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I'm takin' what they're giving 'cuz I'm workin' for a living
 And you thought your job was bad? How about putting the title of odor sniffer, crack filler, or tampon tester (this one is a guy) on the ol' resume? Check out the full slide-show here. "Beer taster" doesn't sound all that bad to me, but then again, he does work at Coors...
posted at 02:44 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



School yourself for oral ease - learn your dental ABCs
 Have you tried the Listerine Oral Care Strips yet? We first discovered them when Statia passed the strips out after dinner at T.G.I. Fridays. And we both wanted to buy our own pack after that. Instead of sucking on a mint, you just pop one of these strips in your mouth and it instantly dissolves. And whoa -- they're strong! But in a good way. If you can't brush after a meal, it's definitely the next best thing. You can find another funny review online here. P.S. I said "oral ease".
posted at 04:54 AM | link--it | mail it | (16) shout it






You treat me like...I'm a princess


Lookee what showed up from Statia off my wishlist today! A copy of "Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World As a Smartmouth Goddess". Could there possibly be a more fitting book? Thank yooou Statia!
posted at 05:48 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



The bird cage
 There are many things I might describe Ms. Flockhart as... However, "rather shapely" is definitely not one of them.
posted at 04:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



More reasons to love Google
 A bit of interesting Googling thanks to FARK for your Freaky Friday.

First, the Google Glossary for "I love you"... You will find the only definition listed reads, "Something that is good to tell your friend if you want oral sex from him/her."

And guess what the top search result is if you type in "go to hell"? Quite fitting I must say! Duke fans will probably like the results too.
posted at 03:55 AM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it



Be all that you can be
 Since a lot of my visitors are either in the military or have spouses and relatives that are, I wanted to pass along a new link that Keith tipped me off about -- GI Party.

"The site is centered around providing insight into life in the military, while also offering a medium of communication between military members and their friends and family back home, and between the military members themselves. The site uses Movable Type to allow the military members to publish their thoughts." (Link also spotted recently at Michele's.)
posted at 02:18 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



Nas-tay
 Mini-throw-ups suck.
posted at 01:47 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it



A creature conditioned to employ matrimony
 Here's an online quiz I can handle -- "Which celebrity wedding style are you?" (My results were "beach wedding", which is one of the options we considered when we ran off. We honeymooned at the beach instead.) There's more at People's Celebrity Weddings 2002.

And Amy has linked several Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale wedding pics here. I just adore the pink in Gwen's gown/veil!
posted at 01:15 AM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it






All the things to get and keep getting...
 I know quite a few of you out there are sushi addicts, so here's the perfect pair of pajamas to lounge around the house in while eating take-out... Only $86. That's about the price of four spring rolls, huh? (Find more cute jammies here, as featured on MSNBC.com.)
posted at 11:46 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



I love a rainy night - such a beautiful sight
 It was a dark and stormy night here in central Florida, so we went to Tarjhét to pass the time (four new photos now up in Shutterblog). Who says we don't know how to have a l'il fun?
posted at 09:54 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



Isidore isabore
 First year of living in Florida during hurricane season: Oh my God! It's near Cuba now! Keep Channel 8 on 24-hours a day for all breaking news. Pack up the car. Get the pet crates. Gather all the insurance papers. We're off to Georgia...

Second year of living in Florida during hurricane season: Crap! Get to the store. We need tons of water -- let's stand here 'til they bring more cases out. A two hour line for batteries isn't that long, I guess... Grab all the Vegetarian Vegetable soup you can find and I'll go get the granola bars and meet you back here.

Third year of living in Florida during hurricane season: E-mail friends and family and let them know you aren't going to die. Curse GTE for blaming their crappy phone service on this "thing" they claim is a tropical storm, even though a real storm in Oklahoma could kick its ass down the peninsula and back.

Sixth year of living in Florida during hurricane season: Category 2 at peak? What a wussy. It better not freakin' knock out my DirecTV -- it's a football weekend! Thank God OU has a bye week. Honey, we need to go to Target. I'm out of Tootsie Roll Pops again...

