just in time for March Madness!
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Instant news -- just add water
Why does it feel like Thursday already, but it's only Tuesday?

Well I just done seen 'bout everything -- phone sex operator given workman's comp (in Florida, no less) for chronic workplace-masturbation carpal tunnel syndrome
Fred Durst was right -- Webster's surrenders
I don't see this wedding being featured over at WM! anytime soon
I've done a lot "for charity" myself -- but what was she thinkin'?!
Todd and I weren't listed here -- but that's ok, because we were here

And now...your moment of zen...
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Not necessarily the news

Ok. I give. Floridians now have to accept their offbeat reputation because of asstards like this. And this. And this. We have our own FARK tag. It's just not worth fighting it anymore... Oh yeah. And I'm really an Oklahoman. Seriously.
And the before is better than the after exactly how?
"Dude, Where's My Oxygen?" Yipes!
Carmen Electra was dismissed from jury duty because the other jurors wouldn't stop asking her to make phone calls to their husbands and boyfriends. Nice.
[Nelson voice] Ha ha! [/Nelson voice]

And now...your moment of zen...
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It's party time, excellent...
This article will cause many of you to stop and ponder...did you go off to college a decade too soon... "These students are of legal age to fight and vote; why should they have to ask permission to receive oral sex on camera?" (Read more on this pseudo-blast from the past.)
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Don't go for second best, baby
Slant Magazine has counted down the 100 greatest music videos. Some, I can see...but five Madonna videos in the top twenty? C'mon. I'm living in a material world, and I am a material girl -- but even I will admit that's a bit much!
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I fought the law and the law won
Whew -- glad my student loans have been paid off. Off to nag my husband about his... Kidding! But U.S. Marshals? Yipes!
posted at 03:11 PM | link-

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Tonight at ten I'll lay her again
Can you imagine what this mom would have thought about "Like a Virgin" or "I Want Your Sex" in the 80s? For more hillarity, check out The Smoking Gun's FBI files on the song "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen. Hoover had way too much free time! (Link courtesy of FARK.com.)
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Wacko Jacko, indeed.
I can't say it better than the FARK'ers already have...but what the fuck? Anyone else in this country would have been locked up long ago, and I would have gladly swallowed the key. Any parent that allows their child to visit this man's home should be shot on sight! "What’s wrong with sharing a love?" More federal, state and local statutes than you can count, bud...
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We were born, born to be wild
I found this on FARK and thought it would make for interesting debate. New Mexico state Senator Allen Hurt has introduced Senate Bill 239. It specifically states that:

A person operating a motorcycle without a helmet and who, as the result of an accident, is pronounced brain dead pursuant to Section 12-2-4 NMSA 1978 by a licensed physician shall become an organ donor regardless of whether the person made an anatomical gift by completing the organ donor statement…

I have a very big problem with this. Although I am personally for organ donation, I am quite against forced organ donation. I think the choice is very personal and private -- and the reasons for and against are plenty. Some religious. Some not.

Sean Maher, the director of the American Motorcyclist Association's state affairs has issued this public statement:

Organ donation is a noble cause that truly can represent the gift of life for people faced with some terminal illnesses. But making the commitment to become an organ donor must remain a private decision left to each person. Classifying an entire group of citizens as nothing more than organs to be harvested isn't just demeaning to motorcyclists, it's offensive to all Americans.

In my own case, I've amended my organ donation card to everything but my eyes and skin. I can't even rationally answer why -- but the thought of donating those two items really bothers me. And I'm allowed that choice. It's my body. If we're going to start taking rights away in this country based on disobeying traffic laws and/or stupidity.....

So how do you feel? Does this seem like a good law to you?
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I'm Super...thanks for asking
FOXsports.com has an interesting list of Super Bowl facts. Some include:

Nine of the ten most-watched television programs of all time are Super Bowls.

People eat more food on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year other than Thanksgiving.

Super Bowl weekend is the slowest weekend of the year for weddings.

Last year, a 61-year-old lawyer from Chicago turned down an 18-day, all-expenses paid around-the-world trip for two, estimated at $18,000, in favor of two tickets to Super Bowl XXXVI.

Sales of antacid increase 20 percent the day after Super Bowl Sunday.

The top activities men will be doing during this year's Super Bowl are...

Eating/snacking, 82 percent
Watching the ads, 60 percent
Yelling at the TV screen, 52 percent
Hanging out with the guys, 46 percent
Drinking beer, 44 percent
Swearing or cursing, 39 percent
Betting on the game, 26 percent

Just men though? They obviously haven't been to a game shown in our house! Oh yeah, they have facts about avocados, too. Can't forget those... "Forty million pounds of avocados will be eaten during this year's Super Bowl festivities at home and in restaurants, mostly in the form of guacamole. That's enough dip to cover Qualcomm Stadium's football field, end zone to end zone, over five feet deep."

UPDATE: Sounds like some people took "we're going to the Super Bowl" here to mean we're (as in me and Todd) going to the Super Bowl -- and not we're (as in Tampa Bay). Oops. Unless I have some rich uncle about to buy the farm that I don't know about...our feet will be here pacing the ground of Tampa Bay on Super Bowl Sunday. I rather like my right kidney. It seems to come in handy every now and again...
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It just. Got. Interesting.
There may soon be a legal precedent for suing website trolls. I know a few lawyers who owe me favors. This might be fun to watch go down... Anyone want in on some class-action, errr, action? (Link courtesy of FARK.com, Slashdot, and Cleveland.com.)
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My 'I don't have to run day'
These should help kill the dead-air moments during halftime...

Oh yeah. The world needed "R. Kelly, the children's book".
Madonna says that Manolo Blahniks are better than sex. Can I pleasae borrow Guy Ritchie for awhile then? Purely for research purposes, of course.
And in other kiddie-porn news... "I swear I only went there for the articles." UPDATE: Looks like he's been arrested. Oops.
"But it goes to show why this kid has failed the driver's test four times..." I'm thinkin' so. Ewwww!
Of course she just had to be from Oklahoma... Spew warnings on the sound files!

And to all of the Bucs' critics out there, I echo this heartfelt "Plpppppppp!" (Some links courtesy FARK.com.)
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This is the best I could find...deal with it
Wanted: more stupid people. The fringe-news is getting boring these days.

If their money smelled like marijuana, then they weren't so good at money laundering after all, now were they?
J-Lo needed the assistance of eleven songwriters to pen "“Yo, yo. It take hard work to cash checks. So don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got the assets." And all those who believe she's "doing everything to prevent the media hype" surrounding her engagement [to Ben Affleck] raise your hands and form a line to the right...
Big-busted women take cover! The boob-onic plague is on the loose.
No, I didn't post this to FARK -- but I could have. Neener neener.
Last, and certainly least...mugshots of the not-so rich and famous. Poor Bambi.

And now...your moment of zen.
posted at 05:41 PM | link-

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Stand by me and dream a little dream
The 400,000th FARK link: Corey Feldman hopes starring in a reality show with MC Hammer and Vince Neil will help repair his image. Amazingly enough, Wil Wheaton was not invited to participate. You just can't make this stuff up. (Read more at CNN.com and FARK.com.)
posted at 05:53 AM | link-

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