When I get what I want, I never want it again

[the fortune]

Last night we met Stacy and Dan for a lovely dinner at the new P.F. Chang's China Bistro in Tampa. It was a first-time thing for all of us. We've heard you left-coasters rave about them forever, but they're just making their way over here to the Sunshine State.

So as I set the mood...imagine new rave-restaurant, Friday night, in the big city... [Sidebar: Dan and Stacy got there a few minutes before we did because we were stuck with the slowest clerk ever to run a cash register at Burdine's. She actually asked us, "Are you in a hurry to make your purchase this evening?" "Ummmm...no lady. We just put it on the counter for you to stress over. We can come back next week if that would be more convenient for you."] Anyhoo, they registered a table for four and were asked, "Indoors? Outdoors? Or first available?" Not realizing a monsoon was on its way, they chose "first available" -- and even that option that had an hour-wait attached. Shortly thereafter we walked inside, we all found a seat, and began to catch-up and chit-chat -- soon immersing ourselves in geeky conversation such as Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

That's when the vibrator, errrr, I mean pager went off. So the four of us made our way up to the podium wishing and hoping and praying we weren't being given an outdoor table because the visibility outside was about 2" by this time. There were people at the outside tables already, but I'm sure they won't need to shower for at least a week. So the check-in girl grabs a 2-foot pile of menus to hand to the hostess, who whispers something to her. Then the hostess walks off -- without the menus and without us. Then she comes back. Then another comes up. By this time, we're wondering what in the hell is up. Soon they inform us that another couple just walked in and sat down at our table. Without a reservation. Without a hostess seating them. They just waltzed in the restaurant on a Friday night and expected service.

But that wasn't the kicker. They didn't mistake the place for a seat-yourself kinda venue. Oh no. They refused to leave our table when asked. Flat-out refused. So then the staff was left arguing about what to do and who to do it. And still we stand there at the podium. Finally someone, somehow must have convinced them to get up because they were quickly ushered right by us. (Oh how Stacy and I wanted a piece of 'em!) Imagine if you will the quintessential Bon Jovi Joi-sey girl. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) Hair up to there, dress down to there. And as they breezed past the podium (where the poor girl in tow was trying to get them to register for a table), the man actually had the audacity to open up the patio doors and say, "Can you seat us here now?" As the poor hostess stammered all over herself, she was quickly rescued by the woman who claimed there was no way she was going outside in the rain and humidity because -- horror of horrors -- her hair would go flat. And we were off to our table to miss the rest of the free show...

Can you believe the nerve to just waltz in some place on a Friday night like that and seat yourself? Fortunately one bite of the Peking Dumplings and my mind went numb, never to ponder it again that evening!
posted at 12:03 PM | link-

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Mah Nizzle
'Cuz the boyz in the hood are alwayz hard
Come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card
Knowin' nuthin' in life but to be legit
Don't quote me boy, I ain't said shit...

posted at 11:19 PM | link-

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The seven year itch
I won't be around much this weekend because Sunday is our seventh wedding anniversary -- so I'm putting this up now.

Seven years ago today I was on my way to New Orleans to marry my best friend. We met when I was still in my teens, and now we're both thirty. But that doesn't stop us from having water-bottle fights on the couch, belching contests, and quoting Cartman and Beavis as if they spoke the Gospel.

Our marriage hasn't always been easy. But it has always been more than I could have possibly asked for out of life -- the good always overshadowing the bad. If I knew my heart would have been capable of this much love on our wedding day, seven years later, it would have completely overwhelmed me. It still does, really. I can take just about anything life throws at me because he is by my side.

He's still the one.

Seven down. Here's to seventy more... I love you, baby!
Happy anniversary!
-Robyn

UPDATE: Here's last year's blog-card just because...
posted at 03:10 PM | link-

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I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face...

