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Posted: 11.19.2002
The elephant man and the Plastic Ono Band
The story of Michael Jackson's face just keeps getting more and more strange by the minute... Here's your first warning. If your plastic surgeon has been credited for doing the cosmetic work on Joan Rivers, Dolly Parton, Tony Curtis and Phyllis Diller -- that is your first clue. You turn-heel on your Hush Puppies and you RUN. But now apparently his former surgeon is also endorsing FISTing:

"Steven Hoefflin...is now practicing a rather unorthodox treatment to get patients out of comas. The Family Intensive Stimulation Therapy (F.I.S.T.) calls for, among other things, putting clothespins on the patients' fingertips. 'I have recently been successful in waking up patients from a coma and reversing paralysis,' Hoefflin writes in literature that is sent to potential patients. 'I believe, and have early data to suggest, that this technique may also help with Alzheimer’s disease.'"

Can't a few spare bombs destined for Iraq 'accidentally' fall on certain sections of LA instead? It may not kill all of them, but the heat might help them melt into a pile of self-obsessed plastic goo that we could then shape into radioactive waste containers.

Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...

Speaking of Jackson, he is now hanging children out his window -- what is with this guy?!

¤ ¤ credit: jewdez | 11.19.02 at 02:54 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Yeesh. Is it the air out there, or what?

¤ ¤ credit: Tracy | 11.19.02 at 02:54 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Family Fisting. I think I saw that movie once.

¤ ¤ credit: michele | 11.19.02 at 02:56 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Maybe he's pretending to be The Lion King, instead of the king of pop now, jewdez?

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 11.19.02 at 03:00 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

FISTing women in comas... well if you use enough lube..

¤ ¤ credit: Jake | 11.19.02 at 03:01 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

OH EWW. That was bad.

¤ ¤ credit: Tracy | 11.19.02 at 04:09 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I was just as disturbed at the Russell Crowe story. That guy is turning into an A-class ass wipe. I think we should start telling everyone that he's actually a New Zealander and distancing ourselves from him.

It's funny how all successful NZ'ers are Australians, but the ordinary ones are still NZ'ers. I saw a story on ET the other day about Aussie photographer Anne Geddes (the one that takes all the baby photos) - Kiwi. Sam Neill - Kiwi. Jane Campion - Kiwi. The band Split Enz - Kiwi. I could go on and on, there's hundreds of them!

¤ ¤ credit: Jessica Parker | 11.19.02 at 04:43 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

We will spare no bombs that are destined for Iraq, for they deserve them all. Nuke them fuckers till they glow!

[Mister Mittens – One nuked pussy]

¤ ¤ credit: Mister Mittens | 11.19.02 at 05:53 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

For those targeting, MJ is about 100 miles north of Los Angeles. Please aim carefully, as I'm too young to die. Thank you.

¤ ¤ credit: wendell | 11.19.02 at 10:23 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

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Hey pretty, don't you wanna take a ride with me through my world?

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