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Where my bitches at?
 One of these goes in the oven in about 45 minutes. Who wants dessert?
posted at 11:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
 We snuck off to the new Sonic down in Largo today for lunch, and Santa came to our house early... Someone ('fess up!) Statia sent us a Swiss Colony Beef Log! Susan and Jason sent monkeys and a year's subscription to Allure! Tam surprised me a copy of UHF on DVD (thank you so much!), and Lisa sent a big box stuffed with smell goods, a cool lip gloss, and Philosophy's Cookbook in homemade pies (coconut cream, lemon meringue, key lime, and blueberry - wow!). So a huge thanks to everyone. This year, even naughty girls scored, too!


Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get along...


posted at 07:34 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



...and you can be my Cowgirl
 Last night I was fuh-fuh-fuh-freezin' (not foolin') and put on a sweatshirt before we went to bed. The first one I grabbed was my old Dallas Cowboys NFL Pro sweatshirt -- the one I bought right after Dallas won the Super Bowl (with Switzer as head coach) in '96. As I slipped it over my head, I sighed heavily, groaning something about Jerry ruining my team and wishing him several industrial-sized "accidents" in his near-future. For those of you unaware, I was raised to be just as rabid a Cowboy fan as a Sooner fan my entire life -- even having a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader uniform by the age of two. I cut all ties and loyalties they day Jerry fired Barry.

Well apparently Jerry Jones has met with Bill Parcells to discuss a possible future with the Cowboys organization! What is the one headstrong, destructive force that could make the Jones Regime implode on itself? Why, that would be the lying, cheating, backstabbing Bill Parcells. Oh happy day! Those two deserve each other.
posted at 03:18 PM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it



I like it ah-loht
 So we got really excited when we saw the preview for this movie tonight. Then... ...naturally I hopped on IMDB to look up the info for it. Please note the lack of original cast members in the prequel. Bleh.
posted at 03:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



One bling-bling to rule them all
 We had a fabulous time out in Ybor tonight with Stacy and Dan -- first the Two Towers, then burgers and chili fries, followed by hot cocoa from Starbucks and the near-freezing Florida temps. Seriously, it can warm up again any day now. Here are a few pics -- have a great weekend everyone!


posted at 02:42 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it






Brother can you spare a grand?
 Well folks, if you've ever doubted the differences in a largely liberal/moderate audience vs. a largely conservative one -- Andrew Sullivan held a tip jar fundraiser this month -- and in one week his drive raised $79,020. (3,339 individuals made donations, making it an average of $23.67 per donation.) By contrast -- our drive, which was ultimately for charity, raised a mere $1610.00 in 10 days. Hell who wants to take the high road and do the right thing with all that cold, hard cash when you can pull in more than both of our annual incomes combined in the span of a week? Oh yeah, that would be me. Damn morals -- always having to give something back (beyond just hot air) if I take it. Although I wouldn't really mind having an intern-boy around here every day. I'll have to ponder this s'more... (Link via Michele. If you've got to donate to something, for the love of all that's holy buy Michele some tequila - or webgrrlie a new alternator -- you know, something useful.)
posted at 04:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (17) shout it



Doesn't mattah if you're black or white
 Keeping with the theme of "toy day"... All this time I thought Michael Jackson was trying to become a combo of Diana Ross and LaToya. But as it turns out, he may just be trying to look like a Ken Doll. Uncanny, isn't it? (Photo from Keeping Ken.)
posted at 03:43 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



God money - don't want everything he wants it all
Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever young

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We'll let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?

Forever young...
-Alphaville

posted at 02:58 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



You risk the game by taking dares with "yes"
 And speaking of favorite childhood toys, would it really be so hard for kids to use their imagination - and a few cotton balls up the dress - like we did back in the day? Do we really need pregnant Barbie dolls (featuring a magnetic lift-off belly with baby inside) on the shelves? Keep your eyes peeled next holiday season for Proctology Ken! (Link from FARK.)
posted at 04:58 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it



