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Posted: 02.17.2003
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
I know a lot of people are speechless right now. Please don't feel bad about that, if you just don't know what to say to us. To be perfectly honest, we're speechless, too. I don't know what to tell myself to make it all better, and I certainly don't expect you to have the words that will fix things either. There are always going to be "I think they meant well" comments in any circumstance like this. It's a part of life. And a part of grief. Sometimes the need to say something, anything quickly because you do care can leave you accidentally opening your mouth and the wrong words tumbling out...

I went and looked in Google for a list of things not to say during a miscarriage, and found several lists of them. Maybe this is something to file away for friends and family who might unfortunately go through the very same thing in the future. The following are not my own lists, or my own responses. I just put together several of (what I felt were) the best ones here in one place. And if you've said any of the following, please don't feel badly about it. I've probably mistakenly uttered some of the very same things myself. And these are not "one size fits all", as some of the sayings below have actually brought me comfort. Every couple hears, interprets and feels things differently based on circumstance.

But I think it's universally agreed...the very worst thing to say is nothing at all...or act like nothing has happened. I know I've never felt so alone or isolated in my life, and I have a great support network around me. Many thanks to those who have left comments and/or sent e-mails. I just can't say that enough.



    What not to say to a couple following a miscarriage*:

  1. "Well, nature takes care of her mistakes." The day before, oblivious to any problem they had been excitedly planning their baby's future. They loved it, anticipated it, were excited and thrilled. They imagined their baby, thought up names...looked forward to it. It was never a mistake to to them.

  2. "At least you didn't get to know the baby." That baby was carried inside it's mothers body. How can any relationship be any stronger or more intimate?

  3. "Now you have angel looking after you..." They didn't want an angel - they wanted their child.

  4. "It's for the best." How exactly? Isn't the best a successful, healthy pregnancy?

  5. "You are young you can have other children." This child was a person. It can not be replaced. You would not tell a grieving child, "Don't worry, your mom is young. She'll marry you a new dad." They don't want another baby. They wanted this baby. And you don't necessarily know for sure if they can have another child.

  6. "I know how you feel." If you have never lost a child, you do not know how they feel. Everyone feels their grief uniquely. (Edited by Robyn: I just wanted to say again that I did not write this list. And if you've had a miscarriage, stillbirth, or lost a child yourself, it most certainly does not apply to you. You have our deepest sympathies.)

  7. "You should be over it by now..." It doesn't matter how long it's been. You do not ever just get over it.

  8. "You should be happy it didn't suffer." Of course they didn't want their child to suffer. They wanted a completely healthy and happy child.

  9. "It's nature's way of getting rid of something that was deformed." The couple probably prefers to think of their child in memories as beautiful and perfect, not deformed. That perfect child is the one they are now grieving for in their hearts and minds.

  10. "At least it didn't live a few hours and then die, that would have hurt worse." Maybe they would have loved to have had the opportunity to hear their baby's cry, to see the color of their eyes and hair, and to tell them how much that they loved and wanted them face-to-face.

  11. "You're young, you'll get over it." What does age have to do with pain?

  12. "Good luck to you." The couple is feeling anything but lucky at this moment.

  13. "It could've been worse, it could've happened later." Things can ALWAYS be worse. And later term pregnancy losses are more traumatic in many instances. But this can make them feel as if the loss and sadness are totally dismissed. There's never a good or easy time to lose a child.

  14. "Have you ever thought of not having children?" Yes, they probably have. They realize that they may never be parents now more than ever.

  15. "It was Gods will...God wanted the child with him...God needed another flower in his garden...etc." Such comments can have the effect of making a parent very angry and bitter with God, which may block a possible source of comfort. Religion is very personal.

  16. "God never gives you more than you can bear." Well this seems pretty unbearable at the moment.

  17. "Count your blessings that you didn't have it." They may be finding it hard to find the blessings in anything right now.

  18. "What is God trying to tell you with this?" This implies God killed their baby to teach them a lesson. The couple believes God loved their child as much as He loved them.

  19. "You can try again soon." The furthest thing on most couple's minds right immediately after a miscarriage is the ability to try again. And trying again will not replace the child they lost.

  20. "At least you know you can get pregnant." Well, yes -- this time. But what about in the future? Do you know she will be able to get pregnant again for sure? Her doctors might not.