Well this has been a somewhat difficult day that I don't hope to repeat soon. I ordered the group floral arrangement for tomorrow's funeral. I think it's going to be nice -- eleven of our names are going on the card. I e-mailed the OU Scholars Program director with the news this afternoon. He was our academic adviser back when we all lived in the Honors Dorm. I wasn't sure if they wanted to offer official condolences to the family or not, but I thought it would be nice to give them the option. With only three small floors of residents above the offices, the Honors Dorm residents are a very tight-knit community. Our message board has had tributes and favorite memories passed back and forth today. I've talked with a few other friends today for the first time since this happened. And I put on a Nirvana CD -- something I haven't listened to in years -- and typed out a letter to Kevin. Adam is going to be a pallbearer, and said he would try to slip it in the casket for me since I can't be there tomorrow. The only other such letter I've ever written was to my Grandfather, but he had cancer and I was able to give it to him before he passed away. Knowing I've been trying to contact Kevin for three weeks and couldn't reach him has been particularly hard...this is the only goodbye I'll get, and it's after the fact. I noticed that Jana said her goodbyes at her blog as well.

Kevin's obituary came out in yesterday's paper. I'm going to edit it a bit out of respect for the family and their privacy. But since you've seen his photos, I thought you might want to see what an incredible, brilliant person he was as well.

KEVIN D. SMITH
The funeral for Kevin Daryl Smith, 28, will be 11 a.m. Wednesday, May 28, 2003.

He was born Sept. 29, 1974, to Fred D. and Lois L. Smith and died Thursday, May 22, 2003.

He graduated with honors from High School in 1992. In May 1997, he graduated summa cum laude from the University of Oklahoma and was admitted to the law school at the University of Texas at Austin. He earned his juris doctorate with honors in May 2000. He obtained a position with a law firm in Pittsburgh, Pa., recently transferring to its Dallas office.

He was preceded in death by his father, maternal grandfather and paternal grandparents.
posted at 06:06 PM | link-

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In the sun, in the sun I feel as one

[kevin smith]

It's a message you never expect on your voicemail after a day at the beach. "Hi, this is Kevin Smith's sister. Can you please give me a call as soon as you get this message?" Especially considering you haven't seen her since she was in grade school, and she's now a grown woman who barely even remembers you. The pit of your stomach sinks as you know it's not good. It can't be good. So you call a good friend close to home to see if they've heard anything. They haven't. And then you open your e-mail and immediately see the name of another good friend with the words, "Call me please." You know it's officially bad. Your fingers can't even tremble out the right numbers. It takes you three tries to dial. And it is bad. Then the phonecalls begin so you can pass along the news "in person", too...

A boyfriend of mine in college, and still someone I consider a very good friend, committed suicide this weekend. I believe he would have been 29 this fall. We talked as grown-apart couples and friends who are married (he, since divorced) do. Here and there. On occasion. E-mailing for several hours straight. Then not again for weeks. I honestly can't remember if I talked to Kevin this year. I can't remember a lot from this year to be honest. I know we talked at the end of last year. I know things were going well for him. He'd had a really tough time with his divorce and the death of his father, but he'd done very well for himself. He graduated near the top of his class at UT's law school and was working for a very prestigious firm in Pennsylvania. At the time, he had a new girlfriend and they had just moved in together. We talked a lot about football, and about how happy we were the Sooners were doing well. He had a new replica of Memorial Stadium he had with him at all times on game day. I had my lucky t-shirts.

Apparently he had just moved back to Texas within the last few weeks, and that's where it grows hazy for those of us close to him. He had started a new job with his firm, and was apparently seeing the girl he'd been engaged to before he dated me. We understand he'd been in touch with several people he'd been estranged with recently. I wasn't one of them.

But then again, we weren't estranged. I had seen him fairly recently. He was down here a few summers ago and we spent the afternoon together goofing off and catching up on old times. We had lunch with Todd. And then he was gone. I had no idea that would be the last time I'd see him. My name and number were on a note he left to his sister so I'd be notified. How do I come to terms with being on a list like that?

To be honest, I have no idea how this is effecting me yet. I've tried to cry, but the tears just stay there welled up like they can't fall. I'm in shock. Not in shock that this is actually something he did, because I dated him for a long time. I was friends with him even longer. I loved him. I knew him. We had fought about suicide when Kurt Cobain took his life. It was a wicked fight. (We had a lot of those, anyone who knew us well can attest to -- they were the basis of our relationship it seemed at times. But the bigger the fight, the deeper the friendship.) I knew how he felt about suicide. And I remember telling him at the time if he ever did that to me I would bring him back and kill him again for even trying it. But I just never dreamed...