The famous Mr. Potato Head
 I got a belated birthday gift from my aunt last night -- and it was so cool, Todd started digging in and playing with it before I could even get all of the pieces out of shrink-wrap (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3). Can you believe children used to actually put the parts on real potatoes? Of course, all of our modern technology can't bring the plastic pipe back... Stupid PC'ers. Belated thanks also go out to Scott -- who sent me Real Genius on DVD. It's the birthday that keeps on giving!
posted at 03:40 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



And let me play among the stars
 I'm still very much learning the ropes with my new camera and tonight Chris gave me a few pointers (thanks!) for shooting Christmas lights in the dark. So on my way back up the sidewalk, I stopped to snap this pink flower. Remember, this was in the dark -- moonlight and flash only! Have I mentioned lately that I'm in love?



posted at 01:20 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it






God bless us, everyone


Just a heads-up...if you missed "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie" when it originally aired Thanksgiving weekend, or just want to see it again...it's going to repeat on the Hallmark Channel tomorrow night, twice on Saturday, and twice on Christmas Eve.

Check here for the full schedule!
posted at 11:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Medieval times
 Better late than never...the December "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" wedding feature is up!
posted at 09:26 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



Am I the only fuckin' one who's normal anymore?
 Note to Mariah: If you have to go on Larry King to proclaim "I am not wacko," well there's a pretty good chance that you are -- in fact -- a wacko.

And in other somewhat related news... I've added the link to my LaunchCast station in the sidebar so you can get there when you want. Thanks to everyone who's tuned in thus far. You've helped add over 1,000 ratings in the last couple of days -- the station's already climbed into the "fanatic" category!
posted at 07:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums


    The Top 15 Signs Santa is Sick of Christmas

  1. Now relies on a quick Google image search to see if you've been naughty.
  2. Good, bad or on the fence -- *everyone* gets an AOL CD in their stocking this year.
  3. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Yadda, yadda, yadda...."
  4. Sticker on sleigh: "How's my flying? Call 1-800-EAT-SUGARPLUMS"
  5. Former "Naughty/Nice" databases merged into a single "Whatever" database.
  6. Turns Ms. Claus out to work the corner next to the Salvation Army bell ringers.
  7. At midnight on Christmas Eve, gift certificates to Amazon.com will magically appear in the e-mail in-boxes of good girls and boys.
  8. New policy this year: Only strippers allowed on his lap.
  9. Hey, kid -- them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal!
  10. On his personal Christmas list: A George Foreman Grill and "The Ultimate Reindeer Cookbook".
  11. He's assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the odd ones this year and the even ones next year.
  12. You don't remember a reindeer named "Beyotch".
  13. Joins the Nation of Islam and changes name to "Claus Shabazz".
  14. Under the tree you find a half-eaten cookie and a glass full of urine.

    and the Number 1 Sign Santa is Sick of Christmas...

  15. This year's #1 stocking stuffers: Elf heads and Rudolph jerky.
List and image credit: TopFive.com and Spindy's Comics
posted at 04:10 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



<insert audible groans here>
 This is now officially in the running for worst. pun. ever.

White House's "Barney-cam" is a holiday Web hit, drawing 24 million online tourists the first day of its dog's-eye view of the White House Christmas decorations.....

....."Barney is what you might call a 'publicity hound,"' spokesman Ari Fleischer deadpanned. "But he was unable to watch his own video because he hit the 'paws' button."
So now the President has also turned the poor pooch into a cam slut? The shame...
posted at 03:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



Find your inner bride
 Wholly Matrimony! has pretty much been a one-woman labor of love since 1998, and up until the last few months all of the monthly winners and such always got updated in a timely manner. But suddenly I look at the calendar and it's December 19th. I was s'posed to have a new wedding feature up on the 15th. Oops. And there never was a December "Dress of the Month" this year. Double-oops. I have been swamped with other things and just don't have the time to give the site my all any longer. I don't want to see it die though. So that's where you come in...

I know I'm not the only one that enjoys weddings and dress photos -- and reading and writing about them. I've decided to take applications for contributors. This could include wading through applications you feel would qualify for the montly winner categories -- and then updating the website accordingly. You'll need a (slightly more than) basic knowledge of Photoshop (and a copy of it) and FTP access. I can guide you through the rest. And this can be also include freelance article work, if you just want to add wedding articles into a premade template and put them on the site. If anyone out there is interested, please drop me a line. Include your name, URL, and any relevant information you feel I should know when making my decision(s).