    21. * Not my own words. Complied via Google searches.


You do not know how I feel --
Please don't tell me that you do.

There's just one way to know --
Have you lost a child too?

"You'll have another child."
Must I hear this each day?

Can I get another mother, too,
If mine should pass a way?

Don't say it was "God's will" --
That is not the God I know.

Would God on purpose break my heart,
Then stand back and watch as my tears flow?

"You have an angel in Heaven --
A precious child above."
But, tell me, to whom here on earth
Shall I give this love?

"Aren't you better yet?"
Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart still aches --
And I'll always feel some pain.

You think silence is kind,
But it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
Who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me,
although you do mean well.
They don't take my pain away;
For I must go through the hell.

I will get better slow but sure
And it helps to have you near,
But a simple, "I'm sorry you lost your child."
Is all I need to hear.

-Author Unknown




Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...



Sometimes the only words are the ones that offer unconditional support. You've got that in spades, and I'm just one of many who'll listen if you need an ear.

¤ ¤ credit: merrin | 02.17.03 at 06:57 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

You are truly an amazing individual...even in this most difficult, heart breaking time you are trying to help your friends too!

¤ ¤ credit: daisy | 02.17.03 at 07:10 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I understand your grief completely as I had four miscarriages but all were after the birth of my daughter. I have heard all the "wrong" comments too and even from the doctor. I'll never forget the day he walked in and said, "And now why are you crying?" Why indeed! And then I had two friends who lost their babys at the end of their pregnancies so of course "my grief wasn't the same as theirs?" No words can help...but I do understand your grief. Time does make it better, but you never forget. My prayers and thoughts will be with you.

¤ ¤ credit: Jeanette | 02.17.03 at 07:11 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

{{{hugs}}}

¤ ¤ credit: Andrea Harris | 02.17.03 at 07:12 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I was in the "don't say anything about it on the blog" camp. Sorry.

I love you both. That is all.

¤ ¤ credit: Solonor | 02.17.03 at 07:12 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I cannot believe anyone would be insensitive enough to repeat anything on that list to someone who's just lost a child.

I can't think of anything really profound or meaningful to say, but I wanted you to know that you and Todd have been in my thoughts and prayers constantly for the last few days. My heart just breaks for you both. I am so sorry. Much love to you both, dear.

¤ ¤ credit: skits | 02.17.03 at 07:12 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I am so sorry. I don't have any fancy words or catchy sayings to convey my sadness.. I just wanted you to know that you and your husband are in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: madman | 02.17.03 at 07:16 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

i've been reading...and feeling...and sitting not wanting to say anything for fear of putting my foot in my mouth (as is known to happen), but you are right - it is better to at least say something than nothing at all...so this is my something.

i'm thinking about you both.

¤ ¤ credit: lor | 02.17.03 at 07:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn, you and Todd are both in my heart and prayers. {{{hugs}}}

¤ ¤ credit: Kathy | 02.17.03 at 07:19 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Jeanette, you know how we found out? My Dr. came in the room and made a raspberry ("Plpppppp...") at us as she flipped through my bloodwork comparisons. The only advice she left us with, other than to go home and wait for it, was to consider selling my eggs via egg-sharing so we could save for in-vitro or adoption faster. Basically, "Sorry that you can't seem to have your own kids, but we'll be more than happy to take those extra eggs off your hands and make sure other people can have your children instead of you, mmmmk?"

And Solonor -- no apologies! You've written to check on us! If we don't know how to handle it, we certainly don't expect those around us to have all the answers either. *smooch*

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 02.17.03 at 07:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm definitely one of the ones who wants to say something to comfort you, but don't know what to say. I have thought about you every day since you posted the news and I have this feeling of hurt for you. When my friends are hurt, the only thing I want to do is to be able to take that hurt away. I wish I could take your hurt away.

¤ ¤ credit: Camille | 02.17.03 at 07:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Ever since I heard, you've been on my thoughts a lot. I keep wishing there was something I could do, something I could say... and I don't even know you. But I've been praying, and thinking of you, and silently supporting you. And I guess that's all a stranger can do right now. :)

¤ ¤ credit: Jennifer | 02.17.03 at 07:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

thank you for sharing robyn.
the four of you will be in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: jane | 02.17.03 at 07:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Seems like you have have a strong network of love surrounding you and your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss.

