Open keyboard drawer. Insert forehead. Slam. Repeat.

Well, some of these aren't the quality I've been used to in the past, but I have updated the 2002-03 mailbag at "Please Puff Daddy Ruin This Song, Too" (starting here).

A select few quotes include:

all yall mutha fuckas need to get a fucking life and stop hatin on my man the system is designed to bring the black succesful man down and thats what yall TRYIN to do but i aint gonna let it happen go fuck yourselfs [link]

My name is Kimberly ****** and I am from New Jersey. I am 13 years of age with a voice of Mariah Carey. I am not trying to brag or seem conceeded about myself either. I just wanted to let all of you know that I am young and I am looking to do and make something of my talent. I have a God's gift and I am not going to sit around and wait for it to be taken away. And just like P. Diddy, I take my talent seriously... [link]

Now keep in mind while going through the mailbag (good for hours and hours of free entertainment) that I basically haven't touched the site since 1998. At all. It has been updated exactly once (when Puffy changed his name to P. Diddy) since then, other than to add to the mailbag 2-3 times a year. But still the hate mail pours in... Hey, at least it's nice to be playah-hated on for another site of mine for a change.
posted at 04:41 PM | link-

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Sixty minute man...give or take fifty
Rapper Busta Rhymes has made a somewhat unusual request for his backstage room at tonight's MTV Music Awards. He wants two boxes of condoms. Personally, I don't find the request all that impressive Mr. Rhymes -- although I'm quite sure that was your intent. The average box of condoms has 12 each for a grand total of 24 requested condoms. The awards ceremony is slated at 3 hours long. Add in another hour for pre-show preparations, and you've got 4 hours total. Divide 240 minutes by 24 condoms, and you get exactly 10 minutes per lay -- not accounting for the time you might actually be presenting, performing, and/or in the audience. My what stamina you've got there, Busta. *swoon*

Other star requests include:

Six bottles of Cristal champagne, of course (Ja Rule)
Drinking straws, to save her lipstick obviously (Shakira)
48 towels -- is there a significance to that number? (Pink)
Nintendo games console (Justin Timberlake)

Oh to be so famous, rich, spoiled, footloose and panty free!
posted at 05:07 AM | link-

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Kiss traditional animation goodbye
This entry was written by a guest-blogger -- my husband Todd. Enjoy:

This is what I call "disturbing news". A mistake is about to be made. A fork in the road of history is about to be reached. And to be honest, I'm not sure there is anything we can do about it.

Word is that Disney will be closing the door on traditional 2-D animation in the coming months, and if you were an employee in the animation studios, you were either told to drop your pen and paintbrush and pick up a computer, or you were shown the door.

Traditional animators are a dying breed in the new 3-D culture at Walt Disney, as Michael Eisner declares that "2-D is dead". Eisner has panicked given the poor box office that movies like Atlantis and Treasure Planet, for example, have shown. Disney has two traditional animated features in the pipeline for the coming year, Brother Bear and Home on the Range. Those are expected to be the last feature films featuring 2-D hand-drawn animation that Disney produces.

The same thing is happening at Dreamworks, where Jeffery Katzenberg had, in the past, made it his mission to reinvent classical animation. Well, after Katzenberg had flops of his own in Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (I guess every Dreamworks title has to be subtitled...), he too is panicking and beginning to focus exclusively on computer animated features.

What probably didn't help these gentlemen in their irrational thought processes is that Pixar studios, makers of the excellent Toy Story films, A Bug's Life and Monsters Inc. just had a tremendous box office smash hit with the computer animated Finding Nemo.

What they failed to realize through visions of dollar signs dancing in their heads, is that although Pixar is a CG studio, it is first and foremost a teller of compelling stories. And therein lies the fatal error that Disney and Dreamworks have yet to discover.

Take a look at the film that won the inaugural Oscar for Best Animated Feature - Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away. This feature was almost entirely hand drawn, painstakingly, over a process of several years. Miyazaki himself is intimately involved with every frame of his films, and the quality shows. He has been rewarded for it.