It usually takes about 3-4 hours to update the "Dress of the Month" (on the first of every month), and about 4-5 hours to update the "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" (on the 15th of every month). Anything you would choose to add to the site from there would be your call as far as time-spent goes. You can continue to use the templates I already have for graphics and site design, or you can let the creative juices flow and change things around a bit (with prior approval, of course). It's time for new blood! The pay sucks (as in this is truly freelance) but my thanks are-a-plenty. If you have any additional questions, please e-mail me! And thank you! -Robyn
posted at 01:15 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it






Pass the eggnog, and spike it please!
 GeekGrrl just tipped me off that several of us (Kymberlie, Shelli, Michele, Kim, Scott, Miz Jenna, Dick, etc.) were linked at MSNBC.com's "Weblog Central" today!

I had seriously given up on ever seeing my name there -- but the one day I say "#$%! it" and let all my dirty laundry air out -- well that's the day I see my blog up in lights.

Speaking of philanthropy, Robyn, who created quite a sensation with her breast cancer fundraising (and if you click on any of those links you’re grounded!) is in a Christmas mood and has managed a Christmas themed post almost every day for the last couple weeks.
So welcome to the Dysfunctional Holidaze, everyone. Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
posted at 11:39 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it



To be, or not to be
 I just took myself out back and gave myself a couple of good, swift kicks in the pants. I stopped for a minute to think about the afternoon I had, and why I didn't write about it. A couple of my friends know. My husband knows. I've been hurt, angry and upset. I've sat here either with tears streaming down my face or venom spewing out of my vocal chords. But rather than write about it -- in my journal -- I stayed silent. "Why?", you might ask. Or, "What's the big deal?" Well you see sometimes my mom reads here. Not always. And usually only entries that I forward to her. But there are days she -- and her coworkers -- are still here. So as much as I'd like to claim that I don't really censor myself within my four cyber-walls, that just isn't the case anymore.

If this was a "paper journal" I would have been spilling my guts out today. But it's not. Things I feel -- and say -- don't just hurt me. Now they have the potential to hurt those I love if I decide to talk about them. And since I absolutely, positively suck at keeping paper journals on a regular basis -- what's a girl to do?

Since my husband has first-hand knowledge of what has me so upset, I asked Todd if I should blog about it this afternoon. He answered, "Only if it doesn't stop with your last e-mail..." I'm not angry at what Todd said. I'm not angry with his advice. But I am ticked off (at myself) that it's at the point where I have to ask my husband what I should -- or shouldn't -- write about here. In MY journal. Does that even make sense?

So in case you make it this far (and mom, if you're here, this is your cue to hit the back button) here's what has me so upset...




My mom doesn't do well with Christmas. Whether she sees it this way or not, since the day I was old enough to realize it -- the woman becomes the world's biggest ball of stress on the planet from late November thru early January. You tiptoe quietly. You avoid. You roll your eyes. You pray you're not on the receiving end today. If of age, you hit the bar or bring a flask depending on location. It's something my sister and I have just quietly -- and sometimes not so quietly -- adjusted to our whole lives. I can't even say what brings it on exactly. It's just always been that way.

It was beginning to look like we were going to avoid "the change" this year. I caught myself actually getting homesick, and starting to regret the lack of bank account balance that would take us home. (We haven't spent a Christmas in Oklahoma since 1999. In fact, our last time back was my grandfather's funeral in early November of 2000.) But today I decided that since Thanksgiving was late this year, an internal clock must have been thrown off or something.

Today I got. The e-mail.

<brief history update> My mom is married to a man I've met three times at the most. They've been married, I think, three or four years now. He's my mom's fourth husband. It's her second husband since Todd and I were engaged. I would guesstimate that I've spent less than 20 hours total around him. I barely know him. </brief history update>

Well my mom got her Christmas present yesterday. Inside the shipping box was a (wrapped) gift to her and two cards to both of them. My mom wrote to make sure the gift wasn't just to her. She said her husband is very "tender-hearted", never wants to leave anyone out, and his feelings would be very hurt if the gift wasn't to the two of them. And...how would I feel if they did the same to Todd...