¤ ¤ credit: Charlene | 02.17.03 at 07:49 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

"My Dr. came in the room and made a raspberry ("Plpppppp...") at us as she flipped through my bloodwork comparisons." For some reason, the phrase 'bitch-slap' comes instantly to mind....

¤ ¤ credit: hmw | 02.17.03 at 09:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Hey sweets. I've been through a miscarraige with an insensitive doctor as well as insensitive relatives who said all the wrong things.

You know where to find me if you want to talk. I love you both dearly and think of you all the time. My heart breaks for you both.

¤ ¤ credit: michele | 02.17.03 at 09:31 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I don't have the words Robyn, as with many others I am speechless. I send you all our love, our hugs.

If there is anything, anything at all, we are here.

¤ ¤ credit: munin | 02.17.03 at 09:39 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

((((Robyn and Todd))))

¤ ¤ credit: Tam | 02.17.03 at 09:54 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Like you said, no words can change what happened. I'm glad your back though and that your strong enough to move forward. All I can offer is a hug and some positive thoughts heading your way.

¤ ¤ credit: C.C. | 02.17.03 at 10:14 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

My condolences to you both. Your strength and resolution in this trying time speaks admirably of you. God bless.

¤ ¤ credit: Jody | 02.17.03 at 10:15 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Because I don't know you that well, and because I didn't want to say just the wrong thing, I haven't posted before...

But, when you said that it was worse to say nothing at all, I decided that it was time for me to quit lurking.

I am very deeply sorry for your loss, Robyn. Having gone through a miscarriage myself, I know how much it hurts. Especially when you really don't know if you'll ever have the opportunity to carry a child to term.

I wish that I had better words of comfort... all I can really say is that I am so sorry...

¤ ¤ credit: shelby | 02.17.03 at 10:15 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Todd and I just wanted to say thanks to Shelby, and to everyone else who has posted here tonight. We're definitely printing these out to save. They all bring us comfort and we thank you.

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 02.17.03 at 10:20 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I was not going to say anything, because I would have drifted toward the, "we feel your pain" camp. We lost a child a couple of years ago when my wife wa 5 months along. We had no clue at all until we went in for the ultrasound. I would never be so crass as to say, "I know how you feel," because we had a brave little boy who we had to explain things to and later had a beautiful daughter. Neither could replace the void left by that one, though. I could not imagine your unique situation, but I understand the void and my heart goes out to you both.

It's good to see you here. I think I would have handled our situation better if I had been fortunate enough to have a blog as an outlet and friends to show support. As it was, none of my local friends could relate and it took my wife a good long time to convince me to try again. I wish you many blessings with whatever route you choose to continue on with your lives.

¤ ¤ credit: Brian Peace | 02.17.03 at 10:33 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn and Todd: I admire both of you so much. You've been through so much and still make time for your friends. I can't begin to tell how sorry I am that you lost your babies. I'm always around if you need someone to talk to. You both are always in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: Lisa, Gal of Unix | 02.17.03 at 10:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I wrote in private, so you know how much I feel your pain even though I haven't been through it myself (although there's every chance that I may in the future, which is what makes it very close to home).

¤ ¤ credit: Jessica Parker | 02.17.03 at 10:53 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn,

We have lost a child to too, and I always carried this song in my wallet ever since. If it helped me, maybe it will help you. I'm sorry for your loss.


Lullaby For The Innocents

(never to be sung)

Hear now a lullaby
You'll never hear
For your life was something
That wasn't held dear
You need not a lullaby
For you do not weep
Nor love's arms to hold you
In death you do sleep.

What your life might have been
We'll never know
A miracle happened
But there's nothing to show
We're left with this sorrow
But hope all the same
That in heaven there's Someone
Who knows you by name.

¤ ¤ credit: Jeff Stevens | 02.17.03 at 11:08 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I love you both always, but especially now. You are such a beautiful woman, and mother.

¤ ¤ credit: Cis | 02.17.03 at 11:41 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn, my deepest sympathies. I have you and your husband in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: Camilo | 02.18.03 at 12:15 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I am just so sorry.
Rodney

¤ ¤ credit: Rodney | 02.18.03 at 12:25 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

You two have been in my thoughts for days. My mother had several miscarriages, truley one of the most terrible things and parent-to-be should ever have to go through. My thoughts are with you.