You better bring your stuff Isidore. 'Cuz I'm ready for ya'. I have a whole liquor cabinet on standby.


posted at 06:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



The nose always knows
 A few days ago, I learned that it was somehow "wrong" to put noses in smileys. Like this:    :-)    All these years...and nobody said anything to me... Well a-ha! The very first smiley had a nose, and today is its 20th birthday. I feel all vindicated and stuff now.
posted at 04:18 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



When office supplies attack
 This one is courtesy of Melly -- spew warning ahead! Don't get any ideas out there... These are trained professionals.
posted at 04:16 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



Wedding bells are ringing
 Another new advertiser over at WM! -- "Virtually Married". They offer package wedding website design and hosting. Check 'em out!
posted at 02:48 AM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it



Yo ho ho, a pirate's life for me
 Today is September 19th. What does that mean? It's the first annual "Talk Like a Pirate Day"!

Go here to read about the event (courtesy of Dave Barry), and also for links to brush up on your pirate lingo.

C'mon, me bucko -- who can't get behind a new national holiday that celebrates booty, ho'in and rum?

UPDATE: Lookee there. Just noticed. Post number 2000, baby!
posted at 12:26 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it






There's no place like home
 Don't want to live in a luxury home made from a converted missile silo? How about a home shaped like a woman's naked body instead? You can sleep in her boobies! Suddenly our cookie-cutter home in the 'burbs seems so...boring.

UPDATE: Here's the missile silo's auction on eBay. No bids yet. And here's the official website for the home (in dire need of redesign).
posted at 11:11 PM | link--it | mail it | (9) shout it



Don't ask, don't tell


So many crude jokes to be made...so little time... Oy.
posted at 08:20 PM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it



Hopelessly Devoted to You
 I got chills, they're multiplyin'
And I'm losin' control
Cause the power you're supplyin'
It's electrifyin'!

You better shape up
'Cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up
You better understand
To my heart I must be true

Nothin' left
Nothin' left for me to do...

You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
The one that I need
Oh yes, indeed!

If you're filled with affection
You're too shy to convey
Meditate in my direction
Feel your way

I better shape up
'Cause you need a man
I need a man...
Who can keep you satisfied
I better shape up
If I'm gonna prove
You better prove...
That my faith is justified

Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure down deep inside!

You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ooh ooh ooh honey
The one that I need
Oh yes, indeed!
posted at 05:17 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



I'm a playah hatah, yo!
 Ok boys and girls -- the event you've all been waiting for! Let's open the "Please P. Diddy, Ruin This Song, Too" mailbag once again... (New entries starting here.) Select gems from this crop include:




Who the fuck are you to talk about P. Diddy like that?! Your ass isn't even famous...maybe you should consider that in your reply. And who the hell would want to put your bitch ass on national tv anyways...if they do they'd just be hating on you...no one in their right mind would side with you. Your site doesn't even serve any purpose except to get your ass kicked by P. Diddy...I'm sure if he knew about your site your ass would be banned from the internet forever...just like P. Diddy will kick ass forever. And if he doesn't find out about this site...I'm going to be famous one day, and I'll have you removed from the internet. I have a lot more to say, but I don't feel like wasting any more of my time with you...I have things to do unlike your bored ass. oh...one more thing...What's with all your corny ass sayings on your webpage?! That's all.


And...


u fuckign dick ass how ur mad ass fuck.


And...


hey i just wanna let u kno that u are a fuckin bitch...P didys the shit and u suck...Too badd ull never be as famous or as rich as him..hmmm u just must be a lil jeleous...It's just too bad that Biggie had to give him the name of an "average" Nintendo character! Coincidence? Nahhhh!
  ^And uhh that waas wicked rude...Biggie was awesome...Never diss him, Have some respect hes dead....You deff. Must have a life makin this web-site to beat up diddy like this..Well i already wasted like 2 minutes of my time with this..
  So see ya bitch!




For those new to my blog, I started the anti-Puff Daddy P. Diddy site as a joke in 1998. It has been updated exactly once (when Puffy changed his name) since then, other than to add to the mailbag 2-3 times a year. But still the hate mail pours in... Some even describe new mail days as better than opening their Christmas presents, because you don't have to stand in those pesky return lines afterwards.

So there you go. A full evening's worth of free entertainment!
posted at 04:25 PM | link--it | mail it | (14) shout it



Can you my darling, can you picture this?
 Our first submission to "Picture Yourself" is up -- a photo we snapped at the 2001 Orange Bowl.
posted at 01:23 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



PSA
 A couple of great new projects out there to pass along...
1. Picture Yourself: a cool self-portrait Mirror Project spin-off
2. pick up your own damn socks!: blog for wives and girlfriends
posted at 04:19 AM | link--it | mail it | (0) shout it



It's raining men - hallelujah
 "I'm just looking for a little security. If I get a sugar mama out of this, that's great," [Ronald] Williams joked.