For starters, Todd has been around since 1992. She's known him since he was 20. She spent more time with Todd during the few weeks we dated in college than I've spent with her current husband. She was at our wedding. (I did not attend her last two. She ran off to Vegas for one, and we couldn't afford to fly out for the second on such short notice.) She stayed with Todd for several weeks when I first got sick and was in the hospital -- and for another week when I had surgery in 2000. They've spent a great deal of time together. They know each other very well.

For all intents and purposes, her current husband is a stranger to me. I never had much of a dad (be it blood-related or step) around in my life growing up. I don't want one now. He doesn't have a good relationship with his kids so my mom is always asking me and my sister to give him Father's Day and birthday greetings (and I assume gifts) in their place to "make it up to him". I don't want to be the one to "make it up to him". I don't want to have a personal relationship with him. He loves her. She loves him. They're happy together. That makes me happy. But that's where it ends for me.

I'm very guarded when it comes to allowing new men in my life. You have a dad walk out on you at two and a grandfather -- who was your father -- die on you at three, and that tends to happen. Especially when your mom is on her fourth marriage before you turn 30. That's not a slam against her, so please don't take it that way. There were very real reasons for the divorces that happened and they should not reflect on her character. But it makes you guarded, nonetheless.

My sister is somewhat close to this husband. But she lived with them for several weeks. She's been in the same metro area for almost a year now. She sees them at least 2-3 times a month. However, my sister very much understands my reasons for the distance I choose to place between us. That's because the second time I ever met the man, my sister was in the hospital in intensive care on heart monitors and a ventillator after a suicide attempt. Rather than sleep on the floor at my mom's empty house with them (they had just sold it following their wedding), I chose to stay in a hotel room -- with my own bed -- with my grandparents. My mom's husband, who I'd spent less than two hours total up 'til this point, went off on me in full view and earshot of the entire restaurant for picking my grandmother over my mother during such a difficult time. I ran out of the room crying and stood in an alcove during a sleet storm to call Todd on a pay phone, while my grandmother and grandfather proceeded to rip him a new one for doing that to me when I'd barely stepped off the plane. However wrong I might be, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him for that. Or if I even want to get to know him for that. At the time, we didn't even know if my sister would have limited brain damage yet...and here was this stranger trying to play dad and give me a lecture. That didn't fly.

Fast-forward to the gift I bought my mother this year... It was very personal in nature, related to an inside-joke and bond we've shared since I was a little girl. It's something I've had my eye on for months now for her. I didn't want to put his name on it. It was to my mom. And we're not exactly wealthy -- we had a limited budget for close friends and immediate family members, and we stuck to it this year. I think the fact I even made a card out to a relative stranger (pun somewhat intended) should speak volumes to the fact I at least tried. But once again...it wasn't good enough.

It never is at Christmas.


So now that I've poured our family's skeletons all over my blog...maybe I should have. Maybe I shouldn't. But I'm human. I have human problems (especially when it comes to family). And this is my journal to deal with my thoughts and emotions -- which I now intend to reclaim. So you may not agree with my opinion or how I handled the situation -- but I hope you will agree or at least respect that it is fully within my right to put my life events in my own journal. Which leads me to...

Does your family read your blog?


If you answered yes above, do you regret they have the address?


Do I regret that I've chosen to be "me" here rather than an anonymous character? No -- I do not. Well, at least not yet.
posted at 08:22 PM | link--it | mail it | (35) shout it



...and the last shall be first
 Well we just thought Paul's new wife was turning him into an ass with his kids. Now his ego has spread into Beatles history as well. Paul is rewriting the credits on several Beatles songs from "Lennon-McCartney" (as it's stood for years) to "Paul McCartney and John Lennon". I'm more proud than ever to be a Lennon fan when the pair are side-by-side on a shelf. Now if I could just do something about my husband's sick Wings fettish...
posted at 07:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Let me show you the world in my eyes
 Just an update to this post: If you want to listen to my LaunchCast station along with me, here's the address!
posted at 03:47 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



It's Christmas and we're all in misery
 And you thought your Christmas gifts were bad -- another FARK Photoshop contest "Worst. Christmas. Gift. Ever." Top four entries receive free digital cameras!
posted at 02:50 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it



Hey, Mr. DJ - put a record on
 I hesitate to recommend this, because, well...it's a Yahoo! product. But I grew bored of my Winamp playlist tonight and tried several Winamp streaming alternative stations which I found all sucked serious ass. So being skeptical, I went over to LaunchCast (now owned by the evil Y!). And as much as I'd like to slam it, they haven't ruined it yet. This thing rocks!