¤ ¤ credit: Paul | 02.18.03 at 01:30 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Yes, I lost a baby, too, and both of my sisters did, as well. While I do understand the heartbreak, the only pain I truly know is my own and my husband's. As you said, every couple is unique in how they feel, and in how they process their pain. All I can say is I understand your tears, and cry with you. I am keeping you and Todd in my thoughts, and am sending healing energy your way.

(((((comforting hugs)))))

¤ ¤ credit: Leigh | 02.18.03 at 02:06 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I, too, have been at a loss for words, but I do want you and Todd to know that you are in my thoughts during this time... I admire your strength. *hugs*

¤ ¤ credit: courtney | 02.18.03 at 02:27 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so very sorry.

¤ ¤ credit: sue | 02.18.03 at 03:07 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I myself have been trying to find something to say to you. I still don't know. I am incredibly sorry for your loss, you and Todd have been in my thoughts during this hard time.
{ { { hugs } } }

¤ ¤ credit: mike | 02.18.03 at 03:29 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn,
I have been reading here for a while and have never thought I had anything worthy to say. But now I want you to know that I am holding you and Todd in my heart and thoughts. I am truly sorry for you loss.

¤ ¤ credit: Marsha | 02.18.03 at 03:54 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

rob and todd... i wish there was something i could do for both of you to make you feel better.

and that's the biggest understatement i've ever made.

¤ ¤ credit: mikey | 02.18.03 at 04:20 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I had a miscarriage several years ago, it's a horribly painful experience that never seems to fade. My thoughts are with you both.

¤ ¤ credit: laura | 02.18.03 at 07:03 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry for your loss, Robyn and Todd. *HUGS*

¤ ¤ credit: Simply Sara | 02.18.03 at 07:26 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Hey Robyn, I am usually more of a lurker around here. But I am always here... And I swear that the love between you and Todd radiates off the screen as I read... Even during these sad times when I see you comment about how wonderful your relationship with Todd is it brings a smile to my face. Anyway, I wanted to say I am thinking of and praying for you, Todd and your sweet babies. And I happy that you have such a wonderful relationship to hold on to during the hard times.

¤ ¤ credit: Deb | 02.18.03 at 07:46 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I just wanted to let you know... I'm truely sorry for what you are going through. I have never been there so I won't say I know what you're going through...Just hold on to your love for one another and let that be what gets you through this.

¤ ¤ credit: Bella | 02.18.03 at 08:40 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Long time reader, but I have never commented. Having been through the death of a child, I felt I needed to let you know my thoughts & prayers are with you. I lost my daughter at 1 week old and had almost every single one of the comments you listed said to me at one time or another.
The most heartfelt comment I received from a friend was a simple, "I don't know what to say but I am sorry." So that is what I say to you Robyn, I have no words to help you, but I am truly sorry for your loss.

¤ ¤ credit: Mandy | 02.18.03 at 08:43 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you.

And let me add: I certainly hope you look for a different doctor!

I lost a much-longed-for baby (my first), too, and at least my doctor was gentle and sympathetic when she told me I'd be miscarrying. She even gave me a hug. If she'd been as off-hand about it as your doctor... Well, words fail me.

¤ ¤ credit: Elizabeth | 02.18.03 at 09:33 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

i've had two miscarriages, but i still can't say that i know how you feel. let yourself grieve, and cling to todd. you've both been thru so much, but you're so blessed to have each other.

and it sounds like it's time to change doctors.

¤ ¤ credit: tanya | 02.18.03 at 10:28 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I haven't said anything because I didn't know what I could say without sounding like one of those Google searchs but here I go:

Robyn, you and your family are in my prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: Shawn | 02.18.03 at 11:02 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm very sorry for your loss.

¤ ¤ credit: bird | 02.18.03 at 11:05 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Shannon and I are so sorry for your loss. I just happened to check your site today after a long absence and was stunned. I don't know what to say except that I will be praying for you and Todd.

¤ ¤ credit: Angela | 02.18.03 at 11:12 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Like many others, I didn't know what to say, but I do want you to know that you and Todd have been in my thoughts throughout this whole thing (I keep checking in with Susan to see how you both are). I'm extremely sorry for your loss!! I have absolutely no idea what you guys are going through, but I know it's not an easy road to travel down. You're both in my thoughts daily.