But there is something more sinister at work here, and that is the potential loss of an art form so that these animation houses can continue to churn out low quality stories in order to sell more cross merchandised junk. It started to happen sometime not long ago. The studios became more interested in selling you the toys, clothes, and food items that were branded with the films name, than actually telling you a story.

The problems with the traditional animated studios are deep here in the U.S. Above and beyond the inability within the last five years to put together a film that actually tells a story that is worth seeing, one of the biggest errors that animated film producers have made recently is an asinine use of Hollywood film actors to voice the characters of their animated fare instead of hiring voice talent that's trained to do that kind of work. Why are Brad Pitt and Michael J. Fox and Catherine Zeta-Jones doing voice work? They aren't voice actors. They're just actors, and often poor ones at that. I have found famous voices distracting in animated features for years, and voiced that opinion regularly. The quality of the voice acting has gone down since the early 90s when films like Aladdin and The Little Mermaid served as a renaissance for Disney.

3-D animation continues to look fake as well. There is something distracting in it visually that I can't place my finger on yet, and I can't quite suspend disbelief at times. Granted, a compelling story will help alleviate this a great deal, but aside from Pixar and Dreamworks' Shrek (which could have been a lot better than it was), no one is producing quality 3-D animated stories right now. The horrible Final Fantasy comes to mind as a computer animated film (with Hollywood voice talent) that just wasn't ready to be made, technology wise or vis-a-vis the storyline.

I feel that 3-D animation is really a novelty right now, and audiences are seeing some of these films just for the "wow" factor of "look what they can do with computers". As the audience's tolerance level matures, I suspect we will see a corresponding drop in the numbers of computer animated film revenue - so long as they cannot tell a compelling story.

Let us all hope that an art form is not lost forever as thousands of pen and paintbrush animators are kicked to the curb because of the severe lack of vision from the heads of these studios. I don't want to see all computer animated films. I suspect no one really does. What is it going to take to save traditional animation? Don Bluth jumped ship from Disney years ago and produced amazing films such as The Secret of NIMH and An American Tail, successfully challenging his former employer and forcing them to rethink their entire game. We should all hope that a star emerges from cuts at these animation studios that can rise up and again challenge them and force compelling animated stories to be told on their own merit.
posted at 08:02 PM | link-

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This second-hand living, it just won’t do
Lollapalooza: Then and Now (from FARK.com)

I'll never forget camping out overnight for hours back in college with Kitty down in Dallas for tickets to the '92 show -- Chili Peppers, Ministry, Ice Cube, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Lush, and Jesus and the Mary Chain. Or the euphoria we felt for being so close to the front of the line. Or the sheer letdown when they started handing out numbers just before the tickets went on sale, meaning your place in line meant absolutely nothing -- the number you were assigned meant your order. (Yep, some of the little hellions that showed up an hour before the tickets went on sale ended up with better seating options than we did.) Or the kick in the gut I received for getting the worst case of food poisoning in my life the day before the show and watching my roommate take off for Big D with the tickets I'd stood in line for -- and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. But $53.50 to see Jane's Addiction, A Perfect Circle, Jurassic 5, Incubus, Audioslave, Rooney, and The Donnas today? I think I'll pass... Thanks for the memories.
posted at 10:58 AM | link-

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You make me feel like dancing
Blender has named the 50 worst artists in music history. The only one that left me scratching my head and saying "huh?" was The Doors at #37. C'mon people. You gave up a spot on the list for Leo Sayer for that? Other than said-Doors CD -- here are the CDs I've purchased or owned by other bands on the list:

Tin Machine - Tin Machine - at #12 (Bowie in the $1.99 bin ain't all bad...ok, maybe this time it is)
Richard Marx - Richard Marx - at #30 (it was the best of times, it was the worst of times)
Live - Throwing Copper and Mental Jewelry - at #34 (it's a never-ending debate in this household, I can't help myself and Todd cringes every time)
Blind Melon - Soup - at #40 (Galaxie is one of my all-time favorite songs so deal with it)
The Spin Doctors - Pocket Full of Kryptonite - at #46 (you show me the early 90s college student without a copy, or a copy of a copy of this CD, or a roommate sans one of the above, and I'll call you a freakin' liar)
Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fear - at #49 (actually I didn't buy this one, it was a gift from someone that knew I liked "All I Want")