You can set up your own station based on your tastes -- mixing and matching alternative, rap, etc. They give you several choices in each category for you to check your favorite artists from the list. You can even request specific artists. Then when you get your "station" set up (took me less than five minutes but you'll have to have a Yahoo! acct.), you can rate each song that comes on. This supposedly willl help determine what they serve you in the future. The commercials have been almost non-existant, and so far in the last hour I've only received three duds. Much better odds than local radio! And you're not stuck with a crappy song either. You can just rate it low and hit the fast-forward button. After a couple of seconds of buffering you get something new. There's also a recently played list if you want more info on a song.

So there you have it. I'm sure this wonderful tool will be completely destroyed in a manner of weeks seeing its current ownership -- but I plan to use and abuse it 'til then. Least I can do since they're probably tracking my music tastes in some super-secret database. They even have a Christmas music station!

In the last 60 minutes I've already had some of the following on my playlist (and not just their "popular" tunes either): Weezer, Depeche Mode, Alanis, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, The Offspring, LL Cool J, Dr. Dre, Green Day, The Cure, The Ramones, and REM

UPDATE: Check out my station and listen along here!
posted at 03:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it



You're as cold as ice
 You know one of the best things about being married? When you're frickin' freezing and your hands are like popsicles, you have a nice warm chest to grab onto and warm 'em up when you head to bed. I can't seem to figure out why he doesn't really think of it as the same benefit I do though...
posted at 01:10 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Better than all the rest?
 E!'s Rank is back with the "Top 25 Entertainers of 2002". And the number one entertainer is... ...Jennifer Aniston. I'm sorry, but I'm missing something here. She starred in a flop at the box office. She put a basketball under her dress for the previous season of Friends. She did win an Emmy -- and oh yeah, and she's married to Brad Pitt. My bad. So deserving.
posted at 12:40 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it






Let's talk about balls
 How on earth does a BCS-Bowl-bound university allow their only (real) remaining QB to sleep through a final exam in Religion and become ineligible to play? How does an NFL coach go 15-31 and still have a shot at keeping his job with "America's team"? And in other news...OU gets Coach Price twice in two years. He's leaving Washington State (who we play in the Rose Bowl) for Bama (who we play in Tuscaloosa next year). And the Bucs get the Steelers on Monday Night. It just. Got. Interesting.
posted at 10:40 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



Doggie-style


Dear Mr. President,
We can love our pets, we just can't  LOVE our pets.
Sincerely,
Dr. Abby Barnes

UPDATE: Found another photo -- at least we know he likes to cuddle afterwards!
posted at 06:45 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



ATTENTION: Tampons!
 Todd stopped by the new Sonic on Ulmerton in Largo/Pinellas to bring dinner home tonight. There's a 20-minute wait for orders...and the line to pull in goes out into the street...but everything is HALF-OFF this Tuesday evening. Whoo! Just thought ya'll might like to know in case you haven't made dinner plans yet.
posted at 06:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



The price is wrong, Bob!
 Ok, since today is all about the fun and games -- here are a few trivia cards if you want to take a guess at 'em. You can choose from the X-rated pile (all X-rated questions now answered) or the tastes great, less filling pile. Make your guesses in the comments. I'll confirm any right answers given, and will post all the answers later tonight! Who wants to win the pie?

UPDATE: A green check by a question means it has already been answered correctly in the comments.

UPDATE #2: All questions on the X-rated cards have been answered. Answers are posted in the comments!

