link--this

I'm going to come out of 'lurkdom' sp? for this one.
On December 27th 1999 my father suicided, he was 45 years old. It was right after Christmas and he was having a rough time with life, he had broke up with his long time girlfriend and he was generally down. He argued with his mother on Christmas day and ended up spending it alone. For the past 3+ years I have grappled with the what if's. If I would have done this or that, etc.. It was especially hard for me because Christmas Eve I passed by his house on my way back home a 3 hour drive away, and I didn't stop. I use to berate myself every day for not stopping.. I know now that nothing I could have said or done would have stopped my Dad from doing what he did. It still hurts like hell, I have dreams and I don't understand how a person could get that low. But then we don't really know what goes on inside of another's head. While some of us air our feelings some of us don't. It's hard now and it will be hard for you for a long time, but you've got to keep telling yourself that there was nothing you could have done. It's not your fault. Chin up sweetie, trust me things will get better just remember the good times and if you feel like laughing, crying, screaming or all of them do it. Go for a drive and 'let it all out'. My thoughts are with you and yours.

¤ ¤ credit: Theresa | 05.26.03 at 11:31 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

:(

AIM-miwright25
YIM-miwright21

If you need them, use them. I'm here. *hug*

¤ ¤ credit: Mike | 05.26.03 at 12:30 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

*hugs* I'm so sorry Robyn.

¤ ¤ credit: Kathy | 05.26.03 at 12:47 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Once again I do not have the words I long for to offer you comfort at this time. I do however send up a silent prayer for you, your family, and for him, and his family.

¤ ¤ credit: ginadapooh | 05.26.03 at 01:28 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Late reading, late responding, but my sentiments are the same as all the above.

Doing the what if's means you wish to possibly change something that Kevin thought was special enough to include you on what was probably the most exclusive list he ever put together. Take comfort knowing that although he had a pretty stupid way of showing it, he cared. I sincerely hope that something comes along to lighten your heart soon.

¤ ¤ credit: a different Bill | 05.26.03 at 01:32 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

"We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence."
-Joseph Roux

¤ ¤ credit: Ruthie | 05.26.03 at 04:56 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm sorry.

¤ ¤ credit: Jessica Parker | 05.26.03 at 05:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Those are all great pictures of him, goofy, serious, and well, just Kevin. Know what? The one thing I'll always remember of him is the time the four of us, you, him, me and ben left norman and drove to tulsa to look at christmas lights at about midnight. I remember you two talking about the lyrics for "kiss off." I guess we spent a lot of nights staying up talking with the gang. And of all of them, I wouldn't expect it to be him (know who I"m thinking of?) Of course, like you said, it's not a big shock. But still...

¤ ¤ credit: jana | 05.26.03 at 10:30 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I was telling Todd about that late-night road trip last night as a matter of fact. Hands down, one of the best nights I had in college...

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.26.03 at 10:36 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry Robyn (sorry this is late too)... my heart and prayers are with you and Kevin's family. May you all find peace and understanding to help you through the pain... *hugs*

¤ ¤ credit: Angel | 05.27.03 at 12:29 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Wow. I'm so sorry. :(

¤ ¤ credit: nastybastard | 05.27.03 at 01:40 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

oh, Robyn...i'm sorry. i am so sorry. (((hugs)))

¤ ¤ credit: bran | 05.27.03 at 10:20 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Well, I'm a little late with an I'm sorry for your loss, but I truly am. Suicides always leave a "what if" scenario for everyone involved. A friend's brother comitted suicide not too long ago and it looked as though he knew he had made a mistake, but couldn't get to the phone in time to save himself. No one expects it to happen ever, but sometimes it's too overwhelming I guess. Anyway, just wanted to say sorry for your loss and my thoughts go out to the family and yourself.

¤ ¤ credit: Smurfette | 05.27.03 at 11:14 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry to hear about this and will be thinking and praying for his family and all that know and love him.

¤ ¤ credit: Shawn | 05.27.03 at 11:35 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I am so sorry Robyn. My deepest condolences go out to his family and to you. Keeping you all in our thoughts. *long tight hugs*

¤ ¤ credit: munin | 05.27.03 at 06:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I can sympathise with how you feel Robyn.

My mother committed suicide when I was 16. I am now 33, and not a day has gone by when I haven't thought "what if...". What if I had behaved better, what if I had done this, said that...maybe it would not have happened....

I think that if a lot of people who had committed suicide had known or could somehow see what an effect it would have on their loved ones and friends then they would not do it...

But I guess that they had gotten to such a level of depression that they had convinced themselves 100% that nobody cares about them or loves them...

This doesnt make sense, I know, but there is no comfort blanket, you just gotta get by as best you can, and be thankful for the good times.

Dannyboy.

¤ ¤ credit: Dannyboy | 05.30.03 at 06:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