Duck and cover

That infinite sadness Floridians feel right now is not caused by Robert Smith, but rather by Tropical Depression 12. It's expected to turn into Tropical Storm Henri very soon and come ashore just north of Tampa Bay. Why can't we ever get hit by something not so wussy sounding -- like Tropical Storm Butch?
posted at 03:53 PM | link-

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Food for thought
So I know that some of you either have worked -- or currently work -- as restaurant wait staff. So riddle me this... Do they actually train you to walk up and say, "How is everything?" after the customer has taken a big bite of food and can't answer back -- only nod? Happens every. Single. Time.
posted at 08:48 PM | link-

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With your cherry lips and golden curls
Mmmmm...original Icee in cherry and in Coke. Accept no substitutes.
posted at 08:05 PM | link-

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PSA
It has been brought to my attention that today is the last day to make your national "do not call list" registration effective as of 10/1. If you don't register today, your registration will be delayed by three months. Get to it.
posted at 02:28 PM | link-

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And on the 7th day...
...God made Key Lime Pie at Publix. And it was good.
posted at 02:17 PM | link-

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One that won't make me talk too much - or make my face break out
If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we get all drug companies and their overpaid chemists to develop liqui-gels for their medications instead of tablet-form only? Let's see, something that works in minutes and is easy to swallow (ba dum dum)...or something that kicks in just a few moments before it's time to take another dose... Is that really too much to ask? I think not.
posted at 09:43 AM | link-

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Whoa.
It's July now? When did this happen?
posted at 05:33 AM | link-

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Welcome to Der Weinerschnitzel, may I take your order please?
Drive-in Speaker: Hello and welcome to KFC! Today we're featuring blah blah blah. Please proceed with your order when you're ready.

The Mister: Hi. I'd like a number three combo with mashed potatoes and gravy and a Pepsi, and a large macaroni and cheese as well.

<insert dramatic pause>

The Mister: Hello?

<even more dramatic pause>

Drive-in Speaker (now with a different voice): Hello. Sorry about that. Please order when you're ready...

Whatever genius thought up those stupid Taco Bell / Pizza Hut / KFC speaker recordings with an order-taker that really isn't should be shot. You never know when you have a real person on the other end anymore. And 'please proceed with your order' only means when you can get their attention and they put down that issue of Maxim they have stashed in the back.
posted at 09:42 PM | link-

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Nevermind the bollocks
I personally think the English verison of the English language is a lot more creative than the Americanized version. They have snog, and slag, and bugger...just to name a few... Do you have a favorite?
posted at 09:01 AM | link-

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Black cat, nine lives - short days, long nights
Raise your hand if you're having a true Friday the 13th:

I just had usernames and passwords on an MT site I'm designing quit working for no apparent reason. They didn't work for Stacy either. When I started to panic and cry...they worked again... I think I'm going back to bed.
posted at 06:57 PM | link-

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Ride at night, ride through heaven and hell
Last night, we fell asleep to the sounds of the season. No, not crickets chirping or bullfrogs ribbeting. Instead it was roar of the deep V6 engine of the punkass teen down the block, tires squealing as he took every corner after midnight at about 80 mph. Just to do it over. And over. And over again. Color me very impressed, kid. Your girlfriend's parents must be so proud. School's out...for summer. Son'bitch.
posted at 07:29 AM | link-

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It's like thunder...lightning!
There is absolutely nothing better than waking up in the morning to the sound of a thunderstorm rolling in off the Gulf. I'm in such a great mood now!
posted at 11:27 AM | link-

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Randomness...because I can
Tonight everyone around here got to feel better about themselves. I got us an anniversary carrot cake from Publix. By us, of course, I mean me. Todd scored big at Tarjhét. I can't resist his big, puppy dog eyes. And speaking of those...Claire hit paydirt as well when we spied this on the shelves. After some fierce lovin', it's already missing both sets of eyes and some stuffing. She's a very happy girl tonight.

Another good Tarjhét find was also had. Altoids makes breath strips now. Oh. My. God. We got the cinnamon ones and they are so good! At first you're all like, "Hey. This tastes good but isn't all that strong for Altoids." Then you wait about 20 seconds and blammo! Two snaps in a circle on those things, although I can't give the eXXXtended review. Sorry... You'll just have to live.
posted at 09:12 PM | link-

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Give up the funk
There is absolutely nothing worse than having an installation guy out to your house in the summer -- and when they leave, the whole place reeking of "sweaty man ass". Excuse me. I have to go empty the contents of one of these now.
posted at 02:44 PM | link-