UPDATE #3: All questions on the Trivial Pursuit cards have been answered. Answers are posted in the comments!
posted at 04:28 PM | link--it | mail it | (35) shout it



Shall we play a game?
 It's Tuesday, which means we're all bored out of our minds...so how about playing a little game. I'm going to give you a word. First person to comment leaves the first person, place, or thing that pops into their head when they read that word. Next person after that does the same with the last word left above their own. And so on... We'll see just warped our minds are at the end of the day as the list continues to grow. So here's the first word, in honor of my husband:


   monkey

What's the first word that pops into your mind thinking of the word monkey? (You can also post small images with your word for illustration. Just please keep it semi-clean.) Only one person replies to the word monkey though. After that, keep moving on to the most recent word you see entered in the comments! Have fun... (And extra-credit given to first-time commentors!)
posted at 05:06 AM | link--it | mail it | (205) shout it



Deliver the letter, the sooner the better
 Just a quick note that I am horribly behind on e-mail. As in my inbox scrolls so far south these days I need to be in Brazil to read my new mail. So if I owe you one...or you think I'm being rude and just not replying...I do apologize! If anyone wants to come and be my secretary for a week, the pay sucks -- but I can pay you in holiday cookies and Weezer CDs.
posted at 04:24 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it






Just say no!
 I'll take "Eighty-two people who desperately need real lives for $200, Alex". These people must be stopped! (Yet another reason to join the webring folks! Link found via FARK and Daily Bull.)
posted at 11:27 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it



Blonde Ambition
 Yahoo News Headline: "Blondes Now Exude Power as Well as Sex Appeal" You're damn right! Sisters are doin' it for themselves.
posted at 10:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it



Oh I wish I was a little bar o' soap
 Just in case you've ever doubted that we're a sick and twisted bunch, yes, we even monitor our guest's dirty soap habits... (Version 1, Version 2, Version 3)

posted at 08:52 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



I'm too much
 I've had these songs going through my head all weekend. Your turn! Right-click the image (or this link) to save. Sorry about the record "pops" -- I didn't convert the originals to MP3 format.







[Click to view the Snow Miser lyrics]
[Click to view the Heat Miser lyrics]
posted at 06:06 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



"He sees you when you're sleeping" scares me
 There's a new blog out there -- Ho Ho Holy Shit -- "featuring a pissed off Santa, a bitchy Mrs. Claus and Dingle, the union rep elf"!
posted at 03:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



We'll never feel bad anymore
 All night working on a design leaves me pretty tapped for actual content...but I can offer you this moment of zen to start the final-full work week before the holidays. Have a good'un!
posted at 04:56 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it






Out jumps good old Santa Claus
 "Screw the presents -- you want me to sit on that freak's lap and hold his candy cane?"

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution explores Santa Phobia in children -- with extra photos. (Link from FARK.com.)

Shelli needs to submit her kids' pic there, too!
posted at 11:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Diamonds are a girl's best friend
 Have you ever noticed that when magazines give you alternate-gift suggestions for high-ticket merchandise purchased by the stars it's never quite the same -- and more often than not, completely off the mark. For example:


shoes


Now you tell me how the second pair of dress sandals is even remotely close in look/style to the first pair purchased by Mariah Carey... Let's see. Both have high-heels. Ok, that's one. Both have t-straps (sort of). That's two. First pair is dainty, festive, and covered in crystals. Butterfly adornments maybe not quite your style, but definitely would work for formal occasions. Second pair has three ankle straps, three toe straps, and "beaded detailing" that looks more like dominatrix gone horribly wrong. And oh yeah, one is silver and one is black. Yep, the resemblance is striking! Next example:


watches


Christina Applegate purchased the (red) watch by Michele priced at $995.00. It has 80 hand-set white diamonds totaling more than half a carat, a squared-oval case, and red lizard strap. US Magazine suggests the white alternative. The face is covered with crystals instead of diamonds. I'll give them that. But the (non-lizard skin) strap is white, the face-shape is thin and pointed, and the numbers are more scripty than the blocky-funky art deco numerals on the red number. How can they even compare the two? I think the comparison pretty much stops with, "Well they're both watches..."


I really wish some of these magazines would let me do the comparison shopping for a change. Of course, I would expect to keep the test-items!
posted at 08:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (23) shout it



Fire the cannons!


Well it wasn't a pretty game to watch, but today Tampa Bay squeezed past Detroit to clinch a playoff berth.