On the heels of Playboy's "Women of Enron", Playgirl is about to release a "Men of Enron" spread. Playgirl editor-in-chief Michelle Zipp declined to say how much the men, who were culled from more than 50 applicants, were paid. However, she did offer that, "We paid them more than they made on their stock options." (Full article, with photo, at Yahoo! News.)
posted at 02:32 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



My mind on my money and my money on my mind
 Well it's official. Too much Beavis and Butthead has rotted my brain over the years. My last official IQ test in high school was 156. The iVillage IQ test says I'm at 143 now -- in the "highly intelligent" category. While that's debatable, it still proves my theory that math is hard. I wonder if the older, dumbed-down me will still qualify for Mensa? Since I still have a few brain cells to spare, pass the Hooch!
posted at 01:38 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it






We will, we will, Fock you!
 Last week, OU announced that Oklahoma Memorial Stadium (not to be confused with Owen Field as we have separate names for our stadium and field...don't ask...) would be renamed. The Gaylord family -- hated by just about every single Oklahoman in and out of the state -- had donated 12 million towards the stadium's expansion and completion. Because of their generosity the Sooner Shrine will now be called "The Gaylord Family-Oklahoma Memorial Stadium".

Not that gay isn't a lovely word -- it just doesn't seem to go with a football stadium. So almost immediately Sooner fans began to dub it the Gaylord Focker Memorial Stadium instead. Rally cries such as "Rock the Fock", "If this Fock's a Rocking, don't bother kn- kn- knocking!", "Fock the Kasbah", and "Fock Me Amadeus" were heard. For those about to Fock, we salute you! Who says not everything can be bought?
posted at 11:02 PM | link--it | mail it | (6) shout it



Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it
 I get an insane amount of Google hits now for "Ben Affleck toupee". So to satisfy the curiousity of the masses, I'll share this photo I found on a Detroit radio station's website. Toupee or not toupee -- that is the question!
posted at 09:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lolli lolli
 A very dangerous season is upon us. I discovered the winds of change blowing while browsing the aisles at Tarjhét the other night. The Halloween candy has arrived. It's Tootsie Roll Pop time again (last year #1, and last year #2)! I cannot say "no" to them. They call out my name, at first very sweet and innocently -- and then an hour later after the fourth one has lost its wrapper they all start screaming, "SAY MY NAME BITCH! SAY MY NAME!" For the love of god, make it stop. Well, wait 'til I make it through the chocolate ones first, ok?
posted at 08:07 PM | link--it | mail it | (12) shout it



But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insaaane
 I swear wedding biz DJs make this stuff up on purpose. Now not only do we have to suffer through the Macarena, Chicken Dance, and Electric Slide...soon we will be subjected to "The Ketchup". Because you just know it's only a matter of time before it crosses the Pond. Boogie woogie, woogie! I wish grown adults could find other ways to make up for the fact they never made the pom pon squad back in high school! ("The Ketchup" dance link from FARK.com.)
posted at 06:13 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it



Speak 'n' spell
 So what are words that no matter how many times you try, no matter how old you get, no matter how many times spellchecker thumps you over the head for messing it up yet again, you still can never spell right? For me it's genius (I always manage to type out genious and then correct myself) and weird (that whole i before e thing gets me every time). Yes, I is a colludge grahdewit.
posted at 05:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (23) shout it



Soup is good food
 In an effort to finally kick this cold / flu thing I've got going on, I made up a big pot of homemade chicken noodle soup this afternoon. Want some?
posted at 05:09 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



Sleepin' single in a double bed
 Just in case you were not aware -- this is national Singles Week (September 16-20) -- "a time to celebrate being free of any balls and chains". So go send someone a cheesy ecard, and rejoice in the fact those dirty socks on the bathroom floor are your own for the rest of us, ok?
posted at 04:58 AM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



Love to think that you couldn't love another
 It's official -- Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale were wed this past Saturday in London! I hope we get a bigger photo soon. Please Gwen! They'll have another stateside ceremony in LA on 9/28.
posted at 04:17 AM | link--it | mail it | (10) shout it