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Teacher, teacher!
*raises hand* If you're gonna put an on / off button on something like a cordless razor, curling iron, blow dryer, "personal massager", whathaveyou -- why do companies insist on putting said-button directly underneath the thumb-grip area? Just a little summin' that makes me go hmmmmm...or huuummm...depending on your interpretation.
posted at 03:50 PM | link-

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We deliver for you
One of the most controversial blog entries I've ever made (a year ago to the very month) involved the US Postal Service. Somehow my entry got posted to a USPS employee message board, and I was bombarded by e-mails from angry mail carriers. Todd and I started to wonder if anything marked fragile would ever arrive at our house intact again. After going round-and-round in dozens of e-mails and my comments, I posed the question:

If something is leaking money, do you keep tossing it extra change -- or do you step back and figure out where the leak is coming from and fix the problem? [link]

I then went on to add in another entry:

You want to raise the cost of a stamp by 25¢ even -- fine. Hell, I wouldn't mind paying 75¢ to mail a letter, truth be told. It is not just about an extra 3¢ to me. But how can you expect me - or anyone - to not demand you be accountable for the money, and also for you to make it known just exactly what these "improvements" are that the extra money will be spent on? [link]

Well imagine my "surprise" today when I find this over at Mikey's:

Whistle-blowers -- including many who still work there -- say the Inspector General saved taxpayers only 50 cents for every dollar it spent. The office identified $56 million in wasteful spending in 2001 -- but spending $117 million dollars to do so...

..."If everybody else in the postal service wasted money the way she [Postal Inspector General Karla Corcoran] wasted money, it seems to me like instead of 37 cent stamps you'd have 74 cent stamps," said Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa. [link]

Where there's smoke, there's usually fire. And I'm stopping short of saying "I told you so"...but... Yeah, I think I'll just stop while I'm ahead.
posted at 05:29 PM | link-

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To call...or not to call...that is the question
I was just reading about that "3 day rule" over at Chey's. You know the one. When a guy feels he has to wait 'x' number of days to call a girl after getting her number, or after the first date. And she sits there going slowly insane waiting for the phone to ring.

Personally, I always found the rule dumb. I hate mind games. And that is the crème de la crème of mindgames in the dating world. All I'm sayin' is that in my two longest relationships in life -- a two-year one in college, and the man I ultimately married -- both called the next day. I didn't have to sit around wondering how it went. I just knew.

So how do you feel about "the delay tactic" -- do you think it's a good idea?

Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again.
posted at 07:19 PM | link-

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He yelled, "Stick 'em up!" -- and let two fly.
I sat right behind one of my biggest pet peeves all the way down to Clearwater this morning: the lopsided bumper sticker. Now I don't expect people to go out and get a level when they slap 'em on their cars, but nothing drives me more berserk than to see a brand new car sporting a sticker Ray Charles could've placed on there better. Yes, I'm an anal perfectionist. But it's my belief that if you're going to spend upwards of $20-grand on an au-to-mo-biiile, at least take the time to place your buck-fitty sticker in a straight line on top of it. And don't even get me started on people who put the damn things directly on the paint itself...
posted at 05:16 PM | link-

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Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Riddle me this... Would it really hurt Nabisco's pocket books to throw a shot of Captain Morgain's in their butter rum Lifesavers? Y'know, just for good measure and all.
posted at 04:21 PM | link-

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Super Sonic!

Attention Tampa Bay residents: A new Sonic Drive-In opens up in Oldsmar on Monday, April 21st, at 7 a.m. It's on Tampa Rd., just up the road from the AMC 20 movie theater -- across the street from Wal Mart, and next to a new Chick-fil-A. Be there or be

.
posted at 01:47 AM | link-

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Let's get physical
Have you ever noticed that in any exercise equipment or weight loss product commercial in the "before" shots the people are flabby and pasty white -- but in the "after" shots, suddenly not only are they thin and toned, but they're also sporting a new deep-dark tan just weeks later. Where did the tan come from? Does the product really do both? Because if so, I really might consider the purchase being my skin is translucent and all...
posted at 01:18 PM | link-

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She wore an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini
I have just found my new favorite fashion company -- and of all things, they make swimwear! Check out the beautiful model front and center on their main page (and also in their print ads). She has an unairbrushed tummy roll. And moving along to page two, you'll find even more real women with real bodies in bikinis. The whole site is like this. With swimsuit season almost upon us, I know who I want to receive my $$ the next time I purchase one! Hurrah!

UPDATE: Oh how cute -- check out their honeymoon swimwear line!
posted at 12:25 AM | link-

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I want candy
[hard candy]

Hard candy. So are you a sucker, or a biter? I'm a biter.
posted at 03:15 PM | link-

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The eye of the tiger
Thank god for insurance. The last hurricane season after an El Niño was brutal. I always find it quite amusing that our wedding anniversary signals the start of the Atlantic season each year. Coincidence?
posted at 03:44 PM | link-

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Spring Forward!

