Posted: 11.01.2001 End this war in 60 minutes flat
An excerpt from the editorial page in OU's student paper -- an article titled Let’s end this war in 60 minutes flat: "...This is how we solve things here in America. When Oklahoma has a problem with texas, when we think they’re being arrogant or overbearing, we don’t hijack their Ford F-150’s or release vials of 24-hour flu into Austin. We do civilized things — beat their best football teams by large amounts of points and turn their players into 22 separate lumps of clay. Sure, some broken bones result, but it seems a small price to pay for conflict resolution..."
Let’s end this war in 60 minutes flat
by Reilly Capps
Marching in formation from the locker room in Oklahoma Memorial Stadium, drenched in the sweat of anticipation and tight jock straps are your Oklahoma Sooners, one of the best college football teams in the country.
Marching in from the other locker room come the al-Qaida All-Stars, the best football team international terrorism has to offer.
Quarterbacked by Osama bin Laden, with Ayman al-Zawahiri as the featured wingman, the al-Qaida All-Stars line up to face the Sooners, with the future of international security riding on the outcome. Al-Qaida has agreed to turn in all weapons if the Sooners can beat them on the field, otherwise the U.S. military will have to beat them on the ground.
What a great offer for the leaders of al-Qaida and the Taliban. Put down your weapons and your anthrax. Come settle things honestly on the field, with Mullah Omar and George W. Bush in full chearleading gear.
This is how we solve things here in America. When Oklahoma has a problem with Texas, when we think they’re being arrogant or overbearing, we don’t hijack their Ford F-150’s or release vials of 24-hour flu into Austin. We do civilized things — beat their best football teams by large amounts of points and turn their players into 22 separate lumps of clay. Sure, some broken bones result, but it seems a small price to pay for conflict resolution.
The Sooners will be at home this weekend to play Tulsa — a slightly less important game than the United States versus al-Qaida matchup. During the game, there will be no international incidents and no bombs thrown, save those junior quarterback Nate Hybl intends to throw.
When OU wins, Sooner fans can go back to hating on Oklahoma State and vowing vengeance on Nebraska, all of which will take place on a football field. We are a peaceful Sooner nation, and al-Qaida should be, too.
I hope al-Qaida accepts this offer to face the Sooners. We can play the game at a neutral site, give al-Qaida the home field, spot them a few men, two timeouts and, oh, say 650 points.
So Robyn, do you read the Daily online a lot?
¤ ¤ posted by Lisa on November 1, 2001 at 06:55 PM ¤ ¤
I go in waves -- I read it a lot, then totally forget, and then go back to reading it again. I really miss having a paper copy in front of me to pass the time away each afternoon though!
¤ ¤ posted by Robyn on November 1, 2001 at 07:12 PM ¤ ¤
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