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Posted: 05.07.2003
To call...or not to call...that is the question
I was just reading about that "3 day rule" over at Chey's. You know the one. When a guy feels he has to wait 'x' number of days to call a girl after getting her number, or after the first date. And she sits there going slowly insane waiting for the phone to ring.

Personally, I always found the rule dumb. I hate mind games. And that is the crème de la crème of mindgames in the dating world. All I'm sayin' is that in my two longest relationships in life -- a two-year one in college, and the man I ultimately married -- both called the next day. I didn't have to sit around wondering how it went. I just knew.

So how do you feel about "the delay tactic" -- do you think it's a good idea?

Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again.

Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...

it's just *so* wrong when I have to resort to bathtub telepathy! :P

¤ ¤ credit: gnome-girl | 05.07.03 at 07:27 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

No doubt! I think that just bumped you up to an appetizer and dessert, to be washed down by a glass of fine wine, on the next date!

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.07.03 at 07:30 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I really never thought much about any kind of rule like that. I guess that just makes me different than the other guys out there. I didn't wait three days before calling in the relationships I had in the past, I called the next day.

¤ ¤ credit: Michael Deibler | 05.07.03 at 07:52 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I hate that, HATE IT!!!!

¤ ¤ credit: Angel | 05.07.03 at 09:06 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

in that dainty way I have, I proclaim it a crock of shit.

It's funny, when dating women, I freak when they call me immediately. It feel like they've already moved in. But men? I really like the early call. Next day preferrable, but if it's A Date to End All Dates, I wouldn't be opposed to a call to see if I got home ok.

¤ ¤ credit: Joelle | 05.07.03 at 09:18 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I've never gotten as far as a phone number. :/

¤ ¤ credit: Mike | 05.07.03 at 09:22 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

If I like them I call them the next day and tell them I had a nice time. If I dont like them I dont call... simple. I went out on a first date tonight and she was already like 'email me tomorrow'... =]

I'm such a sexy bitch. hehehe

¤ ¤ credit: jay | 05.07.03 at 10:59 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

You're too sexy for this blog.

I missed the "e-mail me" dating generation by a couple of years. That just would have been strange in IM situations when they *know* you're around and such.

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.07.03 at 11:01 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

so jay is that a bad thing? i've said that before after a first date.

¤ ¤ credit: gnome-girl | 05.07.03 at 11:08 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

when did you get married? i've been emailing dates since 98. And I figured by around 2000 I wouldnt have to any more. Funny how life gives you the finger.

¤ ¤ credit: jay | 05.07.03 at 11:18 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

We met and started dating in '92 (for just over a month), and were friends during college after our break-up. (He graduated from OU in '94 and I graduated in '95.) We got engaged in October of '95 and got married in June of '96.

In fact, Todd was with me the very first time I ever got online -- during the Blizzard of '96 in Philly. The first place I really hit was keyword "Knot" on AOL, before they even became theknot.com. I didn't even have a regular e-mail account until after we moved in together a few weeks before the wedding.

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.07.03 at 11:29 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Okay, if you're going to include e-mails, I did, ONCE, get a girl's e-mail. I e-mailed her when I got home "Just making sure you made it home all right. -Mike", and got "What the hell, are you fuckin' obsessed or something? Leave me alone, freak." in reply.

Soooo, yah. Anyone wanna AIM? *chuckle*

¤ ¤ credit: Mike | 05.07.03 at 11:52 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Wow, cool, you've been together for a while! Congrats... good for you! Are you gonna have a 10yr anniversary party? and am I invited? LOL! I was first online in I think in 92.. on Prodigy (before the internet was what it is now). I still remember my screen ID: BNVB10A. After that around 94/95 I got an AOL account and then in 96 I got a local ISP account. Then in 98 I tried the online dating thing... and its history ever since. =D

During that blizzard of 96, I was working for the state of RI bringing their purchasing web site online. There was only about 3 other people on the road besides me that morning.

¤ ¤ credit: jay | 05.07.03 at 11:55 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Ahhhhh...Prodigy. Many a fellow dorm geek with National Merit money and fancy toys wasted their time on that in college. I had my bitchin' Apple IIE with 300 baud rate modem. No online play for me. Hell, my senior capstone thesis took over 10 hours to print.

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.08.03 at 12:05 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

hahah... did you have a panasonic dot matrix too t(that emulated an Epson)? So you started off as a Mac girl huh... I first had a Timex Sinclair which was only useful for learning Basic and then I stepped up to a Tandy 1000 with 2 (count 'em two) 5.25" disk drives and a 2mb external hard drive. heheh Oh yeah we were flying in those days. Your Apple probably kicked my ass. heheh. I so wanted a Coleco Adam back then!

And Bill Gates said we would never need more than 640k of RAM. BAHAHAHA

¤ ¤ credit: jay | 05.08.03 at 12:37 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

It's just a guy-insecurity thing, although for some, it's just a some-guys-are-assholes-and-don't-give-a-crap-about-the-girl thing (that much ought to be obvious).

As for the insecurity thing, they follow that rule so they're in control. They don't get rejected, they don't look desperate or too available. And it's tempting, you know, because it hurts to get shot down. But it just puts another layer of BS into the mix, making it harder to figure out what the other person is *really* thinking/feeling, so it makes it all the more likely that they'll ultimately end the relationship in some way other than a happy one.

¤ ¤ credit: Matt | 05.08.03 at 12:07 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Matt, beautiful theory -- but at 55-1 in the poll currently, I'm inclined to think it's just that -- a theory. It was a "rule" all of my girlfriends hated in college, and judging by the replies here, it still is loathed. In my own case, I know I was much more likely to take a second date with a guy if he made his interest clear right away -- than if he made me deal with days-long games of "does he or doesn't he"? I don't recall ever thinking a guy was desperate if he called right away. That's something his (male) friends filled his head with. From a female perspective, it made me feel like he thought enough of me -- and my company -- to want to spend more time with me right away.

It's just one more reason for the whole Mars/Venus thing I guess. Guys see it as a great idea. Or at least "just the way it's done". Girls...don't.

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.08.03 at 12:28 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Well just for the record, I've always thought it was pretty stupid myself (so does that make it 56-0?). I always thought there's no way girls would think that was cool... I mean, if a girl called me the next day and sounded happy to talk with me, I'd be doing the Walkin'-On-Sunshine dance for the next week.

I'm just trying to explain it from a sort of psychological point-of-view. I've known a lot of guys who act tough and play these little games, but you can tell that at their core, they're just a little cowering baby boys who are afraid of getting hurt. So they keep everyone at arms' length, yadda yadda yadda.

Now, if you want a good question from the guys' side: why is it that so many girls go after these hard-to-attain, game-playing guys for so long?

¤ ¤ credit: Matt | 05.09.03 at 04:01 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

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