It's the most...wonderful time...of the year! Don't forget to set your clocks forward an hour. I'm here for you. What can I say? Bring on the sunny days, chasin' the clouds away...
posted at 02:05 AM | link-

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What would you do for a.....?

If you're buying a "Snickers Almond" candy bar thinking the "new!" label actually means something, buyer beware. They are being cleverly repackaged and marketed. What you get underneath the fancy wrapping is actually a Mars bar. Don't get me wrong. I love Mars bars.

But new? P-shaw.
posted at 11:32 PM | link-

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Eat da' puddin'
So Todd grabbed a snackpack of chocolate and 'nilla Jell-O pudding at the sto' last night. And as I sit here savoring its chocolately goodness, I also find myself missing those little tiny bits of unmixed powder that you bite into when you eat instant pudding vs. premade. Does that make me odd, or was I already there a long time ago?

Wait. On second thought, don't answer that.
posted at 02:53 PM | link-

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Love and marriage
Me: Hey, can you help me get the kitchen picked up before the water-delivery guy comes tomorrow?
Him: <sighs heavily, puts down laptop and joins me in the kitchen> Yeah...yeah...
Me: <finishes the drink he'd asked me to make him> Ok, I'm going back to work now.
Him: Oh so I see when you say, "Can you help me..." it really means "Can you come and do it for me?"
Me: I said I'm going back to work. Woooorrrrk. Say it with me. You know, that thing you don't have to do between 5:30 p.m. and 8:30 a.m.?
Him: Whatever, you dreamer.
Me: You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join...
Him: <grabs a plastic grocery sack> Hey! Come here! Put your head inside this. It's really fun to try and breathe when...

You never saw moments like this on "Ozzie and Harriet", that's for sure!
posted at 09:39 PM | link-

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Insert grumbling voices here
Our DSL is still down, with no end in sight. We're finding out Verizon's DSL service is really great if you manage to stay online -- but if something goes wrong, fuhgetaboutit. They can't provide any service updates. They can't give ETA on the end of the outage. They can't even tell us how widespread it is, other than "two or three area codes in your area". We were s'posed to have a callback within the first 36 hours and we've been down since Friday night. Greeeeeat. This ought to set my schedule back a good week now. We only have a network card on the PC, and I have no way of transferring any of my files or mail from there to here. We're SO getting a discount on this month's bill!
posted at 02:16 PM | link-

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I want my ~~MTV~~ DSL!
If you're trying to find us online this weekend, you're gonna have to wait awhile. We've been without DSL access for over 14 hours now due to an outage in the area, with no end in sight... I'm so glad I had planned to (and needed to) work all weekend. Hmmph. I forgot what torture 56K was, so this won't last long. If you're waiting to hear back from me, please continue to hold. Your call is important to us.
posted at 04:58 PM | link-

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Champagne wishes and caviar dreams
We're watching this place on the Fine Living channel right now. I think I'm secretly a millionaire trapped in a pauper's body. Oh fortune, how you mock me.
posted at 02:12 AM | link-

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Potpourri for $200, Alex
And there was much rejoicing... I have just successfully transferred the one domain I had left with Network Solutions (back when I was stupid enough to pay them for two years in advance) to another registrar. Hurrah!

If you see something acting funky with any of my secondary pages (like category archives), try resetting your skin. For some reason that seems to fix it. Please let me know if not...

Finally, in my quest to make it "Solonor Friday" around here and also bump up my minion status...the provider of my tiara has blogged about w.bloggar:

w.bloggar is a free application from Marcelo Cabral that tries to make writing blog posts as easy (or as hard) as using Microsoft Word.

The application sits between you and your blog publishing software. It provides a Word-like interface with all the little toolbar buttons for formating text and even has a spell-checker. w.bloggar is compatible with Blogger, b2, Nucleus, BigBlogTool, Blogworks XML, Blogalia, Drupal, and, of course, Movable Type.

So if you hate the Blogger interface...or just want to be a lazy American with any of the other software...there you go. UPDATE: Bushtit Dot Com has a great w.bloggar review!
posted at 12:50 PM | link-

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Better living through chemistry?

[better living]

Does it bother anyone else out there that the same people who make our aspirin also make our pesticides and fertilizers? I'm just sayin'... Hope someone doesn't 'accidentally' mix up the sugar and salt shakers one day!
posted at 12:18 PM | link-

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Up, up in the atmosphere
This is a link that Statia passed along earlier in the week. It's the only thing that kept me sane while Todd was flying to and from Minneapolis...