Leave your purchases in the comments if you'd like. It can be our own little support group of sorts... (Link courtesy of FARK.com.)
posted at 10:41 AM | link-

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Maybe you'll get a replacement - there's plenty like me to be found
"It’s hard to take seriously anyone reminscing on the ’70s who was born in 1981. Cough - Kelly Rowland - cough." —Test Pattern on VH1's new series "I Love the 70s"

UPDATE: Michele briefly blogs about this series as well today.
posted at 04:21 AM | link-

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My love don't cost a thing...really
If smelling like J-Lo isn't enough for you, now you can have a replica of the rock Ben gave her for only $39.95. But wait! There's more. For that low, low price you can even afford to send your fiancé to a strip club so you can throw it at him in the parking lot when he exits.

Ain't that America for you and me?
posted at 04:52 PM | link-

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Irv, we were never IN aisle seven!
Quote of the day:

"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great ... and they are. They are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious."
posted at 04:15 AM | link-

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And.....twins!
Countdown to the Playboy spread in T-minus 5...4...3...2...1! (Link via FARK.com.)
posted at 12:16 PM | link-

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Do not pass Go...
If FARK'ers made Monopoly cards...these submissions are priceless!

posted at 01:14 PM | link-

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The stars at night are big and bright
Amazing how a one-night bender during a supposed break-up could keep most of us fed and housed for months on end.

At least FARK is there to help us put it all in perspective!
posted at 09:46 AM | link-

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Dude, where's my General Lee?
You have GOT to be kidding me... Ashton Kutcher is remaking "The Dukes of Hazzard" movie-style. (He'll play Luke Duke and Paul Walker will play Bo Duke.) But who has Ashton handed the part of Daisy Duke over to, you might ask? None other than Britney Spears. Give me a break. I'd put Shannon Elizabeth in that role long before the teen queen. Who would you cast in the role(s)?

UPDATE: Jen has blogged about this, too!
posted at 08:50 AM | link-

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E
So I predicted "and they said it wouldn't last" way back in March 2002... (By now I'm sure you've all heard that Liza Minnelli and David Gest have split.) I know, I know. I was too shaken this weekend to even blog about it. Well new reports are suggesting the divorce battle is gonna get ugly -- and I don't think we're just talking close-up photographs of the pair either. So pull up a chair. I've got the popcorn!
posted at 04:24 PM | link-

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Smells like Teen Spirit
Just can't get enough of smelling like celebs? Now we have J. Lo, the Sequel -- "Still Jennifer Lopez". She seems to think she's Marilyn-esque in the new ad campaign. I...think not. I am amused, however, that Coty seems to be releasing all of the 'high-end' celebrity fragrances now. Because we all know nothing says high class and sophistication like a bottle of Coty Wild Musk from Tarjhét!
posted at 12:47 PM | link-

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Stuck in the middle with you
A new movie is coming out just for Statia! I am so there.
posted at 10:45 AM | link-

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Would you care for a suckle of my zipple?
"We wanted to call it The New TNN -- The Nipple Network -- but then again we thought maybe Spike Lee had a nipple and we might get sued for that!" —Pamela Anderson, on the new Spike TV and Spike Lee's battle with Viacom over the name
posted at 02:31 PM | link-

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Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac
So I just wrote Dave Letterman's CBS Mailbag for the first time ever. Inquiring minds wanna know... What gives with the dark suits, dark loafers, and (always) white socks? These are the little things that keep me awake at night.
posted at 07:16 PM | link-

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Icy Cokes, thick shakes, sundaes and apple pies

"And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man would live a long and healthy life.

But Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the double cheeseburger. And McDonald's said to Man 'You want fries with that?' And Man gained pounds." —Author Unknown

Ain't it da' truth, baby? Ain't it da' truth... (Link via Sensible Erection.)
posted at 11:27 AM | link-

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My love don't cost a thing
So admit it. You're sitting at home watching "Ben and Jen" right now, aren't you? I won't tell anyone. Honest.
posted at 10:30 PM | link-

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I want candy
I need something light and fluffy around here right now...so hows-about we all share our favorite childhood candy? Mine, hands down, would have to be Zotz. I loved to make those suckers foam up in my mouth. ('Splains a lot doesn't it?) Here's a few ideas to get you started...

Pixy Stix, Gold Rock Nugget Bubble Gum, Charms, Nerds, Sprees, Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip, Bubble Gum Cigarettes, Atomic Fire Balls, Lemonheads, Tart 'n' Tiny, Now & Later, Boston Baked Beans, Candy Buttons, Laffy Taffy, Pop Rocks, Candy Lipstick, Sixlets, Candy Necklace, Big League Chew, Rock Candy, and DOTS
posted at 09:49 PM | link-

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Be good be good be good be good, Johnny
Johnny Depp is 40 now?!? I think I need a Geritol...
posted at 05:39 PM | link-

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You've got fires banked down in you - hearth-fires and holocausts
This is something I was so upset about when I heard the news last night, I couldn't even bring myself to blog about it. We named one of the twins we lost Katharine, a name we'd had picked out for years. I figured what greater gift to give a woman, than to be named after someone so wise, strong and independent. That should just about say it all. Rest in peace, Ms. Hepburn. You will never be equaled.

"This is one of those days that the pages of history teach us are best spent lying in bed..." —The Philadelphia Story
posted at 06:57 AM | link-

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Gentlemen prefer
Don't forget...today is National Blonde Day..."to promote awareness and equality for blondes and non-blondes alike". Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
posted at 06:34 AM | link-

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Call me...on the line
Things that do not help someone with 'stomach issues' while stuck in bed for the weekend... Endless loops of the new James Carville "infone" commercials. Now, I don't hate the man. Most do -- I don't. I happen to find him amusing most of the time. So sue me. But if I have to see his boxer-wearing, bare-legged, calf-scratching pasty gams one more time this weekend -- I'm thinking of bringing a class-action lawsuit. Want in? It's...icky.
posted at 12:37 PM | link-

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The chicken dance
Jason Alexander has been fired as the KFC spokesman. Sure, sure it's most likely because he pressured them to be more ethical with the raising and killing of their chickens... But I can guarantee you I'll be buying one of their products before I'll be watching another one of his! Good riddance.

UPDATE: KFC has confirmed the story, and denies PETA's involvement in the outcome.
posted at 06:03 PM | link-

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Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Ok, here is something I don't get... Why do people insist on packing jewelry in their luggage when they fly? You hear stories of people losing it all the time. Do they honestly expect bag handlers to hold their bags with white gloves, gingerly placing them on bubble-wrap covered conveyor belts? Rapper Lil' Kim had $250,000 worth of jewels stolen from her luggage at NYC's JFK Airport last Friday. The jewelry stolen included a "white and yellow diamond-encrusted gold necklace with a crowned 'B', and platinum dog tags filled with yellow diamonds". I wouldn't put costume jewelry in my bags for fear it would be mistaken -- much less a quarter-mil worth of it! If you're that stupid, you pretty much deserve what you get in my opinion. Sorry, but I just do not feel sorry for you dearie... I feel sorry for your insurance company.

UPDATE: There's an update to this story left in my comments.
posted at 08:28 AM | link-

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Whoomp! There it is...
We're watching a cool show on the History Channel right now -- "Comic Book Superheroes Unmasked". I wish they'd offered a class like this back when I was in college...

Which also brings me to, a brand new group 'comic blog' that Michele just launched called Four Color Hell. "Simply, this is a blog about comics. Reviews, essays, rants and raves, industry news - anything at all to do with comics." So there you have it!
posted at 10:07 PM | link-

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Let's get physical
It's quickly becoming a Thursday tradition...it's time to play "let's slam J-Lo"...

Curvy singer-actress Jennifer Lopez demanded museum bosses in London make her Madame Tussaud's waxwork more slimline. The sexy star was reportedly unhappy with the famous museum's newly installed model of her -- particularly their interpretation of her trademark bottom.