Now I will spend the rest of my life wondering "what if". What if I'd fought a little harder with him in college to stay here with us. What if I had put my own pain aside this year and tried to find out that he had his own. What if my e-mails hadn't went unreturned the last three weeks. (Our dorm in college, where Todd also lived, has a new message board online and we're planning a reunion next year. I couldn't understand why he wasn't over there with us joining in on the fun. I was trying to get his attention and find out what he'd been up to.) What if. And why?

I miss him. And now I have to live with the fact I always will. All alone is all we are...

I know a lot of my friends from college read here from time to time. We're going to send a group arrangement from the Honors Dorm to the funeral home. The services are this coming Wednesday if you'd like more details. Please feel free to leave messages to his family in the comments and I'll make sure they're passed along, and if you'd like your name on the arrangement, just let me know. -Robyn
posted at 10:47 PM | link-

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Lies lies lies, yeah - they won't forget you
I'm not going to say who we know that works at this corporation for their protection -- let's just say that it's either a very close friend or family member we know back home. Close enough that we spent a half-hour online and on the phone with their national parent company last week until we found a local number to call and check on this person's safety. I won't blog the name either, as I don't wish to eventually get Googled for it.

But during last week's Moore tornado, no one at this company's main call center (the largest employer in the city) -- less than a mile from the destruction -- was even notified of it. All televisions in the building were turned off, the blinds were drawn. The phones were left plugged in and they were kept working offering national phone support as usual. It was only after these employees even got off work that they learned an F4 tornado had touched down merely blocks from them. [see the story on video from OKC's News 9] Some of these employees had lost their homes.

Oh and about that call we placed to check on the individual we know? We were told they were plugged into their phone and couldn't accept incoming calls, but would return our call in 30 minutes to an hour when they were on break. Seemed like a reasonable excuse at the time. They told us they were "hand-delivering" our message. We never received a call back, but since we'd received verbal verification they were ok after the tornado we assumed they had enough to deal with at the time given their location. We just learned this message was never, in fact, passed along. Normally I can understand messages like that getting lost -- but it doesn't take a conspiracy theorist to wonder if that message purposely vanished that night.

To say I'm livid on this individual's behalf (and that of all their coworkers) would be an understatement. To say I'm shocked in this day and age...well sadly, not much seems shocking anymore, now does it?
posted at 12:05 PM | link-

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My ya-ya's
Through the years we've been through weddings, births, deaths, infertility treatments, miscarriages, missing 'children', first homes, layoffs, new jobs, cross-country moves, milestone anniversaries, separations, 'net splits and now college graduations together. There are days that I don't think I'd have the strength to draw in a breath without their unconditional love and support. In the good times, and the bad. I can't imagine life before the internet, because without it, I'd never have met my best friends. Congratulations, Ashley -- we're all proud of you! Love, The Gang
posted at 03:03 AM | link-

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I said I appreciate that and would you please explain about the 50 ways
If you think back, what's the most vivid earliest childhood memory that you have? Not surprisingly, since my life seems to have a soundtrack behind it -- my memory involves music. Based on the release date of the movie and the house we lived in, I was four years old at the time. I was in my backyard on my swing-set holding my transistor radio. (Man, that ages me!) I had a cup full of Apple Jacks cereal with me. "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman came on and I belted my little heart out. I can't hear that song to this day without thinking of that early summer afternoon.

I have other fuzzy memories from when I was three-to-four that all involve my Popeye (my nickname for my grandfather who passed away when I was four). In one he was playing a harmonica that I now have framed in a shadow box. In another we were singing "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" to one another -- my mom was dating a guy named Stan at the time, and the "make a new plan, Stan" line of the song would crack me up to no end in a fit of giggles. And in yet another, he was diving off a diving board during a vacation we were on, and I was squealing, "Do it again, Popeye! Do it again!" I still get teased about that to this day.

But those memories are all fuzzy, and ones that are partly mine -- party as told by others. The "If I Can't Have You*" memory is mine and mine alone -- since I was by myself at the time. If only life were still as simple as swinging as high as your little legs could kick you in the air, singing, and munching on Apple Jacks...