Only trust can inspire soggy lungs to breathe fire

Well since I probably can't get in his pants, at least I can get in his mind? Rivers Cuomo's personal assistant has a blog of sorts -- the closest thing to a 'personal site' as we'll probably ever get for him. (Yes, it is listed as an official Rivers Cuomo site on the Weezer site.) Quite an interesting read -- check it out if you are so inclined! =w=
posted at 01:58 AM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it






Almost famous
 I forgot to mention earlier -- the September 2002 "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" wedding feature is up!
posted at 11:35 PM | link--it | mail it | (1) shout it



Flowers for the birthday girl
 I seem to have been called out... And not being one to deny a birthday girl her "just desserts", a second card has been made by request. Not necessarily work-friendly, so think before you click!


posted at 05:46 PM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Bunny hop
 I noticed in my referral stats that I've been getting quite a few hits for "Playboy Girls of the Big XII" lately. Sorry, don't subscribe -- therefore have no pics to share. (Go here.) But I went to the website to see what the Sooner gal looked like, and ran across the Coed of the Month from OS-Who, Jessica. She hopes to pursue a career in agricultural journalism. (Honestly, what else is there for an Aggie grad to do?) She also gave us this pearl of wisdom:

Have you ever had calf fries? They're cow testicles. They taste like chicken. I know that people say everything tastes like chicken, but they really do. They're good with ketchup on them. Honestly, it's not that unheard of around here. Everyone in Oklahoma has eaten calf fries at least once. In the dorm I lived in last semester, they even had calf fries in the cafeteria.

I would beg to differ, Jessica. Go ahead and say that to make yourself feel better 'n' all, but only Aggies go around putting animal balls in their mouths. We're a little more refined on down I-35 at OU. I lived in Oklahoma for 24 years and I can say with 100% certainty that I have never eaten calf fries. Not once did I ever even dine in the same vicinity with someone who ate them, and they are not on the OU cafeteria menu.

You keep your kind up in that cow pasture they call Stillwater, mmmk? We'll be dining on Bevo burgers in Norman instead...
posted at 02:49 PM | link--it | mail it | (13) shout it



He's racing and pacing and plotting the course
 And this designer thought this concept was a good idea for his new fashion collection...why? About the only person I could see wrapping herself in those duds would be Madonna.

So in order to lighten the mood a bit after that, I offer up "Cheese Racing". You know what we'll be doing around here next weekend! (Link from FARK.com -- where else?)
posted at 02:50 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



Hap, hap, happy birthday!
 Today is Gretchen's birthday! Go wish her a happy one. Yes, now!


posted at 12:59 AM | link--it | mail it | (7) shout it



Hey now, you're an all-star - get the show on, get paid
 Christine needs your help. She's in the Big Blogger All-Star game, and the final round of voting ends tomorrow night at 9 p.m. EDT. Go give 'er a hand, please!
posted at 12:02 AM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it






Beauty's where you find it
 It's no secret that I hate my hair right now. But at least I didn't fork over the money these folks did to look that bad. For more celebrity fashion disasters, check out "People's Best and Worst 2002".

Some of these people seriously need to skip the limo and ride the short bus instead.
posted at 11:30 PM | link--it | mail it | (4) shout it



Watching my team win...with the twins
 Because I care... The twins from the Coors Light commercials -- Diane and Elaine Klimaszewski. (Read more here. But why are you reading? They're naughty twins.)
posted at 07:36 PM | link--it | mail it | (8) shout it



One and one...we're havin' some fun
 Chucky's record with Tampa Bay goes to 1-1 as the Bucs hand Baltimore their first shut-out in five years, winning 25-0. I'm beginning to brace for a full weekend worth of withdrawl next Saturday and Sunday, as OU takes a bye week and the Bucs meet St. Louis on Monday Night. Thank goodness for the Sunday Ticket!
posted at 04:05 PM | link--it | mail it | (2) shout it



Slide, slide, slippedy slide

During last night's rain delay, Sooner fans turned the sidelines into their own personal slip-n-slide to pass the time. Ahhhh, to be young and panty-free once again!
posted at 02:29 PM | link--it | mail it | (3) shout it



Note to self
 Party clean-up is much easier when you're not hungover and you use disposable dishes and silverware.
posted at 12:34 AM | link--it | mail it | (5) shout it