So Lopez, who often boasted how proud she is of her voluptuous derriere, asked Tussaud's to shave 10 pounds of wax off her behind.

A museum source tells Britain's the Daily Star, "We always show artists and managers the final waxwork of themselves.

"It's only fair -- but with J.Lo, she wasn't too pleased.

"She suggested we'd gone a bit off on her behind, so we offered to rake some away.

"All in all she wanted about 10 pounds to be taken off, [and] naturally we meet the star's wishes." [link]

She makes my job way too easy. Seriously...
posted at 09:09 PM | link-

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No more tears
Why, oh why, don't more movie theaters offer this option to help keep the 10 p.m. showings kidlet-free?
posted at 03:34 PM | link-

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You'll shut me down with a push of your button

"Art*o*mat machines are retired cigarette vending machines that have been converted to vend art. Currently, there are 49 active machines in museums and various locations throughout the country. The experience of pulling the knob alone is quite a thrill, but you also walk away with an original work of art. Ker-plunk! What an easy way to become an art collector." For more visit the Art*o*mat website.

Shame there's not any in Florida yet! (Link via Sensible Erection.)
posted at 06:28 PM | link-

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Hulk smash!
Is anyone else as bugged by the CGI animation in the Hulk trailers as I am? It just looks so fake, cheap and cartoonish. I was really excited when the first trailer came out with Spider-Man last year (which didn't show the Hulk character yet), but the more new ones they release on TV now with him, the more annoyed I get. Maybe I'll change my mind if I read a few good reviews once it's released, but I'm no longer dying to see it on opening day -- and that's really disappointing!
posted at 02:57 PM | link-

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Yes, words can't bring me down
Ok seriously, it was time the girl ate something. Anything. And far be it from me to cast the first Twinkie when a sistah puts on a few pounds. Especially in this anorexic entertainment day and age. But honey, honey, honey -- you cannot dress like your former size-0 hoin' self when you're just...not...anymore. It's not even that you're "fat", regardless of what the 15-year olds on FARK and SE wanna say. Truth be known, you're probably still smaller than I am. But then again, I don't leave the house in three strips of electrical tape and some fishnet either...
posted at 03:24 PM | link-

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I'm not that innocent

"London's Madame Tussaud's museum are making an image of the singer [Britney Spears] that features her in a sexy pole-dancing pose, with her back arched and chest thrust out.

They will also incorporate a 'breathing' mechanism in the $73,000 likeness.

A source tells Britain's the Sun, 'For the first time we are installing balloons in her chest so it heaves in and out.'" [link]

Can someone please explain to me how exactly the wax version differs from the real version then? Happy Friday the 13th everyone!
posted at 09:09 AM | link-

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Don't try this at home
I'm not feeling so hot this evening, so we're curled up on the couch watching the "That's Incredible" Reunion. I'm not sure which is more incredible. The stunts. Or that thing John Davidson calls 'hair' on the top of his head...
posted at 08:46 PM | link-

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If she's a virgin, I'm up for sainthood

"Jennifer Lopez is virtually a virgin, according to loved-up Ben Affleck. The woman's been with, like, five guys in her whole life,' announced gallant Ben, exposing the intimate details of his fiancee's love life in a recent interview. 'There aren't many virgins in their thirties,' he said, having evidently hunted high and Lo. 'Jen's about as close as you're likely to find, certainly in Hollywood.' This kind of logic seems also to have infected pure-as-driven-Snowpez. 'I have such respect for the institution of marriage,' opined the Latina lovely after a raunchy photo shoot. 'I don't believe people should spend their lives together if they're not going to be totally happy.' A woman of principle, it has taken three weddings and counting for her to prove just how much respect she has for holy bond of matrimony." [link]

And in other Dumb and Dumberer news, Jennifer has apparently fired the manager responsible for her meteoric rise to the top because fiancé Ben 'made it clear he was not happy with the way her image was being managed'. A source says, "He hated how Benny [Medina] created this diva image of Jen. It was like the studio was dealing with two stars not one. And she was blamed for it. Jennifer never really cared. Benny made her." Mmmm...hmmm... She's a diva because Benny made it look that way. Not because she's a money-grubbing, tantrum-throwing, twat-snot. Yep, that must be it! (Read more at The Daily Dish.)
posted at 05:28 PM | link-