UPDATE: *Remember my old "break-up songs" entry? Well this site is the jackpot for them!
posted at 01:35 AM | link-

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Perfect cushion for the pushin'
Word of warning: When you put it all out there on the hottubbing webcam, expect it to stay out there. *snicker* But sorry ladies, he's all mine!
posted at 10:12 PM | link-

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Flyin' the friendly skies
Robbie just called from Atlanta. He managed to score a flight down here, and we pick him up in about an hour. Posting will be sporadic this weekend at best... Have a great one!

UPDATE: It was a short trip in-n-out. He flew out to Atlanta Saturday afternoon to head back to work. The great thing about my best friend being a pilot is that he can finally make the Tampa route now and again. Hopefully I can remain healthy enough to enjoy his visits!
posted at 09:03 PM | link-

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Today is the greatest day I've ever known
A quick follow-up pic to my entry last night. His new computer arrived today. I can bear to live with him again...
posted at 09:13 PM | link-

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I see your hiney
We can finally let the cat out of the bag, or so to speak...it's officially official! My husband is now a Systems Engineer with his company supporting Cisco. It's a huge bump in prestige -- and morale -- for him. I'm so very proud! He's busted his derrière for years to reach this point.

So we're doing a little celebrating in this household tonight... Come join the party! Pants optional.
posted at 08:54 PM | link-

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Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
I'm temporarily breaking my self-imposed personal blogging silence because a lot of people I care about are in quite a bit of pain right now. I won't name names, but tears have been welling up in my eyes while going through my regular blog reads tonight. People that have been there with me to hold my hand and pass the Kleenex through my darkest hours are now facing much of the same pain themselves, some just in different forms. I want to grab a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a box of Girl Scout cookies and head on over. I want to pop open a bottle of wine with them whether we need it or not, just because we can (even though we wish we couldn't). Then throw on a lot of silly DVDs and sit up all night crying and laughing at the same time... But that's not really something you can do from hundreds, even thousands, of miles away.

I've been pretty absent from a lot of things in the last month -- friendships included. Please don't think I've forgotten about you or that I don't hurt right along with you. I had to retreat into myself for awhile and find some semblance of "center" again. I wouldn't be any good to any of us if I didn't. But every day finds me just a little bit better, a little bit stronger, and sometimes even a little bit happier. And I want to be there for you -- now and always. If you need me, and I forget to ask -- please let me know. And thank you for just being you. I pray for your strength, healing, and happiness daily.
-Robyn

You've got to give a little, take a little
And let your poor heart break a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little
Until the clouds roll by a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love

As long as there's the two of us
We've got the world and all its charms
And when the world is through with us
We've got each other's arms

You've got to win a little, lose a little
Yes, and always have the blues a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love

That's the story of,
That's the glory of love...
posted at 01:57 AM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it

More than words is all you have to do to make it real
I know a lot of people are speechless right now. Please don't feel bad about that, if you just don't know what to say to us. To be perfectly honest, we're speechless, too. I don't know what to tell myself to make it all better, and I certainly don't expect you to have the words that will fix things either. There are always going to be "I think they meant well" comments in any circumstance like this. It's a part of life. And a part of grief. Sometimes the need to say something, anything quickly because you do care can leave you accidentally opening your mouth and the wrong words tumbling out...

I went and looked in Google for a list of things not to say during a miscarriage, and found several lists of them. Maybe this is something to file away for friends and family who might unfortunately go through the very same thing in the future. The following are not my own lists, or my own responses. I just put together several of (what I felt were) the best ones here in one place. And if you've said any of the following, please don't feel badly about it. I've probably mistakenly uttered some of the very same things myself. And these are not "one size fits all", as some of the sayings below have actually brought me comfort. Every couple hears, interprets and feels things differently based on circumstance.

But I think it's universally agreed...the very worst thing to say is nothing at all...or act like nothing has happened. I know I've never felt so alone or isolated in my life, and I have a great support network around me. Many thanks to those who have left comments and/or sent e-mails. I just can't say that enough.