"Tampa Bay will head to the postseason for the fifth time in the last six years, and the team remains in first place in the NFC South and tied for the best record in the entire league. The Bucs tied a team record for wins in a regular season and at 11-3 are tied with Philadelphia, also a winner on Sunday. "

Now my only fear? The Eagles...in Philly...postseason...again.
posted at 06:01 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



Without love, it ain't much
 I've noticed a few jabs taken here at there in my comments recently regarding my health and the fact I receive disability. Just to help burst the illusion-bubble, I'm not sitting here getting rich off the government for nothing folks. In fact, I earn a whopping $4860/year (yes, that's per year) -- 80% of which ($3888) is considered taxable income. So not only did I pay taxes from the age of 15-24 to earn what I do, I also pay taxes on what I bring in now. Of course that's in addition to my husband also paying taxes on his income. He pays more in taxes to FICA on his income each year than I earn in SSDI benefits. So if you think we're spending "your" hard-earned tax money -- just remember that he pays in more than I take out, and we're taxed on what I do get.

I'm not telling you any of this because it's really any of your business. Only my husband, my doctor, my attorney, and the Social Security office have that right to know. But perhaps it will make just one of you think before you speak in the future -- be it to me, or someone else out there.

Does anyone really believe the life of a disabled person is glamorous? Well then you try leaving a career of $30K/year or more, and figure out how to make ends meet on less than 1/6th of that. You know how soaps and Oprah get old after you've been home sick for a few days? Try it after a few years.

The photos you see of me are the ones I let you see. Don't ever think otherwise. I'm not always well-dressed with my hair and make-up done. My copyright tagline isn't a complete joke. In fact, I'm lucky if I have the strength to do my hair and make-up once a week. My mom is still yelling for a Christmas photograph of the two of us. I'm just not able to take one right now. During long-weekenders (like my birthday or Todd's birthday), I rest up beforehand and do absolutely nothing for at least a full week afterwards. Sometimes that even includes showering. I don't have the energy to remain upright that long. If I can't manage a bath, I get a washcloth-bath instead. And I don't mean that sexually...because that's the absolute last thing I have the strength for during times like that. But just because I'm sick, does that mean I'm not allowed the right to have fun and enjoy others' company when I'm able? Especially on our birthdays...

Since everyone left on the December 3rd, I've left the house exactly three times. And one of those times I was in my PJs, since we didn't exit the car for two of those trips. I do well to cook two meals per week. Todd takes care of the majority of the housekeeping because it's worth it to him to have my company when he pitches in, rather than have me in bed for two days because the kitchen got cleaned. The one thing I can still do on a regular basis is type and spend time on my PC and laptops. So that's what you "see". Of course, you don't see the heating pads and Thermacare wraps it takes to keep me here either. Or the Darvocet as an absolute last resort...

I don't blog about the times I puke for days on end. Or the rough patches that Immodium AD wouldn't have a prayer of covering up. You don't hear about the Lyme-related rashes. Or the near-fainting spells. Or the headaches and the muscle/joint pain. Sure those are constantly there -- it just doesn't make for good blogging. I've said it before and I'll say it again... When most people ask "how are you doing?", they want to hear "fine fine just fine" in return. Unless it's a big event like an emergency room trip -- there's really no point in giving same song, different verse each day. It's a part of life I've learned to deal with and make the best of it. That doesn't mean it's not happening. It just means if I'm feeling so bad that I won't even discuss it with my husband, I certainly don't want to talk about it with you.

On top of it all, I have terrible insomnia. It may seem like a luxury to some that I can stay up 'til five a.m. and sleep 'til one p.m. But it's not much of a luxury the times you require so much medication to get you there that it doesn't wear off once you're awake. Or the times you still have to sleep in 2-3 hour shifts for days anyway. Then the first few hours of your day are spent in an absolute fog...