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Show mommy how the piggies eat
Oh wonderful. Another year of "poor, fat Renee" jokes -- and how amazing she is for losing all that weight -- ahead. They're making a sequel to "Bridget Jones's Diary". You have to pity her for these 'grueling preparations' that take 'guts':

"You've got to eat 20 [doughnuts] a day for five weeks to get results...absolutely no exercise and a daily intake of 4,700 calories. Breakfast is a Big Mac and large fries, savoury scones with gravy and a high-fat milkshake. A snack lunch includes pizza, peanut butter and chips, washed down with the aforementioned doughnuts...a giant plate of spaghetti Bolognese with potatoes and butter." [link]

Getting paid 15 million pounds for that? Where do I sign up? Personally, I think she looks much better when you can't count the individual bones in her ribcage area...but that's just me...
posted at 08:03 AM | link-

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Come up and see me, make me smile
Yes, you're funny -- but if you make me tear up one more time, Dat Phan -- I'm coming to Vegas to personally kick your ass. This is a comedy show!

Anyone else out there watching?
posted at 10:00 PM | link-

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Mohr, Mohr, Mohr!
Finally, a "reality TV" show we can all watch without living with a secret shame... Jay Mohr's "Last Comic Standing" has its two-hour debut tonight on NBC. Oh yeah!
posted at 07:47 AM | link-

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I made my bed...I'll lie in it
A follow-up on a recent entry of mine:

"...I especially apologize to Ms Hayek, who is nothing if not brilliant, with a loving relationship and a massive IQ, not to mention a firm grip and style with the English language." —Courtney Love [link]

Sounds like someone got a stern talking-to. She's such a twit!
posted at 08:05 PM | link-

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The Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator!
This is too cool -- NASA is putting Marvin the Martian and Daffy Duck (click for photos) on two NASA Mars Exploration Rover Missions this summer. Must. Get. Them. (Link from Sensible Erection.)
posted at 02:36 PM | link-

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The movie of my life

[breakfast, lunch and dinner at tiffanys]

I ran across this whilst hunting for images to go on another site tonight. Just had to pass it along. Hmmm...I wonder if the Krispy Kreme "hot sign" is on?
posted at 11:12 PM | link-

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They had style - they had grace
Now this could be something... Gwen Stefani is about to sign on to play silver screen starlet Jean Harlow in Martin Scorsese's "Aviator" about the life of Howard Hughes. Leonardo DiCaprio will star as Hughes. Cate Blanchett is in talks to play Katharine Hepburn, and Kate Beckinsale as Ava Gardner. It should be interesting to watch this one unfold.
posted at 11:49 PM | link-

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Hurt me, baby. Make me write bad checks.
Tonight, if you'll please excuse me, I'm joining jewdez in trading my monitor for telly to watch me some Stiffmeister and Justified. Oh mama (photo 1, photo 2)!
posted at 08:27 PM | link-

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You better work it girl
Ethiopian with a bad bleach job, or heiress to 4-star hotel fortune? You make the call... One has to give her credit for creative crotch taping though. While we're on the topic of cocktail napkins as attire, and teased blonde extensions gone wrong... At least we know the 'bleach shortage in Hollywood' report was just a rumor!

These girls need to seriously give it up, and just call Beyonce's stylist! For several pages of -- sometimes frightening -- MTV Movie Awards arrivals, visit Big Pictures USA (gallery 1, gallery 2).
posted at 12:11 PM | link-

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You said it!
Poor, misunderstood celebrities...

