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Posted: 04.25.2002
Come and knock on my door...we've been waiting for you...
Ok...quick refresher course for the newbies... My new UPS guy up here in the 'burbs and I have a hate-hate relationship. He hates people. All people. And I hate having to play hide-n-seek in order to find my packages. The man does not know what it means to knock on a door or ring a doorbell. Human interaction is a foreign concept to him. When I "bust" him -- and believe me, I always bust him thanks to a certain cocker spaniel -- I always shout out a nice little "hello!" or "thank you!". I am met in return by the revving up of his engine as he takes off. Would it kill the man to at least nod back once in awhile?!

To illustrate my point, this is what he spent two (yes, I clocked him) minutes constructing outside of my front door today -- as my dog went nuts while I tried to calm her down (so I know he heard us inside): Exhibit A

And this was the size of the box he was delivering. You can see it here on my dining room chair not even taking up a quarter of the seat. It measures a whopping 6"x3"x4" and contains soap and face cleanser: Exhibit B

Is anyone buying that the latest look in home decor and security is a doormat propped half-way up a doorframe? Who the hell is he fooling...and would it really kill him just to knock? And by the way, just for the record, he knows we have a very friendly cocker spaniel. One day he had the misfortune of pulling up when I was outside with Claire while talking to a neighbor. She tried to give him a kiss. So it's not like he's afraid of coming face-to-face with a rottweiler or anything if he did ring the doorbell... Lazy ass.

Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...

At least around here, the UPS guy HAS to knock...because he always makes me sign for my stuff. If no one is home, he lives one of those little stickem's on the door to let us know he was here.

It's also the same thing when I get a large package via the USPS...they almost NEVER just leave it on the porch. Since we live in an urban area, on a main street, I'm grateful for this, as around here there are people who will steal anything that is not nailed down!

But the FedEx guy around here pisses me off. Once they delivered a pacakge of mine to the school up the street...and there I was, yelling at the merchant because I never got my stuff, and made them send it out again. Then one day, months later, I get the first package, and it was then that I learned that it had been delivered to the school, and nobody bothered to return it until then. No wonder the kids in this town are so dumb, if this is what they have working in the school!

I also don't like the FedEx guy because he's like your UPS guy...he NEVER knocks, just leaves stuff on the porch, whether I am home or not. Once I had a large order from L.L. Bean, a couple hundred bucks worth of stuff, and I was sitting home waiting for it. I finally went outside to go pick up Mike from work, and there was my package...it's a wonder it hadn't been stolen! Next time I want anything from L.L. Bean, I'll just drive up there...we go to Maine a lot, and it's only about two hours from us!


¤ ¤ credit: Christine M. | 04.25.02 at 06:13 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

okay....Exhibit A cracked me up; but seeing the actual box size in Exhibit B made it even more amusing!!! Common sense?..huh..what's that?

¤ ¤ credit: Camille | 04.25.02 at 07:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'm sorry but I think that is so funny. He doesn't wanna talk to people so he just tries to hide it under a mat.

¤ ¤ credit: Kevin | 04.25.02 at 08:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I have the same relationship with my guy! My packages will get to my local UPS place & then take a minnimum of 4 days to get from there (15 minutes away) to my door. A few times the packages have been lost & they can NEVER find my house. My guy does the same thing with the mats. He refuses to ring the bell. When I catch him outside (I have the 2 crazy dogs who tell me when he is here), he is shocked & I think a little frightened that I have seen him. Nothing funnier then a welcome mat trying to hide a box 3 times bigger then the mat, but that is what my guy does. Like people are really not going to see it. What is wrong with these guys? My postal worker is fantastic though. Never have a problem with him. In fact he came to the door today because I had forgot to put a stamp on one of my enevelopes! How great is that? =)

¤ ¤ credit: Lynn | 04.25.02 at 08:46 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I'd have a comment about my UPS guy ... but I've never seen him. I think he waits in the woods near my house until everyone leaves, then runs up, throws the package on the porch, and speeds away. I've seriously only ever heard his truck. FedEx never gave me any problem, they actually brought the package into the garage and knocked on the door. Our USPS guy rocks, he's a middle age black guy who loves his job and is funny as hell :)

¤ ¤ credit: jesse | 04.25.02 at 09:36 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

The last place we lived was in an apartment complex. The UPS guy came to our door nearly everyday for a week (Christmas time). But, he was so lazy, he soon stopped delivering our packages all together, and instead, left them at the main building. We were required to have "slips" when we went to pick things up, the UPS people were supposed to leave them on our door if we weren't home. We tried to explain, over and over again, that the reason we didn't have one is because the man wasn't even coming to our apartment. The main building started threatening that unless we had slips, we wouldn't be able to get our packages. I actually had to call UPS and get the guy in trouble, just so we would get our things delivered again.

¤ ¤ credit: Grace | 04.26.02 at 02:17 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Good grief! That's a lot of work on that doormat *just* so to avoiding ringing the doorbell and having to interact with a real live person.

I wonder if they're the same pple who complain when they can't get "a real live person" on the phone, but rather an automated voice messaging system?

¤ ¤ credit: ladybug | 04.26.02 at 02:32 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

I think you should call the local UPS distribution center and tell them what a bozo you have on your route!!!

(I am so happy, I have packages coming! I bought myself some presents LOLOL!!)

The other day, I ran (ha, I don't run... I think hobble is more the word) down the stairs to catch the UPS guy, and it was the UPS guy who normally delivers to work! It was so odd, and slightly confusing. At least he already knew my last name to punch into his little brown computer!!!

¤ ¤ credit: kristine | 04.26.02 at 09:12 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Just so you don't think all UPS drivers are bad...

Anthony (hint, I know his first name :) is the nicest UPS delivery person I've ever had. He's super friendly, calls me by my first name, and is smart enough to know what packages to leave in front of my door (small boxes from amazon.com) and what not to (big boxes that say "Apple" on the side of them) when I'm not there. No "come get your package yellow slips" out the wazoo.

The other day, he stopped and talked to my girlfriend at our front door, showing her pictures of his kids, wishing me a happy birthday, etc... Very friendly.

The sad thing is, when we get a package on a day he's not working, it's like everyone else's experience listed here. :(

On a similar theme, did anyone tip their delivery person(s) for Xmas? (I did because Anthony is so much better than the average delivery person.)

¤ ¤ credit: jca | 04.26.02 at 01:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I got home for lunch today and experienced Exhibit A for myself.... they must teach them how to do that at UPS school.

¤ ¤ credit: Holly | 04.26.02 at 06:54 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I tried tipping the UPS man one day when he was dropping off my replacement monitor, but I got the same deal from him I got from the meter man from the power company, "I'm union, I can't accept that. Put your money away, I'll get in trouble." Weird, huh?

¤ ¤ credit: Harry | 04.27.02 at 08:49 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

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