¤ ¤ credit: Stacy | 02.18.03 at 11:25 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I've been very saddened for your family, Robyn. I watched my sister-in-law go through a miscarriage & I saw how it hurt her & my brother.

I'm sorry; it makes me cry for you. I wish I could do more.

{{{{{Robyn & Todd}}}}}

¤ ¤ credit: Cyberangel | 02.18.03 at 12:02 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn,
I have to admit, I have only read your blogs a few times. My husband, Tom, reads your page regularly. However, I had to say that you and your husband are in my thoughts during this horrible time. I had 3 miscarriages, back to back, within a year's time. I heard SEVERAL of those exact remarks from even family and friends. The intention was all good, but god, how I hated hearing those things. We were blessed with a son in May of 2001. However, in my heart, I have four children, not one. I cringe when I fill out Dr.'s paperwork and have to put number of pregnancies (4) and number of children (1). Although I am a stranger to you, I hope you know that I have been touched by many of the things I have read here. You seem like an amazing person, and since I know nothing I say will really make you feel better right now, I will just say I am deeply sorry for your loss and keep you in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: Teresa | 02.18.03 at 12:52 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I don't think I've ever commented until now, and I'm sorry that its under these circumstances that I actually do, but I wanted to let you know how sorry I was to read about your loss.

You're in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: Dana | 02.18.03 at 01:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm sorry for your loss. If I had the words to make it all better, I'd say them. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: April | 02.18.03 at 01:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn, I haven't said anything because I don't know you all too well, but I am really very sorry for your loss. You and your husband are in my thoughts.

¤ ¤ credit: Steph | 02.18.03 at 01:55 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Both you and Todd are in my thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: ursula | 02.18.03 at 01:55 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry....

¤ ¤ credit: Lauri | 02.18.03 at 02:04 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

i didn't know what to say so i haven't posted anything until now, but I have been thinking about you every day and wishing that you hadn't had to go through this. My heart goes out to you.

Perhaps off topic, your relationship with Todd is, as always, inspirational for me as a new wife. You should be very proud of how strong your marriage is. Maybe that's not the right thing to say right now - but - well, I wish I could actually give you a hug. I can't really think of anything else to say.

¤ ¤ credit: trish | 02.18.03 at 02:34 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Heya

I see you are back to blogging some, and I think that is going to be helpful for you. You have amazing support and at times like this I think it is important for you to realize how many people's lives you have touched or helped with your outgoingness and kindness. I know just in little areas with my own blog you have always quickly answered my calls for help and I know that you have helped many in bigger ways as well--for instance with Statia last Tday.

I am sorry it has taken me this long to express my sorrow for your losses and what crappy timing. My mom died near TDay a few years back and it isn't the same anymore around Thanksgiving so I kinda dread that time of year now. Fall always used to be a favorite time of mine but it has certainly changed some, even some 4 years later, so it is certainly never a good time for bad things to happen like this but when they hit on special days it just compounds the problem.

Robyn, I am a Christian, as you may know, and I just want to let you know that I will include you and Todd in my prayers for God to comfort and help through this. I know you expressed that it is hard for you to understand or even to believe in God right now, and I have been there myself, but I still believe that by praying for others it gives God permission to work in thier lives, so that is what I will do. I still believe that somehow someway God knows and does what is best for us in our lives if we let Him. Psalms is also very comforting in times such as these, if I may suggest some reading.

I appreciate you and I wanted you to know that. Thanks for all you do for the blogosphere and to make my day brighter via your daily sharing at TT.

Take Care and don't forget to use the support you have around you--and of course if there is anything I can help with from way out here in the sticks, just let me know.

¤ ¤ credit: peat | 02.18.03 at 03:38 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn,

I only know you through words, sometimes the purest of mediums. All I know is that I know you well enough to have love for you, and to have sorrow for your loss.
I have never been through a time so terrible, and can only give you my love.

¤ ¤ credit: Lunchbox | 02.18.03 at 04:12 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn, you and Todd have been in my everyday thoughts.

I'm adopted, because my parents could not have children. I am here because someone cared enough to give me to them. I wish you peace in your heart.

((hugs))

I hope I'm making sense and not rambling on to upset you. If I did, I'm really sorry.