"I think that's one of the only reasons God created celebrities. To help those who can't help themselves." —Milla Jovovich
"...I wasn't about to wear some golf shirt with a collar. I went out on the links in three-inch high heels and barely anything on and they didn't seem to mind." —Mariah Carey, announcing her desire to design a new line of golf clothing (just announced on Rome)
"I know Miss Lopez is supposed to have a reputation as a bit of a diva, but this is ridiculous." —Monaco Grand Prix insider, after J-Lo was passed up for Naomi Campbell and Helena Christensen when first-class flights for herself, fiancé Ben Affleck and entourage, five nights in a hotel and a $25,000 fee weren't enough for her appearance (she demanded $412,000 and was ceremoniously uninvited)
"He and the rest of this production's cast are so desperately eager to please that they practically French kiss the front row." —Los Angeles Times critic Reed Johnson on Jason Alexander's performance in "The Producers" (Note to Jason: You haven't been funny since Seinfeld. Get over yourself already.)
"We will have a new generation throughout the world that will know Madonna as an inspiring storyteller." —Nicholas Callaway, editor and publisher of Madonna's new children's book (Note from Robyn: Old generations already know her as an inspiring storyteller?)
"'If I die, I will leave Edward everything." —Courtney Love, on pining away for Edward Norton (Note to Courtney: Uhhhh, shouldn't that be going to Frances Bean?)

But don't worry about Edward's affections being elsewhere, because Courtney also states: "'He'll never marry her [Salma Hayek] - for one, he can barely understand half of what she's saying."
"'Michael's career is rock bottom and he's hoping Puffy can help him reclaim his crown as the King of Pop." —unnamed source, on Jacko and P. Diddy making plans to go into the studio to lay down some tracks later this month (Note to the freak-duo: Yeah, that'll fix everything. Good plan. I guess just insisting everyone call you the King of Pop isn't making it so, now is it?)

I think my IQ just dropped 15 points. I really have to stop doing this.
posted at 12:57 PM | link-

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You hate Celine because she is better than you
I ask you -- did the world really need this? I'm seriously smacking the first person I see buying it upside the head...
posted at 11:23 PM | link-

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You're about as easy as a nuclear war
An update to the post below...

First U.S. show in Costa Mesa, CA
Official site with more tour, and presale ticket, information
John Taylor's official site (thanks Elfchick!)

All I have to say is they'd better be adding a Florida date or two to the list soon!
posted at 01:26 PM | link-

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I said it again, but could I please rephrase it
Ok, I need a moment here... Duran Duran is back together and will be touring the U.S. soon. ALL of Duran Duran. Not those bastardized versions from the early 90s. I'm talkin' Simon LeBon, Nick Rhodes, John Taylor, Roger Taylor and Andy Taylor together on the very same stage.

To this day I'm traumatized that when I was 11, my best friend's mom got a huge block of tickets to a show for her birthday -- and my mom wouldn't let me go because she said I was too young to attend a concert, even with parental supervision. To make matters worse, one of the girls in the group caught Roger Taylor's towel. Granted, my crush was on Nick and Simon -- but still!

I'll be back later. I have some vinyl to dust off...
posted at 12:54 PM | link-

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You didn't get none...'cuz you are on the welfare
We are so heading here tonight after dinner. You may hate me now.

posted at 02:08 PM | link-

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Who takes it? Who reigns supreme?
Ok, here's the unofficial ATPTB "American Idol" poll -- who wins tonight? I'll hide the results once the real winner is announced so it won't spoil anything for the West Coasters. But this is your warning -- if you aren't watching the show live -- read the comments with caution!

(results closed)
posted at 07:29 PM | link-

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Idoltary
So I hate to say it, but I think Clay blew Reub away in Round One. Thoughts? Opinions? Ouija Board predictions?

UPDATE: Notice LENNON went first!
posted at 08:19 PM | link-

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~~Psychotic~~ Psychic episode, take 2
Just call me the Miss Cleo of the blogging world... Remember this last week? Well...

Troubled Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland has been released on $10,000 bail after being arrested for drug possession. The new singer in Guns 'N Roses offshoot band the Project was stopped by police just after midnight on Sunday for a routine traffic stop.

Burbank, Calif., Police Sergeant Tracy Sanchez explains, "It was for driving without his lights on."

Following this, the officers allegedly noticed that the singer had narcotics in the vehicle and arrested him -- although what sort of drug was found has not been named.