"Well, nature takes care of her mistakes." The day before, oblivious to any problem they had been excitedly planning their baby's future. They loved it, anticipated it, were excited and thrilled. They imagined their baby, thought up names...looked forward to it. It was never a mistake to to them.
"At least you didn't get to know the baby." That baby was carried inside it's mothers body. How can any relationship be any stronger or more intimate?
"Now you have angel looking after you..." They didn't want an angel - they wanted their child.
"It's for the best." How exactly? Isn't the best a successful, healthy pregnancy?
"You are young you can have other children." This child was a person. It can not be replaced. You would not tell a grieving child, "Don't worry, your mom is young. She'll marry you a new dad." They don't want another baby. They wanted this baby. And you don't necessarily know for sure if they can have another child.
"I know how you feel." If you have never lost a child, you do not know how they feel. Everyone feels their grief uniquely. (Edited by Robyn: I just wanted to say again that I did not write this list. And if you've had a miscarriage, stillbirth, or lost a child yourself, it most certainly does not apply to you. You have our deepest sympathies.)
"You should be over it by now..." It doesn't matter how long it's been. You do not ever just get over it.
"You should be happy it didn't suffer." Of course they didn't want their child to suffer. They wanted a completely healthy and happy child.
"It's nature's way of getting rid of something that was deformed." The couple probably prefers to think of their child in memories as beautiful and perfect, not deformed. That perfect child is the one they are now grieving for in their hearts and minds.
"At least it didn't live a few hours and then die, that would have hurt worse." Maybe they would have loved to have had the opportunity to hear their baby's cry, to see the color of their eyes and hair, and to tell them how much that they loved and wanted them face-to-face.
"You're young, you'll get over it." What does age have to do with pain?
"Good luck to you." The couple is feeling anything but lucky at this moment.
"It could've been worse, it could've happened later." Things can ALWAYS be worse. And later term pregnancy losses are more traumatic in many instances. But this can make them feel as if the loss and sadness are totally dismissed. There's never a good or easy time to lose a child.
"Have you ever thought of not having children?" Yes, they probably have. They realize that they may never be parents now more than ever.
"It was Gods will...God wanted the child with him...God needed another flower in his garden...etc." Such comments can have the effect of making a parent very angry and bitter with God, which may block a possible source of comfort. Religion is very personal.
"God never gives you more than you can bear." Well this seems pretty unbearable at the moment.
"Count your blessings that you didn't have it." They may be finding it hard to find the blessings in anything right now.
"What is God trying to tell you with this?" This implies God killed their baby to teach them a lesson. The couple believes God loved their child as much as He loved them.
"You can try again soon." The furthest thing on most couple's minds right immediately after a miscarriage is the ability to try again. And trying again will not replace the child they lost.
"At least you know you can get pregnant." Well, yes -- this time. But what about in the future? Do you know she will be able to get pregnant again for sure? Her doctors might not.

Not my own words. Complied via Google searches.

You do not know how I feel --
Please don't tell me that you do.

There's just one way to know --
Have you lost a child too?

"You'll have another child."
Must I hear this each day?

Can I get another mother, too,
If mine should pass a way?

Don't say it was "God's will" --
That is not the God I know.

Would God on purpose break my heart,
Then stand back and watch as my tears flow?

"You have an angel in Heaven --
A precious child above."
But, tell me, to whom here on earth
Shall I give this love?

"Aren't you better yet?"
Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart still aches --
And I'll always feel some pain.

You think silence is kind,
But it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
Who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me,
although you do mean well.
They don't take my pain away;
For I must go through the hell.

I will get better slow but sure
And it helps to have you near,
But a simple, "I'm sorry you lost your child."
Is all I need to hear.

-Author Unknown
posted at 06:46 PM | link-

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I know you'll be the sun in somebody else's sky
We lost our two beautiful little angels on Valentine's Day. I will never celebrate the holiday again.

Thanks so much to everyone who has written and posted notes of encouragement and comfort. I'm updating because I know several of you are worried. I will try to reply to as many as I can when I am emotionally -- and physically -- able to do so. Blogging, for now, is simply out of the question. Our thanks also go out to everyone for the thoughts and prayers, although I am finding it very hard to believe and trust in God right now -- and don't know if I ever will be able to do so again.

Please do not comment on this entry out of respect to us, and our loss. I want to keep it empty...just like our hearts...