¤ ¤ credit: Donna | 02.18.03 at 05:02 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

My wife had a miscarriage a few years ago and a friend of ours had one about a year ago. I know there's nothing I can say that will offer consolation other than you are in our prayers.

"The only thing I knew how to do,
Was to keep on keepin' on" --Bob Dylan

¤ ¤ credit: Hondo | 02.18.03 at 05:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Hey Robyn,
I have been reading faithfully, I just haven't posted in a long while. You two have been in my thoughts and prayers since I read the news a few days ago.

¤ ¤ credit: Holly | 02.18.03 at 07:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: ali | 02.18.03 at 09:12 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm sorry you lost your child. My thoughs and prayers are with you and Todd.

¤ ¤ credit: Dan Marvin | 02.18.03 at 09:23 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

in the final analysis there is no "why";
only "is."
i wish you peace.

¤ ¤ credit: rickg | 02.18.03 at 10:42 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I just wanted to lend my support like many others before me. I am also on the infetility "rollercoaster". I am deeply sorry for the loss of your babies.

¤ ¤ credit: alisa | 02.19.03 at 01:18 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I am so sorry for your loss. I absolutely cannot believe that your doctor was so insensitive. How incredibly terrible. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: Ang | 02.19.03 at 01:28 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn hon..
I have been offline since last Thursday, so I didn't know..
I am so so sorry to hear what happened, just wanted you to know that I care and you are in my thoughts both of you.. your one hell of a couple :)
((((HUGGS)))))
Sonia

¤ ¤ credit: Sonia | 02.19.03 at 04:46 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn:

I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: wealhtheow | 02.19.03 at 11:35 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn,

Sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I know first-hand (well, really second-hand since I'm just the husband) about miscarriage and the pain that it causes in a marriage, especially if you're in the middle of fighting infertility and it seems like nature has duped you into thinking that your prayers have been answered.

I don't think God gets too hurt when you get pissed off at him and curse him. He didn't strike me dead when I called him an SOB. (And we're even on much better terms years later.) I'm just sayin'.

You get through it eventually, but knowing that is pitifully little comfort at the time. May your grief heal you, and may your grief be finite.

¤ ¤ credit: Cody | 02.19.03 at 05:03 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

*HUG*

I'm so sorry for the loss of your children. God Bless You and Todd.

¤ ¤ credit: Kathryn | 02.19.03 at 06:23 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm so sorry for your loss. We've have our own angels too, and nothing is ever the same. I wish our society recognized the significance of pregnancy loss and the need for respect and sensitivity. Thank you for helping others understand. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

¤ ¤ credit: Karen | 02.19.03 at 06:32 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Like Karen (at least) said, we've had our own angels too. Words cannot express. Just a hug and a "we're here for you."

¤ ¤ credit: Guy | 02.19.03 at 08:15 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

All I can share are these lyrics to a Josh Groban song that help me when grief is too much to bear.

"To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are


you can hear it at his site... track 5.
www.joshgroban.com, click music.

¤ ¤ credit: Robin | 02.19.03 at 10:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I so have to agree with you on the comments about God. After going through this 5 times and Years of infertility, the one thing that has kept me going is knowing that God loves us and only wants us happy.

There are other forces in this world... and if they think this will turn us away from God, all the better. When we cry, God cries. He will turn this around for His glory, just sometimes it isn't in our time table!

You and Todd have been in my prayers since I heard about what you are going through!

¤ ¤ credit: Les | 02.20.03 at 03:00 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Robyn and Todd,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am a semi-regular reader and when I first read of your miscarriage, I had to click off. I try to come back and read but mostly I can't.

I just had miscarriage on January 30, 2003. I was only allowed to be happily pregnant for 2 days before we discovered that I was miscarrying and my HCG level was dropping. The hardest thing for me was to physically go in and have blood drawn every 2 days just to see it drop down to zero.

I wish I could give you a hug. I know just how you are feeling right now. I wish neither of knew this pain.

Sincerely,
Eden Marsh

¤ ¤ credit: Eden | 02.20.03 at 11:50 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

When my wife and I suffered her miscarriage, we heard most of these comments. I completely disagree with every one (as you do also). Actions speak loud because there are no words... {{HUGS}}

¤ ¤ credit: BillH | 02.21.03 at 12:22 AM | link--this ¤ ¤




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