If you have anyone you love traveling across the country, visit FlyteComm. You can enter the airline and flight number, and they will take you to a real-time tracking system. It will show you just exactly where the plane is at on a map of the continental US, the altitude, flight speed, and time remaining for the flight. I had confirmation Todd's flights had landed a good 20 minutes before he was able to deplane and make the quick "I'm ok" call on the way to his next connection. Don't let them leave home without it!
posted at 03:08 PM | link-

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Chewy chewy chewy chewy

The cookies 'n' cream ones are laced with crack. Buyer beware!
posted at 02:23 PM | link-

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I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
After about 100 commercials yesterday, and more today, I finally turned to Todd and asked..."Why does Chili's only advertise their baby back ribs?" I mean, they have about 50 other menu items. They've been doing this campaign since I was in high school, it seems like. We all know they have baby back ribs by now. With bar-b-que sauce. Isn't it time to share the limelight with the other food items? The commercials are no longer unique, or even entertaining.

These are the things that keep me awake at night. Pretty sad, huh?
posted at 11:39 AM | link-

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The color of the sky as far as I can see is coal grey
This is what our yard, and every other yard in our neighborhood, looks like right now. The yard we spent several hundred dollars reseeding last spring. I haven't seen grass this dead since we lived in Oklahoma. We've been here over six years. Half of the trees around have either lost their leaves, had them turn colors, or are already dead. The palm trees around here are all turning yellow. The remaining trees are tall pines. We had almost two full weeks of hard-freezes, and several weeks in the 30s or below. This is just not the eternal-spring in Florida that I'm used to. Our power bill was over three times the price this January compared to last. I know the groundhog saw his shadow, but please keep that stuff up north where it belongs. Pretty please with chocolate cocoa on top! I miss my open windows...
posted at 03:43 PM | link-

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Q T Pie
These were linked in my comments, and I thought they were cute enough, they warranted being passed along on the main page -- girl eats boy Valentine's Day cards.
posted at 10:00 PM | link-

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The perils of being a geek
Kristine linked to the ThinkGeek Valentine's collection -- and this cute shirt. I really want this tank top, too, but I'm very wary of ordering from them again. I've placed four orders with them in the past six months. This is how they've went.

Birthday gift order never arrived at its final destination. (That happens.) Two months later, they finally made right and reshipped the item.
Ordered a t-shirt for myself, and a gift for someone else. Had it all shipped to my house first this time. Navy t-shirt arrived with bleach-spots on it. Didn't bother trying to replace it so quickly after the last order being such a pain. Gift items in the shipment were ok.
Sent a gift order to Arizona for Christmas, but no communication was included with the items to say who they were from. They had to play a guessing game in their blog. Nothing major, but a pain nonetheless.
Ordered another gift item for Todd at Christmas. Placed the order a full three weeks before Christmas, mind you. Less than a week before Christmas, after e-mailing them at least every other day -- with no response -- wondering why my order was still stuck in the "processing" stage, I was sent a customer service reply that the order had been cancelled due to being stuck in the processing stage for so long. No explanation other than that. The note apologized for the inconvenience and noted I was welcome to place the order once again. When I wrote to complain, and noted it was now less than a week before Christmas, I was out a gift, and there was no possible way they could ship it on time without offering me free-overnight for my trouble -- I never received another reply.

Am I the only one who's had trouble with ThinkGeek? I love their merchandise. But three out of four orders had what I consider to be major problems -- and the fourth had a minor problem. And trying to contact their customer service by e-mail or phone has proven more difficult than contacting Amazon's. That's saying a lot. It appears ThinkGeek isn't the only company giving geeks trouble lately, though...

UPDATE: Yet another screwed up order in April 2003...
posted at 06:49 PM | link-

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I wasn't screamin' - I was whistling!
So we grabbed dinner at Boston Market tonight while we were out, and noticed they were doing a promotion on February 6th. "Come in and get half a chicken sandwich free!" Now I'm all for the concept of free food -- be it a free pack of Burger King fries, or a Taco Bell taco if a homerun or a meteor hits a star on a floating raft. But half a sandwich? And we're not talking subs here. We're talking half of a small, round hamburger-bun-style chicken sandwich. What kind of lame-ass promotion is that?

How much are your ribs?
2-fitty.
2-fitty?! How much for half a rib?
'Bout 1.25.
1.25? that's too much for half a rib! I'll have one rib.
One order of ribs!
Not one ORDER! One RIB!
That's not the way we do it here.
Well then how much for a soda?
One dollar.
Okay, how about you give me a sip for fifteen cents?
My cups cost more than fifteen cents!
Okay, fuck the cup, how about you just pour it in my hands for a dime?
posted at 09:39 PM | link-

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