Imagine the worst flu you've ever had. The fevers. The aches and pains. The lethargy. Now imagine that never, ever going away. I've been there since 1996 -- and that's considered a "good" day for me. I've learned how to cope and function while living like that because I have no other choice. The "bad" days are when I get strep, or the actual flu, or bladder/kidney infections on top of it all. Because when I catch one thing (and I have very little immunity to fight things off), I catch everything for weeks afterwards like a domino effect. I can't even get vaccinated because it will actually give me the illness it's trying to prevent. I'm also allergic to most new medications that I try. I just have to roll the dice and hope for the best. Sometimes the side-effects just drag me down. Sometimes they result in a week-plus hospital stay, as was the case just a few weeks after we got married.

I also haven't been able to drive more than a handful of (less-than-10-block) trips since 1996 -- and Todd was with me for each of these. Now stop a second and think about that. In 1996, "Jerry Maguire", "Twister", the original "Scream", "The English Patient", "Fargo", "Independence Day" and "The Cable Guy" were released. The Spice Girls were just starting to hit it big. Princess Diana was still alive. That was the last time I was behind the wheel by myself. I quit driving because one day I was coming home, and as I pulled in the driveway I couldn't remember which pedal was the gas and which was the brake -- so I hit both at the same time and prayed. We lived in a neighborhood with several small children, and all I could think of was, "What if that had been a child, and not my house, in front of me?" I also was getting lost during mini-trips in a town I'd lived in over four years. That was it. A lot of times you'll hear me joke about being blonde. It's just easier that way. But the real reason is because most days I battle what the CFS and Lyme communities call "brain fog". It's just a lot more humorous to blame it on hair color instead. I don't have the mental clarity it takes to be behind the wheel and I know this. I rarely talk on the telephone for the very same reason.

I'm fortunate enough to have had a very easy spring and summer this year. Rather than getting out once a month, for a long-stretch I was able to get out once a weekend. I just never mentioned that I was only getting out on weekends during that time. The photos you saw? That was it. The rest of the time in between was spent on the couch or in bed. Some bloggers choose to tell you how they're feeling each day. That's their choice. Mine is to just keep it myself. Maybe part of other's perceptions is my own fault because of that. If you're not our friend in real life, you don't always know about the events we really wanted to attend but had to cancel on. It's defeating to admit it to myself -- much less everyone around me.

I'm not telling you any of this because I want your sympathy or pity -- and especially your medical advice. Quite the contrary. I'm telling you this in hopes you'll stop and think for a second. When you peek in on my life, you are seeing the picture I choose to paint. Not a still-photograph. But sometime I invite you to come spend a week with me and look in my eyes on day five if you have any doubt. I've been told if you do, you never have to question just what I can -- and can't -- do ever again.

I don't have it bad, and I won't claim that I do. My illness isn't terminal, and many others face much worse from day-to-day. I have a happy marriage, and I'd much rather be where I am with him -- than feeling well every day without him. I count my blessings often. In the future, perhaps you should stop to count yours, too -- rather than pointing your fingers elsewhere. I'll gladly trade you incomes otherwise!
posted at 05:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (47) shout it



Saturday TV fun house
 I don't always agree with his politics (and especially his party), but how cool would it be for me to be able to say "the Senate majority leader used to make me Nestlé Strawberry Quik when I watched cartoons on Saturday mornings"?
posted at 03:51 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



Just like grandma used to make
 This has been slow-cooking all afternoon (and was just added to The Red Kitchen)-- anyone want to come over for dinner? Homemade chocolate chip cookies are for dessert!
posted at 03:16 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



May I have your attention please?
 Just a quick note of importance: I am not a part of Blogomania. Sending me customer support requests will unfortunately get you nowhere. You need to contact Christine directly -- as that's all I can tell you to do when you write. I have only done freelance design work for her in the past. I do not handle customer support and contact. Normally I wouldn't put such a notice up here, but I have received so many similar requests in the past few weeks that I need to make it known publicly. If you need help with Blogomania related matters, please visit the helpdesk and the forums directly. Thank you! - Robyn
posted at 02:46 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



Thumpety thump-thump, thumpety thump-thump
 All I need to know about life I learned from a snowman:
  • It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
  • Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
  • Wearing white is always appropriate.
  • The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.
  • We're all made up of mostly water.
  • Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
  • Don't get too much sun.
  • It's not embarrassing when you look down and can't see your feet.
  • It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
  • You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

posted at 02:14 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



O tidings of comfort and joy

posted at 12:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it