He was released around 5:30 a.m. later that morning. [link]

Call me now, chil'...
posted at 10:18 AM | link-

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Reloaded
I won't give away any spoilers -- but two words: damn straight. And if you leave before the credits quit rolling, you're nucking futs. Happy Friday -- night all!
posted at 01:47 AM | link-

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Kill. Your. Television.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word "life", it means forever and that's a mighty long time. But I'm here to tell you, there's something else. The after-world. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun -- day or night.

An amusing summary of last night's American Idol.
Just think how many Atari systems could have been sold if they paired with Playboy. Or if that's not your style, try Playmate strip-poker and strip-tac-toe. (games obviously not work-safe)
So many jokes...so little time...
"The villains in the [Matrix Reloaded] flick are a pair of white-skinned, white-haired, red-eyed twins, and groups representing albinos say the movie unfairly stereotypes pigment-challenged individuals. 'They’re not albinos,' a Warner Bros. rep snapped. They’re dead...'"
Finally a Survivor All-Star Series -- just in time for none of us to care.
Trista and Ryan say screw "honest and sacred" when a four-part ABC special on their wedding is involved. But at least we no longer have to ask, "What about Bob?"

And now...your moment of zen... In this life, you're on your own!
posted at 04:52 PM | link-

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18 and life to go

Stone Temple Pilots singer Scott Weiland has been named as the new vocalist for the band featuring former Guns N' Roses members Slash, Duff McKagan and Matt Sorum.

The rocker has already worked with the Project on upcoming tracks for movies "The Hulk" and "The Italian Job" and now he has beaten out former Skid Row star Sebastian Bach to become the group's permanent frontman.

He says, "I'm in the band. We signed the contract." [link]

I guess maybe someone should update their Dead Pool guesses with that lethal combo -- can you imagine Weiland, Slash and Duff on the same tour! And what an accomplishment beating out Sebastian Bach for anything in 2003 must be...
posted at 10:53 PM | link-

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Next poll
Ok, Todd insists I take another poll... Ryan Seacrest. Light in the loafers? Closet Cher fan? Knows all lyrics to show tunes?

Inquiring minds wanna know. Of course, I probably would have dated him in high school, so I think that says it all right there.
posted at 08:39 PM | link-

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Conspiracy theory
So Todd and I are both under the impression that no matter what, somehow Kimberley will be safe on AI tonight. Y'know, to have that whole "girl vs. guy" thing goin' on in the final round. Do you think we're right?

I guess we'll find out in just under an hour, regardless! Feel free to rant away here...

(voting disabled)

Left-coasters, you're in for a bumpy ride. Don't click for more!

UPDATE: This is why we haven't been to Vegas I guess. Whoa. Final vote here was 10 yep votes, 5 nope votes.
posted at 08:09 PM | link-

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Baby, won't you do me like you done before

Sensible Erection now has a Robyn paper doll. (Not my namesake.) But just in case you've been dying to dress and undress your very own Robyn all day in the privacy of your own home, now here's your chance.

I, of course, took a few liberties with my rendition to make it my own...
posted at 11:43 PM | link-

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Vital Idol
American Idol thoughts tonight? Comments? General snarking?

C'mon -- it's ok to admit it. We won't tell anyone you're watching the show. And I totally caught that Clay blew the words to his first song before the judges even made mention of it...and I'd never heard the song before...
posted at 08:46 PM | link-

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Come and knock on our door
Don't call tonight. If you do, I won't answer. Forget your e-mails being returned in a timely manner. The event I've been waiting for all year is finally here*. "Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three's Company" airs tonight! Oh goodie! So who's gonna make the Regal Beagle drinking game up ahead of time?

*Man, that was hard to type with a straight face!

UPDATE: Here's the link you've all been waiting for -- the TV Show Theme Song Lyric Index.
posted at 05:50 PM | link-

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I cannot compete with fajitas - they sizzle
Mitch Hedberg is heading back to Tampa this coming weekend. Unfortunately we feel too po' right now to attend, but I thought I'd give everyone the heads-up. It was one of the funniest shows I've ever seen in my life. While digging around on his official website, I noticed they had finally used one of the