Much love,
-Robyn (and Todd)
posted at 12:01 AM | link-

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To be continued...someday
A week ago today, we learned that regardless of what medical science had told us, I was pregnant. On Monday, I had an ultrasound -- and even though it had been a couple of years since we'd been through any kind of infertility treatment, we learned I was carrying twins. Today, more of my bloodwork came back -- and even though I've yet to develop the symptoms -- we were told it appears I will be miscarrying and there isn't much hope. I rarely ask for thoughts and prayers here, but right now we'll gladly take any that you have to offer. I'm honestly not sure when I will blog again. I need a break. Life has taken on a whole new meaning in the last week. And I need my husband. We will be ok. We've made it this far, and things like this only succeed in making us closer. I've never loved Todd more than I do right now. For those who have known and supported us privately, we thank you. It's meant more to us than you can possibly imagine. - Robyn and Todd

UPDATE: Please note that I upgraded to MT 2.6 and closed additional comments on this entry, as I never intended for it to have comments in the first place. Thank you for respecting that in the future. And thanks to everyone who took the time to dig around my site in order to leave the kind words that they did. We truly appreciate every single one of them.
posted at 08:48 PM | link-

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Man, it feels good to be a gansta
Well I just got off the phone with the husband, and whee! They laid off 80 people at his company today. That sounds like a lot, but they have 5,000 employees at just his campus alone. Thankfully only one got the axe in his department, and ironically that guy called in sick today. Even more ironic, Todd's had his vendors switched after all the hubbub and will be getting that guy's now. I joked and told him to wear a bullet proof vest to work tomorrow. I mean, anyone who's watched Office Space knows that you do your layoffs in the tech world on Friday, people.

I guess it speaks pretty highly of Todd that he was the one they trusted to pick up new vendors in the middle of all this mess. Breathing in. Breathing out. They haven't had a round of layoffs in quite a long time (the last set of cuts saw 5% of the company gone, and news crews there to document it). They promised this should be the last round this year. We shall see.

Todd's last vendor was pretty much a "no travel" kinda deal, which worked out great for me (and both of us) during all of the infertility medical treatments and me being a general invalid. I really needed him around all the time. I'm doing a bit better now and I'm not freaking out quite so bad that they're sending him to Minnesota at the end of the month. In fact, I'm laughing about it. Mr. Floridian, who doesn't own a real winter coat or ANY winter clothes, in Minnesota...in February. This should be entertaining. And I have no desire to go with him this time. (I went to Denver with him for his last business trip.)

Of course, I closed off our conversation with this:

"So ladies, if you wanna rob a bank but you don't want your cooter poked, head to beautiful Minnesota -- land of 10,000 lakes."
posted at 01:42 PM | link-

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If you're ever in a jam, here I am
You know how they say blood is thicker than water? Well we're just getting in, and tonight we learned that friendship is thicker than wet cement -- and bonds even stronger. We love you.
posted at 03:26 AM | link-

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It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that cling
[confetti]

Sure it probably seemed like a good idea at the time to pack the shipping box, the cards, the envelope, and every single piece of tissue paper to be found with mylar confetti. I'm sure you had quite the good laugh wondering how we were ever going to get to our presents without spilling it everywhere. Hardy har har har.

But as I sit here finding that magnetic cling crap in places I didn't know I had, under my nails, on my legs, all over my countertops, sprinkled about the floor -- and it takes me at least 30 seconds to pluck each individual piece I find off my fingers after picking it up, before finally convincing said piece that it really wants to be in the trash can instead -- well the joke is now lost on me. I do believe this means war.

I will be in your home this spring. I will be armed. I am unrolling your Charmin and every time you go to wipe you're going to be oh so very shiny. I am going to fill the socks in your undie drawer with it so you will never get this crap from between your toes. I am sprinkling it in your sheets so that every day when you wake up, you have to add an extra 20 minutes to your beauty routine for confetti removal. I am opening up your purse and dumping a whole bag in, so that every time you go to write a check, you leave a happy l'il trail of you all the way out the store. I'm zipping open your vacuum bag and I'm setting it to reverse, so that every time you think you're cleaning it up, you're only blowing out more all over your house.

I "got" the joke. Now prepare to pay dearly for it.

Love,
-Robyn (and Todd)
posted at 08:00 PM | link-

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Book 'im, Danno!
This true story over at Tracy's made me flashback to a funny moment in high school...

