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Posted: 05.29.2002
Just because I color-coordinate my bat and tennis shoes...
This has to be one of the funniest Smoking Gun reports I've ever seen:

"No gay sex occurs in this Manhattan duplex apartment. Repeat, only hot heterosexual action takes place in this $1.975 million Gramercy Park penthouse purchased last year by Mike Piazza, the straight New York Mets star. In the face of rumors about his sexual preference, Piazza, who loves women, announced yesterday (5/22) that, 'I'm not gay.' So only lucky ladies will be romanced in Piazza's 2345 square foot penthouse, which features two balconies, a roof terrace with a built-in barbecue, and two large walk-in closets. Piazza can easily afford such ritzy digs because he gets to cash checks like this every two weeks during the baseball season."

Which leads me to... Why did they have to take the word gay? I'm all in favor of certain people having their own, you know, lifestyle, but...why did they have to take the word "gay"? It's such a lovely word! They've...they've robbed the English language of a beautiful word. I...they have. I mean, now if I say to one of my friends, or one of my friends asks me, "How is your son or daughter feeling?", and I say "Oh, they're feeling gay"...it's a scandal. I've had to stop using the word altogether. Oh. So they've taken "gay" away from us. What was wrong with "pervert"?

And you can't use the word "faggot" anymore either, you...it used to be a lovely bundle of sticks. On cold winters' nights you'd throw another faggot on the fire. But now they work in restaurants, making your salads, being snotty and still expecting fifteen percent.

"Cunnilingus"? My grandfather drove one across America. With pride. He bought the first one off the lot in 1923. Oh, but now they're all gone, forgotten - the Cunnilingus, the Rambler. Oh. I suppose "Rambler" means something filthy now too, does it, does it mean something...?

Can't use the word "fisting" anymore either. Oh no. No, no. But back in the forties the girls and I used to fist every Sunday afternoon. It was a knitting stitch, and a very difficult one. I made a lovely yellow afghan full of tiny, intricate fistings, that won a, that won a grand prize at a, at a jamboree. Yeah. Gave up knitting altogether, though, in 1979, finally found out what the word meant. Oh no. No, no. I took that afghan with all that lovely fisting and put it up the "poop-hole". Oh, that's, that's what we used to call attic. Now they're all gone, locked away, like those beautiful words.

Well, I guess I'm just supposed to fade away, in silence...or be modern and accept it. Fine. I guess I'll just have a "Fuck Off". Oh, that used to be a summer drink, you know..... (Credit: Kids in the Hall)

Hey boy take a look at me...let me dirty up your mind...

Can't... stop... laughing... I am such a KITH junkie. And Rob, "I'm crushing your head!"

¤ ¤ credit: Susan | 05.29.02 at 03:59 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

"I'm pinching your cheeks..."

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.29.02 at 04:12 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Thanks, woman.

You made me snarf my soda.


¤ ¤ credit: VASpider | 05.29.02 at 04:16 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

dammit robyn, now you got me thinking of more "porn vs. polite society" terms... TV, golden, facial, teabag, wad, cowgirl...

¤ ¤ credit: mikey | 05.29.02 at 04:48 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Ah, yes... Love that KITH!

¤ ¤ credit: Ashley | 05.29.02 at 07:43 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Holy shit was that funny! Especially the part about "fisting" every Saturday. That had me rolling with laughter!

¤ ¤ credit: C.C. | 05.29.02 at 08:48 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

If you wind up with Mega-google hits from this post, please let us know!

¤ ¤ credit: Promo | 05.29.02 at 10:45 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

almost sounded like grandpa simpson there.
Grandpa, watching home movies: The pictures! They're coming alive!

¤ ¤ credit: jon | 05.29.02 at 03:59 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

well now you given me the real meaning of those words.

¤ ¤ credit: michael | 05.29.02 at 06:27 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Last night I tried to leave a comment on here in Netscape 6 and there was no scrolly bar on there. I'm guessing mine is the same too, but I haven't checked yet. Thought you might want to know. I just cringe every time a new browser comes out, 'cause it means I have to go and check every page on every site I've ever made and then fix them free of charge. Ggrrrrrr..............

¤ ¤ credit: Joanne | 05.29.02 at 07:17 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

Page up and page down should allow you to scroll on Netscape. Beyond that, people are SOL b/c I refuse to cator to the Netscape and Mozilla crowd beyond making it functional. What are you doing testing on that browser, Jo? I know you're better than that! ;-)

¤ ¤ credit: robyn | 05.29.02 at 07:25 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

I knew you were cool! I want Chicken Lady back! KITH was one of the best sketch shows, ever.

¤ ¤ credit: annessa | 05.30.02 at 12:05 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

Good grief I remember that sketch. Ooh, Kids in the Hall Nostalgia. Those crazy Canucks!

¤ ¤ credit: Robyn across the Pond | 05.30.02 at 03:24 AM | link--this ¤ ¤

hahahaha!!! that's too funny! Kris loved their show!

¤ ¤ credit: ladybug | 06.03.02 at 10:40 PM | link--this ¤ ¤

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