A friend of mine had a dad who was a policeman in another town, and he got me a pair of real handcuffs for my 16th birthday. I kept them hanging on the cigarette lighter of my car (for decoration, get your minds out of the gutter). The key was in the console. Well one night my friends were playing around with them during a wicked game of Twister, and somehow the key got lost. But I put the handcuffs right back on their place of honor in my car when I left.

Fast-forward to my Grandpa doing an oil change and car repairs for me a few months later. (I lived with my grandparents for two years in high school.) While he was cleaning out the inside, he called me out to the driveway. My Gma followed. He had noticed the handcuffs for the first time, and asked me if I realized just how dangerous they were. Now mind you, I lived in a small town of less than 25,000 people at the time. But to illustrate his point he said, "Just imagine if you were carjacked. Someone could slap these on your wrists like this (*clink*, *clink*) and you'd be completely defenseless. My jaw hit the pavement. Him, thinking he'd driven his point home. Me, knowing...there was no key.

I didn't know how to tell him, so I mouthed it to my Gma first. Then he asked me for the key. He's standing there wearing ratty "car work" jeans and no shirt. In cuffs. I didn't know how to break it to him and not get killed in the process. But I did. And he was too shocked to be mad at me. Then my Gma started laughing and we all cracked up in unison.

He walked over to their nearest neighbor (they lived 15 miles outside of the city limits), who also happened to be a policeman, hoping he'd be home. He was. But his cuff key didn't fit my cuffs. He had to drive my Grandpa to the local station, cuffed with no shirt on, in his squad car to find a key to fit them. How I avoided being grounded over all this, I'll never know. In our small town, my Grandpa showing up at the police station like that was quite the scandal...not to mention him having to explain to everyone that they were his teenage granddaughter's cuffs (and make them believe it) when he got there...

Needless to say the cuffs didn't go back in my car after that! But the story lives on in infamy.
posted at 06:05 PM | link-

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Just say no (fries with that)!

[Just say no!]

This one is for Ashley. She'll know why.

(That's me in my cap 'n' gown before OU's commencement ceremonies in May 1995. Oklahoman James Garner was our speaker.)
posted at 02:47 AM | link-

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Now I only have 2 things - my friends, and uh, my thermos
Oh, I'm picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra-best thermos you can buy --
With vinyl, and stripes, and a cup built right in!

I'm picking out a thermos for you.
And maybe a barometer too.
And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely?
A rear-end thermometer too!

Taking a quick breather from work for a few belated thank-you's... Kristine sent me a cookbook I've been dying to have forever -- the Betty Crocker Picture Cookbook (a replica of the 1950 edition). And Yvonne sent me one of the coolest care packages ever! Tucked inside was my very own metal Eminem lunch pail (with matching thermos). And what Eminem set could be complete without two matching shot glasses? Thanks guys -- bestest presents (and friends) evah!
posted at 02:05 AM | link-

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If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose
The best friends I've ever had in my life will tell me that I'm wrong. Often. Or being inconsiderate. Or being stupid. Or being outspoken. Or being an ass. Or wallowing in my own self-pity -- or banging my head against an uncrackable wall -- just a little too long. They've heard me laugh. Let me scream. And passed the tissues when I've cried. They note my faults and discuss them with me one-on-one, rather than putting them up on a message board or another blog for all to point and gawk at. They realize because I'm human, I can be just as hurt by labels and insults whether given face to face or behind the security of a monitor. I've never claimed that I'm perfect. But I do strive to be the same type of friend I want in return. And I can't tell you how thankful I am for my blog -- because all of the bullshit aside -- it's allowed me to meet these three women in person and call them a "a real friend".

Thank you.

For all that you have been,
when I couldn't be myself.
For the listening ears
When I could not speak.
For the time you donated,
When I was running out of it.

For the laughters you brought,
When there were tears in me.
For the courage you suggested,
When all I had was fear.
For the smile that you offered
When sadness invaded me.

For the goodness you showed,
When I saw only the worst.
For the comfort you gave,
When I was losing confidence.
For being a FRIEND,
When I wanted support.

For the prayers you've recited,
When I only see myself mourning.
When for being there,
When I couldn't find myself.
For everything,
When I have got nothing.

For simply being...my friend.
-Author Unknown

Starting a new year with great friends makes it worth getting up every day -- even when those days include the flu.
posted at 08:02 PM | link-

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